What Love Has Lost (19 page)

"Where am I?" I mumble, still feeling a bit lightheaded.

"Ma'am, you're going to be just fine." One of the doctors speaks to me. "You don't need to talk - just rest, for now. Everything will be just fine." She soothes.

"Where's Nathan? Is he okay? I need to see him." I ramble, pleading for one of the doctors to let me see him. Instead, she just ignores me. Then, I hear her talk to the other doctors. Ugh, what a bitch. She doesn't even answers my questions.

They take me to a white room, where I don't even know what the fuck is going on. I really want to get out of this hospital. I really want to know if Nathan is all right. I really wish we aren't here. I want to know that everything is all right. I want to know that we're safe. Question: is Nathan and me going to survive this?

♠♣♥♦

I feel as if I am going through this tunnel. All I can see, right now, is a white tunnel. Where am I? Why am I seeing white? Is this just a dream, or is this reality? Millions of questions rummage through my head. I can feel a sharp pain, running through my body. Somehow, I realize that I may be dying. Nobody can predict the future. I can say one thing: if I die, I don't want to die alone, realizing that Nathan can survive as I cannot make it.

How will Nathan respond to the feeling? He'll be devastated. Sure, we cannot control life. It only happens once in a lifetime. We shall cherish the moments that we make in this world. Thankfully, I fell in love with the man who is sensitive, caring, and endearing. He loves me as well. Knowing that we go through a rocky relationship, we stay together in the end. Therefore, nothing can tear us apart, especially death.

Right now, my mind wonders off into a dream. In my dream, I start to see the white tunnel transform into an open meadow. First, I see light purple petals floating against the wind. They all float in one direction. I stare at myself as I am wearing a long, white gown. I continue to speculate my surroundings. Where am I?

Suddenly, I hear giggling. It sounds like children. My feet start to move forward, getting closer to the sound. As the sound grows louder, I come to a halt. I see three beautiful children, chasing each other. They dress so neat and proper. There are two boys and one girl. Whom do these children belong? Where are their parents? They must've been worried sick! "Mommy," a little girl with her curly brown hair and emerald eyes exclaims, while running towards me. Am I her mother? Who is her father? "Mommy, guess what? Daddy promised us to take us to the movies, tonight!" she continues.

These are my... children?

A small smile forms across my face. "Sweetie, I'm glad to hear."

Then, the little boy comes running towards the little girl, while he carries a toad. The little girl shrieks! "Ugh, Nathan, get that gross creature away from me!" she says in disgust.

"Awe, stop being pansy, Evie," The little boy admits, and then looks at me with pleading eyes. "Mommy, can we keep Toby?"

Evie looks at Nate in disgust. "Gross, you want to keep a mutant as a pet?"

"Mutants are awesome as pets!" the other little boy chimes.

"I wish I had a sister, instead of two imbeciles as brothers!" Evie admits. Evie sounds as if she's an intelligent girl. She must've gotten the intelligence from me. I wonder where they got their appearance.

"It's too bad that Mommy doesn't want to make another baby." A familiar voice interrupts, disrupting our conversation. I turn around and stare at the man who I fell in love - Nathan. Unexpectedly, he sweeps me closer to him and gently places a kiss on my lips. I hear the kids make those disgusted noises. I chuckle, lowly.

I miss him. Even though it feels as if we have been far apart for too long, I still miss him. Biting on my lower lip, my eyes flicker to his emerald eyes. Oh, his gorgeous green eyes, which I absolutely miss. I miss those small circles, forming around his iris. We stare at each other in silence for a couple of minutes. I inhale his scent - vanilla in a mix with peppermint.

"Daddy," someone interrupts. We both turn our heads apart from each other. It's the other boy although I don't know his name. "Are we going to the movies, tonight? I want to watch the chipmunks!" he forms a bright smile.

Nathan pulls his hands away from me and kneels to an eye-level to the little boy. "Noah, I promise you that we will watch them, and then we can go out for ice cream... together." He promises. Noah cheers and gives Nathan a hug. I can't help but let out a wide grin across my face. Nathan is a good father, or so to speak.

This fantasy seems as if it's a dream. If it is, then I don't want this to end at all.

Honestly, I cannot see Nathan as a father, but seeing him being so loveable to our children. I think he's the greatest father I have ever seen. He idolizes these children, our children. I watch them run around the fields, playing and enjoying their time together. Nathan and I sit on the bench, watching them.

I inhale. "This seems wrong." I say as I close my eyes. I can feel Nathan scoot closer to my body, holding my hand. As my eyes slowly began to open, I stare at him. He looks confused. He looks as if I don't want this at all.

"What do you mean, Inn? Don't you want this? You told me that you want this life. You and I are married, and we have three beautiful children. What more do you want?" Nathan asks as he presses his lips together.

My eyes wander off from his eyes to his hands. "This isn't real. All of this isn't real."

"What are you saying? You're not making any sense!" Nathan worries, and then caresses my face. My eyes wander to his emerald eyes. "I love you, forever and always, Inna. You're my wife. You're everything in my life. You and the kids are my life, now. Nothing is going to tear us apart."

"I know," I whisper, holding onto his hand. "But you and I aren't married. We don't have children. None of this is real because the last time I remember is that you and I were in a hospital!" I exclaim, feeling as my heart is aching. I watch Nathan sit there, confused and worried. I want this life, but this life is not mine.

Nathan isn't sitting before me. It can be an illusion or something! Suddenly, I feel a sharp pain inside my chest. I quickly clench onto my chest, wondering what in the world is happening. Nathan slowly gets up and walks towards me. "Inna, what's wrong?"

"I don't know," I stammer. Thoughts are racing inside my head. "I can feel something going through me." I try to explain, but the pain inside me has gotten worse. I feel as if I am going to faint, or worse, die. I cannot die, not in front of Nathan and the children.

"Inna," Nathan repeats, still holding onto me. My vision quickly starts to become fuzzy. I don't know what's going on. I need to find out what is happening to me! "Inna!" his chants grow louder. This is the last time I'm ever going to hear his voice before I completely black out.

♠♣♥♦

Again, death can be scary. It can separate the people and things we love.

Hearing my heart beating slowly, my eyes slowly open as my vision becomes clearer. The first thing I see from my perspective is the white ceiling. Then, I motion my head to the left as I see a respirator, watching the meter going in a steady pace. Quickly, my mind comes to a realization that I am in the hospital.

Thankfully, I'm alive. Quickly, I sit up but I then go back to lying onto the soft pillow because I feel a sharp pain going against my Latissimus dorsi, also known as my side muscle. I take a good look at myself as I see the IVs, which are injected in me. Slowly, I take the IVs out of my skin, grunting.

"Oh my god, Grady, Inna's awake." A familiar voice speaks, waking up Grady.

Is Rhiannon and Grady in this hospital? What are they doing here? Aren't they supposed to be in a wedding? Oh my god, I almost forgot about their wedding! Nathan and I shouldn't have left the dinner rehearsal. Hence, we shouldn't be here! Where's Nathan? Is he still alive?

"Hey, how are you?" Rhiannon asks in a low whisper.

"It hurts like hell." I simplify. Grady comes behind from Rhiannon and gives me a stuffed Teddy bear. I chuckle. "Aw, you didn't have to get me a bear, Grady."

"Well, bears are your favorite animal, so I thought I should buy you one." He grins.

"How come you don't buy me stuffed animals?" Rhiannon interrupts.

"Because you don't need anything to prove my love for you. You're marrying me, anyways."

Rhiannon giggles and gently kisses Grady. "Aw, and that is why I love you," she coos.

The both of them are in front of me, being all lovey-dovey, when I am in massive pain! "Uh, guys, I hate to burst your love bubble, but have you heard from Nathan?" I ask, and then they avert their heads to me.

"Uh, we haven't heard from him." Rhiannon bites her lower lip. Is she lying?

"Grady, have you heard from Nathan?"

Grady doesn't make eye contact. He keeps avoiding the question with his mumbles and stutters.

"Grady," I practically yell.

"He's in serious damage, Inn. He's in the ER, right now." Grady admits. Rhiannon just slaps him against his shoulder. I look at Rhiannon, being confused because she slapped Grady. Then, my attention focuses on Grady as I ask him further questions. His response, "He might not make it, Inn." He whispers.

"I need to see him." I command.

"Inna, he's seriously injured. The doctors told me that he has lost a ton amount of blood..." Grady trails. I take all of the IVs out of my bloodstreams and quickly, leave the bed. My legs feel numb, but I grab a hold onto something, before falling.

"Inna, you don't know what you're doing!" Rhiannon interjects.

I come to a halt and spin around. "Yes, I do. I'm getting Nathan out of here, and we're going to your wedding. Go, and get prepared for your wedding. You guys are getting married today, and we are going to be there. I promise."

They don't say anymore, but they stare at me, being dumbfound. Slowly turning around and exiting out my hospital room, I try to find Nathan. He cannot die. He has to be here, with me. He promises me everything. Death cannot take that away from us.

I've lost him before, I'm not ready to lose him again. I want him. I love him, with all my heart. I want to raise a family with him. I want to grow a future with him. He promises me with all these things and I expect them to happen. I cannot let death break our relationship! I don't want it to break our promise.

Sure, I can look back to our memories, but the memories are just... memories. I want to spend every waking moment with him. If he dies, I want to see him, one last time.

♠♣♥♦

Shit, where the hell is his hospital room?

I hear the doctors and nurses, speaking through the intercom. I hope one of the nurses does not catch me as they take me back to my hospital bedroom. I search for Nathan as I read the clipboards, which is clipped outside the door. Then, I see a clipboard that says Nathan Hampton. He's in the recovery room.

Maybe he'll be able to survive. Maybe all of our wishes and hopes can come true! Please, God, let him survive. I pray.

Rushing towards his room, a doctor blocks between Nathan and me. "Aren't you supposed to be in your bed, young lady?" the doctor asks. I stare at him, wondering if he's joking or not. By the look of his eyes, he seems as if he is very serious.

"I want to check on Nathan." I say, hoarsely.

"Visiting hours are not allowed for patients. I think you should go back to your bed, before you get seriously injured." The doctor advises.

I roll my eyes. "I'm fine, Doctor. I want to see my boyfriend."

"Oh, this is your boyfriend?" he smiles and laughs half-heartedly. What the fuck is his problem?

Suddenly, he stops laughing and starts showing his serious side. "Still, there are no visiting hours." He commands. I simply nod, while looking down. Turning around, I limp towards my room, but I plan for him to leave as I quickly rush into his room.

Watching from one of those mirrors, I wait for the doctor to leave my sight. I slowly walk backwards and slowly and cautiously walk towards Nathan's room. Entering into the room, I quickly shut and lock the door. I inhale, deeply, as my eyes are completely shut.

Gulping, I turn around and see Nathan lying down in the hospital bed. He is seriously injured.

I glance at the information, which is onto the clipboard. I look at his information, as I already know, such as his name, weight, height, age, etc. My eyes quickly scan to the bottom of the page. It says that he has lost so much blood, and he broke most of his bones. One of the bones in his ribcage is cracked. He also has permanent brain damage. He's paralyzed, too.

I drop the clipboard onto the floor. Suddenly, I feel like crying.

I quickly sank onto the floor, uncontrollably sobbing. I cannot be able to accept the fact that Nathan is actually dying in front of me. He's suffering through the most unthinkable type of pain and I really want it to be me, instead of him.

Quivering, I crawl towards his body. I don't care who tries to barge through that door. I want to speak to Nathan, one last time. I want to see him, one last time. I don't want him to die. I want him to be with me, forever. Sobbing, I grab his hand. I place his hand against my lip, kissing it.

I begin to breathe, uncontrollably. I don't know what to say. I can't think of what to say. I don't want to see him, knowing that he won't be with me. I have so much to say to him. I want him to know how I truly feel towards him. I want him to know that I will eternally love him. "Nathan," I breathe.

"Nathan, I'm hoping you can hear me, because there are things that I want you to know." I inhale, while closing my eyes before proceeding any further. "I want you to know that I love you. I loved you, and I love you, now and forever." I pause, trying to fight my tears.

"Please, if you can hear me..." I trail. Tears are falling out of my eyes. Rapidly blinking, I try to force those tears to vanish. However, I falter. "I don't want you to die." I whisper.

Honestly, I don't want him to die. I don't want him to die, now. I won't allow it, but I'm not God. "Nathan, I want you to know that I agree to all of your offers. The things you've mentioned last night; I want you to know that I will be there for you, no matter what. I want to spend the rest of my life with you." I quiver. My hands start to shake. I'm not sure if Nathan can feel it.