Whiskey Rose (Fallen) (31 page)

Rose was in the kitchen when she heard the door. She did
n’
t get visitors so she had a hunch who it was, still she knew she had to answer. He looked good. Maybe even better than the memory she had been holding on to. He was clean shaven, that was
n’
t exactly what she remembered but those striking blue eyes were the same. He was leaning on a cane which told her that his leg was
n’
t healed all the way but he did still have the leg so that meant he must have avoided infection.

“
Hi
,
” he said softly. She looked so much better than he remembered. The wigs he hated were gone. It was only her own real hair hanging in a long braid down her back with a few wisps escaping into unruly curls.

“Hi.” She sighed and stepped back opening the door wide enough for him. “Come in.” He stepped in contemplating her reaction. She didn’t look happy to see him but she didn’t look surprised either. She looked like she had known this visit was inevitable but she had been dreading it. He almost turned around and just walked back out but he forced himself to stay. He had to have all of his questions answered before he left here. He wasn’t going to have any lingering doubts. She closed the door behind him and he heard the lock turn. Clearly old habits die hard.

“
How is your leg
?
” she asked, as they walked into the house.

“
Stillwork
s
… kinda
.
”

“
Good that it did
n’
t get infected. Can I get you a cup of coffee
?
”

“
Love one
.
” He accepted,even though he really did
n’
t care about the coffee. She offered him a seat at the kitchen table while she poured the coffee.

“
You do
n’
t look very surprised to see me
.
” He took advantage of the fact that her
back was turned so he did
n’
t have to look in her eyes.

“
I knew yo
u’
d come. It was just a matter of time
.
” She sounded resigned and he decided maybe he would take the chair she had offered. She placed the cup on the table in front of him
.“
I considered hiding, leaving the state bu
t
… well I do
n’
t want to run anymore and that would
n’
t be fair would it?

“
Not fair
?
” He repeated softly. She was leaning against the counter sipping from a cup.

“
H
e’
s napping now I can wake him if you want, he is usually pretty agreeable
.
” Matt frowned but she was
n’
t looking at him
.“
He u
m
… he really likes eggs and he really does
n’
t like carrots. Do
n’
t worry about remembering I wrote it all down
.
” She was beginning to talk faster and faster and he pushed himself back up to his feet
.“
You know maybe
I’
ll just go get him
.
” She set her cup down but he caught her arm as she walked past.

“
I did not come to take the baby
.
”

“
You did
n’
t
?
” She looked up into his eyes. She finally looked surprised and he felt just a bit better.

“
No, the opposite really
.
” He reached into his pocket and retrieved some folded papers
.“
I contacted Benj
i’
s sister. She has several children of her own and is
n’
t really interested in raising the illegitimate child of her estranged brother. So I though
t
… well I thought maybe you might want to adopt hi
m
… legally
.
” Rose gasped and quickly took the papers from his hand. He had to smile now that she was actually showing some life. She stepped away from him as she read the documents.

“
Savannah Rose Harrison
.
” She said softly and his chest tightened.

“
Thought you might want to marry me this time, be my wife
.
” His voice sounded rough in his ears. She continued staring at the paperwork and he waited, holding his breath until his chest ached.

“Thank you Matt.” She finally sighed, “Really thank you, but I can’t.” He felt light headed, he wasn’t sure if it was from the disappointment or the fact that he had been standing there not breathing. “Like I said, no more running, no more hiding an
d no more lying.” She continued, “You were… are… you went above and beyond what was required for friendship or duty, but there has to be a stopping point don’t you think? You still deserve to have your own life and be happy. I think Ben would want that for you.”

“
What are you babbling about
?
” He cut her off.

“
I am saying that I will petition to be allowed to adopt him as a single woman, I know my chances are
n’
t as good but I will try anyway. You do
n’
t have to pretend to marry me just to give me what I want. Though I do appreciate the offer
.
” 

“
I was
n’
t suggesting that the adoption was contingent on you being married to me. I know a judge that will sign off on it either way and I was
n’
t suggesting that you pretend to marry me. That was a bona fide proposal
.
” She stared at him wide eyed for a moment.

“
Why would you want to marry me? You do
n’
t love me
.
”

“
As a matter of fact I do
.
” He wondered how this conversation had gone so wrong.

“
You do
?
” She asked softly and he softened his tone.

“
Yes I do
.
”
 
She rushed forward and threw her arms around him nearly knocking him off balance. He held her tightly thankful to finally have his arms around her again
.“
Does this mean that you love me too
?
” He whispered.

“
Yes
.
” She said muffled into his chest.

“
Then will you marry me
?
”

“
Yes
.
” She said, again muffled.

“
Will you look at me so I can kiss you
?
” He felt her laugh but she lifted her face and he bent and softly kissed her lips.

“
Why did
n’
t you tell me
?
”

“
I could
n’
t, everyone around us used love as an excuse for every obsessively stupid thing they did. Everything from killing people, to leaving people, to vandalizing buildings. I did
n’
t want you to think I was just another obsessively stupid person
.
” He looked into her eyes
.“
Why did
n’
t you tell me
?
”

“
I thought you were just trying to seduce me, that you never meant for me to fall in love and I was already so jealou
s
… I thought it would be easier to deny the whole thing
.
”

“
Jealous? Jealous of who
?
” She pulled back out of his arms and turned away.

“
Of who of wha
t
… Matt I love you but maybe it would be better for both of us if we do
n’
t get married
.
” Matt felt his stomach drop but he stood his ground.

“
Why
?
”

“
Becaus
e
…” He could see her fishing for words while she would
n’
t meet his eye and he clenched his teeth
.“
I do
n’
t think I will make a very good wife
.
”

“
Why not
?
” He frowned and he saw her wring her hands slightly.

“
I do
n’
t know how to say it
.
”

“
Just say it
.
” He nearly growled. If she was going to tell him he was
n’
t good enough he would rather she just did it plainly. She took a deep breath.

“You taught me a lot about myself that I never knew. Some of it good and some not so much.” He shifted uncomfortably
, impatiently waiting for her to get to the point. “I thought I was calm and rational but it turns out that… well I am jealous and selfish and well completely irrational. I want… more than it is within your power to give me.” She finished softly. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her he would give her whatever she wanted no matter what it was but he restrained himself barely.

“
You never did tell me what your price was
.
” She smiled and he saw her eyes fill with tears.

“
I
t’
s the same as yours
,
” she whispered
.“
I want you, all of you
.
”

“
I can give you that
.
”

“
You are who you are, I ca
n’
t make you choose
.
”
 
He finally understood what she was getting at and he smiled. 

“
I am not a Ranger anymore
.
”

“
Yo
u’
re not
?
” She gasped.  He tapped his injured leg.

“
Never going to be the same. Probably always have a limp, a weakness
.
”

“
So they fired you
?
” She said sounding angry and he smiled.

“No. I retired. I learned a lot about myself too. I learned that I was a good Ranger but it really wasn’t who I was
any more. I want so much more than that. I want…  I want you. I want to be home in bed with my wife every night. I want to grow old and have children and grandchildren and never have to pretend to be something I am not again.” He stepped forward closing the gap between them. “I want you to know that you can trust me, because I trust you.” He whispered. “I want to tell you everything and give you the life you’ve always wanted.” She rose up on her toes and kissed him and he smiled against her mouth.  One shrill yell cut through the air and she pulled back.

“
You really sure you want to do this? Go from carefree bachelor to family man in one quick swipe
?
”

“
Absolutely
,
” he grinned. She smiled and took his hand and led him toward the bedroom. He stopped in the doorway and watched. The baby was standing in the crib holding on to the railing. When he saw her he bounced and squealed. She smiled and reached in and lifted him up. He saw it again, that look that she got when she held the baby
.“
Now I might be jealous
.
” He was only half joking. She smiled at him and brought the baby to him.

“
Would you like to meet your son
?
”

“
My son
.
” He repeated. The words landed on him like a ton of bricks. He put out his hands and she transferred the baby to him. The child squealed and grinned at him. He had four tiny white teeth in the front. Mat
t’
s chest felt so tight he could
n’
t even breathe. His own eyes filled with tears as he looked into his innocent blue eyes.

“
Careful, he bites
.
” Rose half laughed. Matt laughe
d“
You want a handkerchief back? I still have a couple
.
”