We Were Us (5 page)

Got it. Two small bags of white powder. I dumped them in the trash and took the trash to the curb. I still didn’t know when trash day was but hopefully soon. I did not want that near my house any longer. I walked slowly back to the house. The day had exhausted me. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting from the visit with my mom, but it was not discovering drugs were still in the house.

I hid in my room for the rest of the day. I closed my mother’s door and crawled into bed. I grabbed a book but I doubted I’d read any of it. I didn’t. I just flipped mindlessly through the pages. My phone buzzed, I looked at the caller ID. Andrew. Nope. Didn’t really want to talk to him so I ignored it. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone.

I tossed the book on the floor, rolled over in bed, and closed my eyes. Eventually I fell into a restless sleep.

CHAPTER SIX

I must have fallen asleep because I was rudely awoken by loud banging on my front door. I froze. I was still disoriented from sleep, but the paranoia of having an illegal substance in and around my house was still present. The fading sunlight told me it was late evening. Were the cops here? Did someone dig through my trash? The banging got louder and there was yelling. Shit. I stumbled out of bed, the paranoia made me shake so violently that I wasn’t sure I’d make it to the front door. Whoever was there was just going to have to bust the door down. My phone buzzed on the bedside table. I grabbed it. Josh’s name and number flashed across the screen. Oh thank God!

“Josh?!” I squeaked, the fear obvious in my voice.

“Jenna? Are you ok, I’m at the door?”

I breathed a massive sigh of relief. I regained my composure and walked to the front door and opened it for him.

“Are you ok? I’ve been calling for a couple hours.”

“I’m fine. I visited my mom then I fell asleep.” There was no way I was telling him there were drugs in my trash can.

“You visited your mom? Why?”

“My dad asked me too. I guess she called him.”

“Your Dad?”

“Yeah. Usually it requires a mom and a dad to make a baby.” His questions were annoying me in my half-sleepy half panicked state.

“I just meant that I didn’t know you had contact with him.”

“I do. He’s paid the bills on this house my entire life. I went to live with him when my mom went to jail. He lives about five hours south of here in Brookhaven.”

“I see,” he said in a noncommittal sort of way.

“Why are you here Josh?” I asked. I was still tired and I just wanted to go back to bed. Today had been long enough.

“Well I called and you didn’t answer. I was worried.”

“Why? There’s not much for me to do to get into trouble around here.” As soon as I said that I knew what he was thinking. There was plenty I could do. Today’s events proved that.

“I just worry about you alone in this house,” he said. He sheepishly ran his fingers through his hair. I replayed that action in my head a few times and thought how nice it would be if I could run my fingers through his hair. Or if he would run his fingers through my hair.

“Jenna.” Josh was right in my face.

“Sorry.” Now I was the sheepish one. “I’m fine. Nothing to be worried about, I was just sleeping.”

Josh looked me up and down. I probably looked like crap, I ran my hands through my hair and realized the ponytail I’d had it in was lopsided and hair was falling out of it. I rolled my eyes in embarrassment. At least I was wearing clothes. I hadn’t meant to fall asleep earlier so I was still wearing the clothes I’d gone to the jail in.

“What are you doing now?” he asked. He was still standing outside on the porch, I hadn’t invited him in.

“Uh, well, I was sleeping,” I trailed off.

I didn’t even know what time it was. I’d gone to the jail around ten and judging by the light outside I’d have to guess is was late afternoon or early evening.

“Right.” He looked down at his dirty work boots.

“Are you hungry? I could make lunch, or dinner, whatever time it is.” I moved out of the way and let Josh in.

“Dinner sounds good, its 5:15,” he said excitedly. “Do you have more than peanut butter and jelly?” He nudged me aside when we walked into the house.

I closed the front door and followed him into my kitchen. I’d braved a trip to Miller’s the day after our date. I hadn’t run into anyone, thank God, but I was able to pick up some basics besides sandwich fixings.

“Yes, I do. I went down to the store the other day and grabbed a frozen lasagna.”

“Sounds delicious.”

It didn’t take long to prepare the lasagna. Preheat the oven, insert lasagna, cook for an hour, enjoy. After I’d put it in the oven, Josh and I walked into the living room and sunk into the ugly couch.

“Do you have cable?” he asked and reached for the remote.

“Not yet. Hopefully next week.”

His face fell. Maybe he had changed his mind about staying for dinner.

“So what do you want to do?” he asked. Nope. He was determined to stay.

Make out. No, I didn’t really say that. I surely thought about it though. I was all talk and no action sometimes.

“Umm…”

“What do you usually do in the evenings?”

“Read.”

“Oh.”

“What do you usually do?” I asked.

“Watch TV or play video games.”

“I see.”

We sat in uncomfortable silence for a bit.

“I could read to you.” That sounded super dumb coming out of my mouth.

“No, that’s okay. When are you going to get your TV hooked up again?

“Sometime next week.” I was a little bummed about him not wanting me to read to him. It would be a way for us to hang out together privately.

“Well we could watch movies together. I have a ton of them.”

“Yeah I have some too.” I tried to hide the disappointment in my voice. I didn’t watch much TV, but if it meant spending time with Josh, then I’d watch anything.

“Or I could teach you how to play video games.”

“Let’s just stick to movies for now.”

“Okay.”

“I could even cook for you.”

It sounded to me like we were making plans for multiple nights of movie watching.

“You mean reheat already cooked frozen dinners?” Josh made fun of me.

“Don’t diss my culinary skills!” I punched in lightly in the arm.

“Ow! Okay okay!” He pretended to be hurt.

“I just realized I don’t have a VCR or DVD player.”

“Well that makes it hard to watch a movie.”

“I have my laptop!” I jumped up off the couch.

“That’ll work.”

I ran to my bedroom and grabbed my laptop bag. When I returned I set up the computer on the coffee table.

“What movie do you want to watch?”

“What do you have?”

“Probably just a bunch of Disney movies.”

“Hmmm…I’m not really sure I’ve seen many Disney movies.”

“Are you serious?!”

“Yeah.”

“You didn’t watch them as a child?”

“My Grandmother thinks Disney is from the devil.”

“Your Grandmother is kind of crazy.”

“Yeah.”

I scanned the DVD titles in the small TV cabinet and just grabbed one at random. I flipped the case so he could see it and I could tell he wasn’t interested by the way he scrunched up his nose.

“The Little Mermaid? Really?”

“You knocked my reading idea and left me to choose the activity.” I teased.

“Fine, but tomorrow it’s my turn to pick.”

“Deal.”

I felt the stress of the day leave my body as Josh and I settled a little further into the couch. The movie started. It took all I had to not sing along with every song. I’d forgotten how much I loved this movie. I used to have a TV in my room when I was younger and I’d watch this movie on repeat just to drown out the noise that came from my mother’s room.

Halfway through the movie, the oven timer went off.

“Your dinner is ready,” I said over the obnoxious beeping.

After we ate, we finished watching the movie and I started washing the dishes in the sink. Josh lingered in the kitchen and leaned against the counter to watch me. There wasn’t much to wash, just the dishes from tonight and what little I’d used over the last couple days. I washed, he dried. I was getting tired though and I really wanted to go to sleep. The events of earlier in the day still weighed heavily on my mind and my body was still tense from being paranoid. I still was. The trashcan was still out there. When was trash day?

“Um, I should get to bed,” I said when we’d finished.

“Yeah. I should go. I’ll see you tomorrow though, right?”

“Yes, of course. I want to know what your pick is for movie night.”

We both laughed.

Josh and I lingered at the door, neither too sure how to end the night. Our non-kiss at the end of our date seemed to hamper both of us tonight. I wanted him to kiss me but I also didn’t want to see too eager. Why was this so difficult? We’d been friends for years, heck, we’d even dated and kissed before, why was this any different?

Eventually, Josh turned to leave. I waved at his back as he turned in the doorway and brushed his arm when I let my arm fall. He turned his head back to me and smiled before descending the steps, skipping the second one, because he remembered that it was faulty.

I really was exhausted, but I showered quickly and climbed into bed naked and wet. My thoughts immediately turned to Josh. Our date last week was nice, but tonight was how I remembered us, easy conversations, and a little playfulness. It was starting to feel like it used to be between us, back when we were just friends; back when we were us.

CHAPTER SEVEN

I called Dad to tell him about the visit with Mom. I conveniently left out the part about the drugs in my house. I’m sure he wouldn’t let me stay if he knew about that. We talked for a few minutes longer and he mentioned that he, Linda and the kids were leaving for vacation in Florida next week and would be gone for two weeks, then the kids went to camp, and he and Linda were off to Mexico for a while,
 Of course I was jealous. I’d never been to Florida or Mexico, or any kind of vacation.

Josh and I spent the next two weeks watching all of the Disney movies I owned and countless car movies Josh had brought over, plus some random shows on cable after it had been hooked up. We had settled into a strange routine. He’d come over after work and we’d watch a movie and eat dinner then we washed the dishes together. I actually rather hated it. I felt like we were in seventh grade and neither of us knew how to act around the opposite sex. We would sit really close to each other on the couch, or he would lay with his head in my lap, or sometimes he’d hold my feet in his lap and rub them. It was weird the first time he did that, but now it was almost normal. And while I liked our closeness and him touching me, I wanted more. We weren’t in seventh grade anymore, we were adults (practically), and we could touch each other in an adult way.

We talked sometimes, but not about anything important. He explained exactly what he did on the farm and how his school would help him in the future. I talked to him about my plans to become a school guidance counselor because I wanted to help kids that were in similar situations as mine and encourage them that there was a life outside of this crappy life they’d been given. The one thing we didn’t talk about was Michelle. I assumed they weren’t dating anymore, but I wasn’t for sure. I mean, he’d spent every night for the last two weeks at my house, so obviously they weren’t together, but I still felt weird because he didn’t want to talk about her, and she was nowhere to be found so I could talk to her myself. I wasn’t a man stealer, but if he was choosing me over her, I wasn’t going to complain.

So tonight, I decided to try a little harder to snag him. I dressed myself in black leggings and a long grey cardigan sweater with owls stitched on the sleeves over a white lace trimmed camisole over a red bra. Yeah, I was going there. It was comfy, a little sexy, and way better than the jeans and old t-shirts I had been wearing. I’d even curled my long hair and left it down. Ponytails were for ten year olds. The doorbell rang while I was still primping in the bathroom. I slathered on some lip gloss and hurried to answer the door.

“Hey,” I said a little breathless. The house wasn’t that big, but the sight of him tonight took the words right out of my mouth. It looks like he’d had the same idea. He was dressed in dark denim jeans and white button down shirt. He’d also traded his usual brown steel-toed work boots for leather cowboy boots.

“Well hey there gorgeous.”

I blushed. “Hey yourself.”

“Can I come in?”

“Yes!” I said a little too excitedly and moved out of the doorway.

“What are we watching tonight?” he asked.

“Yeah. Lasagna’s in the oven,” I said first. “And I pick Harry Potter. It should last us a week.”

He just laughed and sat on the couch. It was my turn for a movie and I’d chosen Harry Potter. Last night he’d said he was out of ideas and DVD’s so I should choose what to watch for the next week. Eight Harry Potter movies seemed like the perfect fit. I popped the movie in, grabbed the remotes, and joined him on the couch. Josh scooted close to me and wrapped his arm around my back and pulled me close to him.

Somehow over the next forty-five minutes we’d intertwined ourselves up in each other. My legs were on his and his arms were around me. When the oven timer went off I untangled myself from him and rushed to the kitchen to turn it off and pull out the lasagna.

“I’m not really hungry.” Josh said as he wandered into the kitchen.

I decided to cover it up and put it in the fridge. Back in the living room he sat back down next to me. I shifted so that I was leaning against the arm of the couch and slung my legs up and laid them Josh’s lap. He only smiled as I settled in to finish the movie.  

As we watched the movie, Josh traced slow circles over my feet and ankles that sent tingles up between my legs. If he kept doing that I wasn’t sure how much longer I was going to be able to concentrate on the movie before I jumped into his lap. His wildly intoxicating cologne filled my senses with hints of citrus and wood and something warm the filtered down, meeting the tingles sent from his fingers at my feet. Shivers passed over me and deep through my body, the combination of his scent and his hands on me took me over the edge. I pulled my feet back and leaned close to him.

“I can’t concentrate with you rubbing my feet like that,” I said softly.

He let out a quick chuckle like he knew what he was doing to me. He just stared at me for an uncomfortable amount of time. He did know what he was doing to me.

“Because you need to concentrate really hard on a movie you’ve probably seen a hundred time?”

“What?” I said.

“Nothing,” he said, but smiled at me.

“Why are you staring at me?”

“I’m not allowed to look at you?”

“You can look at me, but you’re staring and it’s weirding me out.”

“Weirding you out?”

“Yeah.” My voice was getting smaller and smaller each time he asked me a question.

“I just like looking at you. You’re beautiful.”

“Are you drunk?” I asked.

“No, I think you’re beautiful.”

“Stop.”

“Stop what?”

“You shouldn’t say things like that.”

“What things?”

“Things like that!” Now I was getting annoyed. What was he playing at?

“Well then what can I do?”

“I don’t know!”

We sat there staring at each other. Neither of us moved. A sly smile crept across Josh’s face and I couldn’t help but smile as well.

“What?” he asked.

“You smiled first!” I responded.

“So. I like smiling.”

“Smiling’s my favorite.”

“Oh good, you know that movie. I was afraid we’d have to stop being friends.”

I laughed. Elf was one of my favorite Christmas movies. I could quote pretty much the entire movie.

Josh suddenly leaned really close to me. His face was in my personal bubble, but I didn’t care. I liked it there.

This was what I had been waiting for. I’m not sure why I was waiting for him to make the move, but here we were. Moves were being made, obviously I wanted more as well, but Michelle always popped in my head. She and Josh had been dating when the fiasco with her dad and my mom happened, but she wasn’t here now. Who knew where she was. Josh did. But at this moment I didn’t care. She wasn’t here to claim him, so I would. Josh’s warm breath on my face reminded me of our proximity to each other. You know what Michelle? Screw you. You can’t even pick up your phone to call to say hi, and your boyfriend has been at my house every day for the past two weeks so obviously you aren’t dating anymore. He’s mine now.

I closed the short distance between us and placed my lips hesitantly against his. I wanted him to respond to my kiss. To press his lips into mine. I waited but got nothing more than a small pucker so I pulled away.

“Um,” I managed.

“Yeah.”

“I just wanted to kiss you,” I said breathlessly.

“I wanted you to kiss me,” he replied. Then why didn’t he kiss me back? Was he thinking about Michelle too? God I hoped not.

We sat like this for a few more seconds, just staring, inches from each other. He suddenly pulled me to him positioning each of my legs alongside his so I was straddling him. He looked up at me and I looked down at him. His hands were on my hips and held me firmly against him. Our prolonged closeness was only fueling the desire that welled up inside me. I grasped his face and pulled him into a hard, teeth-knocking kiss. This time he kissed me back. Our mouths melded together, our tongues swirling around each other’s. I rocked my hips against his sending him into a flurry of hands finding their way under my shirt. His cold hands against the warm skin of my back made me gasp and arch against him. We parted and he looked down at my chest that was just inches from his face. I smiled at his expression. He almost looked hungry.

Josh looked back up at me and smiled. He pressed his hands against my lower back causing me to fall forward into him. I braced myself against the back of the couch and continued to rock against him, his face in my chest.

“Jenna?” Josh breathed.

“Yes,” I whispered back.

He responded back with a slow kiss that told me we were stopping. I gripped his face in my hands and held on to the kiss for a beat longer then let him go.

“That was amazing,” he said finally, I wasn’t sure if I should move or stay. His hands were still pressing against my back so it was arched against his chest.

“I’m glad you thought so.”

“Can I take you out again? There’s something I want to show you.”

This was random.

“Yeah sure. But can we just stay closer. I don’t need to go to the city.”

“Okay. Well that just makes it easier. How about next week sometime?”

“Yeah. Okay.” I couldn’t help but smile at him. “Can I kiss you again?”

“Yes.”

His lips were soft against mine this time as he slowly caressed my mouth. His hands left my back traveled down my thighs then back up and settled on my hips.

I wanted Josh to stay the night. I knew he was thinking about it too.

“Josh,” I whispered between kisses.

“The movie’s over,” he whispered back.

I didn’t say anything, I just pulled back away from him and looked him in the eyes. I tried to keep a straight face, but I couldn’t and cracked a smile, then laughed out loud.

“What’s so funny?” he asked.

“I don’t know. You, us, this whole situation.”

“What about it?” he asked.

Josh shifted underneath me so I toppled forward, hovering over his face, my arms braced against the arm of the couch. He grinned up at me and stared down at my lips, then lower down my shirt.

“I just wasn’t expecting this, us,” I whispered.

“What about us?” he asked. He reached up and brushed my lips softly. Electric shocks raced through my lips and my whole body. I took a deep breath and looked him in the eyes.

“I don’t know. I just wanted to have a quiet summer, clean up the house so my dad could sell it, and leave. Just kind of bring closure to this part of my life. I’ll probably never come back here again.”

“And you thought you could find closure without seeing me?” He sounded serious, but he was still smiling.

“Well, yeah. I don’t know. I had a plan in my head and you ruined it the first day I got here.”

“How did I do that?” he asked.

“In the grocery store. I know we didn’t have much or date much before I left, but we were friends, and I felt safe with you.”

Josh didn’t respond right away. His eyes were searching my face, like he was looking for me to tell him what to say. He shifted again and sat up on the couch. He leaned against the arm of the couch. I slid down so I was resting on his thighs.

“Jenna. You and I were best friends. We always have been. When we were dating,” he paused, his face scrunched like he was trying to find the right words, “it felt right, and wrong all at the same time. Like, you were the right person, but it was the wrong time, and then my mom just didn’t like you.” He added the last part quickly.

I knew why his mom didn’t like me, but I didn’t want to bring that up in case he didn’t know my mom had slept with his dad. I sighed happily though because I felt like I was being given a second chance with Josh. Even if it was just for the summer. Maybe I needed more closure than I thought.

“Okay.” Was all I said before I leaned in and kissed him. He grasped the back of my neck and kissed me back. His tongue slipped in and out of my mouth. I leaned forward more so I was resting on his hips again and I wrapped my arms around his neck. He raised his hips against mine, I didn’t know if he was shifting again or if it was an intentional move. Desire flooded through me and I pressed myself closer to him. He kissed me harder now and threaded his fingers through my hair. He lifted his hips again. I rocked against him in response.

Josh broke our kiss and looked deep into my eyes. We were both breathing heavily at this point. I wanted him and I knew he wanted me.

“Not right now Jenna,” he said.

“Why not?” I kissed him again.

“Because I don’t want it to happen on an ugly couch.” He laughed.

I swatted at his chest but he caught me by my wrists and held them just above him.

“Okay. Well then you should probably go, unless you want to move this to my bedroom.”

Josh looked up and behind him toward the direction of my room. He was contemplating my suggestion.

“I should probably go. It’s getting late and I do have to work tomorrow.” He sighed again and made a move to get up.