#1.5 Finding Autumn (11 page)

“Did she tell you about her teacher, our school’s football coach? She was letting him fuck her six ways from Sunday.” Her ex was suddenly livid—red-faced with spittle flying out as he raged at her. “And the cunt did it all to get a better math grade.”

“Fucked him and then she got the poor schmuck sent to jail over it,” his friend was stupid enough to chime in. They had no idea they were about to pay for every rumor they started and every name they called Autumn. I may have been more sinner than saint, but I wasn’t like them. I vowed to never be like them again.

My first thought was to usher Autumn away. I picked her up, causing her to yelp, and put her behind me. She’d be pissed at me later, but someone had to protect her honor. I was late to the game, but I was there at the moment.

I wasn’t concerned about taking on three guys. I could fight, and I routinely took on much bigger and stronger men on the field anyway. My aim was to knock them out as quickly as possible so that they couldn’t gang up on me. I wouldn’t mind making her ex pay by giving him a slow and torturous beating, but it wasn’t likely to happen.

I went for her ex first. I clocked him in the face, and he fell backward while cradling his injured cheek. His friends lunged for me and I shoved them away. I tried to aim toward the café tables and chairs with the hope the obstacles would slow them down. Before I could focus back on her ex, he knocked the wind out of me with a blow to the stomach. It was a rookie move to bring my hands down to cradle my stomach, and it gave him the perfect opportunity to punch me in the face.

I was pissed he got a hit in, and the storm inside of me gained momentum. The coppery taste of my own blood intensified my rage. I wasn’t fighting in a controlled way any longer—I was throwing out punches like my life depended on it. I slammed my fists into each of their bodies again and again, and tried to dull my senses not to feel their hits when they retaliated. One of the guys pummeled me above my eye, and I was about ready to kill these dicks. A few of the male bowlers came over and tried to intervene, but they weren’t going to stop me from protecting what was mine.

Someone yelled about calling the cops, and her ex’s friends practically pissed their pants. They tried to make her ex leave, but he was determined to win the fight. Idiot. As they took off, I lunged toward him and pulled my fist back. The punch landed square on his nose and blood squirted out in every direction. I wasn’t satisfied with the broken nose and went in for more.

However, Autumn’s voice interrupted my plans. As quietly as she could speak, my ear was attuned to her smallest sound, and she got through to me with her first word. “The cops are on their way,” she said, her trembling voice full of fear. “We need to leave before you get arrested.”

Her eyes pleaded with me. I had scared her and it gave me pause. It was never my intention for her to see this side of me.

“You broke my nose!” her ex whined from the floor. His eyes darted away from my face and narrowed on her. “Always quick to play the victim card, Autumn. He’ll see it one day, he’ll find out you’re a liar and a whore.”

The guy had a death wish. “Don’t you look at her,” I growled at him, putting every ounce of threat I could into my voice. “Never even say her name again, unless you want another ass kicking.”

It took a lot to walk away, but I was starting to put her needs above my own. Her father was right. She was too kind and good for the people in her life. She cared for people who probably didn’t deserve it, and I was afraid to include myself as one of them.

***

Autumn drove to a convenience store while I acted like a surly patient in the passenger’s seat. By the hard braking and sharp turns she made on route, I could see how shaken up she was over the fight and the way her ex had relentlessly violated her with unfounded insults. She had ducked into the store and returned with a medical kit and a package of frozen vegetables. I was fuming—full of righteous indignation over the assholes calling her a cunt and a whore. With their words bouncing around my skull, I was beginning to regret not getting in a few more parting shots. Tension rippled up my back and found its way into my shoulders as I recalled how paralyzed I had become after the first insult was lobbed at her.

“What did you ever see in that guy?”

“Well…” Autumn frowned at the question and squirmed in her seat. She had finished patching me up and handed over the frozen peas to hold over my eye. I waited while she seemed to give serious consideration to the question. “Hunter isn’t the same guy, and I’m not the same girl. We had a lot more in common when I was in high school.”

“What could you possibly have in common with him?”

“I don’t know,” she said, her voice sad and distant. “At one time, my priorities were cheering, being popular, and dating a hot guy. Once high school was done, I wanted to leave Newpine for good and do something incredible with my life. It wasn’t until I lost it all that I was able to get my head out of my ass and see how freaking shallow I’d become.”

Nothing could be more torturous than hearing Autumn get down on herself about high school. I felt like she was saying she deserved to be mistreated. She was stronger than that, and I had to make her see it.

“You’re hard on yourself about high school. You shouldn’t be. And any mistakes you made have been done with for a long time. Hunter needs to move on.” I reached out and touched her hair. “You were the best thing to happen to him and he probably hates himself for losing you.” I stopped and lowered my voice. “I know I would.”

It was true because I already hated myself. I was desperate—scrambling to come up with a way to not lose her—and it seemed hopeless.

“Hunter is convinced I betrayed him. It’s the reason he hates me so much.” She stopped and lowered her gaze to her lap. “What he said about my teacher….”

No!
I screamed inside my head. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let her open up to me when I was a complete fraud.

“Autumn, please don’t feel like you have to explain anything to me. Anything those idiots had to say carries no weight in my mind.”

She had a determined look on her face, and I understood how important the moment was to her. She wanted to set the record straight, and she didn’t want me to walk around with the idea of her having sex with her teacher.

“I didn’t sleep with a teacher. Mr. Bridges was my math teacher for junior year, and I spent a lot of time with him because I struggled in pre-calculus.” I tried to not react, but it was impossible. I felt queasy and was relieved I had an empty stomach. Autumn was lost in her own world and didn’t seem to notice my reaction. She continued on. “Mr. Bridges had a reputation. He was one of the school’s football coaches and the rumor was he favored students who cheered. My friends thought if I flirted a little, it would help my grade out. I never thought….”

I didn’t reply, and after clearing her throat, she resumed. “Anyway, Mr. Bridges must’ve picked up on my lame attempts at flirting and he offered to tutor me. He made promises, told me he could help me get into a school in New York and would work with me to win a lot of scholarship money in order to afford it. ”

It hurt—it hurt so fucking bad to hear the suffering in her words. I had thought in the beginning I wanted to hear her side of the story, but it was ripping me apart from the inside out.

I had no right to be there for her. She thought I was someone else and I wished to god I could be the man she thought I was. I wished I were only Blake Preston—the guy she met on campus and had decided to open up her heart to. I understood the significance of the moment and how grueling it must be to talk about a time in her life she would much rather forget. But I couldn’t tell her to stop. She was willing to take a leap of faith, and it would cut her deeply to tell her she was wrong to trust me with this.

“He tutored me after school and my grade in his class started improving. Part of the improvement was from his help in pre-calculus, but I also knew he fudged some of my test scores.” She had a faraway look on her face, and I understood she was back there. I would give anything to go back with her and stop the attack from happening. I felt powerless and it was a sensation I despised.

“I was naïve and thought my flirting was harmless. There were times when I caught him staring at me, but I never thought he would make a move…” Her voice broke and she paused to get a handle on her emotions. “Anyway, he was married with kids and our school thought the world of him. Our football team’s record was impeccable, and most of the juniors and seniors tried to get into his math classes. I never suspected he wouldn’t be the person I thought he was.”

I felt the same way, and wished I could tell her how I could relate. If she understood what kind of liar and pretender Thomas was, maybe she’d be able to find a way to forgive me. I didn’t know Autumn when she was attacked, and I had wanted to believe Thomas—the little boy in me still idolized him. Believing anything else would taint every memory I had of him. I took his goodness for granted and never suspected something sinister lurked just below the surface. Thomas had been one of the starring players in some of the best moments in my life, and it was torturous to let them go.

“One afternoon, Mr. Bridges had a faculty meeting and asked me to push back our tutoring session. I was having a hard time grasping the material, and I lost track of time. By the time we finished, it was dark out and the school had emptied.” She bit her lower lip before she continued. “He offered to walk me out to my car, and I didn’t hesitate to let him. He was my teacher and I admired him. I never once questioned my safety when I was alone with him. He had this way about him… he talked to me as if I was the most important person in the world. He didn’t make me feel like a kid or a dumb cheerleader. He asked me questions as if my opinions mattered, and I was convinced he respected me.”

Her eyes were dry and her voice monotone as she rallied on. “I didn’t suspect anything was wrong until we got to my car and he asked about Hunter. He wanted to know if I had a boyfriend, and if he made me feel
good
. He told me to not play coy because he had already interpreted the signals I was sending.” She shivered from the memory. “It was awful, and I tried to explain how uncomfortable he was making me, but I couldn’t get through to him.”

Hearing her story was like being stuck inside a plane plummeting toward the ground. I understood what was coming, but I couldn’t accept it. There was no chance in the world there was the possibility of a different outcome, but irrationally I prayed for it.

“I tried to get away…” She choked on her words. “Before he grabbed me, I was still hoping he’d come to his senses. I even blamed myself for his confusion. I felt guilty for making him think I was interested in him sexually.”

I swore under my breath. “Autumn, you did nothing wrong.”

She nodded, but her expression told me she wasn’t entirely convinced. “He shoved me into the car and forced himself on me. He ripped off some of my clothing and… touched me. I kept telling him no and wishing he would snap out of it and
see me
. I was convinced if he remembered who I was and who he was, he’d stop. But it never happened. He tried to rape me, but I fought him off. I don’t know how I found the strength to do it—he was twice my size, but I somehow kicked him out of the car and drove off before he got back inside. It was the last time I ever saw him.”  

When she was done, I couldn’t breathe. I had come to accept her version of what happened that night, but hearing it out loud unraveled me. Through the police reports and lawyers, I only knew bits and pieces of Autumn’s side of the story. To hear it laid out in black and white did something excruciating to my entire being.

And what hurt more than anything was she had spared me. Her consideration of my feelings was another reminder of why she was too good for me. She glossed over the details of the attack because she wanted to shield me against exactly how bad things were. What Thomas had done was unspeakable. I had read the police report, and within the pages, Autumn’s account detailed the way he forced her into her car and shredded her clothing. She had been pinned beneath him as he pinched and grabbed at her breasts. While she clawed at him, he continued to assault her and shoved his fingers roughly inside of her. He tried to rape her, but in his haste, she had a window of opportunity to get free of his hold, and was able to escape. She kicked him out of the car and sped off to her home.

“My parents knew something was wrong as soon as I ran into the house, but I didn’t tell them right away. I was too ashamed and my only thought was to scour every inch of my skin to try and erase the memory of his touch.” She shrank away from me into her seat. “My parents were able to coerce the story out of me and we filed charges. An investigation was launched and it became his word against mine. He may have gotten off, but he said it was consensual.”

Thomas must have known there would be physical evidence, and inventing an affair was his way to get out of being charged with a crime. He understood there would be repercussions for sleeping with a student, but they wouldn’t be as harsh as an admission of attempted rape.

“He said I had set off to seduce him and that it was a mistake, but he had fallen into temptation.” She had a wry tone and it made me realize how ridiculous it was to believe his story. I had been sold on it all because I couldn’t face the fact I’d been living under the same roof as a sick bastard.

“But the police didn’t believe him,” I stated.

Autumn shook her head vigorously. “It looked bad for him, the fact he would even consider sleeping with a seventeen-year-old student. There was also evidence—my ripped underwear and the marks on my skin. Although he said it wasn’t an act of violence, that I liked it rough, he knew his defense was flimsy. He took a plea deal and has been in jail since.”

Thomas was lucky he was in prison, because if he were out, I’d probably end up murdering him. My hands clenched involuntarily. I fantasized about driving to the jail, dragging him from his cell and pounding his face into a gory pulp. He deserved so much worse than a couple of years behind bars.