92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (34 page)

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her priceless eggs. “You must have wanted to see this one in the sunlight. Come, let us look at it together. It does reflect the bright light beautifully.”

The mink-clad thief gulped and furtively looked around to see who had witnessed her gentle entrapment. My client and everyone in the foyer saw what happened, but took Lady Stephanie’s lead and pretended naïveté of the attempted heist. Carrying the charade a step further, Lady Stephanie and the sticky-fingered guest “admired the egg in the sunlight.” Then Lady Stephanie, with her Fabergé egg secured safely between her perfectly manicured fingers, marched home to put the treasure in its rightful place. The attempted egg snatcher crawled back to her car, from her last attendance at Lady Stephanie’s coveted bashes. The hostess let the foiled filcher get away with a few slivered shreds of her ego left intact.

Why did Lady Stephanie come out ahead? Everyone who witnessed—and subsequently heard about—the thwarted burglary has renewed respect for Lady Stephanie. Snaring the thief, yet sparing her pride, helped Lady Stephanie keep her reputation of

“hostess with the mostest.”

Why do big winners let bad-news people get away with bummers? Because, like mothers confronting naughty children to correct them, confronting creeps is a way of saying “I care.” By closing your mouth (and then the door forever), you are saying,

“You are so beneath me I’m not going to even waste my words on you.”

“Mea Culpa!”

Big winners leave an escape hatch for the small foibles of friends they wish to keep by taking the blame themselves. If a friend gets lost and is an hour late arriving at your house, tell her “Those directions I gave you were terrible.” He breaks your Limoges bowl?

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old mea culpa routine that endears you to everyone, especially when they realize it wasn’t your fault.

Technique #89

Le av e an Esc ape Hatch

Whenever you catch someone lying, filching, exaggerating, distorting, or deceiving, don’t confront the dirty duck directly. Unless it is your responsibility to catch or correct the culprit—or unless you are saving other

innocent victims by doing so—let the transgressor out

of your trap with his tricky puss in one piece. Then

resolve never to gaze upon it again.

Residents of Toronto, Canada, have a well-earned reputation for grace. They demonstrated it last year in a downtown Toronto drugstore. A shopper attempted to stroll out through the security system with a purloined object in his pocket. Instead of a shrill alarm shattering all shoppers’ eardrums, as in many American cities, a tasteful little chime sounded. A charming voice came across the public address. “Excuse us, we have failed to inactivate the inventory control system. Thank you for your patience while you wait for a customer care representative to come help you.” Isn’t that a nicer way of saying “Freeze, punk, while we come frisk you?”

Now let’s move on to the next technique to keep people from messing up—and to help them give you their very best.

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90
How to Get Whatever

You Want from Service

Personnel

A complimentary letter is called a “buttercup” because it butters up the recipient. Buttercups are nice. Even nicer are buttercups about someone to their boss.

I once needed a massive photocopying job. It was so immense that the assistant manager of Staples office-supply store didn’t think it could be finished by the end of the week. Nevertheless, grudgingly, he grumbled, “I’ll try.” In my enthusiasm and hope he could, I gushed, “Wow, you’re great! What’s your boss’s name?

Your supervisor should get a letter of congratulations on hiring you. You really try harder for your customers.” To my astonishment, not only was my printing job done two days early, but every time I walk into Staples, the assistant manager rolls out the red carpet.

“Hmm,” I began to think. “I may be on to something.” A premature letter of commendation for favors not yet received could be a clever tactic. I decided to check it out with a few heavy hitters on my consultation list. One fellow I know, Tim, a top travel agent, is a real can-do guy. He gets anything his friends ask for in a finger snap. He’s the fellow to call when you want hard-to-get theater tickets. He’s the
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guy you call when your airline says the hotel is booked or the flight is oversold.

When I told him of my buttercup experience, Tim laughed and said, “Leil, of course. This is news to you? A complimentary letter to someone’s boss—or the promise of one—is a great insurance policy. It’s as good as a written rider that you will be well taken care of in the future.”

Now I have a standard one in my computer. The buttercup reads as follows:

Dear [name of supervisor],

I know how important customer service is to an

organization such as yours. This letter is to commend [name of employee]. He/She is an example of an [employee title] who gives exceptional customer

service. [Name of store or business] continues to

have my business thanks in great part to the service

given by [name of employee].

Gratefully, [signature]

I’ve sent this letter to supervisors of parking lots, owners of insurance companies, and to managers of dozens of stores where I shop regularly. I’m sure that’s why I never need to worry about getting a parking place when the lot is full, an immediate callback from my insurance agent, and attentive service at my regular shopping haunts. But be careful! Don’t just ask, “What’s the name of your supervisor?” Hearing those words can make an employee as nervous as a turkey in November. Be sure to couch it in a compliment. Say something like, “Wow, you are terrific. What’s your supervisor’s name? I’d like to write him or her a letter.” Then write it!

You’ll forever be a VIP in his or her book.

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Teechnique #90

But tercups for Their Boss

Do you have a store clerk, accountant, law firm junior

partner, tailor, auto mechanic, maître d’, massage

therapist, kid’s teacher—or any other worker you want

special attention from in the future? The surefire way

to make them care enough to give you their very best is send a buttercup to their boss.

The next technique tells you how to stand out as a VIP when you’re in a group.

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91
How to Be a Leader

in a Crowd, Not a

Follower

During the McCarthy era, government spies infiltrated underground political rallies to determine who was “dangerous to national security.” The agents were trained applause watchers. They photographed and investigated men who clapped first, shouted “Bravo” the loudest, and smiled the longest at the end of politically inflammatory speeches. The spies dubbed those the

“dangerous ones.” The infiltrators felt first responders were confident cats who had the power to persuade followers and the charisma to lead crowds.

In less politically sensitive gatherings, the same principle applies. People who respond first to a presentation or happening, without looking around to see how everyone else is reacting, are men and women of leadership caliber.

Cool Cats Clap First

You are sitting in an auditorium with hundreds of fellow employees listening to the president of your firm introduce a new concept. As you’re slouching anonymously in the audience, you think your expression is invisible to the man or woman at the podium. Not so! As a speaker, I guarantee you every one of my colleagues
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sees every smile, every frown, every light in every eye, and every emblem of extraordinary human intelligence flashing back at him or her.

Likewise, the company president making a presentation anxiously surveys his corporate jungle and, from the pusses peering back at him, senses which employees are sympathetic and which are not. He also knows which in the sea of faces floating in front of him has the potential to be a heavy hitter like himself. How?

Because heavy hitters, even when they do not agree with the speaker, support the podium pontificator. Why? Because they know what it’s like to be on. They know, no matter how big or little the cat at the front of the room is, when giving a speech he’s concerned about the crowd’s acceptance.

Technique #91

Le ad the Listeners

No matter how prominent the big cat behind the

podium is, crouched inside is a little scaredy-cat who is anxious about the crowd’s acceptance.

Big winners recognize you’re a fellow big winner

when they see you leading their listeners in a positive reaction. Be the
first
to applaud or publicly commend the man or woman you agree with (or want favors

from).

When the company big shot delivers his last line, carefully contrived to bring the crowd to its feet or employees to acquiescence, do you think he’s unaware of who starts the trickle, or the riptide, of acceptance? No way! Though his head is down while taking a bow, with the insight of a McCarthy-era spy, he perceives 09 (293-342B) part nine 8/14/03 9:19 AM Page 335

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precisely who inaugurated the applause, precisely how long after the last words were uttered, and precisely how enthusiastically!

Being the first to put your hands together, being the first to jump to your feet, and, if appropriate, being the first to shout “Bravo,”

gets you big cat status with the tiger who was talking. Be the first clapper no matter how small the crowd, no matter how informal the talk. Don’t wait to see how everyone else is going to respond. Even if it’s a small group of three or four people standing around, be the first to empathize with the speaker’s ideas, the first to mutter “good idea.” It’s proof positive you’re a person who trusts his or her own instincts.

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How to Make All

the Right Moves

Any minute, any second, football fans know the score. Even beerguzzling Big George, dozing in front of the TV set on football Sunday knows. Poke his pudgy pot, and in a wink, he’ll tell you who’s winning, who’s losing, and by precisely how many points. Key players in the game of life are like George. Even when you think they’re dozing, they are constantly aware of the score between themselves and everyone in their life—friends and family included! They know who is winning, who is losing, and by how many points.

When two Japanese businessmen meet, it’s obvious who is on top. You measure it in millimeters from how close to the floor their noses come when bowing. (Bottom man’s nose dives lower.) In America, we don’t have carefully choreographed bows showing the score in a relationship. But boys ’n’ girls in the business big league know who is top dog and who is bottom dog today. (It can change tomorrow.)

Bottom dog must curtsy deeper. He or she must show deference. Bottom dog must offer to meet at top dog’s office, pick up the restaurant tab when appropriate, and be respectful of top dog’s time. If bottom dog fails to show the proper deference, he doesn’t
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get his nose rubbed into the ground. He simply disqualifies himself to bark in the big league. That’s what happened to my girlfriend Laura, who had developed the healthy milkshake. (Remember her from Instant Replay?) When we last left Laura, she was blowing her chances with Fred, the top banana of a supermarket chain, by grilling him for details of his mailing address, complaining her pen was out of ink, making him wait while she got another, writing numbers down wrong, ad nauseam.

I didn’t tell you the worst part. After Fred was generous enough to invite Laura to send him samples of her health shake, she dropped another bomb by asking him which shipping service she should use. He must have said FedEx because I heard Laura say, “Well, my milkshake needs to stay refrigerated. Does FedEx have refrigerated trucks?”

At this point I knew she had strangled the deal by her own phone chord. She shouldn’t nudge Supermarket Czar with dinky shipping details. In fact, Laura should be so grateful, she should personally deliver the drink the next day—rolling it all the way to his supermarket with her nose if need be. Laura was obviously not aware of The Great Scorecard in the Sky. That day the tally was Fred everything, Laura nothing.

Big winners—before putting pen to paper, fingers to keyboard, mouth to phone, or hand to someone else’s to shake it—

do a quick calculation. They ask themselves “Who has the most to benefit from this relationship? What has each of us done recently that demands deference from the other?” And what can I do to even the score?

Friends Keep Tabs Too

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loved ones’ heads, they’ll spot it. And, like an over-the-counter stock, it goes up or down every day. When you mess up, you have to even your score by doing more for the one who didn’t. To keep love alive, keep your eye on The Great Scorecard in the Sky. Several months ago, I met a nice chap named Charles at a convention. We started discussing our favorite foods. His was homemade linguine with pesto sauce. I liked Charles and I make a mean pesto sauce. The remarkable coincidence of these two elements emboldened me to invite him to dinner at my place. “Great,” he said. We set it for seven-thirty the following Tuesday. Tuesday afternoon, I begin preparations for the big date. The cuckoo clock on the wall monitored my progress. At five cuckoos, I run to the store to find pine nuts. By six cuckoos, I’m back home grinding basil and garlic. At seven cuckoos, I’m folding napkins, setting the table, pulling out fresh candles. Whoops, running late. I change clothes and spruce myself up. When seven-thirty strikes, I am all ready. The pesto and I await his arrival.