A Life of Joy (8 page)

Lindsay was standing by the barn surrounded by her friends when she noticed the Chevy pickup rumbling down the rock driveway.

How typical that Jessica would start an argument and then take off before it was worked out!

She gritted her teeth as her sister’s thoughtless words echoed through her mind. Anger swelled within her as she watched the truck bounce onto the road.

I wish she hadn’t come to visit
.

Closing her eyes, Lindsay pinched the bridge of her nose, willing herself not to cry. She wished she could stop the overwhelming mix of anger and frustration that was drowning her. Her eyes flooded with tears, and she sucked in a breath.

Don’t cry. Not here. Not in front of your friends
—
especially Matthew
.

“Lindsay?” Katie’s voice was full of concern. “Are you okay?”

Lindsay opened her eyes and found Katie and Lizzie Anne studying her while Matthew and Samuel stood beyond them with uncomfortable expressions on their faces.

“
Ya
. I’m fine.” Lindsay cleared her throat in an effort to stop her voice from trembling. “We just had a disagreement.”

Lizzie Anne looked unconvinced. “It sounded like more than a disagreement. Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” The word came out as a mere whisper as her tears began streaming down her face. She groaned and swiped her hands across her hot cheeks. “I don’t want to cry. Not here. Not now. This is so embarrassing.”

Katie enveloped her in a hug. “It’s okay.”

“How about we go for that walk you wanted?” Lizzie Anne offered.

Unable to speak through her tears, Lindsay nodded.

Looping her arm around Lindsay’s shoulder, Katie led Lindsay past the barn to the fence. They walked along the fence line while children screeched, laughed, and chased each other. Lindsay couldn’t help but think back to her childhood and how simple things were back then. Of course, she and her sister would occasionally argue, as all siblings do. But those arguments were over things like borrowing a curling iron without asking, and their mom would always intervene and make things right again.

If only Mom were here now
…

Lindsay blew out a ragged breath.

“It’s going to be okay,” Katie said, rubbing Lindsay’s arm. “I’m certain that whatever you and Jessica said to each other was only said in anger. You’ll both cool down and apologize after a while. Nancy and I argue sometimes, and we always apologize and work it out after we’ve had some time to think it through and realize how wrong we were.”

“It’s not that simple.” Lindsay stopped and leaned against the fence. “We said some pretty mean things.”

“What happened?” Lizzie Anne asked, sidling up to Lindsay.

Glancing toward the barn, Lindsay spotted Samuel and Matthew watching her. She hoped Matthew didn’t think she was a big baby for crying over the stupid argument. She turned back to her friends. “Jessica won’t stop nagging me about leaving the community and going back to school in Virginia. She won’t listen to me.”

Frowning, Katie shook her head. “She thinks she knows what’s best for you, and she won’t respect your wishes.”

“Exactly.” Lindsay sniffed. “She tried to convince me to go to New York City with her.”

Lizzie Anne looked surprised. “What did you say?”

“No, of course!” Lindsay exclaimed. “I don’t want to go there. She even offered to explain to her new bosses that I’ve been hiding out with the Amish so that they would give me a job despite my lack of education. She said that once her bosses heard that our parents died, they’ll pity me.”

Katie scowled. “How did you respond to that?”

“I screamed and yelled and carried on.” Lindsay glanced up at the sky and groaned. “My parents wouldn’t have been very proud of me. Neither would
Aenti
Rebecca.”

“It’s okay.” Lizzie Anne touched Lindsay’s arm. “She upset you. We all say things we don’t mean. Right, Katie?”

“Ya
, we do.” Katie’s expression was full of empathy. “Don’t let her get to you. I know it’s easier said than done. Her heart is in the right place, but she doesn’t respect you. Remember to believe in your choices. Only you know what you truly want. Follow your heart. What makes you happy?”

“Being here.” Lindsay gestured toward the field in front of them. “This place gives me joy.”

Katie smiled. “There’s your answer.”

Lindsay knew her friend was right, but she still had a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. “I just don’t understand why she had to pick a fight with me today. She’s leaving tomorrow.”

“That’s right,” Katie said. “She’s leaving tomorrow. Just make the best of it. My
dat
always says that you can’t make someone change. You have to accept people as they are.”

Lindsay nodded. “My father told me that too.”

“So then let’s have some fun. It’s a beautiful evening, and our family and friends are here.” Katie pointed toward the house. “Should we go see what’s going on inside?”

“Okay.” Flanked by her best friends, Lindsay headed back toward the house. As they approached the porch, she spotted Samuel and Matthew sitting on the chairs next to the swing.

Samuel grinned over at them. “Did you ladies solve the problems of the world?”

“Ya
, we did.” Lizzie Anne’s grin was wide, and for a brief second, Lindsay wondered if she liked Samuel.

“Oh?” Samuel’s smile was equally bright. “And what problems did you solve?”

Lizzie Anne twisted her finger around the ribbon hanging from her prayer covering. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Lindsay met Katie’s gaze, and they both raised their eyebrows with curiosity.

Samuel folded his arms and looked unconvinced. “I would guess you were sharing baking secrets and nothing more important than that.”

Lizzie Anne’s eyes playfully challenged him. “Is that all you care about? Baking was important to you yesterday when you told me what your favorite cookies were.”

Samuel stood and rubbed his hands together with anticipation. “Did you bring those chocolate chip cookies you promised?”

“I don’t remember.” Lizzie Anne touched a finger to her chin. “I may have to go check.”

“I’ll come with you.” Samuel opened the door wide and gestured for Lizzie Anne to step through.

Giggling, Lizzie Anne moved through the door, followed by Katie.

Lindsay smiled. Watching the playful banter between her friends caused the sick feeling in her stomach to ease a bit. She was so thankful for her friends. She stepped toward the door but stopped when a hand brushed her shoulder.

“Lindsay,” Matthew said. “Wait a minute.”

She faced him and his intense eyes caused her pulse to skitter. “Yes?”

“Are you okay?” he asked.

She waved off the question and gave a forced laugh. “Oh,
ya
. My sister and I had a disagreement. You know how it is with siblings sometimes.”

He continued to frown. “It looked like more than a simple disagreement. Is there anything you want to talk about?”

She hesitated, worried what he would think about the truth.

“It’s none of my business.” He reached out to touch her arm but then pulled his hand back. “I was concerned about you.”

“Danki,”
Lindsay said. The genuine caring in his eyes caused her to want to share the truth with him. “It was just the same old issue with her. She doesn’t understand why I want to live here. She thinks I belong with her at school. She’s also convinced that in a few years I’ll regret not finishing high school, going to college, and living among the English.”

He shook his head. “I don’t think she truly knows who you are.”

Lindsay studied his expression, wondering what his comment meant. Did Matthew understand her? Did
he
know who Lindsay truly was on the inside?

“Matt!” Samuel called from the kitchen. “You’re missing out. These cookies are
appeditlich
. Lizzie Anne outdid herself.”

Lizzie Anne laughed. “Lindsay, you’d better hurry up before Samuel eats them all!”

“I guess we better get inside before they come for us,” Lindsay said.

Matthew smiled. “They aren’t very subtle.”

Stepping through the door, Lindsay wondered why Jessica couldn’t see how wonderful it was to be a part of the Kauffman extended family.

5

R
ebecca stepped over to the sink where Lindsay was scrubbing the dishes. Her niece’s hand moved back and forth with such force that she feared the dish would break in half.

“Lindsay?” she asked gently. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Lindsay muttered without making eye contact. “You can go on up to bed. I’ll finish cleaning this up.”

Rebecca glanced over at her mother-in-law, who was placing the uneaten desserts in a large box. “Do you need any help,
Mamm
?”

“Oh no,” Elizabeth said with a smile. “I’m just fine. I think Eli has the horse and buggy hitched. We’re heading out.” She looked toward the sink.
“Gut
nacht
, Lindsay. It was a lovely party.
Danki
for inviting us.”

“It would’ve been nice if my sister had stayed to enjoy her own party,” Lindsay snapped as she faced them. She gestured around the room. “I invited everyone we know and many of us worked hard to make food. All of it was for her, and what did she do? She picked a fight with me and then took off. Why do I try to be nice to her? She’s not nice to me.”

Lindsay’s eyes filled with tears, and Rebecca rushed over to her. “What happened,
mei liewe?
”

Shaking her head, Lindsay turned back to the sink.

“I’m sorry this wasn’t a
froh
night for you.” Elizabeth gave a
sad smile and touched Lindsay’s arm. “What did you and your sister fight about?”

Tears streamed down Lindsay’s face. “It was awful. She wants me to go to New York with her, and I refused. She said some horrible things, and I did too. I didn’t want to fight with her before she left for New York, but she argued with me and then took off with Jake in his truck.”

Rebecca came up behind Lindsay and rubbed her back. “You mustn’t let this come between you and your sister. I wish I had kept in closer contact with your mother all those years.”

“I try,
Aenti
Rebecca.” Wiping her eyes, Lindsay turned to Rebecca. “But she keeps pushing me. She’s convinced I’m going to look back someday and regret not going to school. She says I’ll think I’ve wasted my life, but I don’t feel that way at all. This is my home now.”

“Only you can decide where you belong.” Rebecca touched Lindsay’s shoulder. “And you don’t have to stay here because you think it’s what I want for you. You should only worry about what you want. Understand? You don’t need to stay here for me.”

“This is what I want.” Lindsay faced Elizabeth. “I just don’t understand why this has to be so hard. We lost our parents, but now she wants to argue about what I want for my life. Why does she have to make losing Mom and Dad even more difficult for me? Every time we argue, I feel like we’re hurting Mom or disappointing her. Jessica makes the grief ache even more.”

Elizabeth cupped a hand to Lindsay’s cheek. “Unfortunately, life isn’t easy, but we find comfort in the Lord. The Bible says, ‘We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.’”

Rebecca wished she could take away her niece’s pain. “Elizabeth’s right. You’ll always miss your parents, but you have to hold strong to our faith. It will always get you through the rough times.”

“
Ya
. You’re right,” Lindsay said.

Elizabeth kissed Lindsay’s cheek. “I need to go. I’ll see you soon.” She turned to Rebecca. “You take it easy. You look exhausted.”

Rebecca smiled. Elizabeth was thoughtful and loving, just like her own mother. “
Danki
. Be safe going home.”

Elizabeth picked up the box of desserts and started toward the door. “
Gut nacht
. Sleep well.” She disappeared through the door.

Lindsay continued washing the dishes while Rebecca cleaned the table and the counter. They worked in silence for a few minutes.

Once the counter was clean, Rebecca looked back toward her niece, who was working like a robot, washing the dishes, pans, and utensils with swift movements. A scowl twisted up her pretty face.

Rebecca wished she could read Lindsay’s thoughts and comfort her grief. She sat at the kitchen table and tapped the chair next to her. “Lindsay. Sit with me.”

Lindsay placed the last dish in the drain. “Do you want me to sweep the floor now or tomorrow?”

Rebecca tapped the chair again. “Forget the floor. Sit.”

Lindsay lowered herself into the chair and rested her chin on the palm of her hand.

“Do you want to talk about your argument with Jessica?”

Lindsay shrugged. “There really isn’t anything else to say. She’ll never understand me or respect my decision. She’ll always treat me like a child and talk to me as if I’m too uneducated or immature to know what’s right for me.”

“I know Jessica frustrates you,” Rebecca began, “but you have to realize you can’t change her. You’re going to have to find a way to let her comments go before all of that anger eats you up inside.”

Lindsay shook her head. “Funny. Katie said something similar.”

“Katie is very wise.” Rebecca glanced at the clock. “It’s getting late. You should probably head to bed. It’s been a long day.”

Lindsay frowned. “I’m not ready for bed. I want to wait up for her and ask her why she walked out on her own party.”

Rebecca shook her head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea to pick a fight with her. She’s leaving tomorrow, so you should make peace with her. She’s your only
schweschder
, and you love her, ya?”

Lindsay’s green eyes were determined. “I’m tired of her stubbornness and self-centeredness. She owes me an apology.”

“But she’s your
schweschder
, Lindsay,” Rebecca repeated. “The Lord wants us to love each other and live in peace. That’s our way.”