A Chance at Love (6 page)

“So what are you into?”

“God, music, cats, hanging out with my family.”

“Cats?” I asked.

“Yeah. They’re so soft . . .”

I nodded. “Interesting.”

“What about you?”

“Video games, primarily. I work at Pilo’s . . .”

She began to laugh.

“What?”

“I already knew you worked there, silly!”

I laughed and scratched my head. “That’s right. My bad.” I grinned. “Man, I’m coming across as dumb.”

“You’re fine,” she insisted.

“What kind of music are you into?”

“Umm . . . maybe I can tell you what I’m not into? Shorter list. Rap, Heavy metal . . .” She paused. “Outside of that, I love most everything.”

“Neat.”

We went on for an hour, talking about life as I lay atop the hood of my car. I spent time talking about how I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do in life. She talked about how she wanted to work with children someday, but she wasn’t sure how or what she’d be doing with them. Her beauty grew with every word that came from her lips. She wasn’t boring like all the other girls I had met. She had ideas and interests, and she thought on a deeper level than any girl I had spoken with before.

T
he next day, I awoke to a text message from Emily. Sitting up on the guest bed at my grandmother’s house, I read it.

Do you believe in God?

I closed out of her text without responding and got up out of bed. Rather deep question to wake up to, I thought to myself. My mind began to mull the question over as I went to go do the morning chores I needed to accomplish for my grandmother.

Thinking about Emily’s question as I took the garbage out, I began to ask myself the tough questions. Did I believe in God? I knew I believed in God to some degree, and I had always felt connected to the light, but the God of the Bible? I didn’t know. There was no way I would convert to Christianity for a girl, but I’d surely investigate it for one.

After dropping the trash off in the can outside, I headed back in and to the laundry room. Moving dirty clothes from the hamper into the washer, something a teacher once told me pressed itself onto my mind. While it was wildly inappropriate for the classroom, that didn’t stop Mrs. Hoffman from saying it to the entire twelfth grade science class. She said, ‘If a loving and graceful God
does
exist, how come He allows such pain and heartache in the world?’ It was a good question and one that the Christians in the classroom were silent on.

As I walked out of the laundry room and into the kitchen, I met my grandmother at the kitchen table. Stuck in my thoughts about what my teacher said, I must have projected a look of contemplation.

“What’s on your mind?” she asked right before taking a bite of her toast.

Breaking away from my thoughts, I looked at her with a half-smile and asked, “Why would a loving and graceful God allow disabilities, illness and death to happen? Why wouldn’t He preclude these kinds of pains in life?”

My grandmother set her piece of toast down on her plate and looked at the chair across from her at the table.

I sat down.

She finished chewing her bite. “First of all, he never designed it to be that way.”

“Designed what?”

“Life. Are you familiar with Adam and Eve?”

“Of course, Grandma. Jeez.”

“Okay. I didn’t know. Well, they fell from God’s grace and fell from the design in the Garden of Eden. In doing so, they set humanity on a course.”

“Let’s get back on topic. Grandma, how come God allows pain? He’s
so
loving and caring for us, yet He allows us to be pained?”

“I am on course. Death came from the fall. It’s sin’s sting. As for evil, God did not author it. On the final day of His creation, He looked over everything He had made and said it was very good.”

“Creation . . .” I shook my head.

“What?”

“You understand that I’m smart and educated, right? I haven’t been to college, but I’ve done a lot of research on evolution and creation, and creation is just not valid.”

“Let’s approach a different angle for your sake. How come you don’t like it when a shooting happens?” she asked.

“Okay . . . It’s not right. Murder isn’t right.”

“Okay, now would you say that
murder
is amongst other terrible deeds? Rape, incest, etc. . . . Each of these being considered
not right
.”

I nodded.

“Who hands down that universal truth to you? To me? If it’s not God?”

“Nobody. It’s just called being a decent human being, Grandma. I don’t need God to tell me to be a decent person.”

“He doesn’t need to tell you because it’s part of how you were created, Kyle. You think a hippo gets angry when some savage animal destroys one of its own? No. Sure, they might show something comparable to what looks to be sadness, but they don’t seek revenge and justice for the animal. It’s not how animals work. They don’t have what we have as humans. We have a built-in moral compass that no other creature on earth has.”

Relaxing back into my chair, I processed all she was saying. “I can go along with the theory that everyone has a compass of morals, but that doesn’t explain why some people commit acts of evil.”

“Even acts of evil steal from God’s design of good. Hitler, for instance. He sought power, and power itself isn’t necessarily wrong or evil. The corruption didn’t lie within the power, but within the sinful and selfish heart of Hitler, who sought it for himself. He was motivated by his own will. These people who open fire in public and ruthlessly kill are motivated from some form of what they believe is right.”

“And this selfishness and self-centeredness is . . .”

“Sin. There’s no society in the world that says to put yourself before others.”

“What about the religious groups?”

“They’re under the impression they’re doing the right thing, even though it’s evil and not right. Again, it all boils down to Adam and Eve introducing sin into the world.”

“Why won’t God stop it?”

“Then what?”

“It wouldn’t happen,” I retorted. “People might believe in God if there wasn’t
evil
in the world.”

“But you wouldn’t have free will if He showed up and stopped everything bad from happening. He is a loving God; He doesn’t want to force His creation into serving Him. There is a certain beauty that comes by faith, and that would be destroyed if we had no free will. C.S. Lewis worded it in a way that I’ll never forget: ‘Free will, though it makes evil possible, is also the only thing that makes possible any love or goodness or joy worth having.’”

“Amazingly articulated. I’m starting to understand. I do wonder, though, what about Down Syndrome and people born with disabilities?”

She smiled sadly. “Times have changed quite a bit since even I was a kid. Those kinds of people and situations in society
once upon a time
weren’t looked at like problems. They were people who inspired others to have compassion and to love deeper. These situations weren’t looked at as a nuisance, but instead cultivated a deeper part of ourselves that has since been lost.”

“Seems unfair.”

“A disability isn’t God being unfair; it’s just another human being with a unique soul that can touch lives in a different kind of way than others. Disabilities don’t limit the person . . .” She touched her temple as she continued. “Only your mind can limit your abilities. And there are plenty of able-bodied people in this world that do far less than many of the people I know with so-called
disabilities
.”

Running my fingers through my hair as my eyes widened, I felt like I woke up from a long night’s sleep. My mind usually fought against God and wrestled with the idea of Him, but the way my grandmother articulated herself spoke to the deepest part of my being. Nothing inside of me was resisting, and it was as if everything was coming into focus.

“What is it, Kyle?”

“My mind. I’m just . . . I don’t know. I’ve talked to a lot of Christian kids in school and even a few teachers, but this time seems different.” I furrowed my eyebrows. “I don’t know why.”

“Your soul is searching. Not only do we have a built-in moral compass, but we have a soul that desires to connect with God.”

I winced. “It sounds nice. Let’s go back to this moral compass. Just because each of us humans seems to have this
moral compass
, that doesn’t necessarily mean God gave it to us.”

“Why not? You can’t be governed by the law of morality without being given the law. Just as you see a crooked line and know it’s crooked, it’s not because you don’t know what a straight line is; it’s because you do know what a straight line is. Right and wrong were given to us. We know what is right based on the law of morality.”

I didn’t have an argument to the theory. There was no way around it in my mind. “All right.”

“I know that’s probably a bit of information to take in at once. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

I smiled. “I’m a truth-seeker, Grandma. I’m open-minded to any truths of the world around me. I’m not upset. In fact, tell me more about God.”

She looked up at the ceiling of the kitchen and said softly, “Thank you, Jesus!”

I laughed and then leaned in. “What is that? Right there. With the praying. Do you actually hear God speak to you?”

She shook her head. “Not in the way you and I speak to one another. No. He speaks to me through the Bible, His creation and the world around me. Kyle, nature sings His praises while His light shines through humanity.”

“Nature sings? I’m not following.”

She laughed. “Not literally. Have you ever admired a sunrise? Or something naturally occurring in nature?”

Glancing out the window of the kitchen, I saw the trees I was admiring a few days back, with the ice that shimmered in the light so majestically. “There is a lot of beauty in the world.”

“That’s Him. It’s all Him, Kyle. Every good and perfect thing you come across in this world has evidence of Him written all over it.”

My heart drew closer to the idea of God. We spent the rest of the morning and into part of the afternoon talking about God and the Bible. She pulled out my grandpa’s Bible and told me the story of Calvary and how Jesus had to pay the ultimate price so that we might have a relationship with God. We went through various books of the Bible, and she showed me scriptures she held dear to her heart. By the end of our talk, I could feel my pulse racing.

Touching my forehead, I said, “I feel odd. I think I need to eat. It’s already one in the afternoon.”

“You hungry?”

“I don’t feel hungry.”

“Maybe it’s not hunger that’s got you feeling a little uneasy, Kyle. I believe that might be the Lord tugging at your heart.”

“For salvation?” I asked as I thought about the story of Calvary.

She nodded slowly with a tight-lipped expression on her face that hinted at a smile at the corners. “Do you believe in the story of Calvary?”

“It makes sense how you explained it and showed me the Scriptures.”

“Do you believe it?”

“I do.”

She smiled. “Good. Do you want to make Jesus your Lord and Savior over your life, Kyle?”

I sighed as I processed the question.

“Remember what I said earlier—it’s not a list of restrictions to follow Christ. It’s freedom.”

I could feel my heart pump harder, and soon I could feel it clear from my toes up to my head. Without even realizing it, I began to speak. “I want to make Him my Savior and ruler over my life.” Suddenly, the thumping slowed and a peace washed over me that made me feel safe and secure. It felt as if God’s own arms wrapped themselves around me.

My grandmother reached her hand over to mine and rested it atop mine. “Welcome to the family of God.”

My phone buzzed. It was Emily texting me again.

Hope I didn’t scare you off.

I smiled and wiped a tear that was trying to make its escape from an eye. I replied to her text as my grandmother got up and began preparing food for the two of us.

You didn’t scare me off. . . I had to do some thinking and . . . I just got saved.

“She’s going to think I’m nuts,” I said as I watched my grandmother spread peanut butter on our pieces of bread over on the counter.

She looked over at me. “Why?”

Laughing nervously as I replied, I said, “I came and talked to you earlier because she asked me if I believed in God. Now I just told her I’m saved.”

“She’ll be happy for you,” my grandmother replied, bringing our plates of food over.

“Really? I don’t want her to think I just converted to appease her.”

“Do you think she’s shallow-minded?”

“Well, no . . . I don’t know. She could be. I don’t know her that well, but she didn’t come off as a shallow person when I talked to her.”

“I’m sure she’ll be happy for your new life in Christ. It’s an intimate relationship and she probably understands that.”

I nodded. “I hope you’re right.”

My phone buzzed with a text from Emily.

=) Yay! I’m so excited for you, Kyle!!!

Looking up from my phone, my grandmother’s eyebrows were raised as she waited for me to speak. I smiled and said, “You were right. She’s thrilled.”

My grandma nodded and continued to eat her sandwich.

In another week I’d be leaving for home, and my appreciation soared for the time I had spent with my grandmother. Never did I think I’d end up leaving her house with a relationship with God. She taught me about Him and provided me insight and understanding that I never received from my own parents.

That evening, I called Emily and we talked for two hours. She told me about how she had been raised in the church all her life and came to know Christ when she was nine. Emily and I talked more about our lives, and she told me about the verses that helped her in her walk with the Lord over the years. Not only was I learning more about her, but I was learning more about God and my newly found faith, which bonded us in a way.