We Were Us (2 page)

I looked down through the crystal clear water to my feet and wiggled my toes. In Brookhaven, you couldn’t see the bottom. I thought of my roommate Stefani and my best friend Andrew. The three of us had met our first day at BCC and something just clicked. I was grateful for people who didn’t know my past and were only concerned with our future together as friends. Andrew was two years ahead of us, and had our tour guide for that day. Stefani had a crush on him, but it was me he was interested in. Stef moved on and found another boy and by the end of the school year, the four of us had formed a strange Breakfast Club type bond and did everything together.

I sighed heavily at my thoughts. I had originally planned to stay in Brookhaven for the summer, but Linda had other plans. She was taking her kids to Florida on vacation and I wasn’t welcome. Andrew had offered to let me crash at his apartment, but the two of us hadn’t crossed any kind of intimacy line beyond kissing so I wasn’t sure I wanted to spend the summer in such close quarters, especially if I wasn’t completely sure of my feelings for him. I’d only had one serious boyfriend, Josh, and he’d broken my heart, but I felt this pull, this need to come back to Riverview one last time.

I needed closure on this part of my life. I needed to come

back here to clean out the house so Dad could sell it, I needed to see Michelle and tell her how much I missed her and loved her and find out how she’d been for the past year, and I felt the need to see Josh in some capacity. I had seen him in the grocery store, and he seemed to have moved on from me, so I guess it was just the house and Michelle that I needed.

I turned and waded back out of the river, the water evaporated from my legs as soon as I was out. The coolness of the water hadn’t really done anything to stave off the heat of the Midwest summer day. I hopped into my old trusty Honda Civic and set off back into town and to my childhood home. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I didn’t have many fond memories there.

CHAPTER TWO

I rolled in over the gravel drive in front of the house around 2:00 and parked my car under the enormous oak tree that stood at the edge of the front yard. I’d always thought it was an odd place to put a tree. Its roots had grown up through the ground and through the cement of the sidewalk.

The old yellow house sat back from the road a little way, hidden by two even older oak trees. There was a red, wooden wrap around porch with tricky, stone steps leading up to it. You had to hop the second stair or risk breaking your ankle. The heavy oak front door stood timelessly guarding the house against intruders. Not that anyone would think to break into this house. It was mostly empty anyway.

I flicked the lights on after unlocking the door. Good, I thought, Dad was able to get the electricity back on. The air condition was off and it was boiling hot inside. The pungent smell of stale cigarette smoke lingered so I threw open the windows on my way to the thermostat. It was okay to crank the A/C with the windows open while its 102 degrees out right? Whatever.

I walked through the house, taking survey of what needed to be done. The house was exactly how I’d left it, right down to the pair of socks I’d tossed on the couch that day after I’d come home from school. I needed to clean for sure. It had been empty for over a year now, and dust had settled on every surface. The living room was sparsely furnished, boasting just one shabby couch and an even shabbier TV stand. And when I said shabby, I didn’t mean shabby chic. I turned into the bathroom, running my fingers across every dusty surface along the way. I could barely make out my reflection in the dust-covered mirror. I swiped my hand across the mirror throwing huge globs of dust and dirt into the air and tangling cobwebs into my fingers. I turned the faucet on but brown water spurted out. Gross, so I just wiped the webs on my pants instead. I decided to let the water run while I wandered through the rest of the house. I found my way to the kitchen and turned on the water there too as well as starting the washing machine, letting it run through a cycle before I started a load of laundry later. I put away what little food I’d purchased at the store and made mental notes of what more I needed; soap of every kind, bleach.

I saved the bedrooms for last. I ignored my mother’s and headed straight back to mine. It was the same, just dusty. Knick-knacks covered every inch of the massive white dresser, a corkboard on the wall covered with all mementos of a life I’d left behind. Pictures of Michelle and I smiled back at me from every photo. There were a few of Josh, too. He was her boyfriend now, as far as I knew, but he was mine first. I cringed at the memories, but reminded myself I wasn’t here to regain social status. I was here to live out the summer, quietly, clean out that house, and then go back to school in the fall. My phone vibrated in my pocket breaking me out of my depressing state of mind.

“Hello,” I answered without looking at the caller ID.

“Hey Sweetheart, it’s Dad. I just wanted to make sure you got home okay? Well back to Riverview I mean.”

My dad was an amazing father for the situation we’d been dealt. He’d always felt bad about me not being able to live with him, and when Linda got after me about silly things, he told me to just ignore her. I was a living and breathing slap in her face, so she went out of her way to be rude to me. I didn’t take it personally, I’d feel the same way if I were in her situation.

“Yeah. I just walked into the house. It’s dirty.” I added.

“Do you need anything? Do you need to stay somewhere else tonight?”

“No, I have the card you gave me and I’ll go to the store again tomorrow morning.”

“Okay. Use as much as you need. This is your account, Linda doesn’t know about it. I know you are eighteen and I don’t have to pay child support anymore, but you’re a good kid and you’ve worked hard for what you do have. You deserve more.”

“Thanks Dad. I’ll call you later okay.”

“Okay Sweetheart.”

I hung up the phone and looked around my old room. I found an empty shoebox and started tossing everything from my dresser into it. I might as well start packing things up now. Besides, I didn’t want the constant reminders of my old life. I was moving on, and remembering what was and what could have been wasn’t what I needed.

I was unceremoniously dumping everything in the box, but I paused at a small glass unicorn figure. Its body was clear but its mane and tail were turquoise and it had creepy black glass eyes. Michelle had an identical one except hers had pink hair. She’d insisted that we buy these horrid things at a street fair to commemorate our last summer before our senior year. “We’ll have a magical summer, and a magical senior year! And these will remind us,” she said before I could object. I thought about calling her but I didn’t have her number anymore. I didn’t know if she still lived in Riverview or if she’d even want to see me after all, her dad was the mayor, the one who had been sleeping with my mom, the whole reason she was in jail and I had to leave. I left the little glass figurine on the dress and finished clearing it off then moved on to the corkboard.

In the midst of memories of concerts, school plays, and events my phone rang again. I assumed it was my dad, but when the deep sexy voice of Andrew came across I immediately straightened up and ran my fingers through my hair. Like he could see me, I scoffed to myself.

“Hey Andrew, what’s up?”

“Nothing babe. Just making sure you got to Riverview alright.”

“Yeah, I just got in. My house is a disaster.” I sat on the edge of my bed.

“You should have just stayed with me,” he laughed.

“Yeah well, I have stuff here I need to take care of.” I said, picking mindlessly and the lint on the bedspread.

“I know, you said that. When will you be back?”

“Right before school starts again in September, maybe a couple of weeks before. Stef and I don’t know if we want to do the dorms again or get an apartment.”

“I see. Well call me anytime. I miss you already.” He sounded sad and pouty. I didn’t know if he was being real, or over exaggerating.

“I miss you too, Andrew,” I smiled. He always made me smile.

With that I hung up. I really did miss Andrew. He was funny and handsome. Okay hot. He was tall, and dark. His eyes were brown and I normally hated brown eyes, but his reminded me of maple syrup when you held it up to the light, dark and warm. His hair was an unruly mess that my hands liked to get lost in. Not that they had had much of an opportunity to get lost though. Andrew and I had made out a few times, but our relationship was mostly platonic. I wasn’t interested in a boyfriend my first year of college, and he had some broken past he wasn’t interested in talking about. He was perfect for me, not into sharing.

After clearing my room of every high school memory and cleaning out the kitchen cabinets of expired canned and boxed foods, I washed all of the bedding in my room and plopped down on the bare mattress. I felt accomplished. I wasn’t in high school anymore and I needed to clear out my mind and my physical space of everything that that reminded me of my past, so I could move forward with my life.

I moved next to the bathroom and found and old sponge and a bottle of bleach. Did bleach expire? I hoped not. I plugged the sink, filled it with water and bleach, and wiped down the bathroom the best I could. I figured I’d go over it again when I had better cleaning supplies.

I thought about my grocery store encounter with Josh while I cleaned. Fifteen months had done nothing to make me forget him. We had been friends since about second grade. There wasn’t some monumental or clichéd reason we became friends, we just sort of gravitated toward each other. He was sympathetic about my mother and was my safe haven when I needed to get away from my house.

Josh was the one who had actually taken me to the river for the first time. We were probably eleven or twelve, and he took me down there one day when my mom was on a drugged out tirade. We’d spent the day wading in the water trying to catch fish, skipping rocks and exploring up and down the banks. I’m pretty sure this was when I’d realized I was in love with him. I didn’t even know what love was at the time, but I knew there was something between us.

When middle school happened, and girls and boys for some reason couldn’t be friends anymore, neither of us cared. Michelle and I found each other, but still Josh and I remained close. Then one day I wasn’t allowed at his house any more. I didn’t know it at the time, but Josh’s dad had slept with my mom. Even with our time together limited to school and when we could sneak out to the river, we still stayed close. He would call me in the middle of the night when he knew his mom would be asleep, and we’d still sneak off to the river any chance we could get.

I sighed at all the memories flooding my system, and sat down on the toilet seat, tossing the old sponge into the bathtub. The sun was setting so I guessed I’d been cleaning for close to six hours. I was done for the day, mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I left the bathroom and thought about lounging on the couch to read, but one glance at the dirty couch and I knew there was no way in hell I was sitting on it and there was no way it was staying in this house. I sighed again and propped the front door open. I pushed the full sized couch onto the porch and tipped it over down the stairs, then dragged it out to the curb. I hoped that trash day was soon. The living room was bare now. Only the television and stand remained.

I vacuumed and then decided to quit for the day. I’d need to go to the store again tomorrow for more supplies and food. I didn’t scrub the fridge out yet, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to. I’d save that for another day. Or never. I could probably live off of peanut butter and jellies all summer. I remade the bed after pulling everything out of the dryer, grabbed a book, and tried to read. I was so emotionally and physically exhausted, I’d fallen asleep before I had finished the first page.

CHAPTER THREE

I woke up the next morning drenched in sweat with the pages of my book stuck to my skin. I peeled the covers back and rolled out of bed. I’d left the windows open all night and the air conditioning did nothing to counter the heat from outside. I didn’t even think the temperature had dropped below eighty overnight. I quickly shut all the windows and cranked the thermostat. By the time I got out of the shower, the house had cooled down, but the cigarette smell still lingered. I would just have to deal with that.

I slipped on a pair of denim capri pants and a purple tank top and head out the door to Miller’s Market again. This time I had a list so it shouldn’t take me long. In and out, no talking to anyone unnecessarily, and no bumping into people.

Lauren was behind the counter again, but I hurried past her without saying a word and snagged a cart on my way to the soap aisle. Once I’d stocked myself up on everything from sponges and mops, to every kind of spray cleaner ever made, I rounded the corner to the next aisle to find more food and rammed my cart into another. Didn’t I just tell myself not to bump into anyone?

“Sorry,” I said quietly, not looking up to see who it was.

“Jenna Mitchell?” Came a cold sneer. My whole body sagged in response to the voice. The Mayor. Mayor Banks. The reason I was forced to leave Riverview, my best friend’s father, and the person I most wanted to avoid. Was there a secret entrance to this store somewhere that let through everyone I didn’t want to see?

“Mr. Banks,” I said quietly. I didn’t even know what else to say.

“What are you doing here?” I looked up at him finally, his cool, unwelcoming face wiped my brain of anything I was thinking about saying. He glared down at me with expressionless brown eyes.

“I, um, I’m buying some cleaning supplies?” I finally managed and it turned into a question.

He continued to stare down at me intimidatingly and I pulled back away from him in an attempt to put as much distance between us as possible. I wanted to get away from him, but his cart and a display of canned beans were blocking my way around.

“I see, well I hope you aren’t planning on staying around here long.”

“I’m staying the summer,” I said too quickly. I wondered why I was volunteering information to this man.

“You’re what?” he asked scathingly.

I didn’t respond. I didn’t want to say anymore to him. I wanted to get out of the store and never come back. This place was cursed for me. I was naïve to think that I could spend the summer here undetected.

“Well you aren’t welcome here, young lady. Don’t try to worm your way back into this town’s good graces. No one wants you, especially not anyone from my family.”

“I,” I squeaked.

“Don’t try to contact Michelle either. You’ve done enough damage to my family as it is. There’s no use in making it worse for everyone.”

I lost the rest of my words at that. Tears threatened behind my eyes, but I refused to let this man get to me. Even more, I refused to let him see how much he was getting to me. I took a deep breath, swallowed the lump in my throat, and squeezed my cart between his and the canned beans and hurried off down the aisle. Thankfully, it was an aisle I needed.

I lingered in the back of the store for twenty minutes to make sure I wouldn’t meet the mayor at the checkout counter. Lauren was the only person up there and I wanted to avoid more interactions with him. Lauren must have heard our entire exchange because she didn’t say a word to me while she rang up my items. Instead, she kept looking at me with a sorrowful look on her face. She started to say something several times, but stopped herself.

“Spit it out Lauren,” I said. I was angry and trying not to cry.

“He’s a jerk,” she said quickly.

“Yeah,” I didn’t want to cry in front of Lauren.

“You don’t have to take shit from him. Just ignore it. He’s about to get kicked out of office anyway and his wife is going to divorce him. That’s what I hear anyway.”

“Well good, he deserves it.”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks Lauren,” I said.

Maybe Lauren wasn’t so bad after all. She was never directly mean to me in high school and she wasn’t being rude about me being back now. I felt like I should give her a chance. I could use at least one friend in this town.

“If you need anything, you know where to find me,” Lauren said after she’d bagged up my purchases.

“Thanks,” I said to her again.

When I got home, I just dropped the bags on the living room floor, sat down in the middle of the floor and cried. I never imagined it would be this emotional coming back here. All the old feelings I had for Josh, the memories in this house, and now being all but forbidden to see Michelle. She was my best friend and the one person I actually wanted to see. Along with Josh, she had been there for me during the times when my mom was being crazy. I’d stay the night at her house for days, I told her everything, we’d even made plans for after graduation to go to college together and be roommates, and we’d even planned a trip to Europe.

In the middle of my wallowing, someone knocked on the front door. A flash of possibilities of who it could be crossed my mind. Lauren’s gossip had had time to make its rounds so it really could be anyone. More than likely a nosey neighbor wondering why I was back and if my mom was here. Chances were they were looking for something only she could provide. I stood frozen in my seated position on the floor, but I knew that whoever it was had already seen me. The knock came again along with a voice.

“Jenna, it’s me. Open the door.”

I scrambled to my feet and wiped my tears before I turned around to answer the door. What the heck was Josh doing here? I smoothed my hair the best I could.

I opened the door and there stood Josh. Sweat dripped from his forehead and chin and his shirt was damp, but I saw why. Behind him was the most hideous couch I’d ever seen. It was burnt orange, with pea green and yellow flowers all over it. I looked from the couch to Josh and back to the couch again. Confusion played on my face.

“I saw the couch outside your house last night, so I brought you a new one.” Josh had a huge grin on his face as if he had just saved the world or something.

“Um, thank you,” I said and moved out of the way and watched as he dragged the monstrosity in.

“Where do you want it?” he said straining.

“Um, just against that wall is fine,” I said and pointed to the wall opposite the television.

Josh positioned the couch against the wall and we both stood back to admire its hideousness. The puke green really stood out against the orange. I think Josh’s definition of ‘new’ was different from mine. I think they stopped making this pattern in 1972.

“Thank you so much. How much do I owe you for it?” I could be polite for free stuff.

“Nothing,” he said pushing the couch into place.

“I have money Josh,” I said. “And I obtained it legally.”

Josh whipped around and stared at me. He ran his fingers through his sweat dampened hair and down over his face then wiped it on his jeans. You’d think I’d find that a little disgusting, but really I just wanted to run my hands through his hair as well. I hadn’t really stopped thinking about our interaction at the grocery store.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Please. I know what people in this town think of me. I’m not here to follow in my mother’s footsteps. I’m in college now. I’m just not welcome at my dad’s house in Brookhaven.”

“I know you’re not like her Jen. I know.”

“Okay.” I didn’t know what else to say.

“Do you have food?” he asked.

“Yep, living on caviar and lobster.” Sarcasm at its finest.

Josh laughed at this then seemed to lose his words. He looked around the living room at everything but me.

“Let me take you out this weekend,” he said finally. He placed his hands on his hips matter of factually, like he knew I’d just say yes without hesitation.

I was completely caught off guard by this. Why in the world would Josh want to take me out? We had ended a long time ago and last I knew he was still with Michelle.

“What about Michelle?” I blurted out.

Josh balked at my question and grimaced. His reaction made me wonder if something had happened to her.

“I’m not with Michelle.”

“I’m sorry. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, why do you ask?” he said. He shifted uncomfortably and ran his fingers through his hair again.

“No reason. I ran into Mayor Banks at Miller’s earlier today.”

“Oh geez, how was that?”

“Awkward to the max. He told me specifically to stay away from Michelle.”

Josh shifted again and looked at the ceiling, like really concentrated on the ugly, glittery popcorn mess above us.

“Are you sure everything is okay? What’s going on?”

“Nothing, but if the mayor said not to go see her, then you probably shouldn’t.”

“Yeah, okay.” I was confused as to why Josh was siding with the mayor, but maybe my mother had ruined things with their family more than I thought.

“So, do you want to have dinner with me?”

I paused, still thinking about Michelle. “Yeah, sure,” I said finally.

“We could go to the city. There are a ton of places to eat there.” His easy smile had returned and he visibly relaxed now that we weren’t talking about Michelle.

“It’s like an hour’s drive though,” I countered.

“We can catch up,” he said enthusiastically.

“Okay sure,”

We stood there awkwardly for a few seconds. I looked down and laughed.

“What’s so funny?” he asked

“Nothing. Just you. You in my living room. You bringing me a couch. It’s weird.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

I did know though. I was never able to bring friends over when my mom was here. The house was always a disaster and smelled of cigarettes and God knows what else. It was embarrassing and I kept Michelle and Josh away to avoid unnecessary interactions with my mother.

“Well, I need to clean out the fridge but I’m a little scared.”

He laughed at that. “Why’s that?”

“Because I don’t know what’s in there. I left quickly fifteen months ago and that meant leaving everything as it was. No one has been here since then.”

“Well, I can help with that.” He didn’t even make a face at the possibility of the grossness that could be waiting behind the door.

I was taken aback by this.

“You want to help me clean out my disgusting fridge?”

“No, but I’m here now with nothing to do so I’ll help.”

“Far be it from me to turn down free labor. I was just going to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Do you want one? Its new jelly, and not been in the fridge. It’s probably okay since it’s only been on the counter for one day.” I was rambling but I really didn’t know what to say to him.

“I think a peanut butter and jelly sandwich sounds great.”

“I have Dr. Pepper.”

“Even better.”

The fridge wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. There wasn’t much food in there to begin with. I mean I’d fended for myself most days and lived on canned soup and boxed cereal and macaroni and cheese. I honestly didn’t know what my mother ate. She never cooked and I don’t ever remember seeing her eat anything.

A couple hours later after tossing some moldy lunchmeat and a few indistinguishable plastic containers, we had cleaned out the fridge. Josh took the trash out for me. When he returned we stood awkwardly in the kitchen for a few minutes. I was done cleaning for the day and desperately needed a shower, but I also wanted to be with Josh some more. His close proximity brought up old memories and when he’d accidentally brush my arm with his, or touch me gently on the back as he scooted around me, I got all flushed and excited. Thank God I was pushed up inside the fridge so he couldn’t see me. I half wondered if he was intentionally touching me.

“Well, I should probably get going,” he said after we had finished.

“Yeah. I need to shower again,” I said.

Josh shifted uncomfortably.

“I can’t wait to see you again,” he said.

“Really?” I was still a little baffled as to why he wanted to hang out with me after all this time.

“Yeah. I missed you Jenna. We were friends.”

“Why?” I couldn’t help myself.

“Geez, Jenna. I’m not like everyone else in this God forsaken town.” He slammed his soda can down on the counter causing me to jump.

“Okay sorry,” I said quietly.

Our conversation lulled. I stared out the kitchen window at the blindingly white afternoon sun. Maybe I should get some curtains. I thought about what else I needed to do for the house. I thought of any heavy lifting I might need done to keep Josh here longer, but there was nothing left to do. My mother’s room remained untouched, for all I knew there was a homeless man holed up in there, or a band of feral cats.

“So what are your plans for the rest of the week?” he asked pulling me out of my daydream.