Without Knowing (When You Wake Book 1) (10 page)

“Sounds great, looks like 8 o’clock on the schedule.” I grabbed the laminated sheet off the desk.

“We’ll all be in uniform.” He headed to the door. “Ma’am, I really hope you cover up in the presence of men. You are unclaimed, after all.”

“And what century are you from?” I was becoming more annoyed with his old school speech.

“I’ll see you at dinner.” He shut the door.

I read over the schedule and he didn’t expect me for the workouts, time in the common room or living room. He seemed just as uncomfortable with what I was wearing as I was, but my response to his recommendation obviously upset him.

I suspected I wouldn’t be bothered for the rest of the day, but I wouldn’t risk allowing the picture or notepad to be seen. I thought of Seth’s tardiness. It wasn’t like him or the other’s to leave my door unattended. Regardless, I was grateful for the chance to find out anything new with my own two eyes.

The dining room was dimly lit with each guy waiting at their seat. Seth almost seemed relieved as I entered the room. I decided on a modest long sleeve turtleneck and jean skirt that hung down to my ankles. My attire wasn’t for him.

Candles filled the room and table, the men stood as Seth tucked me into my seat at the head of the table, Seth seat was at the opposite end.

“I hope you don’t mind, but we’re not used to bright and fancy.” The gentleman to my immediate right sat first.

“We enjoy low-key,” the youngest spoke from the back corner seated next to Seth.

“It’s perfect and everything smells delicious. Who should I thank for our meal this evening?” I placed the napkin on my lap.

“Thomas, a fine lad. With your permission, I ask that he say grace.” Seth pointed to the man sitting on the other side of him.

“Of course.” We bowed our heads.

As Thomas prayed, I watched as each man cherished his words. The prayer over a candle lit meal felt, oddly, as things should.

They all knew each other. As we said our amens and with respect, served each other from the dishes closest to us before anyone ate. It was the only sense of structure I enjoyed. I yearned for this company.

“So, Ms. Eva,” Jake, as they called the young one sitting next to Seth, spoke. “I’m surprised you haven’t returned home.”

The not so subtle kick under the table ended our natural conversation over Thomas’ culinary skills in the kitchen. Everyone stopped eating, unable to ignore what was said.

“Don’t mind him,” Seth spoke wiping the corner of his mouth.

“I’d love to know what you mean, Jake.” I removed my napkin from my lap and placed it on the table.

“I didn’t mean anything, Ma’am.” Jake hunched over his plate adding another fork full of lasagna into his mouth.

I pushed my chair away from the table, watching each man at their seat.

“Eva, please.” Seth stood and added to my barely touched glass of wine.

Each sat in their seat noticeably nervous. Thomas leaned with his mouth on his fingers playing with his lips. Jake continued to eat his food avoiding eye contact. The other four men at the table twitched, played with their hair, their hands, and tapped their fingers on the table.

I questioned their reaction and their treatment of me since their arrival. Regardless of my treatment of them during my lock down, Seth most of all, had changed his tune.

“Jake, would you mind?” I asked again.

He signed heavily as if thinking carefully through what he was going to say. “I just wondered when you were going home is all.”

Before I could inhale on that thought, Seth spoke, “I’m sorry, Ms. Eva. Jake, isn’t aware of your situation.”

“Please, stop speaking for the kid. I appreciate that you’re trying to cover for him as he said something he shouldn’t have, but I would consider it a favor if you would let it go, as it was all of you that gave it away.”

The men rushed to their forks and continued eating. They knew they were partially to blame for making a mountain out of a molehill.

“You’ve given yourselves away. You obviously know more than I.” How was the security more aware of the details of my life? How were they allowed to know more than me?

“If you ask us to betray…”

“Why is this conversation of my previous home a secret? This is my home now. I have no plans to return anywhere since I’m already home.” I was careful with my words.

They hesitated before another bite. They almost seemed confused, and upset, by what I said.

“Thank you all for a wonderful evening. I will see you in the morning.”

As I stood, they stood. I walked into the hall, but instead of going to my room, I headed down the hall for some fresh air. It was frustrating knowing that everyone knew more about me than I did. I flipped through each of their faces waiting for something to jump out at me. The setting was so familiar while they were not. I walked out to the gazebo, hoping to clear my head.

I played dumb far too long and the momentary night and day filled with the possibilities of answers was depleting. I thought back to the warmth I felt holding the quilt from the chest. His hands and arms wrapped around me comforting me while the thoughts of gold were interrupted.

“You can’t be out here!” Seth grabbed my arm.

“Yeah, I don’t care.”

“I’ve broken enough rules for you. I can’t do anything for you if I’m fired.” He pulled me towards the house.

I shrugged him away leaving us in the middle of the yard. The crashing of the waves echoed behind us.

“What was all of that?” I pointed at the house.

“Don’t ask me that.” His face was stern.

“Yeah, I’m staying out here. I need the air. At least out here no one can lie to me.”

“You’d be surprised.” His eyebrows arched.

“And what is that supposed to mean?” I threw my hands in the air.

“Stop asking me questions I can’t answer.” He shook me, bringing me closer to him, both hands on either of my shoulders.

Before I could banter back, his lips were on mine, the care and passion, the tenderness. My body responded in surprise as I forgot about everything, my anger melting away. And for a moment, I was okay.

The wind picked up bringing me to my senses and I pulled away. He was confused and the look of shock increased in his eyes.

“If you will excuse me, I’m going to my room.” I moved around Seth.

“Stop,” anger poured from his mouth.

“I’ve really had enough for one evening,” I continued.

“Are you kidding me? We’ve all gone through a lot of trouble to bring you home and you want to screw that up?”

I stopped.

“We thought you were dead and now that we’ve found you, you want to be difficult.” His face scrunched at me.

“Bring me home?” My warnings of Seth, my fall, could they all be connected?

“We never stopped looking for you, you know?” He took a step closer.

I stepped back keeping the distance between us wide. “Why didn’t you just tell me that? We could just leave. Nothing is stopping us. I could have all the answers now and we could just go.” His eyes frightened me.

“We needed to know what Caleb has planned for you, so we can stop him before he comes for you again.”

“He took me?”

“From the Colony, our home.”

“You’re all from there.” He made so much sense that none of it made sense. Caleb couldn’t have taken me, I was running from someone to Caleb.

“We are, my brothers, you’re followers.”

“My followers?” I don’t have followers. I’m not a leader.

“Yes, you’re our Vatic. A type of seer.”

I tried to hide how unsurprised I was. “I’m not a seer. I can’t be. I don’t have gifts…”

“When we met, you saw something. We shook hands and you fell.” He took another step towards me, reaching out to me. I stepped back again.

“I passed out from exhaustion.” I couldn’t tell him what I saw. Those images made me hate him.

“You really don’t remember what you can do.” He frowned.

“I don’t know anything.” I held my head.

“You don’t just see things, you feel them.” He walked closer to me. I stood perfectly still; afraid that any movement would break the pieces I was finally putting together.

“Electricity,” I breathed.

“You have felt it.” He ran his fingers up my arms. “Your eyes turn this beautiful shade of light blue.” His lips kissed my eyelids as his hands held my head.

“No one has said anything about them before.”

“Caleb’s been lying to you all along.” His eyes strengthened his words, but this felt too easy. I couldn’t ignore what I saw when we touched.

“Who says I should believe you? You haven’t been up front with me either.”

“We allowed you time to roam the house this morning. I’m sure you’ve had your own suspicions. We knew you needed to see them without his interference.”

“And Caroline?”

“She is one of us.” He nodded.

“Then I know I can’t trust you.” I broke from his hold and hurried through the house and up to my room. Before I could shut the door, he was behind me locking us in the room together.

“After all I’ve told you, you still don’t believe me?” He pushed me against the door.

“I did not give you permission to come in here.”

“I need you to understand that you can trust us.” He pressed against me, forcing my face up.

“You’re scaring me,” my voice shook.

“No.” He backed away from me.

“I think you’d better leave.” I distanced myself from him.

“I want you to trust me, all of us.”

I stood with my arms folded.

“The hall you aren’t allowed to go down…You’ll find some answers there and when you do, you’ll have Caroline to thank for that.” Seth left me to my thoughts.

The Colony is my home? Caleb is a kidnapper? I have followers? I’m a Vatic? I will be thanking Caroline? Yep, this was not how I saw my day going.

Chapter 10

The Gift

I tried to piece everything together. The ocean of thoughts flooding over me included new and old, confusing me more. If I didn’t stop and walk through his crap one step at a time, my head was going to end up in fragments on the floor.

I could accept the name Seth called me, a Vatic. My Pulls were the only thing I knew to be real. Even if I couldn’t understand them, I trusted them. If there was a name for a person like me, at least I knew I didn’t need that straight jacket.

Simplicity at its best brought me the comfort of feeling like home. Dinner around a table, without the fancy service or eighteen utensils for a meal gave me a sense a family unlike anything I felt with Caleb and Caroline. If this was the life at the Colony, I understood why this Colony was so tempting. However I did not, understand the man followers.

I couldn’t say I was completely against the idea that I was a prisoner here and Caleb my captor. While there were days I felt like one, this was the safest place for me, I didn’t always feel like it was my home.

No, I was still waiting for my head to explode. When I wanted answers to my missing years, I didn’t expect to get more answers from the creepy twins than from Caleb. Why couldn’t he make this easy? Why couldn’t he give me what I needed so I could be eternally grateful and we could be happy together as the twins, Seth and Caroline, lie miserably together…far, far, far away?

They were providing me with a golden bridge to more answers…or more questions. Now that I was getting somewhere, did I really want to stop? All I ever wanted was answers. Silver platter. Silver. Platter.

I wanted to avoid another altercation with Seth, alone in my room, and I wanted to know more. I had to give Seth a little rope, if for nothing else, but to hang himself with. If Caroline was wrong, I wouldn’t have to give her another chance.

The guards were stationed at the bottom of the stairs, allowing me free access to the halls on the second floor. I walked down the connecting hall and stopped just in front of the dark hallway with a large CAUTION X blocking it off. Maybe I would have listened better if there were big flashing lights, and a song that played DO NOT ENTER on repeat.

Entering the forbidden hall, I reminded myself how right I was about Seth. No one can tell me otherwise, especially after the little stunt he pulled in my room. I was still shaking.

Along the hall, each blue door mimicked the next, closed and locked with gold knobs. Plaques next to each door read
empty, empty, Library, Billiard Room.
I strolled without intrusion down the deserted hall. I hadn’t quite understood its secrecy until I read the plaque next to the door at the end of the hall:
Eva’s Gift Room
.

I paused in front of the door, which stood parallel to my room. A single light shined over the door as if placing it under a spotlight. The invisible construction didn’t prevent me from making it to the end of the hall. There was no turning back now that I made it this far. I tried the handle with ease, reminding myself there was no turning back.

I took each step into the room with caution. Like many rooms in the house, the lights turned on automatically. I stood in awe for a moment. The pretty things in the room took me aback. The tiny globe, the first to open the dark cloud upon this house, was the center of the large and perfectly placed display.

I must admit, I doubted Caleb and the stories of the crazed danger looming beyond the gates. I wasn’t ready to go on blind faith. As I looked around at the gifts, I lost count. They were handled with great care.

Under the globe sat another reminder of denial surrounded by a clear cube, a glass rose. The date attached to the gift matched another day of weirdness in the house. It was a few days into Caroline’s leave; Caleb was in and out of my room every five minutes. Nothing was said, just in and out.

The priceless gifts weren’t very threatening, I wasn’t oozing puss from my ears or losing teeth in sets. It was an opposite feeling in this room. I felt a sense of calm, a sense of me.

I ignored the No Touch Policy, curtsying as I held the tiny glass slipper. A cool breeze swept leaves across my feet and the smell of turkey passed under my nose. I put the slipper back in its place, removing the leaves from my feet and oven roasted goodness from my nose.

I spun the miniature Ferris wheel gently as the sounds of the seats
clicked, clicked, clicked
. Images of myself riding to the top flashed in front of me. I inched closer, nearly feeling the moon with the tips of my fingers. I stretched out, the seat rocking as I tried so hard to grab hold of it.

Click Click Click

My hands started to shake and my eyes glued shut. The thickness of his hand wrapped in mine eased my racing heart. His weight settled the rocking cart allowing me to balance myself, and reach farther out towards the moon. Before I could grab for the railing, I lost my footing and tumbled out of the cart.

I could feel the tug of my arm, the stranger’s hand in mine holding me in midair, hoisting me back into the cart. His face is shadowed, but the way I felt wrapped in his arms…He’s the one. He was the man with the awakening touch. I shook out of my surreal trance, and I was back in the room of gifts.

I felt different in the room. I felt special in this room. I enjoyed the abundance of gifts knowing they were for me. I didn’t understand what I was supposed to fear. Even when I asked, Caleb was vague. Seth said I would find answers here and I would have Caroline to thank for it.

I wasn’t shaking in my cotton socks yet.

These were very nice things. I didn’t see danger in this room. I didn’t see a need for the little green men downstairs. I saw someone who cared, who missed me. I didn’t see this kind of affection anywhere else on the grounds.

I wandered the room and stopped to look at another item I didn’t recognize. The date was odd. The small parchment tag noted a date that hadn’t passed. I flipped each tag within reach. Each date confirmed my reason for panic. My safe place faded.

I stopped at the item unlike any other, the old vintage bat leaning against the wall. It didn’t fit with the other gifts in the room. I picked it up looking for another tag.

Hatred fueled the first swing.

“Why do you keep lying to me?!”

Glass shattered.

“Just stop lying to me!”

Shards of crystal flew towards my face.

“I can’t take it anymore!”

Displays fell to the floor.

“AHHHHHHH!”

I barely heard their footsteps as they entered the room. My focus and hearing returned slowly.

“I’ll take the bat,” Seth spoke calmly ducking in front of me.

I dropped the bat as the wake of my hatred submerged into itself. Seth removed the bat from my hands and guided me out of the mess I made. The pieces of what was left of the beautiful gifts filled me with regret. My special place was gone. My Ferris wheel ride was split in half, the rose was unrecognizable. I couldn’t explain what I had done.

“Ms. Eva, are you okay?” Thomas asked helping me to the end of the hall.

“Could we sit, please?” my voice was weak.

My legs were like jelly, my arms heavy. We stopped at the top of the stairs and waited for the others to surround us. They overwhelmed me with concern as Mitchell arrived with a first aid kit.

“This may hurt, Ma’am. I apologize in advance,” his accent was thicker than Seth’s. He was the soldier who taps when he’s nervous.

“Thank you for the warning.” He began with my arms, each cut stung as he dabbed them with pads soaked in alcohol.

“This one will need stitches,” he said regretfully.

“Go for it.” I showed little fear.

They didn’t judge, but rather cared I was hurt, worried now I knew another truth that put me in more danger.

“At least you know now what he’s been hiding from you. If only that was it. I just wish you could go home now.” Jake was a blunt fellow. I don’t think he realized what he was saying.

“We will discuss all of that later. Right now, we just need to get Ms. Eva cleaned up,” Thomas said.

Mitchell finished tending to my wounds. I grew weaker as they tried to cheer me up with talk of the generous dinner we’d have tomorrow, if I was up for it.

“All right, let’s get you to your room. I’ll be back with further instructions,” Seth announced to the men.

He babied me with each step, even as I insisted I could walk just fine on my own, he coddled me still. We arrived in my room, which was lit only by the fireplace.

“I’ll leave you to clean up while I brief the men, but I won’t be long.” Seth watched me closely.

“Yeah, I’m good.” I showed him out of the room.

I was far too distracted by the stitch across my face and an abundance of fake gifts for future days to care about Seth’s coddling. As much as I wanted her to be wrong, Caroline was right about the room. But why was everyone playing along? Why only now is it that I’m getting answers at all? Does Caleb even work in security? Did he even go on a business trip?

              I couldn’t explain what came over me when I grabbed that vintage bat. Like the Ferris wheel or quilt, I could feel the very presence of the object in the moment, but nothing like my Pulls. No, these were something different. Could they be my memories? But that bat had a lot of hatred in it. I didn’t feel any love, and because of that bat, my means of feeling special were destroyed.

Even if they were fake, I still felt special.

I wiped away my tears at the knocking sound and Seth’s sudden entrance into my room, without waiting for a proper response.

“Are you okay?” He sat next to me on my bed.

I unfolded my legs and hung them over the edge.

“Perfectly okay.” I smiled still wiping away tears with my sleeve.

“Come here.” It was an awkward hug, and one I found difficult to return. He still made me uneasy.

“Thank you, I’d just like to get some rest.”
And process all of this.

“I’d hate to leave you alone. I want to help. I’m a mighty good listener,” desperation oozed from his voice.

“I’m sure you are, but I’m afraid if I started talking, I wouldn’t be able to stop.” I looked down.

“Let it out.” He still managed to keep one hand on me.

“Not sure it would help.”

“But I know what will.” He pulled me to my feet.

He stood closer to me than anyone really should to another person without permission. He lifted me onto his feet, tightening his grip around my waist. I grew increasingly uncomfortable and wanted to gain a few hundred pounds with the hopes he’d break his back.

He pulled my right arm into his left and proceeded to mimic a ballroom dance. He glided with little effort.
He’s done this before
. A twirl around my bed, a step or two towards the fire place, a dip too close to the heat, and a pause while he stared into my eyes; it all was a bit unnerving.

He held my face until I looked at him. “You really are beautiful, and during your Pulls, your eyes are indescribable.” He played with the word Pulls.

“So, I do call them Pulls.”

“I want to share a secret of mine with you. After all, I know so many secrets about you.”

“You’ve told me so much today. I’ve gotten so much to take in already.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to overwhelm you.”

We continued to dance around the room; my bare feet felt helpless standing on his steel toe boots.

“No. I’m glad someone finally gave me something. It hasn’t been much fun with the empty noggin.” I was trying to be kind.

“It’s been my pleasure. I wish we could do more for you. I just hate keeping you in the dark.”

“I couldn’t ask for anything more.” His hands cradled my butt. “Well, I feel better now. You probably have a lot to do.”

He pulled me closer, his lips brushing my ears. Flashes of shards of glass and crystal scraping across my arm tightened my jaw leaving the possibility that I would have no teeth left.

“We are making the arrangements for your departure.”

“When?” Darkness flooded my vision.

“Tomorrow.”

“I will explain everything to Caleb when he gets back. You will all be in the clear. We don’t need to rush.”

“No, we will have you removed before he arrives.” He was in a near panic.

“Believe me, whatever the reason Caleb is keeping me here, he won’t hurt me.”

“We can’t be sure of that. You’ve never done anything to anger him.”

“The party, even when he’s upset he’s not really mad. I mean he brought me up here and………” I stopped.

Seth’s feet weren’t moving. The imaginary music no longer played. Our dance was over.

“And what?” His head cocked to the side and although his lips were still curled in a smile, his eyes were frightening.

I shivered. I didn’t know why I thought I was making the situation any better. I wanted to stay and confront Caleb, but I had no reason to comfort him. After all of this, I still cared for him. And even after all of this, I still didn’t trust Caroline or Seth. There was always that ugly feeling when I thought about them or had to be around them. If this didn’t make that ugly pit in my stomach go away, I don’t think anything would.