A Life of Joy (2 page)

“Ya, danki,”
Rebecca said, yawning again. “Excuse me. I can’t stop yawning lately. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“I hope you’re not getting
grank
.” Lindsay poured two glasses before returning the pitcher to the refrigerator.

“I don’t think it’s that.” Rebecca cupped her hand over her mouth to stifle another yawn. “I may go to bed early tonight.”

Lindsay put a glass in front of Rebecca and then sat across from her. “That may be a
gut
idea.” She took a sip of the tea and then pointed toward the cookbook. “What were you looking up?”

Rebecca took a drink and then placed her glass on the table. “I was trying to decide what to make for supper tomorrow night, but nothing appeals to me.” She yawned again and took another drink of tea.

Lindsay studied her glass while the conversation she had with her friends earlier in the day rained down on her.

“What’s on your mind, Lindsay?” Rebecca asked gently. “You look as if you’re pondering something important.”

Lindsay met her aunt’s concerned stare. “Lizzie Anne and Katie told me that they’re starting instruction for baptism in a few weeks.”

“Oh?” Rebecca asked.

“They asked me if I was going to be in the class.” Lindsay ran her finger across the cool wooden table.

“What did you tell them?”

Lindsay shrugged. “I didn’t know what to tell them. The three of us had said that we would take the class and be baptized together. I sort of made a promise, but now I don’t know if I can keep that promise.”

Rebecca leaned forward, her eyes sympathetic. “Lindsay, do you want to join the church?”

“I don’t know. I used to be so certain that I wanted to. But now I don’t know.” Lindsay shook her head. “I’m so confused.”

“If you feel confused, then it isn’t time,” Rebecca said, reaching over and touching Lindsay’s arm. “You’ll know when you’re ready.”

“How did you know you were ready to join the church?”

Rebecca rubbed her chin. “I think I just knew in my heart that it was right for me.”

“But my mom didn’t ever feel that way, did she?” Lindsay asked.

Rebecca nodded. “She joined the church because our
daed
pressured her to, but she always knew that she longed for a different life. She wanted to go to college, and she felt as if she belonged in the English world instead of here.”

“Like Jessica,” Lindsay whispered.

“Yes and no,” Rebecca said, folding her hands together on the table. “It was a little more complicated since we grew up here and our parents were raised in this community as well. Jessica has only ever known the English world. She’s driven and determined to get her education, and there’s nothing wrong with that. If you want more than this life, Lindsay, you’re entitled to live it. Don’t feel like you have to stay here.”

The sadness in Rebecca’s eyes betrayed her words.

Lindsay cleared her throat against the lump threatening to steal her voice.

“I know you’ll make the right decision for you,” Rebecca said, taking Lindsay’s hands in hers. “God will lead you if you ask for His guidance.”

Meeting her aunt’s warm gaze, Lindsay’s lip quivered. “I think I’m going to get ready for bed.”

“Gut nacht, mei liewe,”
Rebecca said. “Don’t let this burden you. Let the answer come from God.”

“Ya
.
Gut nacht,”
Lindsay answered. She stepped into the doorway leading to the family room and spotted her uncle in his favorite easy chair reading his Bible. She leaned on the doorway.
“Gut nacht, Onkel
Daniel,” she called.

Glancing up, he smiled. “See you in the morning, Lindsay.”

Lindsay climbed the stairs and walked softly to her room at the end of the hall. While she undressed, she contemplated how much her life had changed during the past four years. Lindsay and Jessica had come to Bird-in-Hand, Pennsylvania, after their parents were killed in a car accident.

When Lindsay and her older sister first arrived, they both felt as if they’d entered another world, or perhaps another century, since Rebecca, Daniel, and the rest of the community lived simple, plain lives without modern clothes, television, electricity, or other up-to-date conveniences that Lindsay had taken for granted.

Lindsay had embraced life in the Bird-in-Hand community, quickly becoming a member of the Kauffman family. By contrast, Jessica protested and fought against the changes until she was permitted to move back to Virginia and live with their parents’ friends, Frank and Trisha McCabe.

Lindsay stepped into the bathroom and climbed into the shower while she thought about her sister. Jessica was Lindsay’s polar opposite, beginning with their appearances. Jessica had dark hair and eyes, and Lindsay had deep red hair and bright green eyes. Jessica had finished high school, graduating with honors, and then moved on to college, but Lindsay kept with
Amish tradition and didn’t continue her education beyond eighth grade. Instead, she began working in the Kauffman Amish Bakery, owned by Elizabeth Kauffman, with Rebecca and her sisters-in-law.

Standing under the showerhead, Lindsay allowed the warm flowing water to rinse her wavy, long hair that fell to the middle of her back. Suddenly a thought struck her: Although she loved living in Bird-in-Hand, she felt as if she were at a crossroads — she had to decide between her former English life and her new Amish life for good.

As she finished her shower, the same question echoed in her mind over and over again: Should she join the church with her friends this fall or should she wait and make sure this was the life God wanted her to live?

Closing her eyes, she held her breath and sent a fervent prayer for guidance up to God.

Rebecca crossed the family room and sank onto the sofa across from Daniel’s chair. She smiled as she watched him read. In their twenty years of marriage, they’d faced many obstacles together, from seventeen years of infertility to the challenges of bringing her nieces to live with them. Yet, despite their ups and downs, she still cherished him now as much as she did the day they’d married.

He glanced up, his deep blue eyes meeting her stare. “How long have you been sitting there, Becky?”

“Just a few moments.” She folded her hands in the lap of her plain blue frock. “I was wondering if we could talk for a minute before I head up to bed.”

He closed his Bible and set it on the end table next to his chair. “Of course. What’s on your mind?”

She yawned and covered her mouth with her hand. “Excuse me,” she said. “I’ve been yawning nearly nonstop all day.”

He tilted his head and studied her with concern. “Are you feeling well?”

“Ya.”
She shrugged. “I guess I just need to go to bed earlier.” She pushed the ties of her prayer covering back from her shoulders while she gathered her thoughts. “Lindsay told me that Katie and Lizzie Anne are beginning instruction classes soon.”

Daniel nodded. “Robert mentioned to me that Katie and Nancy were going to be in the new class, along with a few of our other nieces and nephews. It may be a big class this year.”

“I think Lindsay is considering taking the class, but she feels torn about making a final commitment to the Amish church.”

“That’s not something you can decide for her, Rebecca,” he said with a gentle smile. “I know you want to be the best
mamm
you can for her in honor of your sister, but you have to let her think for herself. She’s eighteen now.”

“I know, but she seems very anxious about it, Daniel. I think it’s eating her up inside.”

He touched his beard, a mannerism he often practiced when he was deep in thought. “The decision to be baptized is a decision that is made between the candidate and God. You need to trust her to listen to her heart and to God.”

Rebecca breathed out a deep sigh while she idly studied the clock on the wall. “I can’t imagine losing her,” she finally said. “I want her to decide to stay here permanently, but I know that’s not my place.”

“She’s a very intuitive and special girl, but you have to remember that she lived among the English before she came here,” he said. “Joining the church may not be what’s right for her.” He stood and took her hand, lifting her to her feet. “You look exhausted, Becky. I think you should head to bed.”

“You’re probably right,” she said, squeezing his hand.

As he led her to the stairs, Rebecca sent up a silent prayer asking God to point Lindsay to a path that would lead to her happiness, preferably in Lancaster County.

2

H
ave a
gut
day,” Lindsay called to her uncle Daniel before hopping from the van and heading through the parking lot toward the front steps of the Kauffman Amish Bakery the next morning.

Daniel paid a driver to take him and Lindsay to work instead of using the horse and buggy. Every morning, the driver took Lindsay to the bakery before heading to the Kauffman & Yoder Amish Furniture store, where Daniel worked alongside his father, brother, brother-in-law, and friends.

While crossing the parking lot, Lindsay glanced toward the farm where a cluster of large houses sat back off the road surrounded by four barns, along with a beautiful lush, green pasture.

This area had become her home during the past four years. The property was owned by Elizabeth and Eli Kauffman, Daniel’s parents. Daniel’s younger brother, Timothy, and his wife, Miriam, lived in one of the houses. Nearby was the home Daniel’s sister, Sarah Rose, shared with her husband, Luke, and their two sets of twins. The bakery was the fourth house, the one closest to the road. Daniel and his five siblings grew up in the biggest house, where his parents still lived.

Lindsay quickened her steps while approaching the white clapboard farmhouse with the sweeping wraparound porch.
Although it resembled a farmhouse, the building had served as the bakery for longer than Lindsay had been alive. A large sign with “Kauffman Amish Bakery” in old-fashioned letters hung above the door. Soon after the “Open” sign was turned over in the front window, the parking lot would be overflowing with cars as tourists came to sample a taste of the Amish way of life.

Out behind the building was a fenced-in play area, where Elizabeth Kauffman’s grandchildren played during the day, and beyond that was an enclosed pasture. The three other large farmhouses and four barns were set back behind the pasture. The dirt road leading to the other homes was roped off with a sign declaring “Private Property—No Trespassing.” A large paved parking lot sat adjacent to the bakery.

Lindsay cupped a hand to her mouth to curb a yawn. She’d spent most of the night praying —debating if she belonged in the Amish or English world and wishing her mother were alive to guide her. Of course, if her parents were alive, Lindsay would still be living in Virginia and finishing up her senior year in high school.

Pushing those thoughts away, Lindsay stepped through the back door of the bakery and inhaled the sweet smell of baking bread. A smile turned up her lips as she breathed in the aroma that had become so familiar and comforting since she began working in the bakery four years ago.

Elizabeth, her daughters Beth Anne and Kathryn, and Kathryn’s daughters Amanda and Ruthie rushed around the kitchen preparing desserts for the day.

“
Gude mariye
, Lindsay!
Wie geht’s?
” Beth Anne called while washing cookie sheets.

“Doing okay,
danki
.” Lindsay stood at the sink and scrubbed her hands. “What should I start on?”

“Whoopie pies,” Kathryn chimed in, stepping over to the sink with a smile. “They sold out, so we need some singles and
some boxes of them. It’s
gut
to see you.” Her eyes turned suspicious. “You look tired. Did you sleep well last night?”

“
Ya
. I slept fine.
Danki
.” Avoiding Kathryn’s concerned stare, Lindsay greeted Ruthie and Amanda while gathering the ingredients and cooking supplies.

Lindsay fell deep into thought while she mixed together the ingredients for the cake shell that would encase the white filling.

Elizabeth placed a cake in the oven and then approached Lindsay. “You’re awfully quiet this morning,” she said, wiping her hands on her apron. “Is everything all right?”

“
Ya
. Everything is
gut
.” Lindsay smiled at the Kauffman family matriarch. She loved Elizabeth like a surrogate grandmother and cherished the long talks they’d shared since she came to live with her aunt Rebecca.

Elizabeth gave a look of disbelief that mirrored Kathryn’s expression earlier. “I know you like I know my other
grossdochdern
.” She touched Lindsay’s hand. “You know you can tell me anything, ya?”

Lindsay nodded.
“Ya.”

“If something is bothering you and you need to confide in someone, I’m happy to listen.”

Lindsay glanced across the kitchen to where Amanda and Ruthie stood cutting out sugar cookies. She knew they would also take the baptism classes with their cousins, Katie and Nancy. Although Lindsay liked Amanda and Ruthie very much, she didn’t want them to know that she was debating whether or not she’d join their class.