What Love Has Lost (20 page)

I can just hear the monitor beeping. Still, I know that he's alive. "I want to spend a life with you. I want to marry you. I want to raise children with you. I don't care how many we have. We can have ten kids, if you want!" I chuckle by the thought of raising ten kids. Shaking my head, I start to realize that I'm talking to an unconscious body.

"Remember the time that we've spent a summer together? I was that sixteen-year-old girl and you were turning seventeen that year. I love the way you place your hands in your pockets, when walking towards me. I love how you interrupt me with a simple kiss." I trail, reflecting back to those memories. "I love how you say 'I love you' to me." My voice becomes hoarse.

No sudden movement comes between Nathan and me. "We should be at the wedding, today."

I watch the monitor beep in a steady pace. His heart rate is still good. My knees hurt like hell but I don't care. I want to stay beside him. I want to be there for him. Suddenly, I hear a knock on the door. "Hello, is anyone in there?" one of the doctors ask.

Oh shit, not now!

"Nathan, I want to know that I will always love you. You're my only one, Nathan Hampton." I whisper, hoping that he will always know that I have him, placed inside my heart. "You are the only one who can make my heart go fast and slow at the same time. You're everything to me."

The knocks become more rapid. "Is there anybody in there? Open the door, now!" commands one of the doctors. "We are going to report the police, if nobody is answering."

"No," I call. Shit, what the fuck did I do?

Suddenly, I hear feet pacing towards the door.

"Please, open the door." Another voice commands, as they continue knocking. One voice in my head tells me to open the door as the other tells me to stay put. I want to stay beside Nathan through thick and thin. I won't let anything come across between us.

"Ma'am, you need to open this door or else I call the cops!" the same doctor yells.

"Go ahead," I insist. "Call the FEDs and try to repel me from my boyfriend."

Was I insane? I could be. Was I insane because I am seeing someone die? Yes, I'm insane because I am seeing someone, dying in front of me. Was I insane enough to see someone die because I'm hopelessly devoted to a man who I might not be able to see again? I am fucking positive that I am insane because I'm in love.

♠♣♥♦

A couple of minutes, the police show up. Sure, the door is still locked, but I refuse to open it. Nathan is still barely alive and I want to keep it that way. I'd rather see him barely alive, compared to dead. He's in a coma, so I just hope he can make it. If he doesn't remember anything, then I will guide him to let his memory come back.

I want Nathan to be right beside me. I want to notify that everything will be all right, because he's beside me. He's the only person I want. I found love, again. I don't want it to be taken, away from me again.

"Open the door!" one of them yells.

Sobbing, I stare at Nathan one last time. I gently wrap my arms around his body, one last time.

"Since you're not opening this door, we're barging in," one of the cops announces.

Ignoring them, I lay against his fragile corpse. I continue to hear his heartbeat. The beating steadies as it goes fast and slow at the same time. I continue to hear the same beating for a couple of seconds, reminiscing the moment.

"I love you." I whisper, letting a stream of tears fall. As my eyes are closed, I hear banging from a distance. They seriously want to take me away from him. I can be arrested for doing such a stupid thing, but I seriously don't want to leave him without properly saying goodbye.

The last hit finally opens the door as the cops run towards me and removes me from Nathan. I squirm and yell, trying to release from them. However, my fighting is very pitiful, compared to these built men. The doctors run towards the corpse as the monitor beeps faster. No, he cannot die!

"No," I scream, while crying and fidgeting. "No, let me go! Let me go!" I command, but I somehow fail because I somehow realize that Nathan is already dead.

♠♣♥♦

The next couple of days, I'm released from the hospital. No, the cops and the doctors decide not to arrest me because I haven't done anything illegal. They decide to give me a warning. If I ever do a stupid thing like that, they promise to house arrest me. I promise them that this will be the last time.

Anyways, I receive text messages from Rhiannon and Grady. They say that they got married on the day Nathan has passed away, and now, they are on their honeymoon to California. I guess they want to see the lovely beaches in California, since Rhiannon's family has another house in San Diego.

Her family also knows the famous male model, Cameron Bailey. Wow, I never seem to notice that male modeling can be so important to the world. Who wants to see males strip in front of people? Well, that's a stupid question.

Leaving the hospital, I start scanning through my phone. Absentmindedly, I accidentally run into a stranger. Dropping my phone and seeing someone spill hot liquid on me, I start cursing and stare at the black stain, which is on my clothes. "Shit," I murmur against my breath.

"I am so sorry." The young man apologizes.

Suddenly, I make eye contact at the stranger. I stare from his smile into his blue eyes.

Shaking my head, I quickly divert my attention from my thoughts to him. "It's okay. I've had worse days in my life." I admit.

He chuckles and then hands me a napkin. "What's your name?" he asks.

"Inna," I simply introduce.

He chuckles and extends his hand towards me, while introducing himself. "Alex."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Alex." I grin, trying to be sympathetic and nice.

He chuckles, again. "Say, do you want to grab coffee, sometime? And this time, I promise it will not be spilt on you." He swears, while letting out a sly chuckle.

I simply nod. "Coffee sounds good, but not now. How about I call you?"

His grin slowly turns into a genuine smile. "Of course." He simply accepts.

Epilogue

(Ten Years Later)

It's not easy to find love, again. I remember when I fell in love with this special boy, with the dorky glasses and the mischievous attitude. You will always be with me, no matter how far you seem to be. Honestly, I love everything about you.

Reading the newspaper, my telephone starts to ring as a distraction. Slowly pacing towards the phone, I boringly answer. "Hello," I ask.

"What's crack-a-lacking, Inn?" Grady slyly answers.

"Um, nothing much, just sitting down, reading the newspaper, and drinking hot tea." I simply say as I flick a piece of dandruff out of my dark blue sweater. "What are you doing?" I ask.

"Well, Rhiannon is taking the children to daycare, as I am relaxing in my man cave."

I simply roll my eyes. "You and your laziness..." I trail.

He scoffs. "How are you, Alex, and little Nathan doing?"

I slowly cringe as he mentions the name 'Nathan'. Of course, it has been eight years since his death, but I still miss him, dearly. I know I should let go of the dead because it's more natural and I won't feel insecure. However, he's my first true love.

"Alex is getting a promotion this week. I'm excited for him. Nathan, he's excelling in school, quite well. He's so intelligent. He got that from his father, mostly." I compliment as a small smile slowly forms across my face.

Grady chuckles, "Well, he got it from you as well."

"Hmm," I soothe.

Suddenly, Grady interrupts the dead silence. "Inn, I got to go. Rhiannon's mother is visiting, and she'll throw a hissy fit at me if I don't answer the door between one or two doorbells." Grady explains as I start giggling through the receiver. Then, he swiftly hangs up the phone.

♠♣♥♦

Every morning of the week, I always visit the cemetery. Alex doesn't know anything about my visitation because he doesn't like me mentioning about my exes. It is uncomfortable to talk about it, because it has happened in the past. Little Nathan doesn't know why he is named 'Nathan'. He somehow reminds me of my Nathan.

Oh, how I dearly miss him.

Before I went to the cemetery, I decide to buy a bouquet of daisies. I don't know what type of flower Nathan prefers, but I always think that daisies bring joy in life. However, Nathan is so many things, when he was still alive.

Honestly, I do want to marry him and share a great life with him. Sadly, nothing in life satisfies anyone because something drastic will happen. I'm always deathly afraid because I hate going through shit in my life.

Bringing the bouquet of daisies to the cashier, the lady, with the dark brown hair, bores towards my face. She looks very unhappy. "Hello," I simply introduce.

"Hi," she rudely says, while wiping her nose with her employee t-shirt. I decide to read her nametag as it says: Melinda.

"What a nice name you have, Melinda." I smile, trying to create a conversation with the cashier.

She just shrugs and swipes the price tag to the monitor. "That'll be $8.98."

Well, she's just a mean, grumpy woman.

Ignoring my comment, I pull out my money from my jean pockets and hand her ten dollars. She gently takes it from me as she places it in the cash register and removes the remaining amount to me. She gives me the remains and the receipt, as I grab the bouquet of flowers, which is inside the plastic bag. Seriously, who places flowers inside a plastic bag?

"$1.02 is your change... Have a good day." She says boringly.

I roll my eyes and simply say, "You too."

Walking out of the shopping center, my phone starts to ring. I swiftly pull out my cell phone as I read the caller ID: Ivy. "What do you want?"

"Hey, I haven't spoken to you in a long while. What are you up to?"

"Uh, nothing much, I just came out of the store to buy something." I say truthfully.

"Hmm, I miss seeing you. You should visit Michael and I for a warm, guest party this weekend."

"Uh, I can't. Alex has this important meeting in Seattle, and I need to babysit Nathan."

Ivy doesn't quickly respond. I stand there in silence for a couple of seconds. Then, I hear her talking, again. "Well, you should bring Nathan with you to Colorado Springs. It's so gorgeous. Nathan will have tons of fun at the water park!"

"Ivy, Nathan can't swim." I confirm, biting onto the bottom of my lip.

"So, Michael can teach him." Ivy suggests.

"Well," I trail, chewing onto the bottom of my lip. "I suppose." I admit.

"Great!" she squeals. "I'll see you very soon in Colorado! I expect to see you and the little fellow, especially your husband, Alex." She teases, and then she hangs up the phone. I want to say something to her before she hung up, but I know that it's too late.

Sighing, I place my phone back into my jean pocket and walk towards my car.

♠♣♥♦

Visiting the cemetery, I stop in front of Nathan Leo Hampton's grave. I read the carvings onto the stone as it reads, Nathan Leo Hampton - born on February 24, 1991 and died on December 31, 2011. Rest in peace.

Suddenly, tears start flowing down my cheeks. Memories seem to flow inside my mind. Breathing in deeply, I tightly close my eyes before setting the daisies onto the grave. I still remember that tragedy, which was the last time I saw him. I still remember the wonderful speech for Grady and Rhiannon's dinner rehearsal.

Swallowing a lump in my throat, I hesitantly open my mouth. "I miss you." I whisper.

Those are the three important words, which firstly escapes from my mouth.

Truly, I do miss him. I miss everything about him. I miss his smile. I miss his quirky stamina. I miss his smell, his taste, and everything about him. I pray every night that this isn't happening. I close my eyes and pretend everything is all right. My sleeping habits are very horrid.

Alex complains about me waking up at night, walling. Then, he gets up out of the bed and sleeps in the guest room. Surely, it's all my fault. I blame myself as the cause for Nathan's death. I know that I have to move on, but I still want him here, with me. I still have a place for him inside my heart.

"It's been eight years, since your departure." I pause, swallowing the lump in my throat, again. "Um, I truly miss you. I still love you." Licking my lips, I slump down to my knees.

"I don't know what to do without you." My voice suddenly goes hoarse. I try fighting the tears, but they keep streaming down my face. Wiping it with my sleeve, I proceed. "I'm still with Alex, if you're wondering." I sniff.

My brown eyes wonder around my surroundings. "I have a son, now. He's seven years old." I hesitate, still wiping the tears out of my face. "He's so smart - you should see him. He somehow reminds me of you. He can be stubborn and smart aleck. He has big dreams on becoming a firefighter." I sob.

"Um, I wish you are here with me." I whisper as I fiddle with my fingers. "I remember the last time we actually spoke. You know, the night of the dinner rehearsal. Yeah, I wish that this is happening. I wish that you're still with me. We could've raised wonderful children together."

Chuckling, I wipe the bangs out of my face. "Alex is a great father, too. I love him as much as I love you. He's a great guy. I wish you could meet him." Smiling, my vision becomes blurry because more tears flow out of my eyes.

"Oh god, I look like a total wreck. Look at me, I smeared my makeup." I giggle.

I decide to sit in front of Nathan's grave in total silence for a couple of minutes. Before leaving, I check my watch to see the time. It's almost four o'clock. I should be picking up little Nathan from daycare any minute. Before leaving his grave, I decide to say one more thing.

"I brought these daisies for you, just in case." I shut my eyes. "Nathan, I will never forget the day that we met. I will never forget the day that we fell in love. I will never forget that romantic summer together, because I still cherish everything that we did. I will never forget the day that you came back to my life, after our horrible break-up. Although you expected so much from me, I want to expect that I am happy. I'm happy with Alex. I was happy, being with you as well, but I know that you want me to move on and find happiness." I pause, swallowing the dry lump.