Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love (24 page)

On a deep level, most women seem to understand this, yet they still get upset when the “sex-is-sex” aspect of male behavior shows itself in such ways as ogling other women, reading lingerie catalogs, and looking at porn. Then women complain that men “just want me for sex” or have “kinky” requests.

As we have said, the male brain is like a honeycomb of rooms and each room has its own special function. One room may contain spatial ability, the next has speech function, another has love, and so on. But most men have a special room that
many women don’t have and don’t understand—it’s called the “Nothing Room.” Its name describes exactly what happens in this room—nothing. Not only is it empty, it’s a favorite room for most men. This is a place where a man’s mind goes when he’s fishing, watching TV, or just sitting in a chair with a blank look on his face. The Nothing Room has a purpose—to regenerate mental energy. A man needs four to five short meditations each day when he visits the Nothing Room to reenergize. Women do not have this same brain need, so when a man is in it, they ask, “What are you thinking?” When he answers, “Nothing,” the woman sees this as a lie and accuses him of concealing things from her. He thought he was just going to chill out for ten minutes, and suddenly he’s in an argument about thinking nothing. When a man says he’s thinking about nothing, it’s usually true. He’s also deaf at the time, so don’t discuss anything important with him—write him a note.

Women everywhere are dumbfounded by the obsession that men have with breasts. Breast augmentation is now one of the most widely performed operations in the world and shows the lengths women will go to to get their share of men’s attention.

Only female humans have buttocks and breasts. Other female primates have mammary glands inside the chest and long nipples for feeding. Most of female human breast tissue is fat, which serves no apparent purpose—or does it? Like most mammals, human males once mounted their females only from behind, and the female fleshy buttocks served as a signaling system. Now that humans stand on two legs and face each other, the female buttock display has evolved on the chest to mimic the round buttock lobes that attract males. They might not know it, but that’s why women wear push-up bras and boob tubes and have surgery to enhance their cleavage. In
The Definitive Book of Body Language
, we revealed how we conducted photographic tests in which men were asked to differentiate
between a butt crack and a boob crack—no men could tell the difference, but they all found both cracks very stimulating.

So, ladies, should you encourage men to breast gaze? No, it’s not necessary. He doesn’t need encouragement. He’ll do it anyway.

To avoid conflict, most men tell women what they want to hear. As males become older and more experienced, they become more and more comfortable at telling lies to women about love and sex. It’s not because men want to lie; it’s because women are often unhappy about hearing the truth when they ask a question. Although most men will deny it, lying to women is something they become good at, and it’s a game women encourage men to play. From a man’s standpoint, a white lie, a half-truth, or some believable line, such as how his partner is the only woman he ever wants to have sex with, is usually a safe option and prevents being sent to sleep on the sofa. When another woman wiggles past with her boobs hanging out, however, a man’s brain is wired to take it all in and he receives a shot of dopamine for a feel-good response. His body is specifically designed for this reaction, and it has little to do with his feelings or love for his partner. When his partner accuses him of ogling, his usual first reaction is to lie, lie, and deny: “Darling, I wasn’t looking,” “You’re much more attractive than her,” “Why would I look at her when I’ve got you?” and so on—you’ve heard the lines. When a woman takes this accusatory path with a man, she trains him to lie to avoid negative consequences for himself and to protect her feelings.

Interestingly, the studies we discussed in
Why Men Lie & Women Cry
about lying and deception show that three out of four women admitted to lying to men to gain an advantage. Although 73% of the women said they flirted with a man or used hints of the possibility of sex to gain a favor or benefit, only half the men reported that they were aware of lies being “planted” on them. In contrast, 71% of men admitted to lying to a woman to get her to have sex with him, for example, exaggerating how significant a woman was in their life or saying, “I love you,” when they didn’t mean it—but 97% of women reported that they were aware of such lies being told.

If a woman teaches a man to lie about little things, however, he’ll soon become confident in lying about bigger things. And whether women will admit it or not, they feel more secure when men lie to them about sex. Men learn early that talking in terms of a woman’s value keeps her around longer and keeps her off his case.

The following lies are used by men everywhere and are told to women when the consequences of telling the truth are too severe. Among the women we asked to comment on these lies,
75% said their male partner would never use them, yet 85% of the men admitted to having told some of them at some time in their past relationships.

1. “I’d never cheat on you.”
   If Beyoncé threw herself naked at his feet, he would definitely consider his options. It doesn’t mean he would do it; it means he’d definitely consider it, and research shows that around half
   would
   do it. Denial is a safe option because such opportunities rarely ever present themselves anyway.
   

2. “I would never/have never been to a strip club.”
   Given the controls put on men by women and society, they definitely won’t admit to this one. And yes, men definitely would like to have sex with those strippers.
   

3. “I’m not into that sort of thing.”
   Men use this lie in response to a woman’s repulsion to a kinky sex act she’s seen on TV or to her interrogation into what he wants from sex. The reality is, he’d love to try it.
   

4. “I’ve never thought about sleeping with your friends.”
   No, especially not the one with the sporty body and the big boobs. He’s always thinking about it, even about the ugly ones. It doesn’t mean he’ll do it; it means he thinks about it whether you like it or not.
   

5. “I’m not interested in porn.”
   Yeah, right. So he’s the only man in the world who has never accessed the multi-trillion-dollar Internet porn business. An estimated 68% of Internet sites visited are porn, but he’s never seen one? It’s easier to believe in Santa Claus than this.
   

6. “I’ve never imagined that chick at the reception desk giving me a blowjob.”
   Well, not since he saw her last anyway. The fact that you call her a “cheap slut” makes her even more attractive because then he thinks she’s more likely to have sex with him.
   

7. “I’m happy to give up my life for you.”
   No, he’s not, but with the trade-off of regular sex, some mothering, cooked meals, a clean house, and less aggravation in his life, he’ll do it until further notice.
   

8. “I don’t think about sex with every woman I meet.”
   Not only does he mentally undress every woman he sees, he imagines the repertoire of positions he could try with them, and sometimes he thinks about them when he has sex with you. He will definitely deny this one.
   

9. “I’d never lie to you.”
   He will tell you whatever is necessary to avoid tears or conflict with you. If you challenge the lie, he’ll say it was necessary because you can’t handle the truth.
   

10. “I wasn’t looking at her boobs.”
    He definitely
    was
    looking at them, but he lies because he doesn’t want trouble from you. Women can’t handle the truth, remember?
    

Any woman who reads out these lies to a man will usually be greeted with a response like “No! That’s not true of me! The authors have got it wrong!” No … we’ve done our research, and one of us (the authors) is a man. Most men will acknowledge the truth about these lies or tell jokes to each other about them, but they would never tell any woman who may provide them with benefits that they do this.

In summary, most men will do and say whatever is necessary to keep women happy, to get them off their backs and get more sex. They will serve up as much charm, sincerity, compliments, attention, kindness, and romantic acts as it takes to get a woman’s attention and keep her placated. This male characteristic can be seen by women as insincere, conspiring, and manipulative, but men see it as a form of self-defense. It’s not good or bad—it’s just the way it is, so accept it and manage men within the confines of these behaviors. The bottom line is
that a relationship is always based on an exchange of goods and services.

The “hourglass” figure has been the focus of art for thousands of years, and it is the woman’s curves, not her weight or fat content, that matters.

At puberty, a rise in estrogen causes fat deposits to accumulate on the hips and upper thighs of girls, to be used as a source of food in the event of hard times and for breast-feeding. In a series of twelve tests, psychologist Devendra Singh discovered that a hips-to-waist ratio of 0.67 to 0.8 is an accurate indicator of a woman’s reproductive status and is, consequently, the ratio most attractive to men. This ratio means that a woman’s waist measurement is 70% of the measurement of her hips. In these studies, Singh tested how attracted men were to female figures and found that the 0.7 hips-to-waist ratio was without doubt the most attractive, regardless of the amount of body fat a woman had. In other words, even if the woman was overweight, she was still seen as attractive if she had the right ratio.

Singh analyzed thirty years of
Playboy
centerfolds and found that even though the centerfold women became thinner over the years, the 70% hips-to-waist ratio was a constant. Ratios higher than 70% revealed lower levels of health and fertility, as did ratios lower than 70%. The wrong ratio meant that a woman had significantly less chance of becoming pregnant and successfully carrying a man’s genes.

We analyzed the paintings of the Old Masters and found that even though the women painted then were much larger than today’s models, the 70% hips-to-waist ratio remained a constant.

In the British Safeway poll of 500 people, 87% of men said they liked a woman to be curvaceous and the right weight for her height and the vast majority of men preferred a woman to
be curvy rather than thin. Only 8% preferred “very thin, bordering on underweight” women, and 92% liked “voluptuous” women. Interestingly, the response was almost identical among women, with 88% thinking curvaceous women were a bigger turn-on for men than thin women. So when it comes to an attractive female body, as far as men are concerned, it’s about shape, not weight.

A UFO is a mythical object that most men have heard of but no one seems to be able to find. The G-spot is a group of nerve endings covering up to three square centimeters usually located on the front upper area of the vagina. It’s the place where the nerve endings of the clitoris intersect, and though it’s strong in some women, it can be weak or nonresponsive in others. It was “discovered” by Dr. Ernst Grafenberg in 1950; he never mentioned how he discovered it. Because of its front-upper location, doggy-style sex is usually the best way for the penis to stimulate it.

Because the typical man has little idea what the G-spot is all about, it becomes incumbent on a woman to teach him where it is and tell him what to do with it.

Making an approach to a woman carries huge risks, and most men have fragile egos because rejection is seen as a failure on
their part. If a woman refuses, a man can feel crushed. In the animal kingdom, the majority of male creatures simply have to show their sex organs to the female of their species to initiate sex. For animals, it’s rare for the female to laugh, turn away, or say she has a headache. Men have to deal with this kind of rejection regularly, however, and it doesn’t get any easier with experience. This is why most men would love the woman in their lives to make the first move far more often. It eases their feeling of obligation to initiate sex and makes them feel desired and important. Men can often achieve this by being much more attentive and loving to the women in their lives, which will usually make those women feel more inclined to suggest sex. If men practiced subtlety, they would end up getting what they wanted more often than if they simply asked.