A Life of Joy (7 page)

“No, thanks.” Lindsay folded her arms across her chest. “I see the desserts all week, so they don’t really tempt me anymore. What did you want to talk about?”

“New York,” Jessica said. “I want to propose something to you.”

Lindsay faced her sister. “This should be good.”

“It is, actually.” She smiled. “What if I made you a deal?”

“A deal?” Lindsay eyed her sister with cynicism.

“I know I drive you crazy when I tell you that you have to stop pretending to be Amish.”

Lindsay bit back a groan.

“I’ll promise to stop saying that if you do something for me.”

“What?” Lindsay asked. “Come with me to New York.”

“What?” Lindsay stood. “Are you crazy?” Her voice transformed into a high-pitched squeak as resentment coursed through her.

“No, I’m not.” She motioned for Lindsay to sit. “Calm down and hear me out.”

Lindsay lowered herself into the chair next to the swing while still scowling. “I don’t like the sound of this at all.”

Jessica rolled her eyes. “Just listen,” she huffed. “I know you think that this is all you’ll ever want.” She gestured around the porch. “But I don’t think so.”

“Jess —”

“Wait.” Jessica held up a finger, silencing her. “I’ve asked you to hear me out.”

Lindsay shook her head. Her sister would never understand her.

“I’m worried about you, Lindsay.”

“Worried?” Lindsay gave a bark of laughter.

“Yes, worried.” Jessica nodded with emphasis. “I’m afraid that in a few years you’ll wish you’d made different choices.
You’ll wish you’d finished high school and gone to college. You can’t get these years back, Linds. You’re only young once.”

“We’ve been through this,” Lindsay said, enunciating the words.

“I know, I know,” Jessica said. “That’s why I want you to come with me and spend the summer in New York. You can see if you still feel the same way about the farm and living here when you get back.”

“I don’t need a summer in a strange city to know that my purpose in life is here.” Lindsay tapped the arm of the chair. “I belong
here
, Jessica.”

“You know that for sure?” Jessica looked unconvinced.

“Yes, I do.”

Jessica folded her arms across the front of her T-shirt. “How do you know?”

“I know here.” Lindsay pointed to her chest. “In my heart.”

“But you’re worth more than this.” Jessica touched Lindsay’s hand, and Lindsay pulled it back. “You should be packing up and going to college somewhere and studying a subject that brings you joy, as Dad used to say.”

“This life brings me joy,” Lindsay said. “I love being a part of this family and working in the bakery. I have obligations here.” She gestured toward the barn. “This is where I want to be. In fact, I’m considering joining the church.”

“No, no, no.” Jessica looked disappointed. “Don’t say that.” She took Lindsay’s hand in hers. “Come with me to New York. I can get you a job at the firm where I’m working.”

“No!” Lindsay pulled her hand back. “Why would I want to work in an accounting firm? I hate numbers, and I was never good at school.”

“You sell yourself short. You can do anything that you set your mind to. I’ll explain that you’ve been hiding away with the Amish as a way to deal with our parents’ death, and they’ll understand. They’ll take pity on you and give you a job. I’m sure of it.”

“What?” Lindsay stood in front of her sister and gestured widely. “Is that what you think of me? You think I’ve just been hiding away here and avoiding my grief for Mom and Dad? That is not true, Jessica! It’s not true at all!”

Jessica glanced at something behind her. “Lindsay, just calm down, okay?”

“No, I will not calm down.” Lindsay stomped her foot. “You’re so wrong about so many things. You’re all high and mighty because you graduated from high school and got a full scholarship to a great college. That’s wonderful, and I’m proud of you. But that doesn’t make you any better than me.” Her voice and her body trembled with fury.

Jessica motioned for Lindsay to sit and compose herself. “Lindsay, come on. That’s enough. You’re making a scene.”

“I’m not done! I had to hear you out,” Lindsay said, her voice thick. “Now it’s your turn to listen. I’m tired of your condescending attitude about how we live in this community. We live this way because —”

“Is everything okay?” a voice asked.

Lindsay spun and found Lizzie Anne, Katie, Samuel, and Matthew watching her with curious expressions. She hugged her arms to her chest in order to try to quell her body from shaking.

Katie climbed the steps and looked back and forth between Jessica and Lindsay. “You all right, Lindsay?”

“Ya.”
Lindsay cleared her throat against threatening tears and started down the steps. “I need to take a walk.”

“Wait!” Katie called.

“Hold on,” Lizzie Anne chimed in.

Jessica swallowed a frustrated groan while her younger sister rushed across the driveway toward the barn with Katie and Lizzie
Anne in tow. Why did Lindsay have to get so defensive? Why couldn’t her sister see that Jessica was only trying to help her?

Pushing her hair back behind her ears, Jessica glanced at Samuel and Matthew who were gazing at her from the bottom of the porch steps.
Can this possibly get any more awkward?

“Hi,” she said with a casual wave. “How are you?”

“Fine,” they both mumbled in unison before heading toward the barn.

Blowing out a sigh, Jessica glanced toward the driveway, where a familiar four-door, dark blue Chevrolet pickup truck bounced toward the house.

“Jake,” she whispered as she stood.

Jessica looked toward the barn, where Lindsay stood with her friends. For a split second, she considered running over and apologizing. She then cut her eyes back to the pickup rumbling forward. She knew in her heart she should make things right with her sister, but she didn’t want to create more of a spectacle in front of the Kauffman family and friends.

Instead, she would work things out with Jake and then talk to Lindsay later after she’d taken some time to calm down.

Jessica set the plate of desserts on a small table next to the swing before hurrying down the stairs to the pickup truck, which came to a stop near the fence line. She loped over to the driver window and looked up at Jake.

“Hi,” she said, jamming her hands in the pockets of her jeans.

“Hi.” Jake’s expression was hopeful.

“I didn’t expect to see you here.” She kicked a stone with the toe of her flip-flop.

He draped his arm over the steering wheel. “I couldn’t let you leave for New York without saying good-bye.”

She nodded. “That’s very true.”

He gestured toward the passenger seat. “Hop in. Let’s go for a ride.”

Jessica looked toward her sister one last time. Lindsay’s eyes
met hers for a brief moment before she angled her body toward her group of friends. For a split second, Jessica again considered approaching her sister.

Instead, she jogged around the front end of the truck and hopped in next to Jake. He backed out of the driveway and steered toward the road, keeping his eyes trained ahead while he drove. His usual informal, laid-back demeanor was replaced with an intense, erect stance.

For several minutes the only sound was the rumbling of the engine and the clicking of the key ring as it smacked the steering column. And the roar of the silence was eating her up inside.

“I know you’re disappointed in me,” Jessica began.

“Disappointed?” He snorted with sarcasm while keeping his focus on the road. “Disappointed doesn’t begin to tell you how I feel, Jess.”

She took a deep breath. “Look, I care about you, Jake, and I care about what you think. And I need you to trust me on this.” She faced him. “I’m sorry that we won’t be together this summer, but it’s not forever.”

“How long have you known about this internship?” he asked.

“I only found out on Monday that I was accepted into the program.”

“And when did you apply?”

She paused as guilt swept over her. “A few months ago.” She stared at her red toenails sticking out of her flip-flops.

He steered into the parking lot at the bakery and halted the truck. After killing the engine, he turned to her. “Do you know where I’m going with my questions or do I have to explain it?”

“You’re upset that I never told you about the program.”

“Exactly!”

The hurt in his eyes took her breath away for a moment. “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner.”

He lifted his ball cap and raked his hand through his dark
hair. “I don’t ask for much from you, Jess. In fact, I’ve never asked for a commitment, but today you made me feel like a fool for sitting here waiting for you while you flitter off from college to New York City without looking back.”

“Now wait a minute.” She sat up straight and tapped her finger on the dashboard. “I don’t flitter off here and there. I’ve made it perfectly clear that I wanted to get an education, and going on this internship is part of that plan.”

His frown became sad. “I hold you back.”

She winced at the change in his tone. “What are you saying?”

Looking defeated, he held his hands up in surrender. “I think it’s obvious here. We’re just too different. We’re stuck in this holding pattern and there’s no way out.”

“Wait a minute,” Jessica said slowly. “What do you mean exactly? How is this a holding pattern?”

“I don’t know.” He stared at the steering wheel while running his thumb over it. “I guess it means that I’ll always be stuck here waiting for you, and I’m tired of it. I had hoped we could move beyond this point in our relationship, but we never will.”

Jessica turned toward the windshield. “I thought you would be excited for me, which is why I waited to tell you in person. I wanted to call you and share my news the moment I found out about the internship, but I thought it would be really fun to tell you face to face. I guess I was wrong.”

“No, you weren’t.” He touched her arm. “I am happy and excited for you, but I’m sad for me because this opportunity proves that you’ll never be satisfied living here. You crave a life in a big city. We’re just too different. As much as I love you, I know I have to let you go and let go of the hope of someday being more than your friend.”

She gasped at his words. He’d never said them aloud until that moment, and the shock knocked the wind out of her and stole her ability to speak for a moment. A single tear trickled down her cheek, and she impatiently swiped it away. “This
wasn’t how I expected my weekend to go.” She cleared her throat. “I’ve managed to upset both you and my sister in less than an hour.”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Lindsay and I had a huge argument right before you came over tonight.” She rubbed her hands on her jeans. “I had suggested that she come with me to New York to make sure she really wanted to stay in this community, and it upset her. I’m worried she’s selling herself short by not finishing high school and going to college.”

Jake shook his head while leaning back on the driver’s-side door. “You know, Jessica, you really need to consider what other people want before you push your ideas on them.”

She glowered. “I only have her best interests in mind. After all, she’s my younger sister, and she’s my responsibility now that our parents are gone. I don’t want her to look back someday and regret her choices.”

“They’re her choices to make.”

“You wouldn’t understand.” Jessica folded her arms across her chest and stared straight out the windshield. “I think we need to go back to the party.”

“Jess.” Leaning over, he touched her shoulder. “You need to stop being so defensive. I’m only suggesting that you take Lindsay’s wishes into consideration. I know you mean well, but you’re shutting people out by only thinking about what you want.”

“This is about New York City, isn’t it?”

He shrugged. “It’s about a lot of things.”

She studied his face, and her lip quivered. “I’m sorry I let you down this summer,” she whispered.

“Me too.” He turned toward the steering wheel and cranked over the engine.

As they motored down the road, Jessica wiped another tear. The hurt she’d seen on Jake’s face and heard in his voice was
breaking her heart. But she tried to convince herself that the internship was for the best.

After all, it was a once in a lifetime opportunity.