William Shakespeare: The Complete Works 2nd Edition (35 page)

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Authors: William Shakespeare

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[Exit with Gremio]

BAPTISTA

I’ll after him, and see the event of this.

[
Exeunt
]

3.3
[Enter Lucentio as Cambio, and Tranio as Lucentio]

TRANIO

But, sir, to love concerneth us to add
Her father’s liking, which to bring to pass,
As I before imparted to your worship,
I am to get a man—whate’er he be
It skills not much, we’ll fit him to our turn—
And he shall be Vincentio of Pisa,
And make assurance here in Padua
Of greater sums than I have promised.
So shall you quietly enjoy your hope,
And marry sweet Bianca with consent.

LUCENTIO

Were it not that my fellow schoolmaster
Doth watch Bianca’s steps so narrowly,
‘Twere good, methinks, to steal our marriage,
Which once performed, let all the world say no,
I’ll keep mine own, despite of all the world.

TRANIO

That by degrees we mean to look into,
And watch our vantage in this business.
We’ll overreach the greybeard Gremio,
The narrow-prying father Minola,
The quaint musician, amorous Licio,
All for my master’s sake, Lucentio.

Enter Gremio

Signor Gremio, came you from the church?

GREMIO

As willingly as e’er I came from school.

TRANIO

And is the bride and bridegroom coming home?

GREMIO

A bridegroom, say you? ’Tis a groom indeed—
A grumbling groom, and that the girl shall find.

TRANIO

Curster than she? Why, ’tis impossible.

GREMIO

Why, he’s a devil, a devil, a very fiend.

TRANIO

Why, she’s a devil, a devil, the devil’s dam.

GREMIO

Tut, she’s a lamb, a dove, a fool to him.
I’ll tell you, Sir Lucentio: when the priest
Should ask if Katherine should be his wife,
‘Ay, by Gog’s woun’s,’ quoth he, and swore so loud
That all amazed the priest let fall the book,
And as he stooped again to take it up
This mad-brained bridegroom took him such a cuff
That down fell priest, and book, and book, and priest.
‘Now take them up,’ quoth he, ‘if any list.’

TRANIO

What said the vicar when he rose again?

GREMIO

Trembled and shook, forwhy he stamped and swore
As if the vicar meant to cozen him.
But after many ceremonies done
He calls for wine. ‘A health,’ quoth he, as if
He had been aboard, carousing to his mates
After a storm; quaffed off the muscatel
And threw the sops all in the sexton’s face,
Having no other reason
But that his beard grew thin and hungerly
And seemed to ask him sops as he was drinking.
This done, he took the bride about the neck
And kissed her lips with such a clamorous smack
That at the parting all the church did echo,
And I seeing this came thence for very shame,
And after me, I know, the rout is coming.
Such a mad marriage never was before.
Music plays
Hark, hark, I hear the minstrels play.

Enter Petruccio, Katherine, Bianca, Hortensio as
Licio, Baptista, Grumio, and others, attendants

PETRUCCIO

Gentlemen and friends, I thank you for your pains.
I know you think to dine with me today,
And have prepared great store of wedding cheer.
But so it is my haste doth call me hence,
And therefore here I mean to take my leave.

BAPTISTA

Is’t possible you will away tonight?

PETRUCCIO

I must away today, before night come.
Make it no wonder. If you knew my business,
You would entreat me rather go than stay.
And, honest company, I thank you all
That have beheld me give away myself
To this most patient, sweet, and virtuous wife.
Dine with my father, drink a health to me,
For I must hence; and farewell to you all.

TRANIO

Let us entreat you stay till after dinner.

PETRUCCIO

It may not be.

GREMIO Let me entreat you.

PETRUCCIO

It cannot be.

KATHERINE Let me entreat you.

PETRUCCIO

I am content.

KATHERINE Are you content to stay?

PETRUCCIO

I am content you shall entreat me stay,
But yet not stay, entreat me how you can.

KATHERINE

Now, if you love me, stay.

PETRUCCIO Grumio, my horse.

GRUMIO Ay, sir, they be ready. The oats have eaten the horses.

KATHERINE

Nay, then, do what thou canst, I will not go today,
No, nor tomorrow—not till I please myself.
The door is open, sir, there lies your way.
You may be jogging whiles your boots are green.
For me, I’ll not be gone till I please myself.
’Tis like you’ll prove a jolly, surly groom,
That take it on you at the first so roundly.

PETRUCCIO

O Kate, content thee. Prithee, be not angry.

KATHERINE

I will be angry. What hast thou to do?
Father, be quiet. He shall stay my leisure.

GREMIO

Ay, marry, sir. Now it begins to work.

KATHERINE

Gentlemen, forward to the bridal dinner.
I see a woman may be made a fool
If she had not a spirit to resist.

PETRUCCIO

They shall go forward, Kate, at thy command.
Obey the bride, you that attend on her.
Go to the feast, revel and domineer,
Carouse full measure to her maidenhead.
Be mad and merry, or go hang yourselves.
But for my bonny Kate, she must with me.
Nay, look not big, nor stamp, nor stare, nor fret.
I will be master of what is mine own.
She is my goods, my chattels. She is my house,
My household-stuff, my field, my barn,
My horse, my ox, my ass, my anything,
And here she stands, touch her whoever dare.
I’ll bring mine action on the proudest he
That stops my way in Padua. Grumio,
Draw forth thy weapon, we are beset with thieves.
Rescue thy mistress if thou be a man.
Fear not, sweet wench. They shall not touch thee,
Kate.
I’ll buckler thee against a million.

Exeunt Petruccio, Katherine, and Grumio

BAPTISTA

Nay, let them go-a couple of quiet ones!

GREMIO

Went they not quickly I should die with laughing.

TRANIO

Of all mad matches never was the like.

LUCENTIO

Mistress, what’s your opinion of your sister?

BIANCA

That being mad herself she’s madly mated.

GREMIO

I warrant him, Petruccio is Kated.

BAPTISTA

Neighbours and friends, though bride and bridegroom
wants
For to supply the places at the table,
You know there wants no junkets at the feast.
Lucentio, you shall supply the bridegroom’s place,
And let Bianca take her sister’s room.

TRANIO

Shall sweet Bianca practise how to bride it?

BAPTISTA

She shall, Lucentio. Come, gentlemen, let’s go.

Exeunt

4.1
Enter Grumio

GRUMIO Fie, fie on all tired jades, on all mad masters, and all foul ways. Was ever man so beaten? Was ever man so rayed? Was ever man so weary? I am sent before to make a fire, and they are coming after to warm them. Now were not I a little pot and soon hot, my very lips might freeze to my teeth, my tongue to the roof of my mouth, my heart in my belly ere I should come by a fire to thaw me. But I with blowing the fire shall warm myself, for considering the weather, a taller man than I will take cold. Holla! Hoa, Curtis!

Enter Curtis

CURTIS Who is that calls so coldly?

GRUMlO A piece of ice. If thou doubt it, thou mayst slide from my shoulder to my heel with no greater a run but my head and my neck. A fire, good Curtis!

CURTIS Is my master and his wife coming, Grumio?

GRUMlO O ay, Curtis, ay, and therefore fire, fire! Cast on no water.

CURTIS Is she so hot a shrew as she’s reported?

GRUMlO She was, good Curtis, before this frost; but thou know’st, winter tames man, woman, and beast, for it hath tamed my old master, and my new mistress, and myself, fellow Curtis.

CURTIS Away, you three-inch fool. I am no beast.

GRUMIO Am I but three inches? Why, thy horn is a foot, and so long am I, at the least. But wilt thou make a fire, or shall I complain on thee to our mistress, whose hand—she being now at hand—thou shalt soon feel to thy cold comfort, for being slow in thy hot office.

CURTIS I prithee, good Grumio, tell me—how goes the world?

GRUMIO A cold world, Curtis, in every office but thine. And therefore fire, do thy duty, and have thy duty, for my master and mistress are almost frozen to death.

CURTIS There’s fire ready, and therefore, good Grumio, the news.

GRUMIO Why, ‘Jack boy, ho boy!’, and as much news as wilt thou.

CURTIS Come, you are so full of cony-catching.

GRUMIO Why, therefore fire, for I have caught extreme cold. Where’s the cook? Is supper ready, the house trimmed, rushes strewed, cobwebs swept, the servingmen in their new fustian, the white stockings, and every officer his wedding garment on? Be the Jacks fair within, the Jills fair without, the carpets laid, and everything in order?

CURTIS All ready, and therefore, I pray thee, news.

GRUMIO First, know my horse is tired, my master and mistress fallen out.

CURTIS How?

GRUMIO Out of their saddles into the dirt, and thereby hangs a tale.

CURTIS Let’s ha’t, good Grumio.

GRUMIO Lend thine ear.

CURTIS Here.

GRUMTO (
cuffing him
) There.

CURTIS This ’tis to feel a tale, not to hear a tale.

GRUMlO And therefore ’tis called a sensible tale, and this cuff was but to knock at your ear and beseech listening. Now I begin.
Inprimis,
we came down a foul hill, my master riding behind my mistress.

CURTIS Both of one horse?

GRUMIO What’s that to thee?

CURTIS Why, a horse.

GRUMlO Tell thou the tale. But hadst thou not crossed me thou shouldst have heard how her horse fell and she under her horse; thou shouldst have heard in how miry a place, how she was bemoiled, how he left her with the horse upon her, how he beat me because her horse stumbled, how she waded through the dirt to pluck him off me, how he swore, how she prayed that never prayed before, how I cried, how the horses ran away, how her bridle was burst, how I lost my crupper, with many things of worthy memory which now shall die in oblivion, and thou return unexperienced to thy grave.

CURTIS By this reckoning he is more shrew than she.

GRUMIO Ay, and that thou and the proudest of you all shall find when he comes home. But what talk I of this? Call forth Nathaniel, Joseph, Nicholas, Philip, Walter, Sugarsop, and the rest. Let their heads be sleekly combed, their blue coats brushed, and their garters of an indifferent knit. Let them curtsy with their left legs and not presume to touch a hair of my master’s horse-tail till they kiss their hands. Are they all ready?

CURTIS They are.

GRUMIO Call them forth.

CURTIS (
calling
) Do you hear, ho? You must meet my master to countenance my mistress.

GRUMIO Why, she hath a face of her own.

CURTIS Who knows not that?

GRUMIO Thou, it seems, that calls for company to countenance her.

CURTIS I call them forth to credit her.