Where Rainbows End (39 page)
Alex:
Stop! Now let me think about this for a moment. You received
no
wedding invite?
Rosie:
No. Just one for Katie.
Alex:
What about your parents?
Rosie:
Yeah they received one but they couldn’t go because they were visiting Steph in Paris and—
Alex:
OK! Yours wasn’t sent there by mistake?
Rosie:
No.
Alex:
But my parents, didn’t they tell you?
Rosie:
They said they would love me to go but they don’t control the invites, Alex. You never asked me to go.
Alex:
But you were on the list, I even
saw
your invite on the kitchen table.
Rosie:
Oh.
Alex:
So what happened?
Rosie:
Don’t ask me! I didn’t even know there was an invite!
Alex:
There was one!
Rosie:
OK! Who posted them?
Alex:
Bethany and the wedding planner.
Rosie:
Hmm . . . OK so somewhere between Bethany walking toward the post box and the invite actually going in the slit, something happened to my invite.
Alex:
Oh don’t start Rosie, it wasn’t Bethany. She’s got much better things to be doing with her time than hatching plans to get rid of you.
Rosie:
Like doing lunch with the ladies?
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Cecelia Ahern
Alex:
Stop.
Rosie:
Well I’m in shock.
Alex:
So you thought all this time that I didn’t want you at my wedding?
Rosie:
Yes.
Alex:
Oh. But why didn’t you say something? An entire year and you didn’t say something? If you didn’t invite me to your wedding I would at least
say
something.
Rosie:
Excuse me, why didn’t you ask me why I wasn’t there? If I invited you to my wedding and I noticed that you hadn’t turned up, I think I would at least
say
something.
Alex:
I was angry.
Rosie:
Me too.
Alex:
I’m still angry about the things you said.
Rosie:
Answer me this, Alex. Did you or did you not tell me only months previously that Bethany was not “the one” for you and that you didn’t love her?
Alex:
Yes but—
Rosie:
And were you or were you not going to break up with her just before she announced her pregnancy?
Alex:
Yes but—
Rosie:
And were you or were you not worried about your job when you refused to marry Bethany?
Alex:
Yes but—
Rosie:
And were you or were you not—
Alex:
Listen to me. Or read me. Reginald Williams is not my
boss
. It doesn’t work like that in hospitals. He couldn’t just fire me out of the blue.
Rosie:
Yes but I bet he could make life really difficult for you at the hospital.
Alex:
He could.
Rosie:
And would he have?
Alex:
Yes.
Rosie:
So I really don’t think that I was that far from the truth, Alex Stewart.
Alex:
That perhaps may be about 1% of the truth but coupled with the fact that I wanted to be a part of Theo and Bethany’s life.
love, rosie
337
Rosie:
So if you
did
invite me to your wedding and I was
partly
correct on what I said, why did we spend the entire year sending tacky cards to each other?
Alex:
What I want to no is where the hell your wedding invite went to.
The wedding planner had everything arranged. Unless it was . . .
Rosie:
Who?
Alex:
Not
who
but
what
. . .
Rosie:
What
, then?
Alex:
Jack Russell the Jack Russell.
Rosie:
Oh yeah . . .
Alex:
Next time I see him I’m going to wring his neck.
Rosie:
Oh you can’t do that.
Alex:
I can do whatever the hell I want to that post-nicking little—
Rosie:
He’s dead. The postman kicked him in the stomach a few mornings in a row completely by mistake (I’m a witness) and on the final morning he did it, Jack just stopped moving.
Alex:
A bit of justice in the world after all. I’m not sorry to hear that.
Rosie:
I’m sorry though Alex.
Alex:
Me too. Friends again?
Rosie:
I never stopped being your friend.
Alex:
Me neither. Well unfortunately I have to go because my baby is pouring his breakfast on his head and massaging it into his scalp with a look of pure concentration on his face. I fear it may be nappy-changing time again.
Rosie:
Oh no! I don’t envy you that job!
FOR OUR BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER,
WE LOVE YOU WITH ALL OUR HEARTS, HERE’S TO A NEW YEAR, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ROSIE!
GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR EXAMS IN JUNE, WE HAVE OUR FINGERS
CROSSED FOR YOU.
LOTS OF LOVE,
MUM AND DAD
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Cecelia Ahern
FOR MY SISTER,
YOU’RE FINALLY CATCHING ME, ROSIE, WHICH I’M GLAD OF BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO BE THE ONLY ONE NEARING FORTY!
BEST OF LUCK WITH YOUR EXAMS, YOU HAVE TWO MONTHS TO LEARN
IT ALL, YOU CAN GET IT DONE. I’M SURE YOU’LL FLY THROUGH THEM!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
LOVE,
STEPHANIE, PIERRE, JEAN-LOUIS, SOPHIA
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MUM,
HOPE YOU LIKE YOUR PRESENT. IF IT DOESN’T FIT YOU, I’LL HAVE IT!
LOVE,
KATIE
TO A SPECIAL FRIEND,
HAPPY 36TH BIRTHDAY, ROSIE, I’M WORKING ON A NEW EXPERIMENT
TO SLOW DOWN TIME, FANCY JOINING IN WITH ME?
ENJOY YOUR DAY AND I HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON!
ALEX
TO ROSIE,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN. AFTER THIS CELEBRATION THERE WILL BE NO
MORE DISTRACTIONS, YOU HAVE TO PASS THESE EXAMS WITH
STRAIGHT A’S. YOU CAN DO IT AND YOU’RE MY ONLY HOPE OF GETTING OUT OF HERE. I’M STILL DREAMING OF THAT JOB AS AN ENTERTAINER AT THAT FINE HOTEL OF YOURS.
LOVE, RUBY
You have an instant message from: ROSIE
Rosie:
16. My little angel is 16. What the hell am I supposed to do now?
Where’s the rule book?
love, rosie
339
Ruby:
Why? It’s not like yesterday she was 2 years old you know. You have to have known this was coming. You did have a total of let’s see, 16 years preparation, this shouldn’t come as a shock to you.
Rosie:
Ruby you unsentimental witch, do you not feel anything? Are you numb to all emotions? How did you feel when your Gary turned 16?
Ruby:
I just don’t look at things like you do. I don’t think much of ages, or birthdays, they’re just another day to me. They don’t symbolize anything but a bunch of definitions and generalizations people have created to make conversation, debates, and media discussions.
Katie is not going to go off the rails because suddenly she wakes up one morning and she’s 16. People do whatever the hell they want to do at any age they fancy. Last month you were 36. That means you’re 4 years from 40. Do you think that the day you reach 40 you will be any different than you were at 39 or 41 for that matter? People create little ideas about ages so they can write silly self-help books, stick stupid comments in birthday cards, create names for Internet chat rooms, and look for excuses for crises that are happening in their life.
For example the man’s so called “midlife crisis” is just a bunch of hype. Age is not the problem; it’s the male brain that’s the problem.
Men have been cheating since they were apes (insert your own joke there), since cavemen times (and again there) all the way up to now, the age of what is supposed to be the civilized man. That’s the way they were made. Age is not the issue.
Your baby will remain your baby past the point when she has her own little baby. Don’t worry about that.
Rosie:
I don’t want my baby to have a baby until she’s grown up, married, and rich. I mean, when I think of the things I did on my 16th birthday . . . actually I can’t remember what I did.
Ruby:
Why not?
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Cecelia Ahern
Rosie:
Because I was being incredibly juvenile and stupid.
Ruby:
What did you do?
Rosie:
Me and Alex forged our mums’ signatures and wrote notes to school saying we would both be absent for the day.
Ruby:
Coincidentally.
Rosie:
Exactly. We went to some old man’s pub in town where ID wasn’t a necessity and we drank all day. Unfortunately it was ruined by the fact that I fell and hit my head, had to be raced to hospital in an ambulance where I received 7 stitches and my stomach was pumped.
The parents were none too pleased.
Ruby:
I bet they weren’t. How did you fall? Were you doing some of your funky moves on the dance floor again?
Rosie:
Actually no. I was only sitting on my stool.
Ruby:
Ha ha
only you
could fall on the floor while you were sitting down.
Very dangerous, that sitting down nonsense.
Rosie:
I know that’s weird isn’t it. I wonder how it happened!
Ruby:
Well you should ask Alex, he was there too after all.
Rosie:
Good idea! He’s online now so I’ll ask.
Ruby:
It’s not that bloody important but any old excuse to talk to him I suppose. I’ll hold on here and try to make myself look busy while you ask.
You have an instant message from: ROSIE
Rosie:
Hi Alex.
Alex:
Hi there, do you ever do any work? Every time I log on you’re on too!
Rosie:
I’m just chatting to Ruby. It’s cheaper this way. We don’t have to answer questions at work about the telephone bill. An Internet bill is more accepted and typing makes us look like we’re busy. Anyway I just wanted to ask you a quick question.
Alex:
Fire ahead.
Rosie:
Remember on my 16th birthday, I fell and hit my head bla bla bla.
Alex:
Ha ha how could I forget? Are you thinking of this because Katie’s love, rosie
341
birthday is coming up? Because if she’s anything like you, you should be afraid, be very, very afraid. What should I get for her anyway, a sick bucket?
Rosie:
Age is only a number, not a state of mind or a reason for any type of particular behavior.
Alex:
O . . . K then. What’s your question?
Rosie:
How on earth did I fall and hit my head on the floor while I was sitting down?
Alex:
Oh my lord. The question.
The
Question. The
Question
.
Rosie:
What’s wrong with my question??
Alex:
Rosie Dunne I have been waiting 20 years for you to ask me that question and I thought you never would.
Rosie:
What??
Alex:
Why you never asked is beyond me but you woke up the next day and claimed to have no knowledge of what had happened. I didn’t want to bring it up; you had brought enough up the night before! Ha ha.
Rosie:
You didn’t want to bring what up?! Alex
tell me!
How did I fall off my stool??
Alex:
I don’t think you’re ready to no.
Rosie:
Oh shut up. I’m Rosie Dunne after all; I was born to be ready for anything.
Alex:
OK then, if you’re so sure of yourself . . .
Rosie:
I am! Now tell me!
Alex:
We were kissing.
Rosie:
We were
what??
Alex:
Yep. You were leaning across on your high stool, kissing me; the stool was very wobbly and lodged unsafely between the cracks of a very old uneven tiled pub floor. And you fell.
Rosie:
WHAT??
Alex:
Oh the sweet nothings you whispered into my ear that night, Rosie Dunne. And I was gutted the next day when you woke up and forgot. After me holding your hand while you puked all night.
Rosie:
Alex!
Alex:
What?
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Cecelia Ahern
Rosie:
Why didn’t you tell me?!
Alex:
Because we weren’t allowed to see each other and I didn’t want to tell you in a note. And then you said you wanted to forget everything that had happened that night so I thought that maybe you vaguely remembered and you just regretted it.
Rosie:
You should have told me.
Alex:
Why, what would you have said?
Rosie:
Em . . . that’s really putting me on the spot Alex.
Alex:
Yeah sorry.
Rosie:
I can’t believe it. Because I fell, we got caught and I had to stay home for a week while your punishment was to start work in your dad’s office, where you met Bethany. The girl you said you were going to marry . . .
Alex:
That’s right I said that!
Rosie:
Yeah you did . . .
Alex:
Well I actually said that just to test you but as you didn’t seem to care too much I went out with her anyway. That’s funny. I had forgotten I had said that! Bethany would love to hear that! Thanks for reminding me.
Rosie:
No no, thank
you
for reminding
me
. . .
You have an instant message from: RUBY
Ruby:
Come on Ms. Bumps, I need to look like I’m busy here. You find out what happened yet?
Rosie: Yes I found out I’m the biggest idiot in the
whole entire world
.
Ruby:
I waited around for
that
. I could have told you that,
ages
ago.
DEAR KATIE,
FOR MY DAUGHTER,
HAPPY SWEET SIXTEENTH!
LOVE, MUM XXX
love, rosie
343
FOR OUR GRANDDAUGHTER,