A Life of Joy (12 page)

“Mamm!”
Junior ran over and wrapped his arms around Rebecca’s leg.

Emma followed suit, and Rebecca scooped her up in her arms and hugged her tight.

Lindsay rose to her feet and watched Rebecca. Her eyes remained hesitant. “How’d it go?”

Rebecca dropped into a chair and held Emma close on her lap. “It went well.” She held Emma’s hands, and the baby giggled and swayed back and forth on her lap.

Lindsay held her palms up. “Are you going to tell me? The suspense is killing me.”

“I’m not sick.” Rebecca smiled at Emma and glanced at Junior, who played with homemade wooden blocks on the floor.

“What is it,
Aenti
?”

“It’s a secret,” Rebecca said. “It has to stay in this house.”

Lindsay gasped. “You’re having another baby!”

Nodding, Rebecca laughed.

Lindsay rushed over and hugged her, nearly knocking Emma off Rebecca’s lap. Emma squealed and grabbed Rebecca’s apron in response.

“Oh, sorry, Emmy,” Lindsay said, hugging her. “Oh, this is such
wunderbaar
news! You and
Onkel
Daniel must be so happy.”

“Ya
, we are.” Rebecca pushed one of Emma’s light brown curls back from her face. “For many years we thought we’d never be blessed with a
boppli
, and now we’ll have three.”

“When are you due?” Lindsay asked.

“January 11.”

“I’m so
froh
for you and
Onkel
Daniel! My mom used to always say that the Lord works in mysterious ways,” Lindsay said, lowering herself into the chair next to Rebecca’s. “She was right about that. We have to keep this a secret, right?”

“Ya.”
Rebecca smiled and touched Emma’s curls. “That’s our way. Having a baby is a very private miracle in our culture. We don’t boast about it because it shows too much pride. As my
mammi
used to say, we celebrate it with a cautious joy and don’t even tell our closest friends.”

“May I tell Jessica? I was going to write a letter to her tonight.”

“You may tell Jessica.” Rebecca set Emma down, and she waddled over to Junior, dropped to the floor, and grabbed a block from the pile.

“Do you have to go back to the doctor?”

“Next week.” Rebecca leaned back in the chair and rubbed
her abdomen. “I’m going to see a new doctor who is a specialist. I’m considered a high risk due to my age.”

“Oh.” Lindsay looked curious and then started for the door. “Would you like some meadow tea?”

“I think I’d rather just have water.
Danki
.” Rebecca watched her children play with blocks and wondered if she would have another boy or another girl. What would her next child look like? Would the baby be blond like Daniel or have dark hair like her? Closing her eyes, she sent up another prayer for a healthy baby. She opened her eyes and found Lindsay standing over her.

“You okay?” Lindsay asked, handing her a glass of water.

“
Ya
.” Rebecca sipped her drink.
“Danki.”

“Gern gschehne.”
Lindsay sat in the chair. “I’m so glad I didn’t go to New York.”

Rebecca studied her niece. “You considered going?”

Lindsay focused on the liquid in her glass as she spoke. “Last night I couldn’t sleep and I was wondering what life would’ve been like if I’d gone with Jessica.”

“Do you regret staying here?” Rebecca said the words slowly, hoping that the answer wouldn’t break her heart.

“No.” Lindsay met her gaze. “You need me here.”

“But is this what you want?” Rebecca asked.

“I already told you,
Aenti
. My joy is here.” She gestured around the room. “But sometimes I wonder if I should go see the world just to be sure before I join the church.”

Rebecca sipped her water and watched her children while she considered Lindsay’s words. Was her niece only staying here out of obligation or did she truly want to live here?

“I guess
Onkel
Daniel went back to work?” Lindsay asked.

“Ya.”
Rebecca placed her glass on the end table. “He had a project he needed to finish up today.”

“I bet he’s excited,
ya
?” Lindsay said.

“He is.” Rebecca chuckled, thinking back to their time in the examination room. “He nearly danced when he heard the news.”

“I can see him doing that.” She lifted her glass of tea. “Did the doctor give you any instructions? Are you supposed to take it easy, since you’ve been so tired?”

“He said to rest if I feel worn out.” Not wanting to worry her niece, Rebecca was careful not to mention the pain she’d experienced.

“I should quit working at the bakery,” Lindsay said. “I’m sure Elizabeth will understand I need to take care of you and the
kinner
.” She finished her drink with one big gulp. “You need me here.”

Rebecca studied Lindsay’s face, searching for any regret but only finding genuine concern. “Lindsay, it’s not your obligation to help me raise my
kinner
. You know that,
ya
?”

“Oh, I know. I’m here because I want to be.” She stood and took their empty glasses. “You rest. I’m going to make lunch.”

As Lindsay disappeared into the kitchen, Rebecca wondered if Lindsay felt trapped in Lancaster County while Jessica flew around New York City, free as a bird.

Rebecca hugged her cloak to her chest with one hand and held a lantern in her other as she stepped into the barn later that evening. The sweet aroma of stain filled her throat, and she cupped her hand to her mouth.

“Becky?” Daniel rushed over to her. “Are you all right?”

She moved to the rock path and blew out a deep breath and then gave a little chuckle. “I’ve never felt
grank
in your shop before.”

“I guess this pregnancy will be different,
ya
?” he asked, while wiping his hands on a rag.

“I guess so.” She studied his handsome face. “Did you tell anyone?”

“No, no.” He shook his head. “I wanted to tell my
dat
, but I’m
going to keep this one a secret, just like the rest.” He touched her arm. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine.”

“Lindsay seems excited about the baby,” he said. “She’ll keep it a secret,
ya
?”

“Of course she will. She kept Daniel Jr. and Emma a secret.” Overwhelmed with emotion, she hugged him.
“Ich liebe dich.”

“I love you too, Becky.” He looked concerned. “Was
iss letz?
You look upset.”

She looked up at him. “Do you think Lindsay feels trapped here?”

He looked surprised. “No. Why would you say that?”

Rebecca glanced toward the house, spotting a lantern burning in Lindsay’s room. “She said today that she’s glad she didn’t go to New York with Jessica because she can help me with this pregnancy and with the
kinner
. She wants to quit working at the bakery and help me full-time.”

“How could that be bad?” he asked. “She wants to help us. She’s always been a sweet and thoughtful girl, so that shouldn’t surprise you.”

“But does she really love it here, or does she feel like she has to be here?”

He shook his head. “Becky, you’re not making sense.” He tossed the rag over his shoulder.

She rubbed her forehead while trying to sort through her swirling thoughts. “What I mean is — does Lindsay feel like she owes us because we took her in? Is she staying here and helping me because she thinks her mother would want her to?”

He touched her cheek. “Becky, you worry too much. Lindsay loves you and loves the
kinner
. What’s keeping her here is that love, not obligation.”

“Are you certain?” She gave him a hopeful expression.

“Why don’t you go get ready for bed? Dr. Moore said you need your rest.”

“Fine.” She glowered. She hated it when Daniel dismissed her, but she knew he was right.

“I’ll lock the barn and be up soon.” He kissed the top of her head before he disappeared into the barn.

Her shoes crunching the rock, Rebecca walked toward the house. She breathed in the crisp spring air and hoped that Daniel was right about Lindsay.

Amish Banana
Chocolate Chip Cookies

2-½ cups flour

2 tsp baking powder

¼ tsp baking soda

cup shortening

½ tsp salt

1 cup sugar

2 eggs

1-½ tsp vanilla

1 cup mashed banana

1 cup chocolate chips

Beat shortening until creamy. Add sugar and eggs one at a time. Stir in vanilla and flour mixture alternately with bananas. Fold in chips. Drop by teaspoon on ungreased cookie sheet. Bake at 400 degrees for 12 minutes.

7

L
indsay fell in step with Matthew as they walked across the Esh family’s pasture after the church service a few weeks later. She breathed in the warm spring air and smiled while a bird chirped in a tree nearby.

“I got a letter from
mei schweschder
yesterday,” Lindsay said.

“How’s she doing?” he asked, adjusting the straw hat and pushing back a brown curl that fell into his eyes.

“She said she loves her job and is also having fun with her friend Kim. They went to a club the other night and talked to some guys.” Lindsay shook her head. “I hope she’s not doing anything dangerous, you know? But I think she’s very smart. She never went to wild parties or anything like that before.”

“That’s
gut
.” Matthew looked toward a group of girls sitting on the grass. “Why aren’t you over with your
freinden
?”

Lindsay shrugged. “I couldn’t participate in the conversation.”

He looked confused. “What do you mean?”

“They were talking about their class.”

“What class?” He raised an eyebrow in question.

“You know. The baptism instruction class. They were going on and on about how much they couldn’t wait to get started. I can’t exactly add to that conversation.” She frowned, wondering if she’d made a mistake by not joining the class. But if it didn’t
feel right in her heart, how could she consider making such a commitment? Yet somehow, she still regretted not doing it.

“Don’t let them make you feel bad,” he said. “I’m certain if they knew that they were hurting your feelings, they wouldn’t discuss it.”

“I know that,” she began, “but I don’t want them to feel like they have to censor themselves when I’m around. They have a right to talk about something that’s important to them.” She gestured toward the group of boys playing volleyball in the middle of the pasture. “Why aren’t you with your
freinden
?”

He shrugged. “I didn’t feel like playing volleyball today. Is that a crime?”

“No,” she said with a smile. In all honesty, Lindsay was glad he was spending time with her and not playing volleyball. She enjoyed talking with him instead of listening to her friends discuss their excitement about being baptized.

She glanced at her feet and spotted a throng of dandelions peppering the lush green grass like bright yellow polka dots. Reaching down, she swiped a dandelion from the grass. “Jessica and I used to make necklaces out of these when we were kids.”

He smiled, and his eyes seemed to sparkle in the bright June afternoon sun. “My nieces like making them sometimes.”

“Do they?” she asked. “Funny how all little girls do that, no matter if they are English or Amish.”

Leaning down, he began plucking the dandelions from around his feet.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“You’ll see.” He continued gathering the yellow flowers until he had a small bouquet. He then sank onto the ground and began tying the flowers together.

Laughing, Lindsay lowered herself down next to him and watched him create a long chain of dandelions. “It’s a lovely necklace, but I don’t think yellow is your color.”

“No, but it’s yours,” he said without looking up. He tied the
rest of the dandelions together and then glanced over at the one in her hands. “Are you going to use that?”