A Reason To Stay (14 page)

CHAPTER TWELVE

Skeletons in the Closet

Elise changed into her clothes from the day before while Ben cleaned up the dishes from breakfast. She never felt so ill-prepared for a day, with her disheveled appearance and messed up priorities. Was she chalking this up to more insanity and incoherence? Are those even acceptable in the court of all cheaters who go to hell? What? Who was cheating? She was simply going to spend an ordinary day with an old friend and bide time until her mother’s flavor of the week had a chance to pack up his robe and leave. She certainly didn’t want to have a face to compete with the one she already had in her mind, of the man with horns, sleeping with her mother.

She took her phone out and messaged Melanie that she would be home a little later. Before slipping the electronic device back inside her pocket, she thought about texting Darren. But what would she say to him? ‘Spending the day with my old boyfriend. You know, the one I never told you about? Oh, and incidentally, I kissed him last night and haven’t stopped thinking about it. Hope you save a life today, hon.’

No. She stamped out a more acceptable note. One that could not be used against her. One that would hopefully satisfy him enough to get through the day without a call to her. She searched her brain high and low for such a message. She had it! ‘Good morning! Super busy day planned today. Running errands. Hope you have a good one, Elise.’

She shoved it in her pocket when she heard Ben come up the stairs. Elise opened the door and second thoughts plagued her mind when she saw him in his white cowboy hat. Why was she such a sucker for a cowboy?

“What are we going to do?” she said, hoping it included separate body capsules to insure no touching of any sort.

He smiled in a way that made her want to do five pre-Hail Mary’s and ask for forgiveness for the thoughts that were stabbing into her brain. They included an impromptu swim in the creek; without clothes. She wasn’t even Catholic, but figured it would work for a Baptist all the same. The day was still early. She hoped she could muster up a little bit of defense against his drop-dead looks and the history that seemed to be trying its best to repeat itself.

“I’m getting you back on a horse, city girl.”

“Ben, I don’t know if I’m ready for that. What if I can’t?”

He reached out for her hand. “I’ll be right there. You’ll be fine. You never forget something that is second nature.” His eyes told her that rule of thumb wasn’t just for horseback riding.

She took his hand uncomfortably and he led her out of the house. The sun was climbing to its daylight position and the weather couldn’t have been more perfect. The late night rain brought a chill to the morning, making the world feel perfect; brand-new, without any mistakes. The sun glistened on the water puddles by the barn, making Elise squint. The trainers were busy doing their routines in the corral and didn’t pay attention to the two of them approaching.

“Come in and we’ll get your horse saddled. Mine is out back all ready for the adventure.”

He kept her hand until they reached the stall door to a beautiful white horse. Her gentle eyes told Elise she wouldn’t throw her off. Ben grabbed a saddle off the wall and took it in and strapped it on the old girl. She stood perfectly still and waited until he pulled her by the hitch to meet Elise.

Elise stroked her head and it felt like no time had passed since she’d ridden before. She took the reins and followed Ben outside to unhitch his horse. Before they made it out back, he ducked into his office and brought out a pair of boots.

“Here, you can’t be a proper cowgirl without boots.” He handed them to her and took the horse so she could put them on.

“Ben, whose boots are these?”

“Yours.”

She took them and looked back at him, confused. She looked inside and saw they were her size. “Where did you get them?”

“I had Chuck pick them up on the way in to work this morning. I looked at your shoes this morning and got the size. I hope they fit.”

Not good. Gifts, assumptions, plans? What next? A skinny dip reunion in the pond out back, just for old times’ sake? Oops, there went one of the Hail Mary’s. She had to focus. All she had to do was make it past today. Clothes intact.

“Pretty sure I would agree to go, huh?”

“Strongly hoping,” he said, holding his arm out for her to lean on in order to slip into the boots.

She jumped around, managing to get them on. She looked down and raised her eyebrows in approval. “Chuck has impeccable taste. I’ll pay you when we get back, if that’ll be all right. I don’t know where I’ll wear them in California, but they’ll look good in my closet.”

“I bought them for you, Elise. Don’t worry about it.” A few seconds passed before he asked her the unquestionable. “Do you ever think about moving back?” He gave her the horse’s bridle and watched for her reaction.

Elise’s stomach flinched. She was sure a few flutters could be detected, the suggestion making her woozy and a little bit giddy. All feelings of weaknesses that she needed to avoid if she would make it to her flight home, unscathed by taking back emotional baggage. Her three bags were what she came with, and all she wanted to take back with her.

“I don’t. I have a house in California. I have a job and a car. I belong there.” Did she forget Darren? Or was it a question of material items?

“Yeah, we don’t have any of those out here.” He smiled and circled around to the back of her to hoist her up on the horse.

She put her foot in the stirrup and let out a noise as she flung her other leg over the horse. After she scooted into the perfect position, she sat erect and poised like a trained professional. He waited until she gave him an assuring look before saddling up on his.

When he mounted his, he turned the horse and headed out to the pasture area. Elise followed behind. She felt liberated, riding a wild animal into the country. It was the perfect day.

“Hey, where’s
my
hat?” she teased.

Ben held back, waiting until she got beside him. He handed his hat to her.

“I’m kidding, Ben. I’m not going to take your hat from you.”

“No, take it. I want to take a good look at what a city chick looks like playing a Kentucky girl.”

She put it on, cocking it just right. He smiled as they rode toward the tree line. Elise had never felt so free. As she watched Ben riding slightly in front of her in some of the tighter areas, she wondered about too many what ifs and could’ve beens. His body rose up and down as his horse cut through the dense trees and he checked her frequently, making sure she was all right.

They finally reached the opening where larger pastures awaited their journey. While they hadn’t said much during their ride through the forest, Elise’s thoughts continued to scream at her, regrets piercing voodoo pins into her heart. Why couldn’t she have just left his house and him last night? What was she doing here? Did she think this kind of activity came without thick strings? Of some sort?

“A penny for your thoughts,” Ben said, with the perception of her sixth sense.

“Just trying to keep up. Now, I think I’ll enjoy this scenery.” She looked at the vast openness and didn’t want him to ask any more questions.

“Are you kidding? I know what you’re thinking about.”

Please don’t tell me he knows me that well. Please let him be rusty at reading my mind.

“You are thinking about running away.”

Not bad. “Running away? Away from what?”

“From me.”

Elise felt like a cat that didn’t notice the cage she walked into when she saw the milk in the corner of it. There was a toll for this ride-along. The price was penance for what she’d done to him all those years ago.

“Ben, let’s just enjoy the day. I don’t want to talk about anything heavy. You promised.”

“Fine, I’ll race you for it.”

“What?”

“If I beat you to the creek, you have to talk about anything I want to. And if...”

Before he could get out the alternative, Elise kicked her horse’s hind part and took off. Ben pulled his reins hard, trying to catch up to her. She tucked her head, so not to lose his hat, all the while trying to look back at her lead. But she was too nervous she’d fall off if she tried to. They were neck in neck, each trying to be the first to the creek. Although it had been years since she’d been there, she could never forget where it was. Too many memories took her back to it in her head.

Ben’s superior experience took the lead and he beat her to it. She took her horse and pranced around, trying her best to avoid him. He had jumped down and tied his horse to the tall shade tree at the end, waiting for her. She slid off the side of her horse and walked it over to the tree and tied his rein to a branch.

“That was fancy riding for a California girl. In fact, I would say it had a little dab of cheating with it.” He strolled over to her and took his hat back.

“You can’t blame a girl for trying.” She brushed past him and his very inviting body. She stopped at the edge of the water and picked up a rock, tossing it into the water.

He followed her. Elise moved away and walked on. It was just as she remembered all those times in her dreams. Diamonds danced on the surface, sparkling millions of flecks into the reflections in her eyes. She thought back how Ben would take her by the shoulders and untie that blue dress until it puddled at her feet. Then he would kiss her shoulders while she waited anxiously for him to get back to her lips.

“I won the race. It’s only fair that I get the prize.” His presence startled her reminiscence.

She backed up, wondering if he could somehow see the memory in her eyes. Watch it play out, like it was doing in her mind. The day was warming up, or was it the sudden heat in her cheeks that was making her hot? “I never agreed to the prize.”

He took her by the arm, as she tried to skirt around him. “Elise, come here and sit down.”

Without turning around, she replied. “Ben, this place is too much for me. Let’s go somewhere else.”

“You don’t think I nearly lost it when I saw you in that blue dress on Sunday?”

She turned around, surprised at his observation. “What?”

“That dress you wore to church. Why did you wear it, Elise?”

“That’s all my mother had for me to wear. I didn’t even want to go. I had packed nothing for church. Just some shorts and Capri pants.” She stammered, thinking of words to fill the tense silence.

He pulled her closer. Before she could resist, he kissed her. Her mind temporarily went out of service as her body slumped with relief and compliance. His hat fell to the ground as he pressed tighter to her. Smells of the wild honeysuckle growing on the fence lulled her into submission as his hand held her back and rubbed it passionately, pulling her even closer. Her eyes fought to open, but her heart made sure they stayed shut. His body cusped hers, rubbing against it. His hands moved to her face, holding it as his kisses strayed down her neck. Her lips parted, enjoying the ecstasy of the moment. Forgetting all that was right and all that was wrong, Elise wanted him.

The vibration in her pocket startled her, like the paddles doctors used to resuscitate victims of near-death experiences. Pulsating to revive her from flat-lining into a mistake she wouldn’t be able to get out of later. On the second vibration, her yielding body stood rigid. It was working. The third jolt opened her dream-like eyes. Ben heard the noise, ignored it and kept his head buried in her neckline, moving downward. He knew the way.

“Ben, we can’t do this.” She pushed him away gently. His head raised, his eyes were drunk with passion. He wore arousal very well. Every green light illuminated in her for him to continue on, but still she fought through it.

“Why not?” he whispered seductively.

“Because it’s not the right time. We aren’t eighteen anymore.”

“I might not be eighteen, but I don’t feel like time has changed my feelings for you. When I saw you at the diner, I knew nothing had changed for me. You’re the girl I fell in love with. The girl I’m still in love with, the one I want to be with now. There’s no one to stop us from being together.” His words and voice were pleading with the sensible side of her. The side that wanted him to win this argument.

She stared into his honest eyes while searching her brain for something to say. Some ingenious piece of information to keep the barricade on the door to their past. To keep her feelings and desires shackled underneath the tender part of her heart she had refused to go near for the past decade. Instead, she had nothing. So, she walked away. Distance was the healer to all things in her life. Returning to California would fix this colossal accident. And in time the vines would again grow over her memories of Ben and Kentucky.

“I’m going home in a few days. This can’t happen.”

Ben bent over, picking up his hat. “That’s it. Just leave. You’re the champion at leaving, Elise Newton. When you get too close to someone, you just run away. Is that what happened with your dad? Isn’t that why you told me you were so hesitant to ever talk about our future? You thought somehow I was going to leave you like he did you? How did it feel? Seeing the back of his head when he left you. Did it rip your heart out? When, instead, he could’ve spent his whole life with you, if he’d just stayed.” He swallowed hard. “Well, I’m asking you, Elise. Stay with me. I won’t leave you.”

If Elise had hair on her back, it would have been sufficiently raised. She swung around. Hell hath no fury like someone mentioning her father. “Excuse me? What in the hell do you know about my dad? You have no right to even mention him.”

“After you left, I found him. Hell, I couldn’t find you, but I found him.”