Where the Heart is (Interracial with Baby) (BWWM) (9 page)

Maybe they would be married by now, or at least engaged. Maybe they would have been happy.

Simon shook his head. He was happy with his life, he really was. Sometimes he was busier than he wanted to be and sometimes his apartment was lonely and he wished he had someone to be there when he got in from a late shift or someone to kiss him goodbye when he had to go in for an early one, but for the most part he was happy.

He'd never believed in a person getting everything they wanted out of life anyway. That was for the movies and TV shows. And considering that he already had most of the things he wanted, he didn't think he had much room to complain at all.

But there was still that voice in the back of his mind that told him there were things missing and that the only way he was going to get those things would be if he stepped up and was honest about them.

"I think he went to take a phone call," he heard Jamie saying from the living room, and he shook his head. Now was not the time to be dwelling on stuff like that, anyway.

Instead he checked in the mirror to make sure that his clothes were straight and then opened the door, stepping out into the hall and taking a shortcut through the kitchen.

"Sorry, everyone. Some of my friends from work called to wish me a Merry Christmas."

"Oh, it's no problem, Simon," Adelaide said, grinning and giggling. Simon had to wonder if she'd managed to get more than one cup of the punch after all. "Come and sit down and have some cake."

Cake, much like sex, didn't solve anything, but he wasn't going to deny himself either of those tonight. It was Christmas, after all.

They didn't speak of it again after that night, but they spent as much time as they could together. Without them having to say it, they both knew that Simon's time at home was coming to a close, and soon he was going to have to go back to his life.

With him having to help his dad finish packing up the house and Jamie having to go back to work, they didn't have all that much time to spend together, but they managed to squeeze in nights and mornings, laying in bed together and whispering about the things they wanted, the things they were going to do better.

Simon swore up and down that this time would be different. He'd made his peace with his father, he said, and now that he and Jamie were back on good terms, he didn't want to lose her again.

It reminded Jamie so much of that night on her car, sitting there under the stars and listening to Simon's promises. She'd had the same feeling in her stomach that night as she did when Simon talked about how they were going to visit each other and how he wanted his friends from the hospital and college to meet her. How he wanted to keep her as a part of his life.

It sounded good, of course, but it had sounded just as good seven years before when she had been younger and less sad about the whole thing.

Simon's intentions were good, she knew that. She knew that he was actually going to try this time, but she also knew that if it didn't work, the two of them weren't going to be able to put themselves back together. Not twice. She'd given in this time because she'd always held onto some hope that he would come back and let her into his life again, but she wouldn't be able to deal with it if it happened again.

Jamie didn't talk about that, though. Instead she smiled at him when he came into The Pit for dinner after spending the day with his father. She brought him coffee and let him kiss her on the cheek before she went off to take other people's orders.

The town continued to chatter about the two of them, but she didn't care about that. For the moment, she was just going to enjoy it.

"How long is he going to be here?" Adam asked a couple of days after Jamie had come back to work.

He was glaring through the kitchen window at Simon who was sitting at his usual table with his laptop, typing feverishly.

"Just until the new year," Jamie replied. "Why? Do you have some kind of problem with him? I didn't even think you knew him." She couldn't remember when Adam had moved to their town, but she was pretty sure that it had been after Simon had left.

"I don't," he said. "But he's just so... pompous."

Jamie frowned. "Simon is? Are we talking about the same guy?"

"
Yeah
, we are," Adam insisted. "Look at him sitting there with his fancy computer like he owns the place. Always making you bring him drinks and stuff. It's dumb."

"You do realize that it's my job to bring him drinks, don't you? Because I'm a waitress and he's sitting in my section?" In the back of her mind, she could hear Kathryn telling her that Adam was interested in her, and suddenly the idea didn't sound as far fetched as it might have before.

Adam scowled. "Why doesn't he just go sit in someone else's section?"

"Because he's my friend, Adam. I don't mind waiting on him. It's not a big deal. He'll be gone soon, and I'm enjoying being able to see him even though I have to work." Jamie didn't even have to turn around to know that Sal was listening in to their conversation, and before Adam could say anything else, Sal was hitting the order up bell with his massive hand.

"Melt for table five!" he called, even though they were standing right there.

"I'd like to keep my hearing, Sal, thanks," Jamie said, shooting him a look before she scooped up the plate and went to take it to the proper table. She was grateful for having an excuse to not be talking to Adam anymore, though, and she sighed, hoping he wasn't expecting anything from her.

As the year drew to a close, Jamie started getting herself prepared for saying goodbye to Simon again. She knew that it would be different this time around, considering he was just a couple hours' drive away from her, and now that she knew that he would actually welcome a visit, it was easy to talk about how it would work.

"I don't get that many off days," Simon had explained on one of the last nights in December while they were laying in bed together. "And my hours are insane, and since I took off two weeks for the holidays, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be like fifty before I get more than a day off at a time, but I'd try really hard to squeeze in time for you if you came. There's loads to see in the city anyway, so you could explore and stuff while I'm working. Maybe see if anyone's hiring for writing jobs."

Jamie made a face at him and tossed her pillow at his face. "Give it a rest, Blake," she said. "I'll get there. Jeez."

But she was touched that he cared. When he'd cut off all contact the first time, she had convinced herself that it was because he didn't actually care about her and that everything he'd said had been a lie. And while that wasn't the most sensible way to think about it, it had made sense to her in her heartbroken state.

She was determined that instead of fussing at him, she was going to treasure these moments while she could, so she rolled over and kissed him hard on the mouth to get him to shut up. And also so they could start round two now that they were both recovered from the first round of hands and mouths being everywhere.

New Year's Eve was also Simon's last day with them, and they had a busy day. It started at Adelaide's house, with her toasting to Simon's career and that he would treasure the things and people he had more now than he had in the past. Matthew had hugged his son and wished him well, and Jamie was polite enough to turn her face away when Simon got a little choked up.

She knew that he felt bad about how he had treated his father when he needed him, so it was good that they had reconciled.

This trip had obviously done Simon a lot of good all around.

From there, they went to the party at The Pit. Every year Sal made bunches of food and there were drinks and people from all over the town came in to celebrate the new year. The place was packed when they arrived, and Jamie and Simon immediately found themselves with drinks in their hands, courtesy of a winking Kathryn.

"Ring in the new year right," she said, laughing.

"Kat, there's still at least two hours before it's officially the new year. You just want to drink."

She shrugged, knocking back a shot. "Guilty. Simon, don't you go forgetting us again, boy. You hear me? I'll send Sal after you if I have to."  

The two of them watched as she made her way over to where Sal was handing out slider burgers to a group against the wall. When she leaned up and kissed him right on the mouth, they both stared.

"Everything makes so much sense now," Simon said, chugging his drink. "And also I feel like most of my life has been a lie. How old even is Sal?"

Jamie shook her head. "I have no idea. I am so confused right now."

But there was music playing and people dancing, and when Simon offered Jamie his hand, she took it and let him lead her out into the middle of the diner, laughing as they danced together.

She couldn't think of any better way to spend the last day of the year, and when Simon leaned into her and whispered that they should go somewhere else, she had to smile and agree.

Luckily, neither of them had had more than one drink, so they got back in the car with less than half an hour to go and drove up to their spot.

It was the perfect place to ring in the new year together, though she was struck with the nostalgia of the fact that this was the place where they had said goodbye the last time. Of course, it was too cold for them to have sex on the car this go round, not to mention that it was snowing softly, but when Simon pulled out a thermos of hot chocolate and a blanket, Jamie was more than willing to sit on the hood under his arm and drink.

"Where'd you get this?" she asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Sal, actually. He passed it to me on our way out with one of those winks that makes you want to clean your brain out with bleach."

"Especially considering the fact that he was definitely getting eyes from Kathryn all night."

Simon laughed. "You know what they say. Whatever you're doing at the stroke of midnight is what you'll be doing for the rest of the year."

Jamie looked up at him, leaning in closer as a gust of cold wind whipped up. "Is that what they say? And what do you plan to be doing at the stroke of midnight, Dr. Blake?"

He met her eyes seriously. "Sitting here with you. Being with you. Because, Jamie, it doesn't matter how we do it. It doesn't matter if we're sleeping together or just being friends. I need you in my life. I was happy back in the city, and it's definitely the place I want to be, but seeing you and spending these last several days with you reminded me of the things I don't have there. None of those people have known me since before I knew how to ride a bike or got chicken pox with me so neither of us had to suffer alone. I want to be doing this in some way, shape, or form for the rest of the year."

His words filled her with warmth even as she registered their bittersweet nature. It wasn't him saying that he was in love with her or that he wanted to spend his life with her, but it was good enough. It was enough to have her smiling and leaning up to kiss his cheek before she took another swig of the hot chocolate.

"When do you leave?" she asked after a moment had passed.

"Too early tomorrow morning. Like six. I'm not looking forward to it."

She snorted. "Guess I'd better not keep you up too late tonight, then, huh?"

"Eh, I think I'll chance it. I would leave later, but I've got a lot to do when I get back home and I have to work the day after at four in the morning. So. It's gonna be a mess."

Jamie made a face and shook her head. "Being a doctor sounds like too much work to me."

"It can be, but I love it. It's what I've always wanted to do."

"I know." And she did. Ever since they were kids, Simon had always talked about being a doctor and helping people. He'd "operated" on her dolls and was the first one to feel her head and bring her medicine when she had been sick. She could only imagine that he was good at it with his gentle hands and warm manner.

As the last minutes of the year slid away, Jamie let out a slow breath, closing her eyes and making herself a promise. Simon had the career he'd always wanted, and maybe it was time for her to start seriously pursuing her own dreams. She had enough money saved up that she could cut back on her hours at the diner if she wanted to and maybe start looking for stuff on the internet.

"Here we go," Simon said, sitting up and looking at his phone. "Thirty seconds."

Together, they counted down until midnight, grinning at each other as fireworks erupted over the town. They had the perfect vantage point, and a gust of wind rushed over them, drawing them closer together.

Simon slipped his hands into Jamie's hair, and he leaned in closer, closing the distance until he was kissing her hard.

She gave herself over to it, her heart pounding with how much she loved this man. The words were on her lips because surely now was the perfect time to tell him, right when they were literally on the edge of a brand new beginning, but she didn't want to ruin the moment by making things awkward. So she swallowed her words and kept kissing him, not thinking about the fact that he would be leaving in a few hours or that she had to work the next day or anything like that.

For the moment, she just wanted the illusion.

Of course that illusion was shattered completely when Simon's phone alarm went off hours later, and he had to drag himself out of her bed and into his car to start the drive back to the city.

They kissed for long minutes before Simon finally had to go, and when he did, her apartment seemed emptier, quieter than usual, and she had to sigh.

Two weeks of having someone to share her bed and her space with had apparently already ruined her. Before Simon had come back, she'd actually enjoyed having her space to herself, and now she was gazing forlornly around her bedroom, wishing he would come back.

Sleep did not come again, so she got up and started cleaning, vigorously scrubbing and washing and folding until it was time for her to go to her mother's.

Jamie waited with baited breath for the first message from Simon, and when he texted her that he'd gotten back to his apartment safely and that he missed her, she held onto the hope that things might just work out alright for them.

January picked up speed, and soon enough they were in the middle of the month. It was cold and wet, rain turning into snow and then melting into slush in the afternoon before refreezing at night, and people hurried from their cars to The Pit, eager for a big bowl of Sal's famous chili before they went about their days.

Jamie was serving bowl after bowl and seemingly endless cups of coffee when he phone buzzed in her pocket.

Assuming it was a text from Simon, who had been messaging her at least once a day since he'd left, she took her ten minutes and stepped into the back to check it.