A Natural Act (Contradictions) (5 page)

“
I-” She begins.

“
This lady’s been through enough today. You really going to keep her waiting?”

“
What was the name?” The receptionist returns her nervous glance to me.

I don’t blame her, Craig is quite intimidating.
I felt the hostility radiating off him as he spoke to her but it didn’t scare me as it perhaps ought to have. Maybe because it wasn’t aimed at me.

I repeat the name of my tormentor and boyfriend through the lump in my throat only to see her frown.

“Mr Callaghan never checked in.”

“
That must be a mistake,” I murmur, my shoulders sagging because I need to get back to him before it’s too late. I can’t risk more punishment.

“
No,” she shakes her head. “He was due to check in yesterday evening but he never arrived. We’ve already given the room away.

“
Breathe, Bella,” Craig’s voice snaps me back to reality as he cups my chin in his hand.

We’re somehow outside again in the cool even
ing air. My hyperventilating has slowed down slightly, enough for me to regain awareness of my surroundings.

I don’t know where Nigel is so I don’t know how to get
back to him. The longer I leave it, the worse it’ll be. He’ll think I tried to run away and he’ll make me pay.

“
You’re not listening, lady,” he whispers, tilting my chin up slightly so I meet his eyes.

“
I need to get back,” I whimper through tears.

“
I understand,” he nods. “Where might he be?”

I take a few
deep, trembling breaths and run through the options. He could have checked into a different hotel but it’s much more likely he went back to the house. Back to his domain.

“
The house,” I answer meekly.

“
Okay, I’ll take you there,” he nods, taking a step back. “You sure about this, Bella?”

I nod but I’m not. I just don’t have other options.
“But it's in Nottingham.” It's asking quite a lot to expect him to drive me there. Maybe I could borrow some money to get a taxi and then pay him back when I'm back on my feet. Whenever that will be.

“
That's fine,” he dismisses, guiding me back to the car and supporting my weight to make the short journey easier on my tired and aching body.

“
But-”

“
Put the postcode in the GPS and get some sleep. I'll wake you up when we're close.” His tone of voice is so final that there's no room for argument so I just do as I'm told once he's belted me in.

He disappears for a few seconds but returns with a blanket from the boot.

A smile appreciatively but it's not as genuine because he's got his shields up again and I already miss seeing the cheeky guy beneath the bravado.

I spend the first few minutes of the drive not-so-surreptitiously watching him as his expression slowly softens. I'm not sure if he knows I'm doing it or not but eventually my heavy eyelids win out and I drift off.

True to his word, Craig rouses me couple of miles away from the luxury housing estate where Nigel's house is located.

“
I'll drive past once to make sure he's home and then I'll drop you off a little way away if that's what you want.”

I nod anxiously, the lingering sleepiness fading fast as the familiar fear of this house returns. He must sense my mood because he reaches out and squeezes my left hand gently, his thumb brushing my wrist.

“You have my number,” he reminds me.

I do and somehow this makes things a little easier. My brow creases slightly as Craig rolls past the large house with
its manicured garden. The lights are off except for the porch light and I can see the LED on the alarm blinking. That's exactly how we left it.

“
Is he home?” Craig asks as we round the corner.

“
I... I don't know,” I answer hesitantly. “I don't think so.”

He nods but remains silent.

“I should go and check,” I say, more to convince myself than to let him know.

He nods again and I take that as his confirmation. I don't know if
he's staying or going. He has no duty to me and I can't ask him to stay. He's already chauffeured me all over two counties.

I'm not sure if I'm relieved or horrified that there's no answer when I ring the doorbell. I ring three times knowing there won't be any answer. The house is deadly silent and I know he's not there because he wouldn't miss a chance to reprimand me for taking so long to get home.

I slump down against the front door and wonder how I got here. I'm so far from the excitable teenager with wide eyes and narrow vision who fell for the well-dressed student across the aisle.

I barely remember the carefree version of Nigel I knew back then either. It's as both of us have had complete personality transplants.

I usually don't think about things like this because it's the internal sort of pain and there is no numbness for that but I'm exhausted and hopeless so I have no defences.

I still remember the way he smiled shyly as we were paired together for the first time, the way he looked like he'd won a trophy when I agreed to go out for dinner with him. I remember the way he always pulled my chair out for me, always made sure I was warm enough, always bought me gifts.

He still does those things but it's not the same. He's not wearing that shy smile any more.

I can't feel my tears but I know I'm crying because I can hear the pathetic sobs. I wish I knew what I did wrong - what I did to lose the boy I knew and the girl I once was.

That's how Craig finds me; sobbing like a baby on the doorstep of what is essentially a very well presented prison. He says nothing but he swaddles me in a blanket as he scoops me up from the doorstep and carries me in his arms.

He presses a soft kiss to my forehead and sighs as he begins moving, I don't know what he's going to do with me and I don't care I can't get in to the house. I have nowhere left to go. Maybe he can leave me at a women's shelter.

For now, I'm going to enjoy the warmth of his solid body, ensconced in the scent of cloves, and let him carry me and my problems back to the car.

My eyes feel fuzzy and I don't want to open them because I'm so warm and comfortable. It's as though I'm wrapped in the finest silk in a warm room scented by freshly cut wild flowers. I'd think I was dreaming if it weren't for the fact I can feel the heavy weight of my cast on my wrist and the dull ache of healing bruises.

I remember falling asleep in Craig's car, and I remember fleeting glimpses of him, and a woman's voice, but not much more. I'm fairly sure I'm not back in the hospital because of the floral scent but I don't know where I am.

Strangely, I don't care. I feel
comfortably disconnected from the real world and the thought brings a smile to my lips.

“
A smile,” Craig's deep voice murmurs from somewhere on the other side of wherever I am. “You awake?”

I nod and I'm rather certain
the smile broadens because he's still here and I wasn't hallucinating. I definitely thought he'd have gotten rid of me by now. Judging by how much less pain I'm in and how disgusting I feel, it's been quite a few days.

“
Lucid?”

I open my eyes at this so I can look at him questioningly. The room is warm and homely, albeit small. I'm in a standard double bed dressed in beige linens. There are pastel highlights
scattered around the room - small touches which make this room feel warm and lived in.

“
You've been a bit in and out of it.”

“
How long?” I ask with a slightly raspy voice.

Before the words are fully out of my mouth, he's already handing me a glass of water. He's wearing light blue scrubs bottoms with Asics trainers and a
baggy hoody over his upper half. He winks at me as he slots the glass into my left hand.

“
About a week,” he grimaces, sitting down on the corner of the bed. “My cousin's flat,” he shrugs in response to my widening eyes. “She's in the US at the minute.”

“
Thank you,” I smile gratefully but then it falters. “I've been here a week?”

He nods, grim faced.

“What happened?” I ask hesitantly.

“
You had a high fever for a while.”

“
Did you take me to hospital?”

He shakes his head and grits his teeth.
“Your boyfriend could have found you there.”

I grit my teeth and nod because I really don't know if I want to be found or not. I know he'll be worried with me being gone this long. By now
, he'll have found out I discharged myself and that will be my fault as well even though I did it to try and get back to him.

I know he's not the man I fell in love with any more. That man i
s long gone. However, part of me still clings to the notion that he can come back to me. I hate myself for still feeling any positive emotion to him at the same time I feel guilty for those feelings. I’m not sure I would have gotten through university without him and his family.

“
Would you like a bath?” He distracts me from that dark place in my memories by brushing the hair out of my eyes.

I cringe and nod because I really do feel like I’m caked in a layer of filth
. I go to sit up so I can take him up on his offer but he stops me, gently pressing my shoulder down so that I have to lie back down.

I frown in confusion but he just smirks and nods his head towards me, gesturing to a bag of fluids hanging from a metal stand. I follow the
path of the tubing and realise I’m hooked up to the bag.

It’s then it dawns on me that I’ve been he
re for a week and I have no memory of leaving this bed.

“
You’re crazy skinny,” he shrugs, sensing my confusion.

“
High flattery, doctor,” I roll my eyes. I know I’m overly thin but it’s not something that bothers me. It’s the way I was born.

“
If we hadn’t given you nourishment intravenously they’d have put you on one of those charity adverts for starving people,” he grins.

“
Are you allowed to administer medical treatment outside of your role as doctor?” I ask sardonically, knowing full well he isn’t.

“
Technically, I didn’t,” he shrugs.

“
Oh?” I cock my head.

“
I had a female doctor come and see you as a home visit. Figured you’d rather have a woman put the catheter in.”

“
Oh god, a catheter?” I groan, shifting my hips slightly to confirm that I most definitely am wearing a catheter. Now that I’m aware of it, the damn thing is highly uncomfortable despite the fact I didn’t even know I was wearing it until a few seconds previously.

He nods.

“Can I take it out?” I whine somewhat childishly.

“
You want to take it out yourself?” He raises an eyebrow and makes a poor attempt at hiding a smirk.

“
Well you are most definitely not removing it for me,” I warn him.

“
I’m a doctor, lady. I’ve seen a vagina before.”

“
Not mine,” I retort indignantly, refusing to cringe at the mention of my lady parts.

“
There something special about yours?” He raises one eyebrow and supresses a smirk.

“
Um…” I hedge. “That’s not what I… I mean-”

“
I know, lady,” he chuckles. “I can remove it without seeing too much, okay?”

“
Craig, I’m not sure-”

“
Trust me, Bella,” he whispers, pressing his fingers to my lips.

I nod, held captive by that bright blue gaze as his fingers deftly remove the IV. His eyes don’t leave mine but his movements are sure and steady as he works to remove the tubes and various dressings from my face and
upper body.

I have to squeeze my eyes shut tightly as he repositions the duvet to get to my catheter.

My bottoms have been removed and I’m still wearing the over-sized t-shirt he retrieved from the gym. He’s careful to ensure my modesty is preserved as he positions the hem of my t-shirt and the edge of the duvet and his expression is nothing but professional.

It’s easy to see him as the doctor right now because the cheeky
bad boy is gone and the shields are nowhere to be seen. He’s consumed by what he’s doing so I simply watch him work and try to ignore the sharp discomfort as he swiftly removes the catheter.

“
All done,” he winks, returning to the boyish personality I’m developing a soft spot for as he bags the waste and ties the handle before dropping it in a nearby bin.

“
Reckon you can walk?” He grins, offering me a hand to assist me up to standing.

I nod because
, compared to how my body felt before, I feel as though I could run a marathon.

Craig has run a bath for me and the edge of the tub is line
d with more feminine products than I’d expect of a man so I suspect they must belong to his cousin.

A brand new tooth brush awaits me on the side and he’s even left me with a towel for my hair and a beautifully soft gown to wrap myself in once I’ve soaked in the tub for long enough for the week of grime to seep away.

I feel like a new person as I emerge from the bathroom and yet that doesn’t detract from the shyness and sense of unease I bear walking around in a strange apartment with this man who was a stranger just a few days ago.

A man who has
now been up close and personal with my downstairs region.

I needn’t have worried though. A
s I step over the threshold into the lounge on my way to the bedroom, I come across my knight in shining armour asleep on the sofa.

He’s half-lying, half-sitting in one corner with his forearm draped over his eyes as his chest rises and falls in a gentle undulation.

“I'm awake,” he groans as I try to creep past him.

“
Could have fooled me,” I retort, clasping my robe tightly around me.

He grins
and removes his arm from his eyes. “Nice bath?”

“
Heavenly,” I sigh contentedly, cautiously lowering myself onto the other end of the sofa when he gestures for me to do so. “Thank you.”

“
No need to thank me,” he shrugs.

“
I think I'll be thanking you for a long time to come. I'm indebted to you.”

“
You really aren't,” he frowns. I'm not certain but I think he might even be slightly irritated so I don't push my point.

We're silent for a while so I pull my feet up onto the sofa and wrap my arms around my knees. It's not as comfortable as it used to be with the heavy weight of the cast
on my arm but it will do.

“
I need you to do something,” he says after a while. He's still slouched on the sofa and his eyes are focused on a spot on the opposite wall but he seems tense somehow.

“
What?” I ask cautiously.

“
Stay here.”

When I simply look at him blankly, he shifts to meet my eye.
“This flat is empty. I don't live here, just stay here every now and then when I'm tired after a long shift because it's close to the hospital. My cousin isn't coming back any time soon. Already cleared it with her. You're welcome to stay here as long as you need. The only condition is that you have to keep that hideous plant alive,” he gestures to a spider plant on the windowsill.

“
But-”

“
There are no buts here, lady.”

“
But-”

“
None.”

I try and stare him down but his shields are up and it's intimidating so I look away.

“You need this,” he adds softly.

I'm incapable of forming a coherent sentence so I keep quiet and idly pull at the strands of my
terry-towelling robe.

“
I need this,” he adds more firmly. “I couldn't live with myself if I let you go back to that.”

I open my mouth to reply but he leans forwards and tucks my hair behind my ear.

“Do you love him? Do you want to go back?”

Slowly, gradually, I shake my head. I knew I didn't want to go back but I think I'm just now coming to understand that I no longer love Nigel. I don't love what he's become and I never could.

“Then it's settled,” he says around a yawn.

“
You're tired?” I ask because there's too much emotion welling up in my chest and I don't want to confront it just yet.

“
I'm fine,” he shrugs. “I just came off an eighteen-hour shift.”

“
That's long,” I reply, my eyes widening slightly. I often feel exhausted after an eight-hour workday.

“
That's a short shift,” he chuckles. “Don't worry about it. Carters are genetically adapted to operating on next to no sleep.”

“
Really?” I tease.

He nods.
“I don't think my oldest brother even knows what sleep is.”

“
How many brothers do you have?”

“
Five brothers, one adopted brother, one sister.”

“
Big family.” As an only child I can barely imagine what that must be like.

He nods.

“Your poor sister. One girl and seven boys,” I murmur in sympathy. 

He chuckles.
“She manages.”

I can see the twinkle in his eyes and it's obvious he cares deeply for his sister. It makes me wish I had a brother or sister.

“Do you all get on?” I ask. I want to know all there is to know about him. Considering I'm apparently now staying in his cousin's flat, I seem to know next to nothing about him.

“
For the most part. It was worse when we were younger. My mum passed away when I was six and my dad died six years later so things were rocky for us for a while. My brothers held us together even when times were hard.”

“
You lost them so young,” I frown.

He nods.
“Where are your parents?”

I understand he doesn't want to linger on the topic so I let it go.
“Not far from Derby,” I smile shakily. “But I haven't seen them for a long time.”

He studies me
and I can tell he wants to know more but he doesn't probe.

“
Craig?” I prompt after we've sat in silence a while longer.

He acknowledges my voice with a lift of his chin and I realise we've subtly shifted positions in the sofa and we're sat side by side. His arm comes down over my shoulders and gently tucks me into his side.

“I don't have any money.”

“
That's alright, I'm not for sale,” he winks.

I frown and pull away from him slightly. I meant for rent, and food, and shampoo, and clothes, and far too many other things to list.