Winning Back Ryan (8 page)

I heard Ben and George’s drunken laughter as the camera went down the dorm hallway. It appeared in the video that Ben was the one holding the camcorder because George was the face appearing on the video.

“Let’s go see what Annie’s doing,” George said.

“Yeah, maybe she’s got some more of those cookies she baked,” Ben replied.

“Do you know that she put these gray little potpourri satchels in my clothes drawers the other day after you guys complained about the smell of the detergent I used? My clothes smell like sandalwood now. Did you even know they made such a thing? Little scented, grey, silk bag things?” George asked.

“
Naa. Man. I didn’t know. But, your clothes smell a lot better now. Throw that detergent away. It smells like sweaty ass,” Ben replied.

“That detergent was twelve bucks a bottle. But, damn my clothes smell good now. I keep sniffing myself in class now. We’re keeping her forever right?
She’s always gonna be our Annie, right? And she’ll always bake cookies for us and put nice smelling shit in our homes, right?” George asked and nearly stumbled face first into the wall.

“Yeah, she’ll always be our Annie; we’ll always take of her,” Ben replied, though his words were slurred; it was hard to understand him.

They rounded the corner of the hall way. Ryan had a girl pressed against the wall, his lips trailing down her neck. I didn’t recognize the girl at all.

“What the fuck, Ryan?” Ben shouted.

George grabbed Ryan, yanking him off of the girl. As she looked up confused and frightened, George barked at her, “Get lost.”

She ran down the hall, and they both turned their attention back on Ryan. “Don’t tell Annie about this,” Ryan said calmly.

“Why the fuck not?” Ben shouted. “She’ll get rid of you, and we get her back. Sounds like a win-win situation.”

Ryan ran a hand through his hair. It was his ‘I’m frustrated’ move. “No, you won’t. You’ll just lose her and break her heart in the same moment. She will never side with you even with the evidence right in front of her. I see it in her eyes. I’m her everything.
Her present and her future. She’ll never let you ruin that for her.” He ran another hand through his hair. “And I love her.”

“How could you say that?” George barked.

Ryan glanced at him. “Just because a guy cheats on a girl doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love her. Annie is…” He rubbed the stubble on his chin. “The girl you marry, not the girl you play around with.” He let out a long frustrated sigh. “I met her a little too young…that’s all.”

“You’re going to keep cheating on her?” Ben asked. “No fucking way.”

Ryan shook his head. “No more. I swear. Just Annie. I didn’t do anything with that chick besides kiss her neck. That’s all.” He glanced at them, his eyes travelling back and forth. “So, can I go now?”

George nodded at Ryan. As he turned to walk away, George’s fist yanked back and pounded Ryan in the face. “Now you can go,” he replied darkly.  Ryan stumbled backwards, hitting into the wall. “If I ever catch you even looking at another girl funny, I will fucking end you. Your eyes are for Annie alone, your cock is hers alone, or you break up with her…gently.”

Ryan stared at them dumbfounded. I watched in horror as his right eye began to swell shut. “You two are fucking crazy.”

“You haven’t seen crazy yet. Trust me,” Ben replied.

Ryan turned stumbling down the hall as George glanced at the camera. “I say we go show this to Annie anyway.”

The two stumbled down the hallway and turned another corner before coming to my door. They knocked loudly several times. The door opened, and I stood there in flannel pajama bottoms and a tank top, rubbing my eyes. “What are you guys doing?” I asked, sleepily. “It’s three in the morning. Is everything alright?”

I gasped, realizing what night this was- four nights after I lost my virginity.

“Annie, you
gotta see this.” Ben held up his camcorder. “Take it and watch it.” He nearly fell over from his level of intoxication.

“Jesus Christ.” I grabbed his arms to steady him. “What did you guys take?” I looked into his eyes. “Are you just drunk? Is this just alcohol? Or did you take something else?” I frowned with worry.

“That’s not important. Annie, you have to fucking watching this.” Ben nearly hit me in the face with the camera swinging it at me.

I took the camera from him. “You don’t need to record yourselves acting like this.”

The screen went black. Tears slid down my cheeks as I felt Ben watching me.

             
“That was the week Ryan ended up in the infirmary for that strange virus he supposedly had, and I wasn’t allowed to see him.”

             
“Yup. He just didn’t want you to see what George did to him,” Ben explained.

The pieces started falling into place.

              “And…those pictures.” I pointed back towards the dining room table. “Ryan’s black eye a month ago. Did George do that, too?” I asked.

             
“Nope. That was all me,” Ben said smugly.

             
“He said a crazy, homeless man elbowed him on the subway coming home when he tried to help him,” I replied, remembering that night as I ran to the refrigerator for an ice pack the moment he stepped through our apartment door. I told him I didn’t want him taking that route home anymore until the cops cleaned it up. He was tender that night when he made love to me. More tender than I ever remembered. Fresh tears spilled down my cheeks.

             
“How do you have those pictures?” I asked.

             
“I came by to see Ryan at his job…and found that,” Ben replied.

             
“Why were you going to see Ryan at work?” I asked.

             
Ben shook his head, his jaw clenched. “Don’t worry about it.”

             
“You’re not going to tell me. Are you?” I asked.

             
He shook his head curtly. “Nope.” I saw the conviction in his eyes. I would never know the ‘why’.

             
“That was very stupid.” My words came out drenched in disapproval. “You could have been hurt. He could have sued you.  Someone else could have gotten video of it. You could have ended up in the paper or on the news.” I rubbed my head. “If your father found out about this…”

             
“He knows. I got that talk already.” He shrugged his shoulders, and he wore his ‘I don’t care’ look.

             
“Ben, that’s not alright. You have to care. You’re not just anybody. You have to act smarter than that. Did you even think about the risk?” I asked him, though my voice held no heat.

             
But, his gaze held mine, his jaw clenched. “Of course I knew the risk. I don’t need you or anyone else to tell me who I am.” He closed the laptop and placed it back on the bed with a little more force than necessary.

             
“Why?” The words came out a near whisper.

             
His light brown eyes shown with intensity. “Because I will
kill
that prick before I watch you go back to him. Do you understand that, Princess?” He slid his cigarette pack out of his back pocket, taking one out. I watched as he held it between his lips while lighting it up. After taking a drag, he continued, “If you refuse to save yourself, then you leave me no choice.” 

             
“Ben,” My words came out soft. “I’m not worth ruining your reputation or your life over. No one is.”

              “Well…” He exhaled his smoke. “I disagree.”

I wasn’t able to ask him any more questions, because there was a knocking at the door. When I turned, three heads peaked in.

              George answered the question in my eyes. “We tried telling you so many times. We tried showing you that video four other times….”

             
“Yeah, you were drunk every time! I didn’t take you seriously!” I shouted, rubbing my forehead.

It didn’t matter, though. Ryan, of all people, was absolutely right. I would have never believed them. I didn’t even want to believe what he was when I saw it happening right in front of me. I would have likely stopped being friends with them, and chose Ryan after he spun some bullshit story. I wanted to believe in him so badly. It nearly cost me everything.

              “We honestly thought that he was being faithful. We didn’t know about the Kelly incident. Not until those pictures…” Brian added.

I stood there quietly for a moment, collecting myself before walking towards the door. I wasn’t angry at them. They had defended my honor and put themselves at risk. I wasn’t even angry that they didn’t try harder to let me know. Honestly, I was
pissed
at myself.

             
“Where are you going?” Brian asked.

             
I turned around, taking in a deep breath. “I’m going lingerie shopping.”

They all blinked silently. I could see the silent stream of questions in their eyes, unsure which ones to ask first.

              “l’m not mad at any of you. I’m sorry for putting you in such a difficult position.” I rubbed my forehead as a painful headache started settling in. “I just want you guys to know. It’s not that I didn’t believe in you guys. I just…wanted to believe in him more.”

             
A new stream of questions ran across his eyes. “You’re not going to yell at them?” Max asked.

             
I shook my head. “I don’t know if I believe Ryan’s statement that a man can love a woman and still cheat on her. But, that doesn’t matter.”

             
“Why not?” Brian nearly shouted the words.

             
Fresh tears rolled down my face. “Because that’s not the kind of love that I want in my life. And that’s all that really matters concerning him and me.” I could scarcely explain how I felt at that moment. I barely understood the tornado of emotions inside me. All I knew at that moment was that my pride kept me holding on to Ryan. To admit that I had erred, that I had chosen wrong, that I had given my heart to someone unworthy hurt more than simply trying to clutch onto broken pieces of a relationship.  And if I was being truly honest with myself, I had more fun with my friends in the last two days than I had with Ryan in the last month. I didn’t know if there were different kinds of romantic love out there, but ours just didn’t seem to be enough.

             
“Besides, he’s always been like a ten, and I’ve been like a five. Our relationship never made sense, not even in the beginning. I have no idea what he saw in me, or why he wanted to stay. And by that video I just saw, I get the feeling that he saw me as a pinch hitter. And that’s not what I want…I want to be more than that to someone,” I explained.

             
“Annie, you’re not a five,” Brian said. “And he’s definitely not a ten.”

I smiled mirthlessly. Best friends always knew how to be encouraging or comforting. But, that’s not what I wanted right now. 

              “I just mean physically. Not personality or anything else. Purely physical, I am like a five. And he is definitely a ten. But, that’s alright.”

             
“Why is that alright?” Ben asked.

             
“Because I’m going to go make myself a ten physically with a fifteen personality. And then Ryan can eat shit and die.” I readjusted my ponytail, catching the hair falling out to secure it. “I’m not sure who I am anymore, but I know who I’m not. And maybe that’s a good start.”

They all glanced at each other for a moment, silently speaking.

              “So, we’re going lingerie shopping?” Ben asked hopefully as he tossed the butt of his cigarette into a red plastic cup.

             
I shook my head. “I’m going lingerie shopping. I don’t know what you’re doing.”

             
“Why are you going lingerie shopping?” Brian asked.

             
I shrugged. “I want to see what the fuss is, why Ryan thought it was so important. Besides…”I grinned widely. “maybe it’s time for a little revenge.”

             
“You gotta let me come!” Ben howled.

             
I shook my head. “I’ll die of embarrassment. I’m sure of it.”

His hands gripped his hair as he growled in frustration.

              “Thanks, guys, for everything. You’re the best,” I said, smiling before I made my way to the door.

             
“Hey, wait up!” I turned to find Brian next to me. “We’re still going comforter shopping, right?”

             
“Are you going to be okay with-” I bit my lower lip, unsure how to ask.

             
“Coming with you to a lingerie store?” he asked, smirking. “I’ll grin and bear it.”

I chuckled at him, but had the suddenly need to be out of that apartment immediately, like I would suffocate if I stayed in there a minute longer.