When It Rains... (21 page)

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Authors: Angie Daniels

BOOK: When It Rains...
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“No,” Honey snorted, draining the last of her coffee.“I have a date.”
Tequila lowered her lashes to hide the amusement in her eyes.
Shaquil gave Ray an I-told-you-so look.
“Too bad,” he said, looking disappointed. “Maybe next time. Well, I need to get on home. I have an early day tomorrow at the morgue.”
Oh, hell naw!
Shaquil thought that shit was funny and was still laughing long after Ray had left. Tequila excused herselfto call and check on her grandmother, who was home and doing much better.
“You want somethin' to drink?” Shaquil asked.
“Yeah, a rum and Coke would be nice.”
He signaled for her to follow him into the family room, where he kept a fully stocked bar.
Honey took a seat in an overstuffed chair. A fire was already roaring. Placing her elbows on the armrest,she leaned back, feeling the heat from the fire on her face. She then kicked off her shoes and rested her stocking feet on the wool throw rug below. The room was decorated in rich, dark woods. The dark hardwood floor was gleaming as if freshly waxed, with a large bear rug in the center of the room. There was a rust-colored couch and matching ottoman. Both windows were draped with gold curtains that Tequila had sewn. There wasn't a television in the room, but a stereo was softly playing classic jazz.
Drink in hand, Shaquil moved to where she was sittingand handed her the glass.
“Thanks.” She brought the glass to her lips.
Instead of moving to his favorite leather recliner, he took a seat on the couch close to her. “What's wrong with you?”
“What do you mean what's wrong with me?”
“Why were you rude to my friend?”
She sipped her drink thoughtfully. “I wasn't rude.” Her voice rose in annoyance. “I don't appreciate you tryin' to fix me up with your ugly-ass friends. You know that.”
“If you could stick to one man, I wouldn't have to try and fix you up.” He swung around. “Seriously, what's going on with you all these years? Why are you so against relationships?” He raised a hand to her knee. “Does it have anything to do with—”
“No!”
Shaquil raked his fingers through his hair with frustration.“Then what is it?”
“Just back off, Shaquil,” she warned, her voice soft. Suddenly her expression was grim.
“Come on, sis, I'm serious.”
Her exasperation barely controlled, Honey hissed, “I'm serious too. I'm not interested in dating anyone.”
“Why?”
Honey sighed, hoping her brother would just leave the shit alone. She shook her head and looked him square in the eye. “Why are you always drillin' me about my personal life?”
“Because I'm concerned about you, sis.” With his arms crossed, he stared at her. “You're never with anyonefor any long period of time. What's up with that?”
“Can you just back the fuck off!” she shouted, tears suddenly stinging the back of her eyes.
“No, not this time.”
Honey put her drink down and stood up to leave, but Shaquil was a step faster. His hand shot out to grasp her wrist, forcing her to stop.
“Move, Shaquil!” She tried to wiggle free but Shaquil held on to her, determined to find out what was really going on.
He turned her toward him and stared down at her. “Talk to me.”
“Damn it, Shaquil, can you for once butt out!”
He loosened his hold and spoke quietly. “I wouldn't be a big brother if I didn't care. What's going on with you, sis?”
When she didn't answer right away, Shaquil knew she was fighting to keep her temper under control. He usuallybacked down, but this wasn't one of those times. Her behavior had been going on for quite some time, and he wanted the truth.
Honey was silent for several seconds as she rememberedwhat her therapist had told her during their last session:
It's time to move on, which means letting go.
Squinting hard against tears, she raised her eyes to stare at him, pain shadowing her eyes. “I can't have kids.”
His expression froze. “What?” he asked.
Eyes suddenly moistening, she whispered, “Nurse Donovan messed me up.”
He looked puzzled for a moment, and then realizationwashed over him. “Shit, Honey.” She felt his grasp tighten in shock. “I didn't know. I didn't fuckin' know,” he mumbled. Shaquil looked down at his sister to see tears spilling from the corners of her eyes. It wasn't fair. The incident still hurt her deeply. He never mentionedit, hoping she would eventually forget the shit ever happened. He knew it wasn't the best way to handlea devastating experience, but she was his little sister.It stirred sad memories, which he tried to avoid. “Are you sure you can't have—”
With a raised palm, she silenced him. “I've seen three doctors, and they all confirmed it.” Her lower lip trembled as she spoke. Then she lost it. She slumped against his warm chest, sobbing. Shaquil held her tight, allowing her to cry, remembering the devastating evening. They had carefully avoided any mention of the incident. Since that night, they'd made a mutual promise to keep the secret buried. Breathing a silent curse, Shaquil felt helpless, not able to do any more than hold her as their minds flowed with painful memories.He'd never forgotten the pain Walter brought into his sister's life. Silently, Shaquil repeated the same prayer he'd been saying for almost ten years, wishing he could take away the pain, wishing that he hadn't acceptedthat extra shift at work that night. If only he'd been there. If he had ... things would be so different.
Honey raised her eyes to meet her brother's pained expression, and instantly knew what he was thinking. It was the same look he'd given her the night she was raped.
Honey didn't even have to close her eyes; the memoriesof that night were as clear as the snow falling outsidethe window.
Walter had invited her to a movie on a Saturday night, and with slight hesitation, her mother agreed. At seventeen, Honey usually went out in groups or was chaperoned by one of her brothers, but Honey had begged and her mother, believing that maybe she was being too strict, agreed. When Walter helped her into his old Buick and held her hand during the movie, Honey thought him a perfect gentleman. After the movie, he suggested they take a drive before taking her home, and she had agreed. It wasn't until he pulled off into an unfamiliar wooded area that she began to panic. Walter immediatelypulled her into his arms and she experienced her first French kiss. But before she could get used to the idea, the kiss became brutal.
Fighting off his advances was useless; instead, she angered Walter and in turn, he popped her in her mouth. Feeling her lips swell, Honey didn't resist when he slid her underwear down around her ankles. When he pulled her down on the front seat, Honey didn't fight and even stopped crying. She lay still as he tore into her, taking away her virginity. She became more numb with every painful thrust. Those few minutes had felt like an eternity while she closed her eyes and pretended she was at home nestled under her covers. After it was over, Walterdrove her home as if nothing had happened.
Shaquil was waiting up for her when she returned, and at the sight of her disheveled hair and bruised lips, he'd demanded to know what the fuck had happened. Honey had fallen into his arms with heart-wrenching sobs.
“How come you never told me?” he asked now, bringing her out of her reverie.
She shrugged. “I didn't want you to feel guilty.”
He did feel guilty, even after all these years, becausehe should have been there. As soon as he'd found out, he wanted to bash Walter in his fuckin' face, but his sister pleaded with him not to and he'd reluctantly agreed. Then one evening, he ran into Walter hanging out in the record store with his friends, laughing and talking about some virgin he'd popped in the front seat of his car. Shaquil had snapped and waited for his punk ass to leave, then followed him to his car.
Honey watched Shaquil's jaw quiver, and she could feel his rising anger. She knew he was remembering, too. After skipping school for a week, she had returned to school to find that Walter had been badly beaten, and had received a double break in his throwing arm that guaranteed his football career was over. Honey never asked, but she had a sinking feeling Shaquil had been responsible. Even now, she couldn't bring herself to ask. All she wanted was for it to be over.
“All these years I thought you were ...” Shaquil started, but allowed the words to fade.
Honey finished the sentence for him. “A ho. I know.”
Several weeks after the rape, Honey had found herselfpregnant, and made the painful decision to terminatethe pregnancy. Instead of going to a hospital, as Shaquil urged, Honey had found a small clinic in East St. Louis run by a retired practitioner. Only last year had Honey found out that as a result of the severe damage to her cervix, she would never be able to bear children.
Ten years later the pain was gone, but the damage was still there. Because of it, Honey found it unfair to mislead any man—particularly Jay—into believing they had a future. She knew better than to believe in happily-ever-after, but it would be unfair of her to take away a man's pride at creating his own child.
“Does Mom know?”
“No!” she shouted, panic apparent on her face. “I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't say anything either.”
“You know I won't.”
She nodded. It was true. After all these years, he had kept her secret.
“But I think you need to talk to someone about this. You can't continue to keep this bottled up inside.”
Honey playfully punched her brother's chest and moved to the couch. Shaquil took a seat beside her. She gave him a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes before answering. “I know. I've been seeing a shrink for six months. I had thought about it years ago, but thought burying it was the best way to pretend the shit never happened. Only it
did
happen, and no matter how much I tried, I couldn't cover it up. I thought breaking hearts would help me deal with the pain. Only I hated who the fuck I'd become. Then somethin' happened that finally caused me to face reality... .” Her voice faded as she tried to gather her composure.
Shaquil moved to his desk and returned with severaltissues. She accepted them and blew her nose.
“What happened?”
Honey looked at her brother with misty eyes. “I fell in love.”
With a look of understanding, Shaquil pulled her close.
 
 
How could I have been so damn stupid!
Honey tossed the book across the room. Finally, after months of denial, she had admitted that she was in love. And to all people, her brother. What was she thinking? How could she have allowed the words to finallyform in her head? How could she have let the words slip from her tongue? She wasn't sure if she'd ever be able to look Jay in the eye again, afraid that he would see it in her expression. She'd been able to disguisethe fact, even from herself. Now she could no longer deny the truth.
Heaven help her, she was in love with Jay.
The phone rang, startling her. She reached for it.
“How's Marcus?”
Speak of the devil.
When she had risen on Saturday, she found her car in the driveway with a brand-new tire. Later, she had called to thank him and told him Marcus was sick. Now she said, “He's better.”
“Good.”
“Mercedes says you left your cell phone at the shop.”
“I picked it up yesterday.”
“Oh.”
They were quiet. Honey was unsure what to say, and Jay didn't want to push her.
“I really enjoyed the two of you Friday night,” he said. “I hope we can do it again soon.”
“Sure, Marcus would like that.”
And so would you.
“I got to go. I ... I left the bathwater running.”
“Aw'ight. Talk to you soon.”
After hanging up, Honey sagged back against the couch cushions and closed her eyes. Now what? Would it just be a matter of time before she gave in to her desires?As much as she tried, she couldn't forget the feel of his mouth against her lips, the masculine scent of his body pressed against her nipples, the way his hands felt against her bare flesh.
She shook her head. No, she couldn't let him find out. She couldn't take the chance. She would die if he looked at her with pity. Even worse, rejected her ass. It would be too much to handle. No, she would have to keep up the charade that she wasn't interested in being anything but his friend, no matter how much it hurt.
 
 
Jay hung up the phone. The call hadn't gone quite as he had planned. He had hoped Honey would invite him over, at least for a game of Scrabble.

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