We Were Us (12 page)

“Okay mom,” he said and rolled his eyes. He then turned to me and said, “Let’s go get your things.”

“I’ll have dinner ready when you return.”

With that, Josh and I left. I wasn’t sure how to feel about this whole situation. I was scared again obviously. I was scared before too, but now that it was not some arbitrary person who attacked me, but the Mayor sending out people for my mom, I felt like it had just gotten way more complicated. Then there was the fact that we had no proof about any of it. I knew in my heart that the Mayor was working with my mom and was behind all of this, but I had nothing to go on but a gut feeling.

We took his truck up to my house. I packed quickly while Josh waited on the couch. I packed an old duffle bag with a couple pairs of shorts, a few tops and underwear and flip-flops. I also grabbed a black bra and matching boy short style panties. If tonight was going to be like last time I wanted to be prepared.

“Ready,” I said when I had finished packing and walked back out into the living room.

“Great. It’s your turn to pick the movie by the way.”

“Oh geez. Really? I have clue what to watch.”

“Well I could choose something,” he said and pulled me into a hug.

I wrapped my arms around him and inhaled. His woody scent was a comfort to me now. I felt safe in his arms. Our time together was growing more serious. We watched movies, but there was a mutual tension between us. We both wanted to take things to the next level, but I could feel his hesitation even in something as innocent as a hug.

“Come on, I’m hungry,” I said breaking our connection.

I started to walk towards the door, but Josh grabbed my hand and pulled me back to him. He wrapped my arm around his waist and placed his hand on the side of my face. He looked at me then like he never had before. His expression was a mix of desire, hope and a little bit of sadness. It was dangerous.

“I want to be close to you tonight,” he whispered before he kissed me.

It wasn’t a soft kiss either. His mouth crashed on to mine. His hand gripped my neck as his tongue forced its way into my mouth. I parted my lips for him and met his tongue with mine. I took a step closer to him.

“I want to be close to you too,” I said between kisses.

Josh let go of my mouth and pressed his forehead to mine. He had left me breathless. Not fair. He looked into my eyes and smiled.

“What are you doing to me Jenna?” he asked out of nowhere.

“Probably the same thing you’re doing to me. I can’t seem to get enough of you. I think about you all the time. Us together.” I was embarrassed by my admission, but I didn’t care. I was too out of breath from his kiss.

“I can’t keep my hands off you. I just want to touch you all the time. Your mouth is intoxicating. I need it.”

Oh. My. God. How was I supposed to respond to that? I mean, I felt the same way, but I couldn’t let him know that. Not really. I was leaving at the end of the summer and I couldn’t let myself get too close to him. We’d both end up hurt in the end.

“Me too,” I said despite my internal conflict.

Josh smiled again and kissed me. I let him. I needed him too. He was all I had right now. I thought of Andrew and Stefani back in Brookhaven. I’d all but ignored them for the past month.

“Let’s get back for real now. I really am hungry,” I said.

“Okay,” he said.

He picked up my bag and walked out of the house. I followed and locked the door on my way out.

I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and gazed up at the sky. The sun was setting now casting a red glow across the sky. It made me think of the old saying “red sky at night, shepherd’s delight, red sky in the morning shepherd’s take warning. I guess we weren’t getting storms any time soon. The air was thick with humidity. It really needed to rain. I was over this sticky sweaty feeling.

I hopped up into Josh’s truck and turned the keys he’d left in the ignition. Cool air blasted against my hot skin. Thank God. The short walk from the house almost had me soaked through my thin shirt. Josh climbed into the driver’s seat and threw the gears into drive and took off down the street back to his house.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Dinner was a delicious mix of spaghetti squash baked with garlic and olive oil and a fresh garden salad with mandarin oranges and strawberries. It was the perfect summer meal. I ate quickly then had to wait patiently for Josh to finish so we could eat the apple pie. I swear he took his sweet time just to make me wait. Even Mrs. Riley hurried him along. Finally he finished and the pie was served a la mode. Josh was right in his distinction. His mother’s pie was the best in the state. It was surely the best I’d ever tasted.

“This pie is amazing,” I said after my last bite.

“Thank you dear,” she beamed.

I got up to help clear the plates but Josh beat me too it.

“Mom, I’ll finish the dishes; Jenna, go pick out a movie.”

“Don’t stay up all night Josh. You have to work tomorrow.”

“I know mom!” He sounded embarrassed. I laughed awkwardly.

I was suddenly jealous of the way Josh and his mom interacted. She loved him and always felt the need to protect him from even the smallest acts. All I’d ever wanted was for my own mother to care for me and tell me that she loved him.

“I’ll pull the couch out and get the bedding.” She smiled at me as she left the kitchen. I forced a smile back. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I was trying not to let my emotions get the better of me.

“Where are the movies?” I asked Josh mentally changing the subject.

“Down in my room,” he said as filled the sink with soapy water.

“In your bedroom?” I said. I stood as close to him as I could without touching him.

Josh’s hands gripped the sink so I knew my proximity was getting to him.

“Yes, in my room,” he said.

“Okay then.”

I turned and headed to the stairs that led to the basement. It was extra dark down here today. The dark blue plaid curtains covered the small daylight windows that matched the comforter and pillow shams on his queen sized bed. A dresser stood neatly in the corner and a small desk that held his laptop and printer was next to it.

Soft music was playing from somewhere. I recognized it, but it was too quiet for me to place it. I wandered over to the desk with the laptop and brushed my fingers of the touchpad. The screen lit up and showed that iTunes was open and running. I scanned the list of songs, mostly classic rock until I came to the one with the tiny speaker icon beside it. It was Kansas, Carry on My Wayward Son. One of my favorites. One year at the River Festival in the city, a Kansas tribute band played and a bunch of us made the trip out there to see them. I clicked the volume button until I could hear it and restarted the song.

I looked around, but didn’t immediately see a rack of DVD’s. Josh was a relatively clean person, but I bet Mrs. Riley whipped through while we were gone at my house. I looked again and finally found a low shelf against the wall next to his bed. I walked around the end of his bed and sat on it and leaned low to read the titles he had. More car and action movies. I guess anything would be okay at this point. I’m not sure I’d be able to concentrate on the movie anyway. I’d be too busy keeping myself from making out with him and worrying about his mom interrupting us.

I heard a motorcycle revving and realized it was the beginning of a Meatloaf song. Soon the piano started. I smiled. This song reminded me of my dad. When I was like twelve I spent a couple weeks with him during the summer while Linda and their kids visited relatives. We didn’t do anything the entire time I was there. He basically used the time away from Linda as bachelor time. He drank beer and listened to his stereo loudly all day and night.                   

I concentrated again on the movies. None of them sounded interesting. Before I knew it my mind was wandering again. I felt the bed dip next to me. I looked over to see Josh sitting next to me. I smiled at him. He smiled back. He’d caught me day dreaming and he knew it. He laughed at me after a short smiling contest.

“Did you decide on something?” he asked.

“No. I’m not really into compelling action movies, especially right before bed. I tend to not sleep well.”

“I see.”

He got up off the bed and shut the computer. “I didn’t realize I’d left the music going.”

“I liked it. Kansas was playing when I came down.”

“Ah, Kansas.” I guessed that he was remembering the River Festival.

I got up off the bed and walked over to him.

“I don’t really want to watch a movie,” I admitted.

“I don’t either,” he said in a low voice. He turned to face me and placed his hand at his favorite spot on my body, the side of my face.

He ran his thumb over my cheek under my eye.

“What do you want to do then?” I asked breathlessly. I could feel the heat rolling off his body. It was hotter in here than it was outside. My skin was sensitive to the touch and everywhere Josh touched me sent electric pulses pinging through every fiber of my being. Josh shifted us so that his bed was behind me. He walked me backwards until the back of my knees hit the mattress.

“This,” he whispered.

His low husky voice shivered through my body. I was barely aware of the fact that he was pushing me down onto the bed. When my head hit Josh ran his fingers through my hair and placed his hands on either side of my head. He hovered over me, straddling me. I had one knee up between his legs. I knocked it against his behind so that he fell onto me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his mouth to mine. I wanted this too. So, unbelievably bad. Our weeks of making out on my ugly couch had left me wanting to do more with him than I had with anyone else.

His hands were in my hair again. I grabbed his shirt in my hands and pulled it over his head. His tanned chest now bare above me. I pulled my hands from his back and pressed them into his chest then ran them over his broad shoulders. I felt one of his hands at my hip. He reached up under my shirt and skimmed over my stomach. I sucked in and inhaled all at the same time. My skin was on fire now, his touch igniting it. I slipped my hands down to his belt. I fiddled with it but he stopped me.

“My mom is still awake,” he said.

I dropped my head and hands to the bed. Cold water had been poured over me at the mention of Mrs. Riley. I felt guilty. She’d opened up to me today and allowed me to stay in her home because she cared about my safety and here I was violating her trust. I sat up and pushed Josh off of me.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Don’t be. It’s customary now for you to get me all hot and bothered then stop and leave me wanting you.”

“Hey, that’s not fair,” he said while putting his shirt back on.

“Whatever,” I said. I leaned over the side of his bed and grabbed the first movie my hand found. I threw it at him. “Here, we can watch this.” I rolled off the bed and walked out of his room and up the stairs without looking at him.

It’s not like I was really expecting us to have sex tonight or anything, but it would be nice to be satisfied at least once instead of him getting me all worked up for nothing. Ugh! I was over thinking this again.

When I got to the living room, one side table lamp had been turned on as well as the television. The hide-a-bed had again been pulled out for me and bright yellow sheets with gigantic sunflowers printed on them covered the thin mattress. Two pillows were propped up against the back of the couch each with a sunflower printed off center on the cases. I smiled and how perfect these sheets fit Mrs. Riley’s personality. Yellow must be her favorite color.

“Jenna, what’s going on?”

“What do you mean?” I turned to face him.

“Why’d you storm off up the stairs? Are you mad at me?”

“No, I’m just frustrated at myself.”

“Why?”

The real answer to his question loomed over me like a dark cloud. I didn’t want to admit to him that I was falling for him. I didn’t want to admit it to myself. I reminded myself that I was leaving at the end of the summer so I couldn’t be attached to anything. Not Josh, not the house, nothing.

“I don’t know.”

“No. You can’t answer with that anymore.” He was mad now. “Say what you want to say, Jenna.”

“Josh, I can’t let myself fall for you. I’m leaving at the end of the summer and I probably won’t be coming back again. Ever.” There, I said it. I spit it out. I couldn’t even look at him.

I stood there in the semi darkness with my arms hung down at my sides and started down at the carpet. I felt Josh move in front of me. He put one arm around my waist and the other on the back of my neck. He drew me into him. I stumbled and caught myself on his hips. My face was pressed into the space between his shoulder and neck. I lifted my arms up and hooked them on the back of his shoulders.

“Jenna, I’m falling for you,” he said into the air. “I think I love you.”

I smiled into his shoulder. Most girls would be upset by ‘I think’ and that he didn’t look into my eyes when he said those three words. But I wasn’t most girls. I hadn’t grown up hearing I love you. My dad said it when he talked to me, but it was hurried and hushed over the phone. I knew this would end eventually, but for now, for tonight, I was grateful for Josh’s presence. A single tear escaped my eyes and I pressed it into his shirt.

“I think I love you too,” I returned.

We kissed again in the living room. I wished I hadn’t stormed up the stairs. Our admission of I love you could have been downstairs and I could have kissed him more passionately without the worry of his mom walking in.

We decided not to watch the movie; instead, we kissed not so briefly again and then went to bed. I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow, I didn’t even realize how tired I was.

 
The next morning I woke up to the sound of bacon sizzling. I loved bacon, bacon was the reason I could never be a vegetarian. I scrambled out of bed and changed into shorts and a t-shirt in the bathroom and wandered into the kitchen.

 
“Good morning Mrs. Riley,” I said. Her back was too me and she turned at the sound of my voice

 
“Good morning, Jenna. Did you sleep well? You looked like you did.”

“Yeah, I didn’t realize how tired I was.”

“Would you like some breakfast?”

I grabbed some plates from the cabinet next to her and set the table for three. I pulled out some silverware and napkins too and placed the around the table. I sat at the table and watched her as she finished the breakfast prep. I realized then that Mrs. Riley was always baking or cooking when I came over. What did she do all day when Josh was a school and work? Did she work? I thought back to when we were in middle and high school, but I couldn’t think of her ever having a job or working outside the home.

“Do you have a job Mrs. Riley?” I blurted out my thoughts before I could stop myself. I usually had a good filter for this kind of thing.

“No honey,” she said as she spooned out eggs and bacon onto my plate. “Josh’s dad pays alimony and we had a large settlement after the divorce. Josh and I don’t need much so what we have is enough to live on.”

“I see.” I wasn’t sure what to say after that.

I ate most of my breakfast in silence wondering when Josh would be awake and join us. Even though Mrs. Riley and I had come to an understanding and let go of things that had happened in the past, I still felt awkward around her. I didn’t like being alone with her because I felt like I had carry on a conversation with her, but I didn’t know what to say. The only things we had in common were Josh and the fact that my mom was the cause of her divorce and that wasn’t a subject I wanted to expand on.

“What are you studying in school Jenna?” she asked breaking the silence.

“Psychology,” I said between bites of bacon.

“Oh, that’s interesting. Why did you choose that?”

“It goes back to my childhood. I feel like I’ve had to deal with a lot and I’m barely eighteen. I want to help other girls, well, children in general, who have difficult home-lives overcome their challenges and realize that there is more to life than what they’ve been given. Drug and alcohol abuse are not the norm. These kids have potential; they just need someone to believe in them and get to the root of the issue, and fix that instead of just trying to fix the kid. I know there are agencies and programs that cater to these kids, but sometimes I feel like they are built on old-fashioned principles and standards. Kids these days are different, and we need to restructure the way we as adults and professionals reach out to them to help them. My dream is to start a new program to help kids realize their potential and get them resources to get out of the life they are in.”

“That’s quite a dream you have.”

“For now it’s just a dream. I need to finish school first.”

“Do you not think you will?” A look of concern crossed her face.

I leaned back in my chair and pushed my empty plate to the center of the table. I knew I would finish school, but what I didn’t know was if I had to motivation to further my education to do what I wanted to do.
             

“I’ll finish school, but to do anything in psychology you have to have a Master’s degree. That’s a lot of time and school and I just don’t know if I want to keep going.”