We Were Us (16 page)

“Sorry.”

I put my head between my legs. I was feeling sick. What the hell did I drink?

“I don’t feel well.”

“Shit Jenna!” I heard him get out of his truck and slam the door. My door whipped open, he reached across my lap to unlatch the seat belt and pulled me out. He half dragged me to the front door. He kicked open the front door and dumped me on the couch. It swallowed me

“Are you going to stay?” I said, or tried to.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea Jenna.”

Without warning, tears spilled over my cheeks. I didn’t even know what I was crying about, the fact that Josh was being so mean, or the whole Michelle situation. Or maybe because he wouldn’t stay with me when I needed him to.

“Oh geez Jenna. What now?” I could sense the annoyance in his voice. It only made me cry harder. Josh was on the floor next to me, kneeling, with his elbows on the edge of the couch holding his head in his hands.

“Nothing Josh. I’m fine. Thank you for depositing me at my house. You can go,” I stood up from the couch and stumbled back to my bedroom. I thought about slamming the door but I secretly hoped he’d follow me back. He didn’t. He must have debated with himself about it because it took him forever to make his retreat and shut my front door.

I stripped off my wet clothes and tossed them onto the tile floor of the bathroom. I’d deal with it later. I curled up under my quilt and cried myself to sleep. This night had not gone how I expected. I should have known. I should have just stayed home. I wanted a quiet summer. I should have known better about that too. I couldn’t have a quiet summer here. I couldn’t have anything here.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Days went by and I heard nothing from Josh. No phone call, he didn’t come by, no carrier pigeon. Nothing. The first day I lay in bed all day long. I was still feeling sick from whatever I drank last night. That was for sure the last time I ever smoked anything, ever. Especially something from someone I didn’t even know. I fell in and out of sleep and barely registered time. I didn’t even know what I thought about or dreamed, everything was just a blur. I did remember that my phone was quiet. No phone calls.

The next morning I was woken up by the sound of breaking glass and a hissing noise. I rolled out of bed and stumbled to the living room. Glass covered the top of the back of the couch and a red mist hung in the air. There was also a small bottle of spray paint on the seat. I ran back to my bedroom and pulled on shorts and a t-shirt and ran out the front door. I looked around but saw no one. I tripped down the porch steps and whipped around the side of the house and stopped. The window was broken and written in spray paint across the window was the word ‘HORE’. I laughed. Really? That was the best they could do? Yeah it sucked about my window, but they hadn’t even spell whore right. Assuming that’s what they were trying to spell. Under hore was ‘DR’. I assumed they were about to write drug or druggie, but ran out of time or paint.

I took one last glance at the broken window before going back inside. I grabbed my phone and called Josh but he didn’t answer so I sent him a text asking him to call me. I contemplated calling Dad, but I decided to wait until after I’d talked to Josh.

I thumb tacked a doubled sheet over the window. It didn’t keep the heat from seeping in, but it kept the hot air from blasting in. After cleaning up the glass and spray paint can, deciding to keep all of it in a Ziplock back just in case, I vegged out on the couch for the rest of the day contemplating what to do next. Josh never called back. I was upset and wondered if I should call the police. I didn’t, instead I flipped off the TV and went to bed.

The next day I rolled out of bed when the sun hit my window. I bounded out of bed and found my phone. It was dead. Dang. I plugged it in and took a shower. I took a quick one though. I needed to know if Josh had tried to call me. He’d dumped me on the couch the day before and left me there. I didn’t even know if he was mad at me or disappointed in my actions or what. Plus I was getting more worried about the vandalism.

I snatched up my phone off the dresser. I rubbed my hands down the side of the towel I had wrapped around my body and swiped my phone open. Nothing. I slumped down on the edge of my bed. Why hadn’t he called? I glanced at the time, eight AM. He’d be at work already. I dialed his number and it went straight to voicemail. His phone was off. God, was he avoiding me? That was a little drastic for him. I sent him a quick text asking him to call me or come by after work so we could talk.

I was on the edge of the couch for the rest of the day, obsessively checking my phone in the door. By evening, I was so mentally exhausted that I crawled into bed clutching my phone. The next day Andrew called several times, but I ignored them. What if Josh called or came by and I was talking to someone else. I moped around all day, I ate nothing.

I was annoyed with myself. I was being an idiot. I wasn’t this girl. I didn’t shut down because a guy didn’t call me or come see me. I’d been through too much crap to be that girl.

Finally, after three days of no contact with Josh I took control of myself again and showed up on his doorstep at eight o’clock at night. Mrs. Riley answered the door and silently let me in.

“Hello,” I said, unsure of how to proceed. I had over thought this entire situation and it was just ridiculous.

“Hi Jenna,”

“Is Josh here?” I asked.

“He’s in his room.”

“Can I see him?”

“Of course.” She smiled at me then and I knew she didn’t know about what had happened at the bonfire.

“Thanks.” I smiled back at her then hurried down the stairs.

I heard music playing and shuffling through the closed door. I knocked softly.

“I’m not hungry mom,” I heard Josh’s muffled voice say.

“Um, it’s me Josh.”

I heard a crash and thudding before the door swung open to reveal a disheveled Josh. He was shirtless with dark blue “RHS INDIANS” sweat pants on that were tied ever so loosely around his hips. His hair was all mussed up it that way that made me forget why I was really here. Why was I here?

“What are you doing here?” he asked quickly.

“I, uh, I wanted to talk to you. About what happened at the bonfire?” I’m not sure why that last statement came out as a question.

“Oh. It’s ok Jenna. These things happen.”

He wouldn’t look me in the eyes and he wouldn’t let me in his room. He seemed distracted by something and I couldn’t for the life of me think of what it could be. Work?

“What’s going on Josh? You’re acting strange.”

“Nothing. I just don’t have time to talk right now. I’m heading out,”

“Heading out where?”

“It’s none of your business Jenna!” He looked at me now as he yelled his last statement.

“Dude, I’m sorry.” And I stalked away up the stairs. Mrs. Riley was standing at the top of the stairs obviously listening to our conversation, if you could even call it a conversation.

“Jenna honey, wait,” she said as I hurried past her. I was probably being rude, but I kind of just wanted to get out of the house. All I wanted to do was talk to Josh. I wanted to know what he was thinking about the situation and about me. And I wanted to apologize. “Jenna,” Mrs. Riley said again.

“Yes,” I said a little too roughly.

“Give Josh a day. He needs to sort a few things out.”

“What is going on around here?”

“It’s something Josh has to tell you. I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because he asked me not to. I want to Jenna, but it’s his situation to tell,”

I leaned against the front door and looked up at the white glittery popcorn ceiling. I sighed. All this secrecy stuff was getting old. I knew it had to do with Michelle and I was mad.

“I should go before he comes upstairs,” I said before opening the door and slipping out into the fading evening light.

I’d walked here so I padded down the Riley’s dirt driveway and turned right onto the street that lead to home. I had to make another right turn at the end of this street before I was on the right road to home. It wasn’t far, maybe fifteen minutes. Once I’d reached the end of their road, I heard Josh’s truck door slam and the engine roar. He’d have to pass me to go anywhere because his street was a dead end. I secretly prayed he’d stop and pick me up. I just wanted to talk to him, to be close to him. It had been three days.

Josh’s truck rumbled up the pot-holed road and stopped at the stop sign where I happened to be standing.

“Get in,” I heard him yell over the diesel engine.

It was the middle of the day and the sun was blazing hot. The pavement reflected the heat back at me so there was just no relief no matter where I turned. There were thunderclouds off to the west, but I doubted they’d make in this far before it rained and we desperately needed rain. I hopped into Josh’s truck. The A/C blasted and felt good on my hot skin.

Neither of us said anything to each other for the three minutes it took to drive up the hill to my house. I didn’t get out right away and he didn’t say anything to make me either. We just sat in silence listening to his truck rumble and idle.

“I have to go Jenna,”

“Where?” I asked quickly.

“I’ll tell you later,”

“Will you?”

“Yes,”

“Okay,”

“What is that on your window?” he asked suddenly.

I looked over at the graffiti on the side of my house.

“It’s what I was trying to talk to you about. Someone tagged my house.”

Josh’s face heated, his ears flaming before he threw his door open and stalked across my yard to the side of the house.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he roared.

What the hell?

“I tried Josh. I called you and texted asking you to call me.”

He paced back and forth across the lawn glancing back up at the window.

“The window is broken?” He stopped pacing and kneeled in the grass, picking up tiny pieces of glass I hadn’t thought to pick up.

“Yes.”

“Who did this?”

“I don’t know Josh. A bad speller,” I said mockingly. He looked at me questioningly. “Whore is spelled wrong. It’s W-H-O-R-E,” I spelled for him.

“Oh.”

We stood there gawking at the bright red paint for a few minutes longer. I sighed, and he sighed.

“What Josh?”

“Nothing Jenna. This is all just really crazy and I don’t have time to deal with it,”

“Deal with what? I’m not asking you to do anything?”                       

“Then why did you want me to see it?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know!” I repeated. “Because you’re my boyfriend and I thought you might care that someone is vandalizing my house.”

“No one thinks of you like this Jenna. It’s probably just a prank from the other night at the bonfire.”

Was he seriously just blowing this off? I felt something drop on my head. I looked up and saw the angry grey clouds forming. It had been a beautiful clear blue sky not even ten minute ago, and now the rain clouds hung low, ready to split open at any moment.

“Josh. Someone vandalized my house. They wrote whore on my house. Why are you acting like this is no big deal?”

“Well maybe it’s not.”

“Oh, ok, well if everyone in this town thinks I’m a drug dealing whore just like my mother, maybe I should just become a drug dealing whore.”

“Jenna, you’re being dramatic.”

“Am I? Your life in this town was normal. Everyone loves you and you did what was expected of you. Everyone tolerated me in school because you were my friend, but I was never given the chance to show who I really am because I was overshadowed by my mother’s reputation.”

“Lots of people liked you.”

“No they didn’t Josh. You didn’t see any of it because you were too wrapped up in Michelle to ever notice what was going on with me. Not that I’m selfish enough to expect you to have.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that Michelle got boobs before me and you stopped being my friend. You only dated me to get to her. Everyone knew it. Actually, everyone thought you were screwing my mom just like your dad was.”

“What the hell Jenna!”

Crap, crap,crap. I thought to myself. I never wanted to be the one to tell Josh that. Josh’s look of horror told me he had no clue about his dad and my mom. I felt like the worst person in the world.

“Is that why my dad left? Did my mother know? Did he leave because of your mom?”

“Yes? I don’t know Josh.” Shit had hit the fan.

“Shit Jenna!” Josh punched his truck again. And again and I flinched.

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly.

He laced his fingers behind his head and looked up at the sky. I did too. The sun was hidden now, but they didn’t do anything to stifle the heat of the afternoon. The clouds swirled swiftly around each other like they were performing their own rain dance. I contemplated making a mad dash for the front door, but Josh’s phone rang again breaking into my thoughts. I looked over at him wondering about the phone call but he had ignored it again, and chose to continue to stare at the sky.

“I should just leave.”

“No, this is your house, I’ll go,” he said and released his hands from the back of his neck.

“No, I mean I should leave town. I am causing nothing but trouble here. Everyone wants one thing from me and I can’t give it to them.”

“Oh Jenna, come on. Seriously? Where are you even going to go?”

“I can go back to my Dad’s.”

“Really. Because this whole summer you’ve been telling me how you’re not allowed there, how your stepmom doesn’t want you there blah blah blah, and now all of the sudden you can go back,”

“Well I’m certainly not welcome here! You haven’t even talked to me in days. You just stopped with no reason. I didn’t even do anything!”

“I know!” Thunder cracked at the exact moment he said those words causing both of us to jump.

“Then why didn’t you answer my calls?” I said when I’d regained my composure. I felt like we were going around in circles. He wouldn’t answer me, he was being secretive, and now he wouldn’t even look at me.

Thunder rumbled again. We had been yelling at each other in the middle of the street in broad daylight like an old married couple. I didn’t even know what to think anymore. I didn’t have anywhere to go. I guess I could go to Andrew’s but I’d ignored him all summer. How nice would that be; ‘hey, I’ve been ignoring you all summer but I need a place to crash so here I am?’ Um, no. I didn’t roll like that.

I stood there exasperated beyond all means and waited for Josh to respond with something legitimate. Instead, he decided to answer his phone. It had been ringing now nonstop for like the entire argument. I should just hop in my car now while he was distracted and leave.