Whisper Through The Pain (A Novella) (2 page)

Chapter Three

For the hundredth time, Melissa looked at the clock on the wall. It was midnight and Jake still wasn’t home. Where was he?  She knew she’d made a mess of things and needed to make it right.

Brent had called to see if she was all right. She’d asked how he had gotten the number but he chuckled and said he knew people. In the old days, she would’ve laughed at his nonsense, but not now. She was concerned about Jake. Hell, she was worried Jake wouldn’t come home tonight—or any other night. He was a prideful man with a large ego. Seeing his wife kiss another man and seemingly enjoying it must’ve been hard. Damn—she knew it was. How would she have felt if the situation was reversed? The thought caused great distress. But she and Jake didn’t have a love marriage. He wanted a wife in his bed, one who eventually gave him children, but more importantly one who shared and understood his drive to continue the growth of his business. Ambition was Jake’s middle name. It never bothered her that she wasn’t his number one priority.  She admired him but love—that was something she didn’t do. She tried it once with Brent and came out of it with too many wounds and scars. 

The garage door went up. Melissa stood waiting for him to throw his keys in the small ceramic basket on the table by the door, glance through the mail neatly stacked on the side counter and come down the hall to the great room. This was his ritual every day but tonight he didn’t bother coming. He moved toward his office, went in and shut the door behind him.

Melissa moved slowly toward the office and stood in front of the door. Taking a cleansing breath, she opened the door and walked through.

He glanced at her over his shoulder and continued pouring scotch into a glass. With his back to her, he swallowed the contents and then filled it again. He took a sip and turned toward her.

“What do you want, Melissa?” His voice was gruff with agitation.

“We need to talk.”

“Really? Now you want to talk. I asked you a question today. I’m finished talking. ”

She entwined her fingers. “This is not easy for me, Jake. But I can’t answer upon demand.”

His laugh was hard. “Believe me sweetheart, you gave me your answer.”

She frowned. “What is that, Jake?”

He slammed the glass on the table by the sofa. “I asked if you wanted him.” He pointed to her. “You stiffened, pursed those damn pretty lips of yours, and tightened your stance. That leaves me to make an assumption that you want him. Am I right to do so or am I wrong?”

She opened her mouth and shut it. Jake was a master interrogator but she wouldn’t be the target—not tonight. Granted, she was confused when it came to Brent. She’d loved him for a long time. It wasn’t something that could be turned on and off like a light switch.

“Brent—”

“Don’t. Speak. His. Name. Not in my presence. I’m not going to talk about him or the past you so conveniently kept silent.” He drained the rest of the whiskey in his glass and placed it on the counter of the mini-bar. “I’m going to bed.” He moved toward the door but stopped. “Don’t worry. You can have the master suite all to yourself where you can dream about your ex-husband. I won’t be a third party in my own bed. Not tonight. Not ever.”

“How dare you say that to me!”

“I dare a damn lot, lady.” He stalked to her. “I don’t share.”

“When we made love, I was with you all the way. I’ve never given you cause to believe I was thinking of another man.”

He laughed. It was cruel and harsh, wrapping around her like steel bars. “We never made love. It was sex— or fucking. Take your pick.”

She slapped him hard across his face, leaving an imprint. “Don’t you ever speak to me like that again. What happened today in your office was impulse. It wasn’t meant to hurt you or to belittle what we have. But you have too much pride to understand or listen to an explanation.”

She’d never hit another human being in her life and she felt immediate remorse.  He had a right to be angry— that she could deal with, but not his disrespect.

She bit her lip. The shock of what she did overwhelmed her. What was happening to her? “I’m sorry…I hit you. I’ve never done anything like that in my life. It was wrong,” she said, trying to hold back the tears. 

He pulled her roughly into his arms. Entwining his hands in her hair, he pulled her head back and captured the pulse beating in her neck with his tongue.

“So soft…smooth…beautiful,” he groaned.

He suckled and then planted his mouth beside hers. She smelled the liquor on his breath, strong tobacco and a slight hint of a female’s cologne. She reared back, almost stumbling in the process.

“Where have you been?”

“Does it matter?”

She stared at him, blinking back the tears. “Yes, it matters.”

His laugh was harsh and angry. “Why?”

“We’re married.”

His twisted smile speared her heart. “Now you remember.” He glared at her with such contempt she almost retreated from the room. “Married people are supposed to share—communicate and not tell each other lies.”

“I never lied to you.”

“Lady, you lied! Big time.”

“I—”

“Lying by omission is still a lie.”

“I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.”

“The hell you won’t.”

“You’re acting like a crazy man.”

He threw out a sarcastic grunt. “If I am. You made me this way.”

“You’re drunk and smelling of cheap perfume.”

“I’m not drunk.” He started for the door but she moved, locked it and stood with her back against it. To get out, he would physically have to move her. She realized he never denied being with another woman. The realization of that fact hurt her more deeply than she thought possible.

“You’re going to listen, whether you want to or not. I was born and raised in Dallas. My grandfather was white and my grandmother was a mixture of Sioux, Irish, and African-American. My mother was a product of their union. She married my father, a white man, the year she graduated from college. I came along three years later. To my mother’s surprise, I wasn’t what she expected.”

“Why? She wanted a son?”

“No, I had brown skin. My mother was hoping for a pale child. One that didn’t remind her of her black lineage. My mother was fair— almost fair enough to pass for white.”

“That’s ridiculous. That’s not important any longer.”

“My mother thought so.”

“What about your father?”

“He loved me but he loved my mother more. Whatever she wanted, he gave it to her except the white child she wanted.” She took a long, deep breath. “I found refuge at the Sinclair’s. I spent all my free time with them. 

“The Sinclair children consisted of Ashton, and twins, Brent and Gia. I became best friends with the twins but there was always a special bond between me and Brent. I didn’t realize it was love until I turned sixteen. I began to see him differently. I knew my mother wanted a link between the families and when she found out how I felt about him, she encouraged it. She became my mother—a real mother.” Tears rolled down her cheeks at the memories. “We went to social functions, horseback riding, and shopping together. It was wonderful. I became what she wanted. My mother finally loved me. I felt special.

“When Brent and I got married it was one of the happiest days of my life. I was the center of my parents’ affection. I had the man I loved—only there was one problem—Brent was in love with his brother’s wife.”

“Is that why you’re still here?” He sneered. “He doesn’t want you?”

She rolled her eyes. “Ashton and his wife, Nicole loved each other deeply. Once I realized where Brent’s heart was, I filed for divorce and left Dallas.”

“Just like that—you left,” he said, incredulously.

“Yes. I refused to be a pawn or stick my head in the sand to hide from the truth. Today was the first time I’ve seen him in five years.”

“You still love him.” It was a statement.

“Of course, I love him. He’s family.”

“Then let me rephrase the question. Are you
in love
with him?

“It’s difficult to explain or to categorize Brent in my life.”

“Answer the question.”

The air was thick and charged with emotion. She wanted to give him the truth but the answer might not be what he wanted to hear. “I don’t know.”

The silence that clouded the room was heavy with agony—distrust—hurt. She felt it and she knew he did also. His face was a hard, cold mask. His eyes reflected so much disgust and pain she wanted to beg him to forgive her. But she couldn’t. Nothing she did would erase the doubt she’d just uttered.

“Do you expect me to stick around until you decide?”

“I just need some time, Jake.” She stretched her hands toward him, but they didn’t touch. “I’m confused…but I know everything will work out. It must.”

“Wishing it won’t make it happen, Melissa.”

“I know,” she said, softly.

He stared at her for a very long time. The silence stretched. The only sound in the room was the chime on the wall clock, announcing another hour had passed. She held his gaze, hoping he’d allow her to see some emotion, but he didn’t. What was he thinking or feeling? Only the heightened color in his face displayed his anger at her admission.

“I’ll take one of the guest bedrooms.”

The thread of steel in his tone sounded so final. It sent an uncomfortable feeling through her. She was scared.

“What’s that going to solve?” she said, urgently.

“We need space. We put the cart before the horse and now we’re paying for it, or rather I am.”

They both were like two bulls in a stand-off. She moved from the door, he opened it and walked through without looking back.

She blinked back the tears that flooded her eyes. Her heart was beating erratically, threatening to steal air from her lungs. She choked on her sobs. Finally, she knew what she’d always known—she didn’t want to lose him.

Chapter Four

Sheila’s mouth moved but Melissa couldn’t hear a thing. Her mind kept drifting back to the conversation she had with Jake.

For the first time in her life, she’d talked about her parents and the misery of growing up in a home devoid of parental love. Jake had mostly remained silent. After she was finished, he then walked out. That was three days ago. Each night he came home well past midnight and was gone by the time she arrived in the kitchen at 6 a.m. She took a sip of diet soda, glanced around the busy restaurant to gather her thoughts and leaned back against the cushioned seat.

“You haven’t heard a word I’ve said.” Sheila’s tone was laced with a little irritation. “What’s wrong with you?”

She tucked her hair behind her ear while she struggled to remember what Sheila was talking about. “I’m sorry, my mind was drifting. What did you say?”

Her friend tilted her head.

Melissa gently rubbed her tired eyes. Surviving on four hours of sleep per night was taking its toll.

She sighed and looked at her friend. “Alright. Let me have it.”

“I have known you for almost five years. I believe I know when something is wrong.”

“I’m fine. I just have a lot on my mind.” She pointed at Sheila’s round, pregnant belly. “How are you feeling? Excited yet?  Does John want another boy or girl? John Jr. is four now. Is he looking forward to being a big brother?”

“Wow.”

“What?”

“You’re really stressed. You never talk or ask questions in rapid succession. So come on and give. Is it Jake?  He’s my cousin but I’ll always have your back. I know Jake can be a bear. What has he done?”

Melissa squirmed in her seat. She wasn’t discussing Jake with Sheila. Although, she was her best friend long before she married Jake, Sheila was his family. To make matters more uncomfortable, the both of them were thick as thieves. That changed the parameters as to what were acceptable topics of conversation.

Sheila Sorenson-Flaherty, a beautiful, smart and petite blonde, was one of the best prosecutors in the state of California until she decided to get married and have babies. Being a stay-at-home mom agreed with her. It also helped that was she married to renowned entertainment attorney, John Flaherty. A tall Irishman, with jet-black hair and piercing dark eyes, he looked more like a dashing movie star than a lawyer. Sheila and he complemented each other in looks and personality.

She could intercept bullshit. Not much got past her.

“Nothing. I just have a lot on my mind. We’ve been courting James Lakeland for a few months now. It looks as if he’s ready to sell but he’s being skittish. I don’t want to blow this deal.”

“Are you kidding me? You’re one of the best negotiators at Sorensen Group. I have never known you to be nervous about a merger or a sale.”

Melissa grabbed her glass and drank deeply. “There’s a first time for everything.”

Sheila was silent for a long moment. Her deep gray eyes, so like her cousin’s, stared holes into her armor. “I know it’s more than that, so give.”

“I saw my ex-husband for the first time in years.”

“Oh, my goodness. Is he here…in L.A?”

“Yes.” She was quiet for a moment. “Jake knows about my previous marriage.”

“I told you to tell him before the two of you got married.”

Sheila had found out she was married during one of their tipsy girl’s getaway weekends. Melissa had talked too much about her past and woke up with a tremendous hangover the next morning. She hadn’t realized how much of her life she’d exposed until her friend mentioned it. Sheila had admonished her to tell Jake. She scoffed at the idea. At the time Jake was just someone she was dating and didn’t expect it to develop into anything serious. She’d asked Sheila not to say anything about her previous marriage to him. Although she hadn’t liked it, Sheila kept her secret.

“I know what you said. I just didn’t think it was important. His proposal was non-traditional. He laid out the facts why he thought we should get married and I agreed. There was none of the flowery stuff or getting down on one knee. To be honest, his proposal came as a surprise. I never envisioned him as the marrying type but we do work well together.”

Sheila laughed. “I know you’re not that blind. Jake is a tough man. Some would say downright dangerous. His company is extremely successful and he has more money than he would ever spend. He makes no allowances for his business or his personal life. He married you because he wanted you.”

“Our marriage isn’t based on a fairytale,” Melissa insisted.

“You’re sleeping with the man but you don’t know him at all.”

Melissa sucked her teeth and frowned deeply. “Okay. Since I don’t know anything about my husband, why don’t you tell me?”

“Nope.” Sheila tipped her mineral water to her lips and sipped.” This is one you have to work out yourself. Let me give you a little advice. Your ex-husband is your past. Leave him there.”

“Brent and I have been over for a long time.”

“Really? It may be for him, but what about you?”

Melissa lowered her eyes and then looked at her friend. “It’s done…history.” Her heart pounded at the words, knowing there was unfinished business with her ex-husband. She just didn’t know how much. But she knew if she let it prolong, it could cost her Jake.

“Good. How did the two of you reconnect anyway?”

“Brent was in Jake’s office when I walked in a few days ago.”

“Wow. Are you kidding me? Was he looking for you?”

“No. He was there on business.”

Sheila’s eyes widened. “Damn. Jake must’ve felt like a fool when he realized the man he was meeting was your ex-husband.”

“I didn’t know who he was until he turned around.” Melissa said defensively. “I was shocked and so was he. I hadn’t seen him since I left Dallas five years ago.  It’s what happened next that caused the rift with Jake.”

“Don’t tell me you locked lips with the man,” she joked.

Melissa clasped her fingers tightly in her lap and tried to appear calm. Sheila’s eyes were glued on her.

“It happened before I knew it. I didn’t stop to think about how it may have looked to Jake. It was as if time stood still and waited for Brent and me to catch up.”

“I was
only..
.” Sheila fell back in her chair, her mouth gaped open. “You mean to tell me Jake witnessed the lip-fest reunion? Did you explain the kiss meant nothing?”

“No.”

“What do you mean no?”

“I couldn’t honestly say it was nothing. Although we got divorced, I have loved him for a long time. He occupied a large part of my heart. It’s been that way most of my life.”

Her friend looked at her as if she’d lost her mind. “Damn. Melissa. The man dumped you for another woman and you’re still hung up on him?”

“It’s a lot more complicated than that. We have history.”

“Tell Jake that and see what happens.” Sheila paused for a moment. “Are you leaving my cousin for your ex?”

She said it with such reproach that Melissa was taken aback. The thought never crossed her mind. Thinking about it now left heaviness in her chest she couldn’t decipher. She knew the path she was going down could cause a lot of problems but she needed to examine what was happening between her and Brent. She owed it to herself.  Didn’t she?

“Couples run into rough patches, Sheila.”

“You’ve only been married for three months.”

“We’ll get through it,” she said, forcefully.

“You won’t with your ex still in the picture.”

“Jake is just being stubborn. He’ll come around.”

It came out with more confidence than she felt.

“Go ahead and keep the blinders on, my friend. Jake isn’t going to sit back and wait for you to get another man out of your system. Life doesn’t work that way, especially with a Sorensen.”

“I’ll figure it out.”

“Is your ex-husband still in town?”

“I believe so.”

“Have you met with him?”

“No.”

Sheila’s laser gaze held hers. “But you’re in contact with him,” she said matter-of-factly.

“We’ve talked on the phone. The scene in Jake’s office wasn’t pretty. He wanted to make sure I was alright.”

The excuse sounded flimsy even to her ears.

“You want to see him again, don’t you?”

Melissa frowned. “I’m not on trial, Sheila.” 

“Then you have nothing to hide, do you?”

She was silent.

“You don’t have to say anything. I see it in your eyes.” Sheila grunted, disgust was evident in her tone. “You’re my friend, but Jake is my blood. He’s rough around the edges, but still a great man. He doesn’t let down his guard easily, but he did with you. A lot of people see him as cold and heartless but there’s a side of him that’s vulnerable, especially when it comes to you. I won’t stand idly by and see him hurt.”

“I have no intention of hurting him.”

“You already have.”

Melissa flinched. “This isn’t about Jake, it’s about my demons and I need to exorcise them. I thought I had gotten past the betrayal I felt when Brent told me he wanted out of the marriage. I didn’t believe I would recover. I felt helpless and inadequate. He was in love with another woman. How did I compete? I kept asking myself, what did she have that I didn’t? Maybe if I’d lost more weight he would want me. What did she do for him that I didn’t do?

Melissa was breathing hard. She fought to hold back the tears as bile rose in her throat. She swallowed a few times to grab hold of her runaway emotions. Rehashing that time in her life hurt as much as it did all those years ago.

Sheila laid her hand on top of hers. “I’m sorry, Melissa. I can’t begin to know how you must’ve felt. But it doesn’t excuse what you’re doing now. Life has given you a second chance. You are a grown woman and married to a wonderful man. He’s not perfect but he’s loyal. Of course, he has his faults. Who doesn’t? But he’s a decent and honorable person. Don’t let your past ruin your future.”

Melissa removed her hand and put it in her lap to stop the trembling.

“I won’t,” she uttered, half-heartedly. She felt embarrassed at how much she’d revealed.

After a long moment of silence, Sheila said, “You’re heading down a dark road, Melissa. But I’m not going to continue to press the issue. I would like to ask, did you know the woman?”

Melissa nodded. “She was a part of our group of friends. We all hung out together. Her aunt and Brent’s mother were best friends. I could tell she had a crush on Brent. It didn’t matter because all the girls did. I ignored it. We were so young and carefree back then. I always thought of her as his little sister because that was how he treated her. But things changed.  I didn’t know about his feelings for her until after we were married. I was devastated but I was determined to hold on to him.”

“You’re still holding on to him.”

Melissa took a deep breath. “Brent and I need closure.”

“Really? It sounds like it’s much more. Maybe you want to see if the fire is still burning. You’re fooling yourself and playing a dangerous game, Melissa. Jake won’t let you belittle or shame him. You need to respect what you have with Jake. You’d better be careful. Being alone is a bitch.”

“You don’t understand.”

“You’re right and I don’t want to.”

“I’ve got to go.” Sheila placed bills on the table, and walked through the restaurant doors. 

Melissa was afraid she might have lost her best friend—her only friend.