A Reason To Stay (12 page)

She hoped he didn’t hear the little knot in her throat rise and fall in the hard swallow she knocked down. “You know me, I’m full of jokes.”

An awkward silence passed before he talked again. “I know I’ll be glad to get you back here. I’m sitting here at your house, wishing you would drive up in your car and I could take you inside and revisit the moment of our last night together. Maybe give those boxer shorts of yours another try?”

Elise checked out the window for Melanie. She had to stop Darren from swinging on the rope of false hope she had just thrown out to him. It must have been the fear of Kentucky talking when she alluded to marriage. She would feel different back home. The courage and denial of being alone would slowly encompass her and make her comfortable once again.

“Darren, I’m sorry to interrupt you, But I think I see Melanie. I’ll have to call you later. Be careful going home. Bye.”

She wiped her brow, escaping that crevice of memory lane back home with Darren. That was another heap of mess she’d have to address later. For now, she just wanted to get out of that house, out of Kentucky, and away from all the issues that seemed to be the crux of all her problems. She sat on the arm of the chair, waiting for her very late sister to arrive.

Melanie pulled in five minutes later and waited for Elise outside in her dilapidated car. It was hard to miss the choked carburetor sound blaring from her mother’s driveway. Her date had gone extremely well and she told her all about it as they drove back home. All Elise could think about was the next day. It seemed each day was a test of her endurance to the challenge of being back home.

CHAPTER NINE

A Glimpse of the Future

Elise woke up the next day to a piece of sharp paper shoved in her face. Images of blurry scribbles smeared down the page, as she wiped her eyes and took it from her sister. “Get up, sleepy head. I’ve written down your itinerary for the day.”

“This is torture in its purest form.” Elise peeled her other eyelid open and quickly closed it after the brightness stung her retina. “Turn off the light, Mel. Are you some kind of sadistic hostess? Waking up people, shouting orders. Isn’t it enough that you don’t have coffee in this God-forsaken place.”

“Elise, you have to wake up. The kids are going to need your help. I left their clothes out. And don’t let Faith trick you into anything else than what’s on her bed.” Melanie shook the bed after Elise made no sign of consciousness. “Come on, Elise. I’m not kidding, I have to go.”

Elise unburied her head. A fuzzy figure of her sister, standing in all white, could have been mistaken as a dream.

“Faith’s preschool, Precious Gems, is down by the old bottling warehouse, and on the way to Mason’s elementary school. He has to be there no later than eight twenty. And then Mom’s doctor’s appointment is at nine o’clock sharp. I’ll go to her house before work to get her ready with her medication and breakfast.”

“All right, all right. I’ll get up.” Elise rubbed her eyes and before she could open them, she could hear that her sister was halfway down the stairs.

All Elise had to do was get the kids dressed, fed, and to their destinations. Oh, and manage to get herself ready, too. Elise grunted as she pulled Faith out of bed, kicking and screaming. She never remembered hearing such dead silence from her biological clock before. Getting kids ready should be deemed both a header on a resume
and
a form of contraception.

The last child was dropped off without any fatalities and her mother was in the car. Ten minutes to get across town would be no problem. As long as Melanie’s muffler didn’t drop off between stop lights.

“About today, Elise,” said her mother.

“Yeah?” Elise studied the street names, trying to remember which one was Williams Street. The smell of her mother’s perfume was giving her a decision whether or not to crack a window. Since when did she buy cologne at a drugstore?

“I have plans this evening. So, you can just take the children back home to Melanie’s and eat there.”

Elise looked over at her mother who was obviously sweating from the information she was leaving out. “Mom, what are
your
plans? After all, you are barely able to maneuver to the bathroom by yourself. But please tell me, what date are you going on this fine Monday night?”

“I have a friend dropping by. And I don’t want it to get complicated with everyone there.” She pulled her skirt taut, and looked authoritatively out the window, no doubt hoping Elise would give her no more grief about it.

Elise found the medical office and pulled in. She spied a car backing out of a spot near the entrance and sped to it. “Mom, do you have a boyfriend?”

Lyla wouldn’t make eye contact with her daughter when she replied. “I don’t want Melanie to find out about him.”

“Oh, my gosh, you do? Why wouldn’t you want Melanie to know?” Elise turned off the car and undid her seatbelt.

“I don’t think she’s ready for me to see anyone.”

Elise busted out laughing. “Mom, I’m sure she’d be relieved. She worries about you.”

“Well, I don’t want to announce it just yet. I’m not even sure he’s going to be around for long.” Those words sounded familiar.

“How long have you been seeing him?”

Lyla pulled down the visor mirror and looked at herself. She smeared the pale pink lipstick between her lips before snapping the visor shut. With her good foot stepping out first, she hoisted herself up. “A year.”

“A what?” Elise yelled, shutting her door and going over to her mother’s side.

“What? What’s wrong with that? We’re taking it slow.”

“Kind of like a turtle on downers, being pulled by weights and trudging through quicksand?”

She held onto the car door, waiting for Elise to pull her crutches from the back seat. “I need to make sure, that’s all. I’ve been left by a man before if you recall?”

Elise ignored the stab. Her skin had no more nerve endings when it came to her mother accusing her of her ill-fated single life. “What are you making sure of? That he gets too old to be able to run? Mom, you’ve been alone forever. If he’s decent, be with him. Stop hiding and live out one of those love stories that you’re so fond of.”

They took their time getting to the door of the building. Elise couldn’t believe how her mother had changed over the years. Then she wondered if she’d be alone for as long as her mother had been. She ran from any relationship that got too close to the year mark.

The doctor’s visit went fine and Elise took her mother to lunch before dropping her back home and getting the children from school. Now was the true test of her day. Seeing Ben and trying not to fall into those dark pools of ten years ago in his eyes. With the children now in the back, she drove the windy roads to his house, smelling the country blowing in the open car windows, remembering all the times she spent there with him. Her legs trembled slightly at the thought of returning to the best times of her life.

CHAPTER TEN

Like Old Times

The long dirt driveway was lined with hundred-year-old oak trees. They formed a perfect canopy across the road, making the temperature five degrees cooler underneath them. She heard every piece of gravel that managed to get stuck in the tire tread, as she never exceeded fifteen miles per hour. It gave her time to think of a million reasons of how she could turn around and explain later.

The path eventually forked in two directions—one to the stables, and the other to the house. Elise caught sight of Ben outside the barn and steered the car to the right.

“Stay here,” she said to the kids, as she put it in park. “I’ll see where he wants me to drop you off, Mason.”

She jumped out of the car and jogged in after him, her heart shorting out as flashbacks fought for space in her mind. He was walking a horse into a stall. The smell of hay and feed tickled her nose. And the large four-legged creatures snorting and neighing told her she was definitely back at the farm.

“Ben,” she said in a raised voice, hoping he would hear her.

He turned and nodded, and then fastened the door latch to the stall before walking toward her. “Hey, it’s nice to see you. Where are Mason and Faith?”

She pointed to outside. “They’re in the car. I wasn’t sure where to take him.”

“His project is back in the tack room. I’ll walk out with you.”

They went outside to get the kids. Elise was nervous, feeling light-headed from all the nostalgia that came from being there with him and the familiarity of the farm. She opened Mason’s door to get him out. Ben went to the other side and opened the door for Faith.

“I thought it was Mason’s project,” Elise said, wondering why he was getting Faith out of the car.

“Aren’t you and Faith going to stick around?”

Faith looked puzzled, staring at Elise and waiting for her to answer. Her dad was doing the same thing.

“I thought I’d take her for a drive and come back for Mason. Of course, don’t feel like you have to rush or anything. The ride with the fresh air and seeing all the farms I remember will be fun.”

Five minutes. Five minutes was all she programmed her brain to ride on auto-pilot. Any more time there and she’d have to check into reality. Not a good place for her to be right now. The kryptonite of his dimples was beginning to wear down her defenses.

“No way. You can stay here and take a look at all the horses. We have some winners out in the pasture, and I thought maybe we’d take a ride when Mason finishes. And anyway, I don’t think this little girl is the type to go Sunday driving.” Faith flung herself from the back seat of the car and took off like a dart toward the barn, almost trampling her father in the process.

Elise’s eyes began to pop with the notion she could just re-enter her life with him and ride off into the sunset. It wasn’t possible. She couldn’t do it for any amount of going with the flow.

“Ben, I can’t ride. I haven’t ridden since I left.”

“Well, just take Faith for a walk then. Mason and I won’t be long. All that’s left is some final gluing.”

Before she could argue any more about it, Ben took Mason’s hand and led him to the back office area and left Faith with Elise to watch after. She walked in the barn and saw her niece talking to one of the horses. It looked like a giant compared to her small half-pint niece. The one Ben put away was standing at his door proudly. Elise rubbed his mane and began talking to him. She moved to the next stall, making small talk with him, too. Slowly, she had made her way down one side of the twenty-stalled stable, reacquainting herself with the passion of horses she had left when she pulled out of Kentucky.

Thirty minutes had passed, though it felt like fifteen. Ben and Mason appeared with Mason’s small wooden replica of the barn. Mason was smiling from ear to ear with pride for his project. Elise looked up from the horse she was brushing with her hand.

“That’s awesome, Mason. What a great job.” She crouched down next to him, holding the project, and looked at Ben. “You, too, Ben. It looks just like this place.”

“Umm, Elise. Where is Faith?” Ben asked, while non-alarmingly looking around the area.

Elise’s smile turned square. Her eyes darted right to left. “What?” Surely she understood the question. She just didn’t know the answer. “Crap, I don’t know. She was here, I thought.”

In fact, Elise wasn’t used to watching kids. She was barely able to keep focus on herself, these days. 

Both Elise and Ben scaled the stable doors in opposite directions, yelling her name and peeking inside them. Elise felt queasy, imagining the worst. That tiny girl could’ve been out in the pasture getting knocked from the hooves of Ben’s horses. Then Elise would have to rush her to the hospital and have Melanie resuscitate her. The whole imaginary scene made Elise’s adrenaline surge.

She and Ben met up at the end stall and ran out of the barn. As they turned the corner, a well-targeted stream of water drenched them both within seconds. After swatting at the cold flow of water, Elise saw Faith behind the surprising geyser. Her small hands holding the nozzle like a trigger, pressing as hard as she could with twisted lips. Ben held his arm up toward the stream as it wavered between the two of them. Elise looked away trying to deflect the hose that was soaking the cotton top and shorts she wore.

“Faith, what are you doing? Are you crazy? Ben, stop her,” she screamed while flailing her arms and turning her head as not to get a mouthful of water.

Ben made it past the path of trajectory and released the nozzle from her grip. Mason came around the corner, doubling over laughing at what he was seeing. When the water finally stopped, Elise shook her head like a water-drenched dog who just got its bath. Her wet hair slapped her cheeks as it flipped in the air. She pulled at her shirt as it clung to her skin like static.

Everyone waited and watched Elise’s reaction. When she opened her dripping eyes, she looked at Faith as she stood with her head slumping downward.

“Paybacks are bad, little girl.” Elise grabbed the hose from Ben and lightly sprayed the mischievous girl. Faith squealed with delight and danced in the gentle spray. Mason put his project down on the concrete floor and joined in the fun. They laughed giddily while dancing in the last rays of sunlight.

Elise placed the hose on the ground, as Ben brought a towel out from the office and handed it to her. She shared it with Faith and Mason, both of them laughing and recounting their aunt’s surprise behavior. Elise walked over to pick up Mason’s project. Her shoes squished with each step. Water rolled down her legs from her shorts as her hair swung in the air like dreadlocks.

Ben stood wiping his neck, watching her walk away. “You can’t go home like that. Come up to the house and I’ll get you something to wear. Come on, guys. You all need to change, too.”

Elise didn’t argue, knowing she couldn’t even get in the car to drive it up to the house. They all took a nice walk to the house as the sun dipped behind the treetops. She pulled at her shorts so they would stop rubbing between her legs.

Ben pulled open the squeaky screen door and the kids raced past them both. “Go and get a new change of clothes on, you two,” Ben yelled out.

He held the door open for Elise to go first. Her shoulder blades stung, as if his eyes were drilling a hole between them.

“I can find you something upstairs.” He held his arm out, waiting for her to go first up the stairs. She set her car keys and phone down before going.

She tiptoed, not wanting to get the floor any wetter than the children had as they trampled up there seconds before them. He yelled out to quiet them down.

“Guys, get dressed and put your wet clothes in the bathtub.”

Elise got to the top of the stairs and waited as though it was her first time in his house. He led her back to his room. She stood in the doorway, looking at the walls, remembering every inch of them. Memories of their first time making love, while his parents were away, washed over her and strangled in her throat, forcing her to clear it. Ben looked up.

“Are you all right?”

“Fine.” One word. And for anyone who knew Elise, it was the worst word she could use. He knew it, too.

He fished through his drawers and pulled out a pair of boxer shorts and grabbed a shirt from his closet. She took them from him. Their fingers touched, making her attentive to his reaction. Were there any memories that were haunting him, as she stood inside his room? If there were, she wouldn’t keep her eyes on him long enough to find out. She couldn’t. They knew too much of her.

“You can change in here with me or the bathroom on the right.” A devil-painted smile crossed his face, and a rush of hormones swam through her stomach.

“I’ll take the bathroom.”

Why was he even messing with her? Just get changed and go home. There was no force that could be used against the Pandora box he was attempting to unlock. She peeled off her top and closed her eyes as she slid his shirt over her head, imaging the times before when she’d worn his clothes. It was like coming home after too long being gone. She smoothed her hair over to the side and pinched her cheeks for color. After taking a long draw of air, she knew that look of hers in the reflection of the mirror. The one that wanted to stay there, for old times’ sake. She pushed the thought away and dropped her wet shorts to the ground and shimmied on the boxer ones he lent her. A towel hung on the back of the door, and she used it to dry her hair so it would stop dripping.

It was quiet when she opened the door. The kids and Ben had beaten her downstairs. She held her wadded wet clothes as she stepped into the kitchen where Ben was pulling out some pots from the cabinets. He had changed into a baseball cotton tee with eye-pleasing jeans. Age had perfected him well.

“I’m going to get going, I guess. I’ll make sure Melanie gets your clothes back to you.” Elise stood at the edge of the counter, watching his rendition of a chef on The Cooking Network.

He pretended not to hear her segue for leaving, and filled the large pot with water. “Sit down. I’m going to make dinner.”

“Ben, I have to go. I’ve got to get the kids home.”

“They
are
home. They’re playing with their toys. Now, sit down and relax. Oh, by the way, Darren’s been trying to call you.”

The words streamed in her mind like a foreign language she could not translate. What did he just say? Darren?

Ben read her thoughts. He pointed toward the area by the back door. “Your phone is on the counter and it’s been buzzing. I didn’t mean to look, but his picture kept coming up. Still have a fetish for dark-haired men, I see.”

Elise remained quiet. Anything she said could be used against her. More importantly, she hated answering questions about her life. The one she hoped to leave safely back in California. Traps and snares never put her in a good mood. She walked around to the counter where her phone lay and took it, trying to put it in her pocket. When she realized the shorts she had on had none, she held it down by her side.

“You’re not going to call him back?” Ben said, turning on the stove.

“I’ll call later.” Answer given. Now move on. Please, move on.

“Who is Darren?”

Ever the non-committer, she replied, “A friend.”

“A friend?” A note of skepticism was in his tone. Did he know the real Elise Newton too well?

“Yes, a friend. So, what are you making?” She stretched her neck toward the little work area where he was cutting up vegetables.

“Change of subject noted, Elise. I’m making spaghetti. The kids love it and it’s a pretty easy dish to prepare.”

“Would you like any help?”

“You can put your clothes in the dryer if you want and then help cut up the tomatoes for the salad.”

Elise took her clothes into the laundry room. After throwing them in the dryer and placing the setting on low, she returned to the kitchen.

“It feels weird without your parents here.” She stood beside him, waiting to take over. His smell intoxicated her. Made up purely of a hard day’s work and laced with his pheromones, it taunted her with its familiarity.

“Yeah, I’m sure Melanie told you that after Dad died, Mom moved to Atlanta. She couldn’t stay here without him.”

“I was sorry to hear how all that happened.”

He handed her the knife and pulled a head of lettuce from the fridge. She took it and unwrapped it before rinsing it under the faucet.

“So, are you and Beth serious?”
Are you kidding?
Why are you going there? No talk of relationships. You just moved from the Darren talk. What’s the purpose?

“I think
she
is,” he answered, disguising a slight grin. Elise noticed it.

“Why the grin?”

“I just think it’s funny how I can answer questions about me, but your life is off limits.”

“He’s my friend, Ben,” she said, emphasizing the large period at the end of the point.

“All right.” He raised his arms in surrender. “I met Beth a couple months ago and she’s kind of attached herself to me.”

“Oh. I see. I just thought that you all were tight.” Relief released from Elise, knowing she could have her cake and eat it too. He would be a gentleman and lay off her business.

“I’m trying to create some distance, but she shows up everywhere.” He checked the spaghetti sauce in the pot. “It’s like I turn around and she’s there.”

The noise of the front door snapping shut stopped both of them in their tracks. Elise stopped cutting and watched Ben’s reaction. He froze momentarily, then rolled his eyes and plunged the noodles in the boiling water. Beth strolled out to the kitchen and stopped dead when she saw Elise standing in the kitchen wearing Ben’s clothing.

“Did I interrupt something?” Her tone went high in octave. Obviously it was a rhetorical question.