Where There's Smoke (23 page)

"Lauren. I didn't expect to see you here,” he said, shoving his hands into his jeans.

She jerked her attention away from the movement. She had to be cool. He couldn't see her fall apart. “Yeah, ditto. What are you doing here? I thought you were off today."

He squared his shoulders. “So that's why you came? Because you knew I wasn't here?"

"I didn't come here because you weren't here. I made a point of making sure you weren't here before I came,” she corrected.

He frowned as he tried to follow her logic, then brushed the effort aside. “So why are you here?"

"We're going to do a commercial here. For a bank."

His frown deepened. “Why would a bank want to make a commercial at a firehouse?"

She waved the question away, tired of answering it. “Why are you here on your day off?"

He looked past her to the firehouse. “I got a call to come in."

"Somebody's idea of a joke,” she muttered.

"I don't think they were joking."

"Well, it certainly isn't very funny.” She wanted to go, but couldn't make her legs move.

"How are you doing?” he asked at last. “Doing okay?"

"Spending a lot of time at work. And you?” She lifted her chin, tossed her hair back. “Finding more excuses to be footloose? Oh, right, you don't need more excuses."

He took a step back. “Wow, that was uncalled for."

"Oh, I'm sorry.” She splayed a hand over her chest in mock apology. Why, why did this have to hurt so much? “Did I sound bitter? I mean, just because you can't be with me, because, you know, something better might come along—"

He moved in, eyes dark with anger, body tight with it. “That's not how it is, damn it!"

She didn't back down. “Well, that's how it feels.” Finally she stepped around him toward her car.

"Lauren,” he called.

She didn't turn, but stopped to listen.

"Is this how it's always going to be?"

She heard the pain in his voice and squeezed her eyes shut against her own. “This is how it has to be, for now.” And she walked down to her car.

Seth watched her go. Damn, it was bad enough seeing her, without having the entire department watching them, offering silent condemnation. He would get whoever made that phone call, for opening up the vein that bled every time he thought of Lauren.

God, they'd lost so much, but he couldn't say he regretted the path that brought them here. He wouldn't give up those weeks, not even if it meant reviving their friendship. He'd never been as happy in those weeks. While he agreed with the near-unanimous assessment that he was a fool to walk away from a good woman, he couldn't be the man who ultimately destroyed her, the way his father destroyed his mother.

[Back to Table of Contents]

"Lauren, I need a favor."

She stiffened at the sound of Crystal's voice on the phone, so a moment passed before she realized her friend's voice was subdued. Still, Lauren's defenses went up. Crystal was going to push Seth back on her. If Seth came back, Lauren needed him to come back on his own, because he didn't want to be without her, not to appease his meddling sister.

"What is it?” Try as she might, Lauren couldn't keep the long-suffering tone from her voice.

"Mom's having a hard time finding a job. I thought maybe since you've worked so many places, you'd either know of someplace that was hiring or you could help her with a resume or something."

Lauren wanted to laugh. Her spotty employment record was finally coming in handy. It seemed the least she could do for Sandra, since her mother was responsible for breaking up Sandra's marriage.

"Sure, okay. You want me to come over?"

"Yeah, we'll be at the house."

Still, Lauren was suspicious. One ambush a week was more than enough. “Seth won't be there, will he?"

Crystal sighed. “Lauren, this is serious. And no, Seth will be at work."

"He better be. If I so much as see his truck in the neighborhood, I'm turning around."

Lauren's gut twisted on the drive to the Escamilla house. Surely Sandra knew the whole story. What could Lauren say to her? Could she just pretend she didn't know the real reason they'd broken up?

The realtor sign in the yard made her heart ache. Odd than she was more upset about the end of the Escamillas’ marriage than about her own parents'. Her home had never been happy, where the Escamilla home had been full of life and laughter, open to whoever wanted to come. And now she knew it had all been a lie.

A dejected Crystal opened the door. Lauren opened her arms for a hug and Crystal hung on. “How did you do this? How could you stand it when your parents split up?” Crystal whispered on a little sob. “Everything's different. Everything."

Lauren had to be grateful Crystal hadn't drawn any conclusions about the divorces being so close to one another. She held onto her friend a moment longer.

"I'm so sorry it had to happen, Crystal, but you have to remember it happened to them and not you. You can't let it hurt you so much. I know you hurt for your mom, but Sandra's a strong lady. She'll do great."

Crystal pulled back slowly, a little puzzled. “I'm worried for Dad, too. After all, he's living at the firehouse."

With her father? Wasn't that interesting?

"I keep thinking I'll wake up and it's all a dream. Did you ever feel like that?"

Lauren laughed dryly. “More about your parents than mine. My home was never like yours. Why do you think we were here so much?” Hmm. She'd have to rethink that argument, knowing what she knew now. “How's your mom? Is she holding up okay?"

"You know her. She's focusing on the practical, paying bills and selling the house and getting a job. I still can't believe we'll have to sell this house.” Crystal's chin wrinkled as she fought tears. “We're trying to take as much of that off her shoulders as we can. But Rosa hasn't worked since her kids were born, I've had the same job forever and Lisette—"

"I get it, I get it,” Lauren said with a wave. “I have the experience. Where is she?"

"The kitchen, where else? I have a freezer full of casseroles. She won't stop cooking."

Lauren perked up at that as she followed Crystal. She hadn't had a home-cooked meal since the last time she was here, back when life was normal.

"Hi, Mrs.—” She stumbled over her usual form of address. “Hi."

Sandra turned and her face hardened into an expression Lauren had never seen before. She took an automatic step back from the apparent hostility. Did Sandra not know she was coming?

Then, as if it had never been there, the look washed away, but the shadow remained. Lauren had wanted hug her, but now she stayed on the other side of the kitchen table.

Sandra offered Lauren a drink in a clipped tone. Lauren sat cautiously while Sandra poured three glasses of tea.

"Have you thought where you want to work?” Lauren asked.

Sandra sat but wouldn't look at her. “The problem is I don't have a high school diploma. Rey was born before I graduated and I never went back."

"You didn't get your GED?"

"I never planned to work so I didn't think it was necessary.” The older woman appeared embarrassed by the lapse.

Lauren took a deep breath. “So your best bet will probably be in retail."

"Where she'll have to work all hours,” Crystal interjected disapprovingly.

Lauren wouldn't do the whole line about beggars and choosers. “Well, with no experience and no diploma, your options will be pretty limited. There's restaurants, too, but trust me when I say it's really hard work and worse hours.” And Sandra wasn't a young woman.

"What about a hostess job?” Crystal asked enthusiastically. “Mom would be great at that."

"Again, restaurants use hostesses at their busiest times, evenings and weekends. What about a bakery? Mrs.—you're about the best baker I've ever tasted."

Sandra nodded slowly. “I suppose."

Crystal perked up. “Let's make a list."

When she went in search of scratch paper, the look appeared on Sandra's face again. Lauren nearly choked on her tea.

"I'm sorry, Lauren, I don't mean to be rude. I know none of this is your fault. But you remind me so much of her. I have to ask you to go."

The words stunned Lauren. Sandra didn't have a mean bone in her body but she was kicking Lauren out, all because she was Valerie's daughter. She'd spent her whole life trying not to be like Valerie, but DNA won out.

She couldn't blame Sandra, but she'd practically grown up here. Being asked to leave hurt to the core. She stood slowly, head bowed.

"I know you're friends with my children and I'm not going to ask them not to associate with you, mostly because I don't want to have to explain why, but I have to ask you not to come back to my house. I'm sorry, Lauren. I hope you understand."

Lauren nodded, blinded by tears. She stumbled into a chair and groped for her keys. The Escamillas were two for two, making her cry. Her own mother hadn't accomplished that.

"Lauren, where are you going?” Crystal asked, returning with a notepad as Lauren clutched the keys tight enough to leave imprints in her palm.

"I need to leave,” she said hoarsely. “Goodbye."

She hurried past Crystal toward the front door and collided with a uniformed chest. Strong familiar hands closed around her upper arms as Seth bent to look into her face. Surprise was quickly followed by relief and joy. She'd been adamant about not seeing him, reminded herself why, and tried to pull free.

"Lauren, what's wrong?"

"I have to go."

"Whoa, wait, what happened?” He looked over her head at Crystal. “What did you do to her?"

"What do you care?” Lauren snapped. “You sent me away, too. Apparently I remind two people in this family too much of my mother."

His hold on her arms relaxed as realization dawned and she took advantage to break free and move past him to her car.

This time he followed. “My mother said something to upset you."

"Yeah, well, I did something to upset her—I look like my mother."

"God.” He looked back up at the house.

"Don't worry. Crystal doesn't know why your mom doesn't want me around. If you play it right you can make her think your mom's upset with me because of our affair."

"Affair?” His tone conveyed his disapproval at her choice of words. “We didn't have an affair."

She looked up, his image blurry. “Oh, yeah? What do you call it when two people sleep together when they know they can never have a future?"

"An affair,” Seth said through clenched teeth, “is conniving, it's sneaking around, and lying to the people you love—"

"And we never did anything like that."

Seth balked, then continued. “We never hurt anyone."

"No one but each other."

God, how could she want to be in his arms after he'd just let her walk away the other day? How could she want to accept his comfort?

Because she was a weak fool, that was why. Just like her mother, unwilling to give up the thing that could hurt her most. Seth was right. She turned to her car.

"Your dad told me he decided not to transfer me."

She nodded. “Good."

"Look, Lauren, one way or another, when the truth comes out, he won't want to work with me, and it's not as easy for a captain to transfer."

She squeezed her eyes shut. “And the ripples go on and on."

"If it wasn't for my mom and my sisters and Rey, I'd move out of the city, start over somewhere else. I never thought it would come to this. I never thought my dad would leave my mom for yours. I feel like, you know, I should've done more to prepare my mom, to get her ready in case. But I just kept my eyes shut and hoped she'd do the same."

"No! No, you know what?” She shoved away from the car and jabbed her finger into his chest. “We aren't responsible for our parents’ marriages. We can't be expected to know what goes on between them. Hell, my dad and your mom knew what they were getting into."

"I know.” He gathered himself and looked at her. “Let's get out of here."

She regarded him warily. “Weren't you here to see your mom?"

"I was actually here to get you away from her."

She blanched. “What?"

"Crystal called to let me know you were here."

Crystal. She knew it. “I wanted to help. I wanted to make things right."

His expression softened. “And you say we're not responsible for our parents’ marriages."

She drew up when he reached for her, so he wouldn't touch her and backed toward the car. “And you're right that we shouldn't be. I won't make the same mistake again. Good bye, Seth."

She pulled out of the driveway, aware of him standing at the edge of the lawn, in front of the realtor's sign. She didn't look back.

As a rule, Seth avoided his father at the firehouse. That rule had been tougher to follow since Oscar moved out of the family home and into the station. Seth stormed into the weight room, eager to burn off some frustration, sexual and otherwise. He stopped when he saw his father on the weight machine. They exchanged a long, level look before Seth straddled the bench press.

"You should be wearing a belt,” Oscar said.

Seth grunted an acknowledgement before adding weight to both sides of the bar. He lay down and pressed, savoring the burn of pain, less on the ascent than the descent, singing through his muscles. He repeated until nothing remained but the pain. It felt so good to be empty, not to worry about anyone else, not to think of anything else but up and down, up and down.

He wouldn't stop, but his arms were turning into wet noodles. He sat with some effort, a little dizzy as the blood rushed south, leaving his vision a little hazy. He wanted to wipe the sweat from his eyes but his weary arms wouldn't cooperate. Through the ringing in his ears he heard Oscar ask something. He managed to focus, but it was like looking through the wrong end of a telescope.

Then Oscar was right in front of him, shoving his head between his knees, the stream of words finally making sense as he chided Seth for overdoing it.

He shoved his father's hand away. “I'm fine.” But he sat a moment longer, hands dangling between his knees, his head bent. As the blood ceased pounding in his ears, he heard swearing, but it still sounded far away. He looked up in disbelief. He'd never heard those words from Oscar.