Where Rainbows End (36 page)

LonelyLady:

I can’t say that!

Divorced_1:

Look, let me put your life into perspective for you. He walked out on you after only 6 months of marriage, took the furniture, the kitchenware even the damn bathroom mat, and left you a
note
for Christ sake, so repeat after me, I don’t care that he left me because he is a bastard!

LonelyLady:

I don’t care that he left me because he is a BASTARD!

Divorced_1:

Screw him!

LonelyLady:

Screw him!

love, rosie

313

Unsure One:

Ladies I’m not sure that this is a very healthy way to help LonelyLady.

Divorced_1:

Oh shut up, you’re never sure of anything.

LonelyLady:

Oh shut up, you’re never sure of anything!

Divorced_1:

LonelyLady I didn’t mean for you to repeat
that
.

Wildflower:

Ha ha ha ha.

Divorced_1:

Oh shut up.

UnsureOne:

Gosh, I’m not sure anyone is ever allowed to have an opinion in here apart from you Divorced_1.

Divorced_1:

But you never
have
an opinion.

SingleSam:

Look everyone, calm down. Don’t be silly, UnsureOne; of course we all want to hear your opinion. How did you deal with Leonard having an affair and leaving you?

Divorced_1:

She cleverly moved into the spare room and stopped having a life.

SingleSam:

Now, now Divorced_1 give her a chance.

UnsureOne:

Thank you SingleSam, you’re a gentleman. What I was going to say is that I don’t believe in divorce. I follow the teachings of the Catholic church and the pope himself said that divorce is an “evil” that is “spreading like a plague” through society.

I for one agree with him. The purpose of the family is to be together. And together we shall stay no matter what happens.

Divorced_1:

Well the pope was never married to my ex-husband, that’s all I have to say to that.

Wildflower:

Ha ha ha ha ha.

UnsureOne:

I’m not continuing with this conversation, I don’t like your tone.

Wildflower:

The Catholic church believes in annulments, UnsureOne, why don’t you get one of those?

UnsureOne:

No.

Wildflower:

Why not? It’s practically the same thing only the pope will give his, kind of, blessing to it.

UnsureOne:

No.

Wildflower:

But can’t you at least explain why?

314

Cecelia Ahern

Divorced_1:

Because she doesn’t want to end her marriage, full stop.

UnsureOne:

No Divorced_1. I just don’t think it would be right. For the children.

Divorced_1:

What’s so right for the children about your husband taking the master bedroom with the TV and en-suite, forcing you to sleep in the spare room while you stay at home on the weekend and he goes out on dates? Your kids will get married thinking they’re supposed to have separate rooms and multiple partners.

LonelyLady:

You let him go out on
dates
?

UnsureOne:

Oh they’re not dates, don’t pay any attention to Divorced_1, she’s in one of her moods tonight. He goes out on business dinners. I can’t very well stop him from doing that can I? And just because his boss is a woman I don’t think I should worry.

You wouldn’t be at me about this if his boss was a man.

SingleSam:

Yes, but UnsureOne, it was his boss that he was having the affair with . . .

Wildflower:

Ha ha ha ha.

LonelyLady:

I can understand UnsureOne’s reasoning. At least she gets to live with the man she loves, sees him every day, talks to him, knows where he is and what he’s doing instead of being alone all day, every day. Who cares if he doesn’t love her back?

UnsureOne:

I’m not sure about the part about Leonard not loving me but I know what you’re getting at. You should really work things out with Tommy you know, 6 months isn’t enough time to make a marriage work.

Divorced_1:

UnsureOne, Tommy
emptied
their bank account,
stole
her engagement ring,
swiped
the furniture, the TV, the CD player, all her CDs, clothes,
and
personal possessions and
disappeared
. Why on earth should she want him back other than to point him out in a lineup?

UnsureOne:

Because she loves him and marriage is forever.

Divorced_1:

But he is a
thief
. You ladies are nuts.

Wildflower:

Well you know they say love is blind.

Divorced_1:

And
deaf
and
dumb in this chat room.

love, rosie

315

Buttercup has joined the room

Divorced_1:

Oh good here comes the voice of reason to sort you lot out.

Buttercup:

He’s a bloody bastard you know that? He bloody well married her.

Divorced_1:

Oh well. Screw him.

SingleSam:

Did he contact you yet?

Buttercup:

No, haven’t heard a thing from him since he told me not to contact him.

SingleSam:

I thought maybe he would have sent a last-minute invitation.

Buttercup:

Not a chance, the selfish little—

UnsureOne:

Well you were very rude to him Buttercup, accusing him of marrying that woman for all the wrong reasons.

LonelyLady:

I wish my dad could give Tommy a job promotion. He’d definitely come back to me then.

Divorced_1:

Yes what a wonderful loving foundation to base your marriage on, very healthy, LonelyLady. So why doesn’t your dad jump in and save you from your misery by giving Tommy a promotion?

LonelyLady:

My dad is dead.

Divorced_1:

Oh. Sorry.

Buttercup:

Imagine inviting a 13-year-old girl to Boston all by herself.

The man has gone insane. That’s it; he is officially no longer my best friend.

LonelyLady:

Can I be?

Divorced_1:

You sad, sad woman.

LonelyLady:

What
now?

Wildflower:

But would you have gone to the wedding had he invited you Buttercup?

Buttercup:

Not if he paid me.

UnsureOne:

Well then, I’m not sure that I understand the problem.

Divorced_1:

You never do.

Buttercup:

At least then I would have had the choice whether to go or not. This way
he
made the decision for me and I don’t get to make my statement.

316

Cecelia Ahern

LonelyLady:

He probably just didn’t bother printing up an invite because he knew you weren’t going to attend. Invites are very expensive, you know. I remember Tommy and me going through the wedding list together. We were so happy then.

Divorced_1:

Probably because he knew he wasn’t going to stick around long enough to meet half of the guests.

LonelyLady:

That’s unfair.

Buttercup:

Well these people are not short of money, believe me, and why else would he invite Katie and not me, if not but to rub it in my face? Smear it right in there like an exfoliating face pack that
scrapes
away at your skin—

UnsureOne:

Katie is his goddaughter. He couldn’t
not
invite her.

Buttercup:

And I’m his best friend. Anyway he could have at least included a plane ticket and an offer of accommodation for the poor girl.

She’s only 13. But I’m almost sure their wedded bliss will be short-lived. He’ll be joining us on this chat room shortly and I’ll be able to say those four magical words, “I told you so.” I don’t want to have to say it though. He’s my friend and I want him to be happy. But that woman is evil, I can sense it.

Divorced_1:

No, divorce is evil, isn’t that right UnsureOne?

Wildflower:

Ha ha ha ha.

UnsureOne:

That’s not funny.

Divorced_1:

All she’s done is laugh all night. I think Wildflower has been sampling the wildflower if you know what I mean.

UnsureOne has left the room

Wildflower:

You’re too hard on her, Divorced_1.

Divorced_1:

Oh don’t be silly, she loves it. She comes back night after night doesn’t she? I think we’re the only bit of adult conversation she has all day.

Buttercup:

So did everyone enjoy their Christmas?

Wildflower:

I haven’t stopped partying all week. It’s been great. I’ve never love, rosie

317

sat on so many Santas’ laps in my life. Ha ha. Anyway I have to go; I have to get ready for a fancy dress tonight. I’m going as a playboy bunny. Bye!

Wildflower has left the room

Buttercup:

What about everybody else?

Divorced_1:

I think I put on about two stone.

LonelyLady:

It was, you know, a quiet one.

SingleSam:

Television was good this year though.

Divorced_1:

Yeah.

Buttercup:

Yeah, I like the Christmas specials.

Divorced_1:

Good for occupying the kids too.

Buttercup:

Yeah.

SingleSam:

Good documentaries too.

Buttercup:

Mmmm.

Divorced_1:

Watched that one on polar bears last night.

Buttercup:

I saw that one too . . .

SingleSam:

I hadn’t realized that all polar bears are left-handed.

Buttercup:

Yes, that was interesting . . . and the snails . . .

Divorced_1:

They’re left-handed too?

SingleSam:

No but they can sleep for three years apparently.

Buttercup:

Lucky buggers . . .

Divorced_1:

Yes TV is good at Christmas alright . . .

SingleSam:

It’s kind of nice to be alone at Christmas, to have a bit of peace and quiet.

LonelyLady:

Total
peace and quiet.

Buttercup:

Yes it’s
very
quiet . . .

SingleSam:

You know, myself and my ex, we used to have big parties every Christmas, busy all the time, out every night or entertaining whenever we were home. We hardly had any time to ourselves. But this is quite different. No one around. No parties, no guests this year . . .

Buttercup:

Same with me.

318

Cecelia Ahern

Divorced_1:

Oh who are we kidding? It’s awful; this is the worst Christmas I’ve ever had.

Buttercup:

Me too.

SingleSam:

Me too.

LonelyLady:

Me too.

Click on this icon to print the conversation
from:

Julie Casey

to:

Rosie

subject:

Fax for you

Don’t want to disturb you while you’re so “busy” working (how is Ruby?), but a fax just arrived in my office a few minutes ago. It wasn’t addressed to you but on reading it I discovered that it could
only
be for you as which of my other employees would give out
my
fax number for
their
own
personal use?

There’s some sort of childish scribbled note on the top of the article and having a bit of a flashback I presumed it was Alex coming back from the past to haunt me and ridicule me but luckily it’s not. I think I can just about make out a “Form Josh” signed at the bottom. Come into my office and collect it. Oh and while you’re at it, divert all your calls to my office; bring two cups of coffee and a packet of cigarettes in with you.

“SOCIAL LIVES”
BY ELOISE PARKINSON

For those of us who were lucky enough to attend the wedding of the year (or surely,
at least,
the wedding of the week) we have lived to tell the tale of extravagance, sophistication, and splendor that was displayed for the lucky three hundred guests of Bethany Williams and Dr. Alex Stewart.

No expense was spared at the wedding ceremony that took place at the Memorial Church of Harvard University, where vibrant displays of red roses and red candles lined the aisle, like lights illuminating a runway for the exquisite couple to take off to their future life of happiness together.

love, rosie

319

Bethany, 34, was looking flawlessly stunning, as always, in an elegant white one-piece dress designed especially for her by the famous friend-of-the-stars (and mine) Jeremy Durkin. The solid-boned bodice was embellished in ten thousand pearls (and disguised that five-month pregnancy everybody is whispering about). The ballerina-style full skirt, made up of layers and layers of soft tulle, swished as she floated up the aisle on the arm of her proud prominent father, Dr. Reginald Williams.

Miranda Williams looked every bit the perfect mother of the bride in her scarlet red Armani trouser suit accompanied by her fabulous Philip Tracey hat that almost stole the spotlight from her daughter. Catwalk models (and
very
new friends of Bethany’s) Sara Smythe and Hayley Broadbank acted as Bethany’s two bridesmaids and wore sexy red silk spaghetti-strapped dresses that clung to their barely-there curves, half a dozen roses resting between their French manicured fingers. The bride’s bouquet was made up of half a dozen red roses and half a dozen white roses (and was caught by none other than
moi
). Her usually flowing long blond hair was tied back tightly in a French bun that sat low on her head and helped the mother-to-be look every inch the perfect bride.

At the top of the aisle a confident-looking Prince Charming looked down on his princess proudly, dressed in a classic black three-button cutaway coat with white wing collar and red tie, accompanied by a single red rose in his lapel. Everything was certainly “rosie” on this day.

The extravagant reception was held at the Boston Harbor Hotel, where the finest speech by far was made by the best man, 8-year-old Josh Stewart, son of the groom from a previous marriage to college sweetheart Sally Gruber.