Where the Heart is (Interracial with Baby) (BWWM) (5 page)

She just shook her head and let herself back into the diner.

Sal was conspicuously quieter for the rest of her shift, and Jamie didn't comment. She made her way back out onto the floor and started working again, cleaning up dishes and taking the money Simon had left on his table to cover his meal. And of course,
of course
he'd left an outlandish tip because apparently that's what he did now that he was well off and better than everyone else.

Jamie just gritted her teeth and stuck the money in her apron pocket, sighing as she kept working. If she kept working then she wouldn't have to think about how much she wanted to call him.

Because she shouldn't have wanted to. Not after he'd put her through years of wondering if he even still remembered she existed. But apparently saying no to Simon Blake wasn't a skill she had learned yet, even though she had been so sure that she had seven years of practice. All it took was him showing up and wanting to talk to her for her to want to fall right back in his orbit, even though she'd just told him that she wasn't going to do that.

"Truly, I am an idiot," she said to herself at the end of her shift.

She had planned to do some shopping once she was done with work, but all she wanted to do now was go home and curl up in bed, so that was exactly what she was going to do.

The rest of the world could wait until morning when she'd gotten some sleep and was better prepared to deal with it.

"Well, that could have gone better," Simon muttered to himself as he sat on top of his car. It had been years since he'd been up here, but the view was mostly the same. A town like theirs wasn't likely to change too much in seven years. Sure a few businesses had probably changed hands, some new things had popped up, but it all looked the same from way up there.

He pulled his coat tighter around himself, shivering in the brisk air. Winters back at home (and it was weird to think of the city as home when he was sitting on a car in the place he grew up) had been colder than this, but for some reason, he just couldn't get warm.

Jaime.

It was definitely not the way he'd planned on seeing her again after all the time they had spent apart. Simon had entertained notions of having some speech prepared, something that would make her see that it had never been her that he'd run away from, but everything else. She'd just been...

"Collateral damage," he said, breath fogging in the crisp air. "Which hardly sounds any better."

It maybe actually sounded worse. But he didn't know what else he was supposed to say. He'd missed her, of course he had, but things had just been easier if he let it all go. Now, after seeing her again, he was wondering about the wisdom of that.

Because there was no denying that Jaime had grown up well. Despite the fact that she'd been wearing an apron and smoking a cigarette, she was his Jaime through and through, although adulthood was definitely agreeing with her.

Her hips had filled out, giving the gentle curves she'd had when they were teenagers more definition. Her face was still lovely, all sharp collar bones and a perfect heart shape, and he'd instantly remembered kissing those lips and how warm and soft they always were. It had been seven years, and apparently he was never going to be able to get her out of his system. And sometimes he didn't even think he wanted to.

But maybe he was going to have to. The anger and hurt on her face had been so startling, so painful to see. Especially since he knew he was the one who had put it there.

Simon was considering just getting back in his car and heading to his dad's house (because he was sure he'd never think of it as home again), when the glare of head light shone from behind him, along with the sound of gravel crunching under tires. Someone was coming.

Of course it made sense that some other teenagers had found this spot and decided to claim it as theirs, but Simon felt a burst of territorial possessiveness for the hill, and turned around, shading his eyes to see who it was.

He recognized the car instantly.

And clearly Jamie had no trouble being able to ell it was him because she swore under her breath as she got out of the car. "What are you doing up here?" she asked.

"I couldn't sleep. So I thought I'd come up here and see if everything was the same."

"Of course it's the same," she snapped. "What'd you think was going to change? My mom told me that this spot looked the same when she was a little girl."

Simon had forgotten that Jamie's mother had grown up here, too. He knew that she'd wanted more for her than this, but with her being so sick... "I'm sorry," he said. "About. About what happened earlier."

"
That's
what you're sorry for?"

"Well, no, but I tried to apologize for the rest of it before, and you nearly took my head off." Jamie snorted, and Simon looked over to see her climbing into her car. "I'm sorry we met again like that," he continued. "I should have... I don't know. Told you I was coming. Gave you some preparation or something."

"Oh, right, because that would have been better. 'Hey, Jamie, I know we haven't spoken in years, but I'm coming into town for the holidays'. I would have told you where to shove it."

Simon winced. "Fair enough. I just... I don't know what I'm doing, Jamie. I never... I never thought about how I would make it right between us. I didn't know how, and I didn't even think that I was going to be coming back here. Ever. I... This place isn't my home anymore, and I just don't know how to be comfortable here."

Jamie sighed and glanced over at him. "That's fair, I guess. I mean, I still don't know the whole story with what happened with your parents, but I can see how that would make this place feel awkward now."

It wasn't an 'I forgive you, Simon', but it was something.

"Yeah. I got into town this morning and went to the house, and I just... I couldn't be there for too long. It felt too weird. So that's why I went to The Pit. You know that place was always like our second home."

"Yeah," she nodded, and a little smile flickered over her face. "It's one of the reasons why I started working there. Sal was looking for new waitresses, and I figured if I was going to be there all the time anyway, I might as well get paid for it, right?"

"Makes sense."

Jamie snorted. "You think I could do better."

Simon chose his words carefully. "I think that you always wanted more than that."

"Yeah, well, I wanted a lot of thing, Simon. Not many of them are things I can have anymore."

She looked at him, and even in the darkness he could see the sadness in her eyes. She had lost a lot, and was going to lose even more when her mother finally...

"Hey, come here," he said, patting the hood of his car. "We'll conserve body heat better this way. Has it always been so cold in the winter here?"

Jamie eyed him for a moment and then slid off of her car, coming over to sit beside him on his. Simon felt a little flare of triumph. It was a start, after all. "No, it's colder this year than it's been in a while. At least according to Hattie."

He laughed. "Hattie would know. She's been here since the town was founded or whatever." The old woman who ran the flower shop in town was full of stories and character, and Simon made a mental note to go see her in his time here.

"How long are you staying?" Jamie wanted to know.

"Just until the New Year. I took some time off work."

"You're a doctor, then?"

"Just about."

She sighed. "Sounds like you got all the things you wanted."

He looked at her seriously. "Not all the things, Jamie. Not even close." And then he was kissing her. He couldn't help it. She was so close, and she still smelled the same as she had all those years ago when they'd been sitting up here on his light night before his life changed. Simon pulled her closer, pressed his lips to hers and hoped she wouldn't push him away, even though she had every reason to.

She was stiff under him for a moment, but then she was releasing a ragged noise against his lips and her gloved hands were coming up to fist in the front of his coat, pulling him closer.

It was the same as it had been years ago, and also not the same at all. They both had more experience now, clearly, and when Jamie parted her lips, Simon pressed in, wanting to claim her for himself all over again.

That was impractical, though. He'd already proven that he was terrible at being a long distance friend, let alone a long distance... anything else. The best thing to do would be to try and see if they could salvage their friendship or just make a clean break.

But it was hard to think about being practical when she even
tasted
the same, stirring up all those old feelings inside of him.

"I missed you," he panted against her lips when they broke their kiss to breathe. "I missed you so much. I know you think I didn't and that I'm just saying that to get in your pants, but I did. No one knows me like you, Jamie. Even now."

She shivered, and he pulled her closer instinctively. "I should hate you," she whispered harshly. "But I don't. I can't. I..." Jamie let out a shuddering breath. "Do you want to go back to your dad's tonight?"

It was already closing in on eleven, and the last thing Simon wanted was to go back to that quiet house and deal with his father. He shook his head.

"Then come home with me."  

"
Jesus
, Jamie."

Jamie smirked and rolled her hips again. It had been seven years since the last time they'd been together like this, but she still knew what he liked. She still knew how Simon loved her on top, how his hands felt at her hips, tracing up her sides, on her breasts. He still made that same face, too. The one where he looked at her like she was some kind of goddess made flesh come down to ride his dick.

It never stopped being flattering, and now it was downright ego stroking, considering it had been a while since she'd slept with anyone at all.

They'd gone back to her place once the cold had driven them from the hill, and hadn't even bothered to turn on the lights. Instead they'd been almost magnetized to each other, lips seeking out the warmth of the others as they kissed in the living room, shedding clothes and inhibitions as they went.

Jamie had dropped to her knees on the threshold between the living room and the bedroom, her hands smoothing down over Simon's sides and the backs of his thighs as she'd taken him into her mouth.

She remembered how he liked that, too, and his eyes had been large and bright even in the darkness of the apartment.

It hadn't been her intention to make him come right then and there, but his hips had started moving, pressing his cock further into her mouth until the head of it hit the back of her throat, and she was lost. She had to taste him, had to see if things were still the same.

Jamie was no longer that shy sixteen year old girl who had awkwardly licked and sucked him to orgasm in the back of his car that one time. Now she had experience and skill working to aid her, and she took him all the way into her throat like a pro, holding for just a second to savor the fervent swearing that Simon was doing.

His fingers were tight in her hair by the time he had come down her throat, and she swallowed all of it and then licked him clean before getting to her feet and leading him into her room.

The windows were letting in light from the moon and the streetlamp outside, and it was just enough for them to see by.

Simon flopped onto her bed, still panting hard from his orgasm, and Jamie had climbed on top of him, wet and needy. She had always been content to follow his lead when they were just starting out, but now she wanted something, and she didn't intend to rest until she had it.

She had worked her hips, gliding her slick wetness along the soft length of his cock, kissing his neck and chest while she waited for him to get hard again.

It hadn't taken long, and soon enough he was pulling her down onto his dick, stretching her open and holding her hips while they both got used to the sensation.

Jamie had to take a few deep breaths because she was overwhelmed by being here again. Simon had always felt so good, so right inside of her, and this was proof that the feeling was still the same. And it was mutual if the look on his face was anything to go by.

When she moved her hips that first time, he'd moaned for her, and that was all it had taken to have her riding him with all the desire that she felt.

"You're so beautiful," Simon panted, hands cupping her breasts, playing with her nipples.

Little shocks of pleasure went through her from the stimulation, and she couldn't help the gasp that spilled out. "You say that like you're... mmm... like you're surprised," she replied, gyrating in a slow circle.

"Not surprised," Simon groaned, his hips bucking up. "Just remembering. You've always been beautiful."

Jamie was glad for her darker complexion and the lack of light in the room since they hid her blush well. She wasn't ready to admit that his opinion still meant the world to her, so she just grinned and kept moving, riding him faster and harder and taking in the sounds of their skin slapping together as they really got into it.

There was no more breath for talking after that, just harsh panting and moans, fingers digging into flesh and leaving marks behind.

It was clear that they both wanted something they would feel the next day, and Jamie refused to let herself wonder if this was going to be a one time thing. It might have been smarter to figure that out before she brought him back to her apartment and started undressing him, but in the moment it didn't matter.

She was focusing on how good it felt right then and there, how each time they met thrust for thrust, she shivered with pleasure, and she could feel that white hot flare of sensation building inside of her.

When it tightened and then broke, washing over her in a wave, she cried out, going tight around Simon and getting a low moan of pleasure out of him. Jamie bit her lip as her orgasm rocked her,

and then she was spent, flopping on top of Simon as he worked his hips and found his own pleasure.

They lay there together for long minutes, sweat cooling on their bodies as they caught their breath, neither of them saying anything.

Simon put his arms around her, and she pressed her face into the crook of his neck, kissing his skin lightly while he stroked her back.

It was reminiscent of their very first time together years ago, and Jamie blinked away tears as she remembered how he had held her close then, too and whispered things into her hair. She'd ended up falling asleep against him and then calling her mother to apologize for being late.

Jamie never knew if her mother had already known what she and Simon had been up to, but she hadn't been upset either way and the two of them had counted themselves lucky.

Now Simon pressed a kiss to the mess of her hair and sighed softly. "It's never like that with other people."

"Are you seriously talking about other people now while we're laying here together? Seriously?" she asked, arching an eyebrow but not lifting her head up.

"You know what I mean. I'm trying to give you a compliment. Or something."

"Or something." Jamie sighed. "I know what you mean, though. I've... Well, I wasn't exactly waiting around for you to come back, so I know that it's never as good when it's not with you."

Simon was quiet for a moment. "Do you think that means something?"

That was a stupid question. Of course it meant something. In all the books and movies, the person who always felt right to be with was the person you were supposed to stay with. They weren't supposed to move away and forget you and leave you scrambling to find someone who could be second best just to fill the void they left behind.

Jamie knew that Simon knew that. He had to know it, and it didn't matter one way or the other because there was nothing they could do but try and have fun now and then say goodbye when he had to leave again.

"I dunno," she said finally. "Maybe that we just had a lot of sex as teenagers so we know how it's supposed to go with each other."

"Yeah," he replied, voice soft. "That's probably it. Do you mind if I crash here tonight? The idea of going back out there in the cold tonight makes me want to cry."

"No, that's fine." Jamie pushed herself up onto her hands and stretched. "I need to shower, though. It's been a long day, and I am worn out."

Simon pushed her hair out of her face and grinned. "I'd say we should conserve water, but I don't think I can get up from this bed long enough to seduce you. You've killed me with good sex."

She laughed and got to her feet, shaking her head at him. "I think you'll survive. Just go to sleep, idiot."

Without waiting for a reply, she went into the bathroom and turned the water on as hot as she could stand it. She didn't want feelings right now. She wanted to revel in the way her body felt sated for the first time in a long time and not think about how unlikely it would be to happen again.

And then she wanted to sleep.

Usually she would have taken a longer shower, but there was a niggling thought in the back of her mind that made her wonder if Simon would be gone when she got out. So she washed quickly and dried off before stepping back into the bedroom, sighing with something akin to relief when he was still there, curled up in the bed under the blankets, clearly asleep.

It felt completely natural to move to the other side of the bed and slip under the covers, even without getting dressed first. How many times had they fallen asleep together like this over the years? Even before it became sexual between them, it had been their habit to fall asleep in the middle of studying or watching a movie, curled up on the couch together or sprawled across one of their beds or the floor.

Even now that they were older, their bodies still fit together in the same way, and when Simon mumbled in his sleep and reached out to pull her closer to him, Jamie smiled.

It was tinged with sadness, because she knew this wasn't going to last, but she smiled all the same. He was warm and comfortable, and he was
there
for the moment, so she was going to take that.

The next morning found Jamie in bed alone, which wasn't something new at all. What was new, was the sensation that there should have been someone else there with her, and she blinked as memories from the night before came trickling in slowly.

She rubbed her eyes and glanced over at the spot where Simon had been sleeping, noticing that the covers were pulled up and the pillow was fluffed perfectly. Neat freak.

She half expected to find a note or something apologizing and saying that the night before had been a mistake, but there was nothing.

Well. Nothing but the sound of dishes clanging together in her kitchen, which made her sit upright in bed. Was he still here somewhere?

It wouldn't have surprised her if he'd gotten up in the early morning hours and then left, but apparently he was in her kitchen and from the smell of it, he was making coffee.

"It's a Christmas miracle," she mumbled under her breath as she got out of bed, wincing as her feet touched the cold wooden floor. Slippers and a heavy terry cloth bathrobe went a long way towards warming her up, and she made her way into the kitchen after she'd checked to make sure her hair wasn't too messy and that she didn't have drool cried and crusted on her face.

Simon had seen her look worse, but she wanted to give the appearance that she wasn't a train wreck.

"Hey," he said, smiling at her and wearing his clothes from the day before. He was sitting at the kitchen table with his phone and a streaming cup. "Coffee and hot chocolate, just the way you like it."

"You're a godsend," Jamie said, going over to pour herself a cup and lean against the table. "I'm surprised you're still here."

He looked up. "I said I was staying until the new year, didn't I?"

Jamie rolled her eyes. "No, I mean I'm surprised you're still here in my apartment. I figured you'd have gotten out while you had the chance. Considering you do plan on leaving again."

Something flickered in Simon's eyes and he dropped them down to his phone again. "That doesn't mean I don't want to spend time with you while I'm here," he said. "Because I do. I want to do better, Jamie. Seeing you now and remembering what we had... It makes me wish I hadn't been an idiot for seven years."

She snorted in response to that. "Well, good sex will do that to you."

"That's not what I mean, and you know it."

"Do I? Because I've heard all this before, Simon. All your declarations of how we're supposed to stay friends forever and all that. And look what happened."

He sighed. "I know. I know I messed up, but I want to do better. Does that not count for anything?"

The smart thing to do would be to tell him that no, it didn't count for anything. And then kick him out of her apartment and go on with her life. Maybe let him see how it felt to be ignored and treated like crap. But Jamie had never had a lot of willpower when it came to being smart about Simon, so she just sighed and drained her cup, burning her mouth on the scalding liquid and shivering at the flood of warmth.

"It counts for something," he said softly. "Anyway, I've got to go to my mom's and make breakfast for her and stuff before the afternoon nurse gets there. Which means you've gotta get out and go see your dad."

Simon scrunched up his face, and Jamie giggled because it always made him look like he was about five years old when he did that. "Do I have to?"

"Wasn't that the whole point of you coming here? The running into me and having amazing sex part was mostly just a fluke, right?"

"Yeah, I guess." He sighed heavily. "Okay, okay. I'm going. Do you want to do something later? Like get dinner or walk around. It's been so long since I was last here, and I want to see everything."

Jamie considered. "Sure," she said after a moment. "I need to do my Christmas shopping anyway, and I'm off work until after Christmas. Do you want to meet me at the mall?"

"Sounds good." Simon finished his own drink and washed his cup, leaning over to kiss her cheek before he was heading out the door with a call of "I'll text you!" over his shoulder.

Jamie was left leaning against her counter and shaking her head. "Well, at least he still has my number."

Apparently, the whole town knew that Simon was back. Her mother had commented on it as soon as Jamie had gotten through her front door, sitting in her chair and looking at her with concern.