A Reason To Stay (13 page)

Elise turned and looked at the chick who thought she had ownership there.

“Not at all,” Elise spoke before Ben. “We’re making dinner. If you’d called before just dropping over, we might have had enough for you.” Elise was the champion of being a wench when the situation called for it. And since she knew Ben wasn’t serious about Beth, she was ready to take care of business for him.

Still waiting for recognition, Beth walked over to Ben who was now at the sink. She was an adorable girl, even when she was three shades of green.

“Ben, can I see you for a minute?”

Ben followed her to the porch, his posture now bent over, perhaps in anticipation of the beating he was about to receive. He turned around mouthing ‘thank you’ to Elise behind his back. She finished cutting the lettuce and found a large bowl to empty the summer medley into. Beth’s voice raised, forcing Elise to move closer to the open window to listen. Seconds later Ben came inside. Without Beth.

“You’ve done it,” he said, making a beeline to the stove.

“What, exactly?”

“She said she’s not coming back until you’re gone.” He looked back at her without expression. Elise tried to interpret it. “So, this means you can’t ever leave.” He busted out laughing and Elise joined in. Old times had found them again.

They finished preparing dinner and served the children first. The four of them sat at the table and joked as they twirled their noodles into fat-sized bites that slid down into their hungry bellies. Ben and Elise enjoyed a few glasses of wine and the intensity that began with her visit to the farm had disappeared.

Her phone buzzed on the counter and she leaned over to look at it, hoping it wasn’t Darren. Melanie messaged her that she had to work over for someone who didn’t show up. But she’d be home by eleven o’clock, for sure.

The kids slipped into the room with a movie that Ben put in for them. Their gears were slowing down from school and the evening activities. Elise put her head down on the counter, tired from getting up so early to get them to school. Ben returned from the living room and stacked the dishes by the sink. He turned off the light and walked to Elise, pulling her off the chair and leading her out to the porch, his touch making her weak.

The evening was too good. Too familiar. Like going back to her favorite place and finding a reason to stay, all over again. If only the variables were different. Her heart was still a prisoner of a war she knew nothing about, but was trying desperately to discover.

Heat lightning lit the sky with intermittent flashes, and faint sounds from the horses competed with the front yard crickets. California was another light year away. Elise sat on the red and white glider, pushing off with one foot. Ben sat on the chair next to her. She knew she should go, she just didn’t want to.

“Do you ever think about here?” he said, interrupting her quiet thoughts.

She looked out into the blackness of night and thought about the question and the answer. Was he asking about Kentucky or him? “Sometimes, I guess.”

“Are you happy there?” He leaned forward on his knees.

She drew a breath, wanting to say so much more than she knew she would. “I’m happy there.” She shifted and stopped swinging. “Ben, I think I better go now.”

“Don’t go.” His statement was full of between-the-lines.

She stood up, having to go,
now
. “I’m too scared to go get the car. Would you get it?” She looked at him in the dim light that was shining from the living room, giving her best puppy dog look.

He didn’t move. “Come on, Ben. Those kids have school tomorrow and it’s late. You know I’m not fond of the dark.”

He stood up. “Fine, give me the keys, you chicken.”

She ran inside to get them. Before she went back out, she ducked into the living room and checked the kids. Both of them were five seconds away from unconsciousness. She checked her phone, too. It was eight forty and there was a text message from Darren. She waited to read it.

“Here.” She handed him the keys when she got back to the porch. “Your children are on the cusp of dreamland. We’ll have to carry them to the car.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” He didn’t seem happy, but obeyed her wishes.

While he was gone, Elise pressed the button to read Darren’s message. ‘Getting off work. Wishing you were on my way home. Miss you like crazy.’

The hands of shame wrung her by the neck. Was it possible to be guilty of thoughts? To possibly love one guy and want so desperately to fix what she’d broken in another one? She quickly messaged him. ‘Will call in a little bit. Getting the kids to bed.’ Add a white lie to her rap sheet and prayer time confessions.

She sat back down and rested her head against the chair, reminiscing about all the times she sat on that porch with Ben and his mother. All the talks about the future they had together. And all the while no one knew she always envisioned herself leaving. Because she had no other choice.

The ancient screened door screamed as it opened. She jumped off the glider. “You scared me to death, Ben.”

“I’m sorry.” He handed her the key. “The car wouldn’t start.”

“Well, fix it.” She couldn’t believe her luck with that heap of junk.

“There is no way I’m going to stand out there in lightning to try and fix that crappy car, Elise.”

“But Ben, it’s only heat lightning. Now, go back out there. I’ll come and hold a light or something.” Elise’s tone held urgency. The expiration for this platonic get-together was approaching fast. Complicated was beginning in the next five-minute time frame.

He wasn’t moving.

“Fine, just take us home.”

“And how are you going to get them to school tomorrow? You can just stay here. They have clothes and I can take them tomorrow and fix the car for you to leave.”

Huge problem. Gigantic problem. Rock of Gibraltar problem.
Spend the night? Are you freaking serious?
This would go beyond test to examination of how long she could remain under the water of friendship, before coming up for some complicated air. And he clearly wanted to know who Darren was to her. No, these ingredients were not conducive to a friendly sleepover. This was a Dr. Phil experiment in willpower. Something she did not pack for an overnight visit.

Elise rubbed her head, searching for different solutions. Where would she sleep? Did he have any extra chastity belts lying around? Extra sleep aids and bolts and chains for the bedroom door? How could she get through a night under the same roof as Ben Hudson and not fall into their need-you-more-than-ever trance? As teenagers, they couldn’t be within a mile of one another and not end up naked under a blanket. She furrowed her brow, conceding to what it was.

Ben opened the door that led back into the house. The pit to her downfall awaited. He went inside the living room and scooped up Mason, carrying him to his room. She waited in the hall, holding Faith, the little girl’s head bobbing back and forth in Elise’s arms. “Where does she go?” she whispered loudly, but not too loudly.

“I’ll put her to bed.” He took her from Elise, remaining still for a second as the exchange caused skin-on-skin contact between the two. Their eyes said more than their mouths had all night while talking, saying nothing that needed to be said. He left, and Elise moved to the kitchen to message Darren. She held the phone covertly, encrypting a quick message to let him know she was bushed and would call in the morning. She turned her phone off, knowing he would try to call to anyway.

She jumped when Ben suddenly appeared. She felt his chin resting on her shoulder.

“Talking to Darren?”

She pressed the power button and put the phone on the counter. “Not hardly.”

“Elise, tell me the truth.” He hoisted himself onto the counter and settled himself in front of her. “Why can’t you be honest?”

“What does it matter to you?”

“I guess I...” he began and Elise quickly stopped him.

“Ben, I’m going home Sunday morning. Let’s not talk about things that don’t affect the present moment.” She knew he would always be honest with her and she couldn’t take hearing it.

He got off the counter and stood by the porch door. A determined breeze began blowing through the screen. She heard rain beginning to hit the worn railings and smelled the cool dust as it lifted from the ground and wafted inside.

“I have to check the horses one more time. I’ll be up in a little bit.”

“But it’s beginning to rain. You’ll get soaked.”

“I have to get out of here for a minute. I’ll be all right.” He pushed the door open and disappeared into the black night.

Elise walked to the living room and sat down. One diffused light struggled to illuminate the space. She watched out the window and concentrated on the silence in the house. The grandfather clock in the entryway began hypnotizing her with its perfect rhythm. Before long, she had laid down, forming herself into a tight ball on the oversized sofa’s comfortable cushions. It wasn’t too much time before sleep came and she fell into a dream. Ben was next to her. He nudged her first, trying to quietly wake her from her slumber. Finally, her heavy eyelids lifted and she came face to face with his teenage eyes. She read anticipation in his thoughts. Time had not moved since she was last there. Nothing had changed in the house. Nothing had changed in their hearts. They still belonged to one another. After years of searching, her soul had rediscovered its mate.

He touched her cheek with the backside of his hand. It felt damp. His eyes moved from hers down to her lips, as if he’d been waiting all evening to taste them. She too had wondered what his tasted like. Were they still salty and warm, like they used to be? And could he remember the exact spot that his touch could elicit a surrender groan from inside her? She closed her eyes and welcomed him. No one could suckle her tongue like him. No one felt more natural than him. It was like pulling on her favorite shirt, the one she felt most comfortable in. The one that went with everything.

“Daddy!” shouted Mason.

Elise opened her eyes from her semi-coma state. It wasn’t a dream! Ben’s lips were kissing her and very intimately, at that. It wasn’t her imagination. His tongue was inside her mouth, his lips smothering her in the best kind of way.
Oh no
!

She pulled back, as though fire had scorched her. “Mason, what is it?” he asked, trying to adjust himself as he raised halfway from the sofa...and Elise.

“Daddy, it’s thundering and I’m scared. Come and lay with me.”

Ben banged his head on the cushion where Elise had just been. “I’ll be right up, buddy.”

He moved his head to her lap. She sat, still frozen from the dream she mistook that she was having. “Ben, I was asleep. I thought I was dreaming.”

He looked up at her. “It is a dream, Elise.” He stood up slowly, still watching her reaction. “Stay here, I’ll be right back.” He touched her face before running upstairs to Mason’s room.

After she figured he was out of sight, she high-tailed it up to Faith’s room and crawled in bed with her. She quickly sent a text to her sister, saying that she and the kids were going to stay over at Ben’s house, and then tried to relax her very tensed body. Her heart was banging so loudly in her ears, she could barely hear the rain as it splashed on the leaves before sliding down to the metal roof. A few sounds of thunder cracked after the stray veins of light shined in the distance. She closed her eyes and knew she had to keep it together before sunlight moved to her part of the world again. Her eyes stayed tightly pressed together as she heard the door open to the room. She felt him walk to the bed and she pretended to be asleep. Once she slept, she didn’t wake again until the next morning.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

The Problem with Elle

Elise heard the squeaky door open. She lay there motionless, regulating her breaths. After feeling the mattress sag, she pried her eyelids open to find Ben sitting on the edge of her bed. She looked to her left. Faith was long gone. Ben must have taken her and Mason to school already. She could always manage to sleep through anything.

“Hey, there,” he said cautiously.

Elise quickly pulled the blankets over her head. If she wished hard enough maybe she could teleport to anywhere but here. She looked down at herself in the dark shadow of covers. Luckily she was fully clothed and hadn’t slept with him in her sleep.

“Hey,” she said, only exposing her eyes, like a robber. “What time is it?”

“It’s almost nine. Are you hungry?”

“I guess.” She began looking around the room. It was difficult to see it last night, when she sought refuge in the small space. Framed posters of puppies and kittens littered the walls. High on the ceiling in the corner was a mobile of butterflies that danced when a breeze blew in from the meadows outside.

“Good,” he said, hitting the bed with his hand as he got up. “I’ll make us some breakfast. Come down when you’re ready.”

“Ben,” she yelled before he left the room. “Could you get my bag from Melanie’s car? It has some things I need inside it.”

“Sure. I’ll be right back.”

She got up and ran over to the window watching him step off the porch. After he closed the door of his truck, she raced to the mirror on the tiny dressing table in the corner. Her mouth fell open when she witnessed her wild hair and pale face. Hopefully, her bag had some magical things inside to help combat the ugly morning reality that had climbed on her face overnight. After pulling at her wrinkled shirt and stretching down the shrinking boxers, she had little faith she would resemble anything past having a pulse for the day.

“Hold on,” she said after Ben knocked on the bedroom door.

Elise opened it wide enough to take the bag and say thank you to him. “I’ll be down in a minute.”

She poured everything out onto the bed. There was a tiny thing of lip gloss, a few fast food napkins, and
yes
! a small trial-sized compact full of eye shadows and blush. She squatted down at the kid vanity and began painting the canvas of her face. It was in the line of emergency primping, but it would have to do. She used her trusty hair band that was hidden under some gum wrapper trash in her bag and fluffed her hair before tying it back. California would never have seen this rendition of her. It certainly carried the one-night stand look, but without the stand.

Ben was scrambling eggs when she walked hesitantly into the kitchen. The bacon had been fried and was lying on a platter next to some toast. It smelled like home. Certainly not her home. She never made breakfast for herself, but a home she had once missed, long ago. Elise took a seat at the center bar and socially coughed to be recognized.

“Hey, I hope you slept well. Faith can be a kicker.” He poured the liquid egg mixture into the hot frying pan and began swirling it with a spatula. The sleeves on his Wrangler shirt were rolled up mid-way and a red handkerchief was peeking out of the back pocket.

“I didn’t even know she was there.” So they were ignoring what happened last night? Or did it? Either way, never mentioning it sounded good to her. Now if only her conscience would stop brow-beating her and her libido would stop egging her on for more. Maybe it
was
a dream.

“Trust me, that girl can pack a kick. I had to share close quarters with them during our spring camping trip. I thought my back would never heal from her foot lashings.” He grinned in his boyish charm fashion and poured some scrambled eggs onto a plate and handed it to her with a couple pieces of bacon and two pieces of toast.

Elise was starving. She picked up her fork and caught herself to wait until he joined her. She laid it back down and sipped the small glass of orange juice. It felt so good to be waited on, with real food. And then she saw it. A pot of coffee nestled in the home of its very own appliance house. Her eyes widened with delight. Ben caught a glimpse of her infatuation.

“Would you like a cup?”

“Would I? I think you are the only decent person around here to own one of those fancy machines. It seems my sister doesn’t believe in its magical powers.”

She stood to find a cup. Ben grabbed one out of the cabinet and poured her a large dose. Elise closed her eyes as the steamed aroma made acquaintance with one of her five senses.

“This is worth the breakfast alone. Thank you so much for all this. You really didn’t have to cook. I’m going to have to probably stop and get Mom something on the way over to her house.”

Ben pulled up a stool beside her and began sampling the feast on his own plate. “Yeah, about that.”

Elise looked over at him. “What?”

“I stopped at her house after I took the kids and knocked on the door to see if she needed anything.”

He stuffed a bite of toast in his mouth, forcing her to wait for his response. He swallowed and took a drink of coffee. She waited patiently for him to finish.

“Anyway, I noticed a car in the drive. It was a Toyota something or other.”

She interrupted his very descriptive retelling of the walk to her mother’s door and the snails he passed on the way. “Who cares what kind of car? Who was it?”

“A man came to the door in a robe.” He checked for Elise’s reaction and then proceeded. “After he yelled back to the bedroom for your mother, she said something and then he told me he would take care of breakfast.” He bit his toast again and raised his eyebrows at her.

Elise sat motionless, a bite of toast still waiting for liquid to complete its journey down into her stomach. Her mother, the patient? The victim? The man hater? Had an overnight guest who was suddenly making her breakfast? What the hell? She poked around at the eggs on her plate. Obviously something was on her mind.

“What’s wrong, Elle?”

The name caught her mid-thought. It echoed like a gong being smashed with a large hammer. Why did such an innocent gesture, a silly name that only he could say with affection that touched her whole being, render her stupid?

“It’s just that the
one
woman who drilled it in my head that all men were the devil has now changed philosophies. Suddenly she’s partaken the Kool-Aid, smoked of the pipe, taken a bite of the forbidden fruit.” She couldn’t stop shaking her head. The fall of her mother from man liberator to man lover just wasn’t settling with her breakfast this morning. “If we’re all not careful, she’ll start stringing flowers for our hair and skipping through the meadows hand in hand with Mr. Toyota.”

Ben stopped eating and wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Everyone needs someone, Elle.”

Elise pushed her half-eaten plate away and stood up. “Could you stop calling me that?” She controlled her tone and volume, not wanting to sound tyrannical.

“What? What are you talking about?” he asked, scrunching his face into ten extra folds than usual.

“That name. I can’t take you calling me that anymore.”

“I didn’t know you didn’t like it. You used to.”

“That’s the problem, Ben.” She walked around the kitchen as though she was searching for the trap door to escape. “We aren’t the couple we were. You can’t just start calling me something that we were tons of years ago. We are older now. We’ve moved on. I live in California and you live in Kentucky.”

While parading around and spouting her lecture of all things obvious, she struck her toe on the corner of the center island. “Shit!” she said, bending over and grabbing her foot.

Ben pushed his stool out from under him and ran around to console her.

He bent over, resting one of his hands on her back and the other on her naked leg. She stood up quickly, recoiling from his closeness. She couldn’t find herself vulnerable anymore around him. She was leaving in just five days. That’s all she had to last, just five days more.

“I’m sorry.” He stood erect and moved away from her. “I didn’t mean to help you.”

He paced back and forth, rubbing his head. She watched, feeling badly for thwarting his help. But this was her defense. It was all she had. Keeping a healthy span of space between them was all she had left. And now her mother had gone to the other side. What shred of identity did Elise have left?

“I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just wasn’t ready for all this, you know?”

He sat back down and watched her. She winced at the pain in her right foot, but fought through it. “I came home to watch my mother and help Melanie. I wasn’t supposed to be here. And what happened last night...I’m just chalking that up to insanity, incoherence, unconsciousness, and a weird thunderstorm.” She paused. “Ben, what happened last night? Why did you kiss me?
Did
you kiss me, or was I really dreaming?”

“I kissed you. I shouldn’t have and I’m sorry. It’s just that I had a great evening with you and missed you so much. You were right there.” He pointed toward the living room sofa. “Right there in my house. Where I’ve remembered you being so many times in my head. And it was raining. I watched you lying there so peacefully just wanting to touch you. To smell your hair again and feel it against my face. Feel your breath on my cheek. I was going crazy yesterday, not being able to touch you like I could in the past. Like I used to.”

Elise moved from the sink to the side window, staring out at the trainers in the corral in the distance. She should have stopped him, but it was too late. Maybe there was a part of her that needed to hear how much he wanted her, too. Now, it was just a matter of damage control. Get your stuff and get out. This fantasy can never happen.

“I’ve got to go. I’ll get my things from the dryer. Do you have the car fixed?” She refused to look at him.

Ben shoved the chair forcefully behind him, the noise startling Elise enough to turn around. Within seconds, he was standing within her personal space before she could step away.

“I don’t want to scare you away, Elise, but I’m here. Don’t ignore me. Please, look at me.” He raised her chin with his hand. “If I promise not to talk anymore about anything that makes you run for the door, will you spend today with me?”

His aftershave played havoc on her decision-making skills.

Just get to the laundry room, Elise Newton. Drop to the floor, out of the path of his muskiness, and crawl to the dryer
.

And then what? Go to her mother’s house and wait for Mr. Toyota to get dressed and leave? Sit the rest of the day with her, knowing she had changed playing fields? What? Now men were all right because some chip had been inserted in them, making them an option for the modern woman?

Just go with Ben. What could possibly happen in the daylight? He used to be your best friend.

“Promise to call me ‘Elise’?” she asked, looking at him with the most neutral eyes she could muster.

He took her hand and shook on it.