A Home for Haley (21 page)

She couldn’t say, “You scared the hell
out of me,” but that’s how she felt. Being Kayla’s nanny and living with this
family was one of the best things that had ever happened to her. She didn’t
want to lose that. Nor did she want to lose what she and Ethan shared. Was it
asking too much to want them to continue just the way they’d been, slow and
easy? Okay, slow had gone out the window yesterday, and maybe it had never been
all that easy, but they’d talked about this, discussed the potential for
problems with Kayla, and both of them had agreed it was best to go slowly.

She let out a frustrated groan and
rubbed her temples. Obviously that agreement bit the dust yesterday when they’d
both gone off like a blow torch. It had been incredible. Totally and utterly
fantastic.

And she wanted more. A lot more.

She scrubbed her face with her
fingertips, thinking she must be delusional. Living with a man she wanted hot
sex with, caring for his daughter who was extremely fragile right now, and
hoping no one got hurt, especially the kids, was crazy. The chance of this
working out for everyone was slim, to say the least. She’d only known about
Dale’s death a couple of months and look at her—little miss hot and bothered by
her boss.

She cringed, feeling almost cheap.
Her tears came fast and furious, burning through her and squeezing her heart. How
in the world could she handle this and not lose Ethan?

Or hurt either one of the children.

If this went sour, Haley couldn’t
continue as Kayla’s nanny, see Ethan every day and yearn for his touch. Not to
mention that Kayla needed her now more than ever. And Ryan was crazy about
Ethan. Her son would be devastated if he was taken away from the only
father-figure he’d ever known. She fought back another wave of tears.

She heard Ryan call her and stood
abruptly, wiping the tears from her face with her apron. “I refuse to make this
into a crisis,” she announced to the empty room. And she would not run away. She
would talk with Ethan about this and clear the air. Only then would she feel
better and have a clearer idea how to handle her feelings for the man who had
shown her for the first time in her life what real passion felt like.

Blinking back more tears, she
quickly rinsed her face in cold water, tried to shove her worry to the back of
her mind, and headed out to see what Ryan needed.

****

Haley grinned at Kayla’s enthusiasm
for her birthday party. The girl’s exuberance, had managed to pull Haley’s
thoughts away from her own worries.

Haley heard Ethan’s car pull into
the drive and stiffened, her nerves immediately starting to frazzle. The minute
he stepped into the kitchen, Kayla jumped out of her chair and ran to greet him,
practically dancing a jig. “Haley and I have my party all planned, and it’s
going to be so much fun. I want to call Mommy tonight and tell her all about
it.”

Haley’s own excitement for the
party took a downward spiral. From what she knew about Ellie, she seriously
doubted the woman would ever consider a child’s birthday party a fun time, and
calling Ellie would only drag Kayla back into a funk.

“We can do that,” Ethan said,
grabbing Kayla up for a big bear hug then giving her a kiss on her nose.
“Sounds like you had a good day.”

He glanced at Haley. Their gazes
locked, and she could tell his day had been as tense as hers. She smiled at him
even though her insides were in knots. “Ryan is watching a movie so Kayla and I
could plan her party. Your daughter has high expectations.”

Ethan set Kayla down and smiled,
but it seemed forced. “I’m sure you won’t disappoint her.” He went to the
refrigerator and pulled out a beer.

Haley stacked her notes for the
party into a neat pile, wishing she could make her life as neat as that pile. “We
got a lot done, that’s for sure. Why don’t you go join Ryan, Kayla, while I
make us some dinner? I think we’ve done as much as we can today.”

“Okay.” Kayla gave her a huge hug
and then skipped out of the kitchen.

Haley walked over to Ethan, even
though he was giving off clear signals to stay away. She laid a hand on his
forearm, felt his muscles tighten. “I owe you an explanation.”

“I’m fine,” he responded. “Where’s
Mom?”

Feeling dismissed, Haley dropped
her hand and stepped back. “Taking a nap. She said she wore herself out today.”

Ethan huffed out a breath. “At
least I know she’s getting back to her old self.”

There was an awkward silence, and
Haley gathered her courage. “I’m sorry, Ethan. I didn’t handle this morning
very well.”

He looked at her long and hard.
“You told me the truth,” he said with a shrug. “I can handle it.”

She shook her head, fear coursing
through her. She’d thought he would listen to her, not clam up and brush off
her attempt to make things right between them. It was a sharp reminder that
they didn’t really know one another very well, and it stung. “It’s not that
simple,” she said, her voice wobbling.

He arched his dark brows and leaned
against the counter, took a long pull of his beer, then motioned with the
bottle for her to continue.

Her thoughts spun into a tangled
web and she fought the urge to turn tail and run. She frantically sought the
right words that would make him listen, make him want to understand, but they
eluded her. “I do care about you, Ethan. I care very deeply, and . . .” She
cleared her throat and tried again. “And I don’t want to mess this up with you,”
she finished quickly. “You’re very important to me, but I’m not ready to think
about marriage.”

He stared at her, his dark eyes
intense. She looked away. Sighing, he set his half-empty bottle of beer on the
counter, hooked a thumb under her chin and turned her face back toward him. Emotion
clouded his chocolate-colored eyes. “Fair enough. I’ve had almost two years to
put Ellie behind me, so I get it that I’m probably in a different space than
you.”

Haley ground her teeth, welcoming
the anger that crowded out the fear. Surely Ethan didn’t equate divorce with
the death of a spouse, but at least he was talking and, hopefully, listening. She
chose her words carefully. “I don’t know how much time I need. My situation is
different than yours,” she added, hoping he got her drift without her having to
be blunt.

Ethan nodded and leaned down until
their foreheads touched. “Very different. I didn’t mean to insinuate
otherwise.”

Relief washed through her. She
rested her hands on his forearms. “Thank you. It’s been a long, hard day for
me. I want to make this right with you, but I need for you to see where I am
coming from. I worried all day that I would only mess things up worse if I
brought it up.”

“He wrapped his arms around her and
pulled her close. His hard body and warmth coated her like a balm. “We’re not
going to mess this up,” he murmured.

Haley’s world righted and she let
out the breath she’d been holding.

“We’re not?”

He shook his head. “No. We’re going
to work through this together. You’re too important to me. I don’t want to lose
you.” He kissed the top of her head and leaned back. “But we won’t be able to
really put it behind us until we kiss and make up.”

His lips quirked and she wanted to
wrap herself around him and kiss him senseless. “Is that so?” she responded,
her insides riding the currents of her emotion like a feather in the wind.

He nodded, the heat in his eyes
making her crazy. Giving her a quick kiss, he stepped back. “Soon.”

Her heart skipped a beat. “Soon,”
she repeated, as Kayla and Ryan raced into the kitchen.

“We’re hungry,” Kayla announced.

Ethan’s gaze never left Haley’s.
“So are we.”

Haley forced herself to break eye
contact while she still had a few brain cells working. With shaky hands but a
much lighter heart, she gathered paper plates and napkins and set them on the
table, then dialed the pizza parlor and ordered two big pizzas.

****

Ethan shut his mom’s car door. “Let
me know when you get home safely.”

“It’s a thirty minute drive, son.”

“Right.” The last few days his mind
had been working like some eighty-year old man, and he didn’t like it one bit.
“Call if you need me.”

Dottie smiled and put her car in
reverse. He watched her ease down the driveway and pull away before heading
back inside. With Dottie gone, the dynamics in the house would be different—almost
like a real family. Yet not. He’d tried his hardest to give Haley plenty of
space these last few days, but it had been difficult. He wished he didn’t have
to hide his real feelings from her, but if that’s what it took to make her feel
comfortable then so be it.

As soon as he opened the kitchen
door, he saw Haley comforting a crying Kayla. “You’ll see your grandmother in a
couple of weeks. If you miss her too much, I’ll drive you into Crystal Springs
to visit her before then.”

“Promise?” Kayla asked with a
sniff.

Haley hugged her close. “Promise.”

Kayla wrapped her arms around
Haley’s waist. “You’re the best, Haley.”

Emotion tightened Ethan’s throat as
Haley held his daughter close, caressing her back and speaking softly to her. Kayla
was devastated that her grandma had gone back home, and nothing he or Dottie
had said to her had seemed to help. Now Kayla was snuggled in Haley’s arms, and
Ethan had never been more glad to have Haley taking care of his daughter.

When Ellie had told Kayla the other
night that she couldn’t come for the party but would mail her gift, Kayla had,
of course, been heartbroken. And now her grandmother had gone. He was
unbelievably touched to see Haley giving Kayla the motherly love she craved and
needed, and even more pleased to see Kayla soaking it up.

He shut the kitchen door. “Grandma
said to tell you she would call tomorrow, and maybe you could come visit next
weekend and help her baby sit Elisa.”

Kayla raised her head and rubbed
her eyes. “I love babies, especially Elisa.”

“I know you do, and you’re good with
her.” Ethan knelt in front of Kayla and rested his hands on her shoulders.
“That baby adores you, and your Aunt Francie loves for you to help with her.”

Kayla’s lower lip trembled. “Chloe
gets to see her all the time. It isn’t fair.”

“That’s the way it goes when your
dad is married to the baby’s mom,” he said patiently. “Besides, it makes your
time with Elisa very special and important.”

Kayla pulled her eyebrows together.
“If we lived in Crystal Springs it’d be better. Then we’d all be close.”

“True. I need to step up the work
on our house out there, but even when it’s done we’ll still only be there part
of the time.” She scrunched up her face and started to say something but he
interrupted her. “I have business in Nashville. I need to be here some of the
time.

“It’s not that far,” Kayla
muttered, crossing her arms in front of her and shooting him a mutinous glare.

Indeed
. He might have to
reconsider, especially if it would make Kayla happier to be close to family. He
wondered how Haley would feel about living in the country.

He reined in his thoughts. There he
went again, getting ahead of himself. “Where’s Ryan?” he asked, glancing at
Haley and realizing for the first time that she’d been crying. Standing, he
cupped her cheek.

“He’s taking a nap,” she answered
with a watery smile.

“How about we all go out for ice
cream when he gets up,” he suggested, dropping his hand.

Kayla nodded enthusiastically. He
arched his brows at Haley. Nodding her approval, she smiled and he smiled back at
her. “Good. I think a nice…” He caught himself before saying ‘family.’ “. . . A
nice, fun outing is in order.”

As if on cue, Ryan’s cries came
over the baby monitor. Giving one last hug to Kayla, Haley headed out of the
kitchen.

Ethan watched the gentle sway of
her jean-clad hips until she turned and started up the stairs then forced his
attention back to Kayla where it belonged, at least for the time being.

****

Haley rested her head on the back
of the tub and pulled in a deep cleansing breath as she watched the candles on
the tub’s ledge flicker. She needed this tonight. She’d been wound so tight
today that every muscle in her shoulders and upper back ached.

She closed her eyes and allowed herself
to remember every detail of her and Ethan’s lovemaking. She was about to burst with
frustration at not being able to make love with him whenever she wanted, but
that was her reality and she could handle it. She had to.

She sighed when the water began to
cool. Pulling the plug, she got out of the tub, grabbed a towel and quickly
dried herself, then slid a scooped neck, royal blue, silk nightgown with
spaghetti straps over her head. After checking on Ryan, who was sound asleep, she
headed for bed then stopped in her tracks and sucked in a quick breath at what
lay on her pillow—one red rose and a note.

She picked up the rose, inhaled its
sweet fragrance, then read the note. “I’ve got the baby monitor. Come join me.
E.”

Her insides fluttered with
anticipation. She shut down her mind, which was telling her this was not a
smart idea, and allowed herself to feel the excitement surge through her. And
the sexual desire—a desire so strong she could barely breathe, let alone think.
Smiling, she opened her bedroom door and headed to the other end of the hall.
Ethan’s door stood open. He lay on the bed, propped up by his pillows, the
sheet pulled up to his waist.

She stepped inside, closed the door
and locked it. Twirling the rose in front of her, she gave him her best come
hither’ look.

His gaze coasted lazily over her. “Nice
gown. Take if off.”

Desire swarmed through her as she
slid the spaghetti straps off her shoulders, letting the gown flutter to her
feet.