What's His Passion 2 - Climbing the Savage Mountain (5 page)

“Are we going to be able to do this, Jigger?” Jensen hit the Buy button then stood to wander to the French doors leading into the backyard. He stared out over the white blanket of snow that had fallen overnight.

The storm had started yesterday afternoon and had been so bad, Toby had chosen to stay in the city at Simpson’s apartment rather than driving in it. Jensen had agreed with him, not wanting Toby to risk his life trying to get back to home, though he hated how quiet the house was without Toby around to yell at him about the laundry or why the bed wasn’t made yet. He could just imagine the fit Toby would have when he saw the mess Jensen had made in one of the spare rooms.

He’d pulled out all of his climbing gear to go over and see what he needed to replace. He wasn’t going to go to Everest with old rope or anything that might give out on him while climbing the Khumbu Icefall or along the Hillary Step. Both were dangerous, even with brand new equipment. All of his stuff was strewn across the floor and every available piece of furniture.

“We can do this, Jensen. This has been one of our goals since we placed our feet at the base of our first mountain and chose to go up instead of down. It won’t be easy, but we knew that.” Jigger cleared his throat. “We’re going with one of the most reputable Everest climbing companies, and we have some experience at high altitudes, plus the three of us have climbed together before. We trust each other. If there’s going to be any trouble, I want to be in it with you and Cat. The two of you will get my ass down off that mountain.”

He braced his hand on the door then rested his forehead on his biceps. Closing his eyes, he remembered the expression on Toby’s face when he told him about going to Everest. “Toby’s scared to death about this trip. Even more, I think, than any of the others I’ve gone on since we got back together.”

“Of course he’s scared.”

Jensen jerked when Cat’s voice came over the phone. Either he was on speaker and didn’t know it or she’d taken the phone from Jigger and heard what he’d said.

“Your Toby is an intelligent man. He might not be a climber, but he knows that Everest isn’t a cakewalk. I’m sure he’s probably done research on the mountain, especially now that he knows we’re going there.”

“He needs to know all the information he can on things. Makes him a great investment planner since he’ll dig through all mentions of a stock to make sure it’s the right one for his clients. But it isn’t the greatest trait when it’s something like Everest. He’s going to focus on the accidents and deaths.” He thumped his head against his arm. “He’ll hug me and whisper ‘I love you’ when I leave, while he’s dying inside, worried I won’t come back this time.”

Cat sighed. “He knows you’ll come back. You haven’t broken that promise yet.”

Jensen snorted. “There’s always a first time for everything, Cat, and the wounds from me leaving all those years ago haven’t completely healed yet. He knows the odds are against us.”

“You do know that at some time we all reach a point that what—or who—we leave behind becomes more important than what we’re heading toward. If you’ve reached that point, Jensen, we won’t think any worse about you than we already do.” Cat laughed.

“Bitch. It’s not that. I just don’t want him to worry while I’m gone. I hate thinking of him pacing the floors, imagining all the worse scenarios of what can happen on the trip.”

Turning his back on the snow, he wandered back to his desk and his laptop. He saw that his transaction had gone through, so he sat to see about ordering some new Gore-Tex jackets for layering while on the mountain. He’d already purchased a couple of fleeces, plus a new, light down jacket.

“You know that this will be my last high altitude climb, right?”

She was quiet for a minute and Jensen tried to figure out if she wanted him to answer or if it was rhetorical. Before he could speak up, Cat spoke again.

“Now that we have Pamela, I can’t take the risk of something happening during a climb. I don’t want her to lose both of her parents because we’re addicted to the thrill of cheating death. Once I summit Everest and descend safely, I’ll be happy with the climbs here in the states. There are a few that can get my heart racing enough.”

“If you feel that way, why even go with us? Why not just stay here if your heart isn’t in it anymore?” He understood where Cat was coming from though.

“Because I want to show my father that I’m capable of doing something he never could. He tried to summit Everest two different climbs and turned back each time. The bastard needs to see that I’m not useless or weak, just because I’m a girl.” She growled.

“No bitterness there at all,” he teased, though he knew all about Cat’s father’s disdain for his daughter and didn’t blame her at all for wanting to rub his nose in it.

There sounded like wrestling on the other end of the line and he wondered what the hell was going on. Next thing, he heard Jigger.

“Great, man. Now I’m going to have to listen to her rant about that asshole. Thanks a lot,” Jigger complained.

“Hey, that wasn’t my fault. She went there.” He pulled up the website for Gore-Tex. “I know better than to talk about her father with her.”

Jigger grumbled something that he couldn’t make out, and he wasn’t interested in finding out what Jigger had said. There was no love lost between Jigger and his father-in-law either.

“Have you heard from Ransom yet about the K2 permit?” He probably shouldn’t be looking ahead to a possible assault on K2, yet if he had an idea that it was going to happen, he would have a chance to prepare Toby for that eventual reality.

“Totally forgot to tell you. Yeah, he called about two days ago. We’re going to Pakistan next year and taking the Abruzzi Spur. It’s what the government’s letting us climb, so while we won’t be trying any of the harder routes, we’ll still get to conquer the Savage Mountain.” Jigger sounded excited.

“Great.” He wished he could sound just as thrilled, but his stomach dropped when he heard they had permission.

“I don’t think you’re as happy as I thought you would be when I heard the news. We’ll have climbed the two highest mountains in the world within a year of each other. I never thought I’d get to Everest, much less K2.”

Jensen could almost see Jigger bouncing around the living room in Wyoming, pumping his fists. Out of the three of them, Jigger was the most fanatical about mountaineering. After getting clean from his own narcotic habit, Jigger had discovered the natural high one could get from conquering a mountain. He’d introduced Cat to the joys of high altitude climbing. She wanted to prove her father wrong about women, so she took to the danger and excitement of risking her life on the rocks of the mountains.

Jensen had started doing it to keep from thinking about shooting up or snorting whatever he could find to numb the pain. Then he’d discovered he liked it—or he had until he’d reconnected with Toby. Now leaving for months at time was wearing thin and the expeditions were losing the sparkle they once had.

“Well, your dream will be coming true soon enough. Now go calm your wife down before she frightens Pamela,” Jensen told his friend. “Don’t forget to email me the list the company sends you. I want to make sure I have everything on it before I ship my shit out to your place. Tell Cat I love her and give your daughter a hug for me.”

“All right, Jensen. I’ll call you on Friday and we’ll start figuring out logistics of getting all of our stuff to Nepal.” Jigger hung up.

Jensen tossed his phone on the desk, not even caring when it slid across the surface then landed on the floor. Leaning back in his chair, he glanced around the room and his gaze skipped lightly over all the framed photos on the walls and the bookshelves. He knew they were from different climbs he’d done over the years. There was a large empty space above the fireplace mantel. He’d reserved that for summit pictures of him at Everest and K2.

He’d always vowed that once he’d done those two mountains, he’d cut back on his climbing. Hell, he didn’t have to leave the States if he was looking for technically difficult climbs. There were some places in the Rockies or out in the Cascades where he could get his thrills without spending half the year away. If he wanted dangerous, he could climb Mount Washington in New Hampshire. The weather there alone could kill a person. Maybe he could even convince Toby to go with him.

After pushing to his feet, he stalked over to one picture that was set on a high shelf where he didn’t have to see it every time he walked in, not if he didn’t want to. Jensen pulled it down then studied the people in the photo. No one had been happy about being together and having their portrait done. Yet it had been something his mother wanted, so they’d done it. His father had been an absolute drunken bastard most of Jensen’s life, but there were moments when he’d tried to make Jensen’s mom happy. It was weird to have a moment where they were all smiling captured forever on a piece of film.

“Are those your parents?”

Jensen jumped and fumbled with the frame, barely catching it before it hit the floor. As much as he hated it, he didn’t want it ruined. He set it back on the shelf then turned to see Toby in the doorway of the study, hip propped against the wall and arms folded over his chest.

“I didn’t hear you get home,” Jensen said, smiling and hoping Toby wouldn’t press him about the past. He’d had to talk about it during rehab and that had been more than enough discussion for the rest of his life.

“You were talking to Jigger and Cat. I didn’t want to interrupt. How are they doing?”

He watched as Toby pushed away from where he stood and strolled across the room to him. Toby reached out, making Jensen’s smile disappear when he picked up the photo.

“They’re doing good. Cat sends her love. She hopes you can come out for a little vacation when I go out there to do some conditioning next month.” He tried to grab the frame from Toby, but his lover kept moving it away.

Toby nodded. “I think I can get some time off. Just let me know when and I’ll put in a request for it. Maybe you can teach me how to downhill ski.”

Jensen grinned. “That would be awesome. I bet you would like that and Pamela will love getting to see her uncle Toby.”

“She’s a good kid.” Toby waved the frame in front of him. “Now are you going to answer my question? Is this your family? I got to thinking about it earlier today when Simpson said something about going to visit his parents this weekend that we never really talked about your parents. Every time I bring them up, you change the subject.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. We were just an average family except I drank from a young age.” He finally managed to snatch it from Toby’s hand then set it on the shelf before he stalked away. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he glared at the floor where he stood in the middle of the room.

Toby took his hand, tugging him toward the couch where he shoved Jensen down onto the cushions. “No running away from this, Jensen. It’s time we talked about something from your past. It’s like you’ve chosen to remember only back to a certain point. Anything that happened before that no longer exists.”

He stiffened, not wanting to tell Toby how depressing his family had really been. He’d met Toby’s parents and sisters during Christmas last year when they’d come to stay with them for the holiday. Toby’s dad was an electrician who was as blue collar as they came, yet he’d enjoyed all the little gadgets Toby had given him as gifts. It was obvious Mr. Schwartzel was proud of his son, even though he wasn’t entirely sure about the gay thing. He never treated Jensen with anything other than respect.

Toby’s mother was tiny and plump. She’d slowed down a lot over the last year because of a bad hip, but she didn’t let that stop her from ice skating or going out and building snowmen with her children and grandchildren. After they’d arrived, she’d taken over the kitchen to cook Christmas dinner and refused all offers of help.

Jensen had seen families like the Schwartzels back in his hometown. He’d just figured it was all a show. That once they got behind the doors of their homes, the truth came out—like at his house with his father.

“My father wasn’t like yours,” he blurted, then wanted to bite his tongue.

Chapter Five

If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else. It will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them.

—Bruce Lee

“No. He didn’t look like a poor kid from Philly,” Toby commented as he joined Jensen on the couch, placing his hand on Jensen’s knee, which was bouncing in a clear sign of his agitation.

“Not what I meant, though that’s true. Dad came from new money. My great-grandfather got in on the ground level when the automobiles started becoming big. By the time my dad came around, the family owned several car dealerships and garages. My mom came from old money—like came across on the Mayflower old.” Jensen really looked reluctant to talk about his family and Toby wanted to know why.

He had a feeling it really was the foundation of why Jensen started drinking when he was so young, and why the ambition to make money had driven him to such lengths.

“I told you when I showed back up that my family was awesome and it was me that was a fuck-up,” Jensen reminded Toby.

Nodding, Toby said, “Right. You mentioned something about you being the one who didn’t know how to love—or something like that.”

Jensen jumped to his feet then started pacing in front of him. “Right. I still think that’s true.”

“Bullshit.” Toby grinned when Jensen paused to stare at him. “You’ve told me so many time how much you love me. I’m pretty sure there’s nothing wrong with your emotions. I think your problem was figuring out how to deal with them.”

Dismissing Toby’s words with a flap of his hand, Jensen shook his head. “Whatever. The thing is my family wasn’t the perfect one that everyone thought we were. My parents were really good at appearing to be what others thought they should be.”