Whisper Through The Pain (A Novella) (4 page)

“He means that much to you?”

“Yes.”

“I screwed up again, didn’t I?”

Her eyes quickly met his before turning back to stare at the flames in the fireplace. It was October and today was unusually cool in Los Angeles. Even though the room was comfortable, she wrapped her arms around her waist to ward off a sudden chill.

They both stood and moved the marble fireplace. “Let’s discuss why I’m here.”

He pinched the end of his nose and then took a deep breath. He started to pace with agitated quick movements. “I took you for granted. Hell. I apologize—”

“Stop saying you’re sorry.” She stared at him, tension swirling in her gut. She swallowed. “Hell, with my state of mind,
I needed
for you to love me.”

“I did love you. You were one of my best friends.”

“From the time we were teenagers, I always wanted more.” She shrugged and then let out a weary breath. “I guess that was my life’s mission to always want more than I could have. My parents’ love—and then yours. I made some bad choices but I take responsibility for them.”

“Is Jake Sorensen one of those bad choices?”

She flinched as if he’d struck her. “Jake has nothing to do with this.”

“Doesn’t he? If you weren’t on the outs with your husband, would you be here in my hotel room? Would you have accepted my kisses?”

“You still can be a son-of-bitch, Brent.” 

“I’m sorry…Please forgive me.” He wrapped his arms around her. “When it comes to you, I’m protective. You still hold a special place in my heart. That will never change.”

“But it was never enough for us.” She eased out of his arms. “I don’t want your pity. I had enough of that. It’s taken me years to finally like myself—just the way I am. I won’t lose my hard earned self-esteem. I’m stronger and smarter than I was five years ago. I have grown a lot. I don’t crave people’s acceptance any longer. I complete myself.”

“You’re different. This Melissa I don’t know, but I like her. You’re confident—more assertive with your words.” He was quiet for a moment. “The parents wanted the marriage. Hell, they expected it.”

Melissa allowed his words to penetrate into the recesses of her mind. She felt the pain of their divorce, of being discarded, but there was comfort in the fact that for the first time in their relationship they were talking—really talking. Unfortunately, she and Brent had ended their marriage in cold silence. 

“I wanted my mother’s approval and love so badly; I probably would’ve done anything to get it. Being here tonight…with you…helped me to find answers.”

His look was quizzical.

“Everything between us was temporal. It should’ve never happened,” she said.             

“For a while, it was good with us. We were compatible where it mattered.”

She shook her head. “Sex won’t hold a marriage together, Brent.”

He produced his winning smile. “I don’t see why not. Even during the bad times, the sex was off the hook…
damn good
.”

“You’re unbelievable. We’re not discussing our past sex life.”

“Too late. I already did.”

“Brent, be serious.”

“Alright. Let’s finish this. If you want to know if I was
in love
with you…” He stared at her for a long moment. “Back then, I didn’t know what it felt like to be in love.  Hell, all I wanted was to get laid—as many times as I could.”

She cringed at his bluntness. 

As if to soften the blow, he drew her closer to his chest. She tried not to focus on the strong, steady beat of his heart, and the power she felt beneath her fingers.

“I was your
best friend
before Nicole moved to Dallas. Then everything changed,” she said, missing the bond they once shared.

Brent frowned. “You were jealous of Nicole?”

“I wasn’t jealous—well, not at first. As time passed, I realized she was in love with you.” She shrugged. “You didn’t notice how she felt, so I ignored it. By then we were having a sexual relationship and I presumed we were an item.”

“I thought you would always be around—no matter what I did. I was an arrogant ass. I never wanted to get married but never voiced it to anyone...not even myself. When I finally did, it was too late, we were already married.”

Shocked, she uttered, “You knew the marriage was a mistake before you realized your feelings for Nicole?”

“Yeah. Remember you and your mother talked about a big wedding?”

She nodded.

“Well, I got stinking drunk to drown out the word wedding.”

“Is that why you talked me into eloping?”

“I thought once it was done, the panic I was experiencing would disappear. Hell, I couldn’t understand it. I liked you. You were gorgeous, smart and great in bed. What more could a man ask for?” He threw her a crooked grin.

“I wished you had told me about your doubts.”

“I know. People were hurt, your parents, mine, but you received the brunt of it.”

“And Nicole?”

“Ah, yes.” He sighed, softly. “Nicole. The night of my parents’ anniversary party and our wedding reception, she told me she loved me. It came as a shock but I felt something I had never felt before.” He paused. “It was too late for us. I was married to you. By the time I realized I wanted to explore a relationship with Nicole, she had turned to Ashton. She eventually fell in love with him.” For a moment he was silent. “I hate to admit it but they are made for each other. The end.”

“Where does that leave you, Brent?”

A sad smile shot across his face. “Moving on with my life.”

“I hope so.”

He sighed. “A few months after you left Dallas, I hired a private investigator to find you.”

“Really? Why?”

“I knew I had hurt you. I needed to know you were safe. He found you living in Nevada. After I received the report, I told him to drop it. Seeing you in Sorensen’s office was a shock.”

“For me also. Where do we go from here, Brent?”

“Friends?”

“I don’t believe so…or at least not like before.”

“Why? Because of Sorensen?”

“Partly.”

“And what else?”

“We have lost too much. There’s been too much pain between us. We can’t turn back the hands on the clock. But you still have a chance to rebuild your relationship with your brother. You need to let Nicole go. She’ll never be yours.”

Saying those words made her feel better but also freed her. She wasn’t a vindictive person. But knowing that Brent didn’t end up with everything he wanted gave her a measure of peace. Some decisions you make have life altering consequences. 

“Like I said, I’ve accepted it and moved on.”

“Who are you trying to convince, me or yourself?”

His eyes narrowed. “Your fangs are showing, Melissa.”

“No, Brent. It’s the truth. No matter how much it hurts, you have to own yours.”

“I don’t need a philosophy lesson.”

“I’m not giving one.”

“Enough. Why did you leave Nevada?”

“I never intended to stay. It was a stopover of sorts. A place to get my head together.”

He grinned. “Such a pretty head.” He paused for a moment; his beautiful eyes scanned her face and finally rested on her lips. “You’re still a lovely…enchanting woman…”  As if lost in thought, he rubbed his fingers across her skin. “Smooth …Creamy…Melissa?”

His tone was soft; creating warmth she knew could be dangerous. But his tense gaze unnerved her. She couldn’t read what was going on in his brain. She sensed a hidden message in the words and felt a prickle of discomfort. She shook her head slightly to rid herself of the sensation.

“Don’t. Brent.”

His eyes widened, and then his lips tilted into a half grin.

“What?”

“Not going to happen.”

“The chemistry—”

“Please don’t.”

“Alright. But the connection we have can’t be denied.”

She wouldn’t entertain it with a response. Besides, in her vulnerable state she didn’t know where it would lead. She realized going down memory lane was dangerous—just too dangerous.

He cleared his throat. “In all the years apart, I never thought for a moment you would re-marry.”

“Really? Did you think you may have scarred me for life?” Her laugh was brittle.

“I thought your hatred of me would’ve stopped you from trusting another man again.”

It almost did but she wouldn’t tell him that.

“I did question my ability to believe in what I was feeling. But, I could never hate you, Brent.”

“I’m glad. Sorensen—is he worthy of you?  If not, I’ll do everything in my power to make sure he is.”

“What are you going to do, beat him into submission?”

“If I have to.”             

The words came out harsh and cold. It surprised her. Melissa frowned at him.

“That’s your ego talking.”

“My ego?” He seemed surprise at her statement. “I always tried to protect you.”

“But you couldn’t protect me from you.”

He flinched. “You’re right,” he said, softly. “My mistake.”

She looked at him long and hard. She could finally let him go—in her heart and mean every word of it. Seeing him again, helped to realize they should’ve never crossed the friendship line.  

Crossing the intimate boundary was a huge mistake. It could never be rectified. In her desperate need to be loved and to belong to someone, she had given him her virginity. She didn’t regret it. He had been gentle and taught her about passion.  But the desire to create a family of her own clouded her judgment when it came to him.

But it had been different with Jake. The first time she met him, she’d been immediately drawn and aware of his powerful and masculine aura. The attraction between them was fast and consuming to the point it had frightened her at first. She’d never felt like that with Brent. With him her attraction had been easy—comfortable. Jake was a storm—fire—and lightning.

Her husband took her breath away. For the first time, she examined her feelings for Jake. She missed him. His gruffness—his brooding stares—his inability to tolerate bullshit, and take no prisoners attitude. He could arouse her with just a look, a fleeting touch or kiss.  He was direct, but she loved that about him. Her breath caught in her throat. Love? Where did that come from? She didn’t love Jake. She couldn’t—she wouldn’t. But she did. She wanted Jake any way she could have him.

There was nothing in this hotel room for her. Closure for her was the day she walked out of Brent’s house and filed for divorce. She never looked back.

“I’ve got to go, Brent.”

“Now?” He frowned. “But we haven’t finished talking.”

“Yes, we have.”

He was silent for a long moment, staring at her with confusion and then with understanding of who they were now.

“This is the end, isn’t it?”

She nodded. Relief and a peace she never experienced before settled over her.

“It took me seeing you again to realize I was holding on to a dream and not reality. Our friendship was real but the other—it wasn’t. A long time ago you filled a void. We were lazily swimming with the waves and not with each other.” She laughed at the realization of it all. “I’m good, Brent. Really good. I forgive you for everything, but more importantly, I forgive myself.”

She took a deep cleansing breath, enjoying the freshness of it. She lightly touched his cheek.

“Thank you for taking care of a lonely and shy girl for all those years. Our marriage was an unstable foundation from the beginning. It was doomed to fail.”

“Melissa—”

“It’s our truth, Brent.” She smiled. “It doesn’t hurt anymore.”

“Little Melissa Delaney has grown up.”

“Thank you for everything.”

Melissa gave him a tight hug. He returned it. She stepped away, picked up her purse from the table and placed her hand on the doorknob. She turned and studied him. Brent stood in the middle of the room in a relaxed stance, with his head tilted, staring at her.

He looked the same as he did five years earlier. He carried a slight tan, which didn’t surprise her. Brent loved the outdoors. His blond hair lay smooth against his head and cut neatly around his ears. He was tall with an athletic six-one build. Time had been good to him. Nothing changed. At least not for him. But a whole new world had opened for her.

He threw her that beautiful smile he was known for, his smoldering, blue eyes connecting with hers. She waited for her heart to do a frenzied palpitation—it didn’t. A sure sign that it was over for her.

“Brent, someday, you’ll meet the right woman and when it happens, it’ll change your entire life.         Be happy, Brent.”

She opened the door and walked out.

###

In the dark, Jake sat in the large sofa chair near the bar, sipped his third glass of scotch, and watched the front door. It was well past midnight. He wasn’t tired but neither was he drunk. One thing was for sure, he was mad as hell. Anger burned in his gut like bitter gall. This wasn’t how he imagined his life with Melissa, she with another man and he consumed with disgust and pain. Damn. He wasn’t willing to let her go, no matter the circumstances. He still loved her. The very first time he saw her, he fell hard. After his experience with his girlfriend, he never thought he would open himself to another woman. They could be manipulative, cunning and deceitful. He didn’t want to fall in love. Love caused a person to lose control. Something he didn’t relish doing. But when Melissa had turned her deep, smoldering dark eyes on him. He was lost from that moment on.