A Son's Vow (19 page)

A
s Lukas perched on the top of an old picnic table behind the Kurtzes' barn, he couldn't help but remember the many times he'd spent lounging there, talking with Darla and her family. Though he loved his own home, he'd been here so often, and it brought back many fond memories of happier times—as well as more than a couple of less than happy ones.

Almost as if it had served as a cornerstone of his life.

He and Darla had carved their names in one of the picnic table legs and then spent days worrying about what would happen when her parents found out. It turned out they'd simply laughed when Darla had shamefully confessed their vandalism three days later. John had chuckled and said that he'd assumed it had been there for years.

Lukas had sat there with Darla when she'd had to help Gretel
do homework. He'd kept Maisie company when she'd needed an escape from Patsy's nagging.

One hot day in July, Lukas had sat with Darla, Aaron, Rebecca, and the twins and gorged themselves on fresh vanilla ice cream. And John Kurtz had sat Lukas, Levi, and Aaron down when he'd gotten a report that the boys had been talking back to their teacher.

So, it was familiar. A place not much different from any other Amish family's backyard—filled with warm memories, private conversations, and a dozen benchmarks of childhood.

However, in all that time, he'd never felt as uncomfortable as he did at that moment. Here, he was sitting on top of the picnic table, as was Roman. Simon was sitting on one of the benches and Aaron was standing against the back wall of the barn, glaring at all of them.

“Say what's on your mind,” Aaron said impatiently. “Unlike you three, I've got a lot planned. I'd like to get this over with as soon as possible.”

Those words, said so dismissively, irked Lukas something fierce. Even before his father passed away, Lukas had been given a good amount of responsibility at the mill. He had been on the leadership team for years. Because of that, it was rare that any man in the community blatantly disregarded his presence. He had to remind himself that Aaron was feeling cornered, that the man needed compassion and patience instead of anger and accusations.

Thank goodness Roman didn't wait for Lukas to start things rolling. “Aaron, I'm afraid what I came to say can't be discussed quickly. Because I think we need to talk about your father.”

Right then and there, the disdain that had filled Aaron's blue
eyes evaporated. In its place was a new hesitancy highlighted by a fragile pain. After a second, he blinked, shuttering his expression. “I think not,” Aaron said at last.

Lukas recognized that pain. He'd lived it. But he'd also witnessed the destruction it was causing. First with Darla, and now Hannah, and ultimately Aaron himself.

“I think differently,” Lukas replied when he was sure he could keep his voice steady and calm. “Until you find a way to ease some of your pain, you are going to continue to carry it and hurt yourself and other people.”

“I haven't hurt anyone.”

Unable to stop himself, Lukas sprang to his feet. “Don't lie. I've seen Darla's bruises. We've talked about it.”

“Easy, Lukas,” Roman said under his breath.

Aaron rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. “Stay out of my business. My sister ain't no concern of yours.”

“What about Hannah Eicher?” Simon asked. “Whose business is she?”

Aaron stilled. “Is she okay?”

“You slapped her in the middle of Main Street,” Simon replied. “How do you think she's doing?”

“What happened?” Roman asked. “How did you get so angry with her in the first place?”

Pure puzzlement filled Aaron's features. “I don't know. At first I just wanted to talk to her. I mean, I thought we'd become friends.” His voice drifted off as he frowned. “But then she said she didn't want to talk to me. Not anymore.” Staring at Roman, Aaron glared. “She was ignoring me. Ignoring Paul's death. She was ignoring everything I was telling her. I had to make her listen to me.”

Lukas shook his head in disgust. “Hannah Eicher doesn't have a single reason to speak with you.”

“Sure she did. Paul and I worked together.”

“Aaron, we all worked together,” Simon said. “But that don't mean that Hannah's beholden to you.”

“But she'd moved on. Like the fire didn't matter to her.”

“Is that why you are so angry?” Lukas asked. “Is it because you don't want any of us to move on? Or is it that Mary Troyer blames your
daed
? Or is it because you think it was my fault? Do you really think that the fire could have been prevented?”

“It's everything,” Aaron said at last. “I'm angry that it happened at all.”

“It was no one's fault,” Roman pointed out.

“
Nee
, it's the owners who are responsible. Lukas, your father should have known.”

“How could he?” Simon pressed. “How would anyone have guessed that a rag could have started a spark in the middle of winter?”

“Well, my
daed
did not cause everyone's deaths.”

“I know. We know,” Lukas said. “I've never said differently.”

“What about Levi?”

“Levi has his own opinion. He's working it out. Even though he's my brother, I don't agree with everything he says.”

“Maybe you should be talking with him instead of me,” Aaron said.

“Levi ain't attacking Hannah on the street,” Simon said. “He's not hurting his sisters. You are. You need to get ahold of yourself, man.”

Aaron deflated before their eyes. “I'm trying, but I can't seem to do that.”

Roman leaned forward. “Why not? What purpose is it serving you?”

“If I move on, it means that our fathers' and friends' deaths didn't matter. I'm simply so frustrated. I feel like the Lord has forsaken all of us.”

“The Lord did not forsake any of us,” Roman said.

Aaron shook his head slowly. “But don't you see? He did. God wasn't with us the day of the fire. He wasn't there when the fire started. He looked the other way when the sirens went off. He ignored our prayers when so many people died. He stayed away when I was hurting and my
mamm
wouldn't get out of bed. He hasn't answered me when I've called for Him. He's left me alone.”

Roman shook his head. “I hear you, Aaron, but I think you're wrong. God has been there all along. He hasn't left your side. Not once.”

“Forgive me, but I don't feel his hands reaching out to me,” Aaron said bitterly. “Especially not now.”

Roman reached out and gripped Aaron's bicep. “What do you call this?” Aaron stilled. “The Lord gave us each other. He gave you plenty of people who have two good arms and two good hands. We're here right now reaching out to you. All you have to do is let us in.”

“How can I?”

“Because to do otherwise would be the worst mistake,” Simon answered. “We're here because we care. Because we want to help you.”

After staring at them for a long moment, Aaron tilted his head back. “I've made so many mistakes. Do you think I can even be helped?” After a sigh, he stared at Lukas. “How am I
going to be able to face Hannah ever again? How am I going to face her parents?”

Roman drew himself up to his impressive height. “Ask me to come with you.”

Aaron stood up as well. “Why would any of you want to go with me?” His voice turned hard. Sarcastic. “So you can assure them that you gave me a talking-to?”

“If that's what it takes for them to believe you are sincere in your apology,” Simon said, looking completely unfazed. “But more importantly, if we're by your side, maybe you'll finally remember that you aren't alone.”

“I am alone.”

“Not by a long shot,” Roman said. “You might not think it, but there's a great many of us who want to help you.”

For the first time, a glimpse of vulnerability shone in Aaron's eyes. “I'd like to think that is possible. But how are we all ever going to get past this? Those deaths are always going to be part of our lives.”

“I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but it is possible. At least, I think it will be through prayer and patience,” Roman said. “By reaching out to people instead of pushing them away. By waking up in the morning and hoping that each day will be easier than the day before.”

“And if it's not?”

“Then remember you are in good company. All of us have trials that we're getting through, and if we don't, our turn will come soon enough.”

Aaron opened his mouth, then to Lukas's surprise, he leaned his head back and sighed. “I don't know how my good intentions turned out so badly. I have hurt people.” Glancing warily
at Lukas, he added, “I told Hope that I'd like to end the engagement. I want to get better before we start a life together. She agreed. And Darla doesn't even trust me anymore.”

“I don't blame Darla for not trusting you,” Lukas said quietly.

“I don't blame her, either. I've hurt her in so many ways, I don't think I can ever make things right.”

“You can start. Apologize. Ask for forgiveness. Then act differently. Be different.”

“And if she's still upset?”

“Give her time,” Lukas said. “And in the meantime, I'll help her, too. Because, you see, she's the best thing to ever happen to me. One day she is going to agree to marry me, too.”

Roman laughed, breaking the tension between the four of them. “It's about time, Lukas. Honestly, only you would turn a conversation like this on its ear, Kinsinger.”

Simon was grinning, too. “Any special reason why you chose to make your move in front of Roman and me?”

“Oh, for sure. I figured if you two were here Aaron wouldn't try to kill me. At least not until I said my piece.”

Aaron shook his head. “You don't get it, do you?”

“Get what?”

“Even when I hated you, I knew that Darla was the girl for you. It can't be helped. You two have always been each other's best friend and sweethearts. No matter what someone else might try to do or say, nothing is ever going to change that.” Sobering, he said, “Now I simply have to hope that I can repair the damage with my fiancée.”

Simon said, “I don't have any experience in engagements, but I have to believe that the right time for you and Hope will come when it really is the right time.”

“Trust a man who has been married eight years,” Roman said. “It's best to be sure of each other before vows are said.”

That broke the ice. The four men looked at each other and grinned. Roman was known far and wide as being completely smitten with his bride.

Just as Lukas was about to offer his hand, Aaron beat him to it.

“
Danke
, Lukas,” he said, reaching out. “I won't forget what you men did for me today.”

Clasping his hand, Lukas said, “I won't, either.”

T
wo hours after Rob had escorted Hannah into the Rosses' house and everyone had inspected her bruises and stared at her like she might collapse into tears or faint, Hannah was alone with little Christopher again.

It had taken some doing to assure York and Melissa that she wanted to stay and work. And it took even more coaxing to get Rob to leave her side.

Now, as she sat across from Christopher in his high chair and attempted to get him to take a full bite of his rice cereal instead of spitting half of it onto his bib, Hannah couldn't help but reflect on how much things in her life had changed.

She no longer was relying on her parents to get through each day. Those days were far in the past. Now she sometimes wondered if she could ever go back to being the obedient, sheltered girl she'd been before the fire at the mill. She doubted it. Every week she took more things in the English world for granted.

She had also found a comfort and acceptance with Melissa, York, and Rob that had been missing in her Amish circle of friends. It wasn't as if they had changed; she had. She was different now. She no longer looked at her family as her foundation of support. Instead, it had become this group of people.

As a matter of fact, after Aaron had attacked her, it had never even occurred to her to ask to go home.

She wasn't sure what that meant. Had she taken a big step forward in her life, heading where the Lord had intended her to go? Or was she merely stumbling backward?

She wasn't sure.

Picking up the spoon again, she filled it halfway, then lifted it to the baby's lips. “Come now, Chris. Just another bite or two, if you please.”

Christopher laughed, then popped open his lips, revealing two tiny bottom teeth. She quickly took advantage and slipped in the spoon—and sighed when he promptly spit the cereal out. Then, before she knew what he was about, he thrust his fist into the mess, grabbed ahold of her sleeve, and smeared it on her dress in record time. When he finished, he squealed.

“Ack,” she said as she attempted to wipe it off. “Christopher, you are a messy babe.”

When he giggled again, she smiled and set the bowl to one side. It was time to get him cleaned up and feed him a bottle. At least that activity was a clean one.

Just as she pulled off his bib, the back door opened and Melissa entered.

“Look at you two,” she said. “I'm not sure who is going to need a bath more, him or you!”

“Probably me,” Hannah said ruefully as she dampened
a paper towel and began wiping the baby's cheeks and gooey hands. “Your son delights in spitting out cereal.”

Instead of looking upset that Hannah wasn't keeping Christopher cleaner, Melissa laughed. “You might find this silly, but part of me is glad he is messy with you, too. Two nights ago he ruined a white blouse not five minutes after I had put it on. I'd actually begun to think I needed feeding lessons from you. You and Christopher always look as neat as pins when I come home from work every evening.”

“That's because I do my best to clean us up—and the kitchen—during his afternoon nap.”

“Now I feel better.”

Hannah smiled. “My
mamm
always said that the Lord gave us babies so we wouldn't forget what it's like to cater to others without seeking anything in return. I guess that's what we're doing. Ain't so?”

Melissa nodded. “We certainly are. Please tell your mother that I think she's a wise woman.”

“I will.” After she wiped Christopher's tiny hands and mouth as best she could with a damp paper towel, Hannah detached the high chair tray and pulled him into her arms. “Did you decide to work from home again today?” she asked as she retrieved the bottle she'd warmed up earlier.

“Actually, no.” She dragged out those two words, making Hannah stare at her in concern.

“Is something wrong?”

“No. Well, maybe. Hannah, when I got to work, I couldn't concentrate on anything. My mind kept drifting back to you and what happened to you this morning.”

Hannah felt terrible. Melissa had an important job at the
bank. Hannah was supposed to make her life easier, not cause more worry. “There was no need to disturb your day, Melissa.”

“No need?” Looking a bit poleaxed, Melissa walked to the living room. “I think we should have a talk, Hannah. Let's sit down.”

Seeing that Melissa didn't mind her feeding Christopher his bottle, Hannah joined her in the living room. After sitting in her favorite rocking chair, she gave the baby his bottle and cuddled him close as he happily started drinking.

She knew from experience that his eyes would be closed before he quite finished it. He'd then take an hour nap. Usually, this was her favorite part of the morning, but now she knew she wasn't going to be able to relax.

Melissa was looking at her like she had a lot on her mind, and Hannah wasn't sure what to do next. She had no idea how to smooth things between them. Was Melissa so disturbed by what had happened with Aaron that she now feared for Christopher's safety? Though she knew Christopher was in no danger at all, Hannah couldn't think of any other reason for her boss to look so disturbed. Unless she suspected that Hannah had brought Aaron's anger on herself?

“I promise that I won't let what happened to me interfere with caring for your son,” she said quietly. “I would never let any harm come to Christopher.”

But instead of looking relieved, Melissa seemed even more agitated. After staring down at her hands for a moment, she spoke. “Hannah, I was concerned about
you
, not with you doing your job. I care about you, dear.” She paused, letting Hannah dwell on that for a moment before continuing. “I came back because I felt guilty for leaving you like I did.”

“Why would you feel that way?”

“Because York and I should have sat with you longer. Or made you some breakfast.”

Now Hannah was really confused. “I ate breakfast at home.”

Melissa smiled softly. “What I'm trying to say is that I shouldn't have put my job over your needs. We consider you part of the family now and family doesn't treat each other so callously.” Looking agitated, she brushed back a strand of hair from her face. “I don't know what I was thinking. We should have driven you home so you could recover and rest. Instead, I left you to take care of my baby.”

After glancing at Christopher and realizing he'd fallen fast asleep, Hannah shook her head. “I'm glad you did not.”

“Are you sure? Because I would be happy to drive you home now.”

“I don't want to go home.” If she came home rattled, her parents would make her quit her job and stay home. It was going to be hard enough to face them when they discovered what Aaron Kurtz had done.

“May I ask why?”

Hannah wasn't sure if she could put into words how things had been for her for the last couple of months, but she supposed she would try, if for no other reason than to help Melissa understand why she liked being away from home as much as possible now.

To give herself some time, she put Christopher down on the cushioned floor of his playpen and tucked his blanket around him.

Then, after sitting back down in the rocking chair, Hannah was as honest as possible. “When Paul passed away, my parents were mighty concerned about me,” she said slowly.

“I'm sure they were. What happened was a terrible tragedy.”

Hannah nodded. “I love my parents and I am glad to be a daughter to two people who care about me so much.” She sighed. “But they think I still need to talk about Paul and my loss and how much I miss him. All the time.”

“But don't you want to do that? There's nothing wrong with grieving or missing your boyfriend.”

“I did grieve. I did talk. I talked with my parents. I cried with my girlfriends. I prayed with the preacher, too. All of that helped. But after the first month, well, I wanted to move on. I knew Paul would have wanted that, too. He was never one for dwelling on the past.” She pressed her lips together, deciding to continue to be blunt, even if it didn't put her in the best light. “Since you and York hired me, I have been much happier. I like my life here in your house. I love taking care of Christopher each day. I really do.”

Melissa smiled. “We love having you here.”

“This job has given me a reason to get up in the morning, a reason to go out and about. I feel like I am making some good friends, too. Friends like Rob.”

A new shadow entered Melissa's eyes. “Yes. Well, um, I thought maybe we should talk about Rob, too.”

Melissa looked so hesitant, Hannah grew concerned. “Why? When I first met him, you said he was your friend.”

“He is.”

“Rob has also been mighty nice to me.” He'd been so kind and patient and easy to talk to. “Do you not like him?”

“I like him very much. He's a good man, Hannah. He's a successful writer. Really successful. He's caring, too. York and I talk to him quite a bit on the weekends.”

“Oh. Well, good.”

“Yes, but, um, Hannah, I think he also likes you a lot.”

Hannah sighed in relief. “I like him, too.” When Melissa didn't look all that pleased, she paused. “But that is good, right?”

Melissa shifted, tucking one of her legs beneath her. Somehow, even though she was in a gray suit, she managed to look completely comfortable and at ease. Far different from the concern shining in her light brown eyes. “Hannah, Rob was upset about that Amish man grabbing you. He was even more upset when he heard you being yelled at. And when he saw you get slapped? Well, I can pretty much promise you if that man wasn't Amish and if Rob wasn't so concerned about getting you inside our house, he would have hit him.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely. After I took you into the bedroom, York had to physically stop Rob from going after that man.”

“I'm glad he didn't do that.”

“Hannah, what I'm trying to say is that York and I think that Rob doesn't just like you as a good friend. I think he really likes you. In a romantic way.”

Hannah gaped. “Oh,” she whispered. Then, as the words continued to sink in, she uttered that same word again, only about a full octave higher. “Oh!”

Melissa chuckled. “Yes, oh. I'm glad I brought this up. You seem surprised.”

“I suppose I am. I have been so focused on our differences I haven't allowed myself to imagine our relationship changing into something different.”

“You don't look upset about this.” Melissa's tone was a mixture of surprise and amusement.

Which, Hannah reflected, was a lot like how she felt. “I'm not. I'm not sure what to think about it, but his interest doesn't upset me.” On the contrary, it made her feel energized, like she'd just become awake after a fitful sleep.

“He, um, well, he asked us some questions about you a couple of days ago. He wanted to know about being Amish and your family and your age.”

“He should have simply asked me those things. I would have told him anything he wanted to know.”

“He didn't want to scare you away. I thought that perhaps it was simply a passing infatuation, dear. That he would go out and about and meet some other women and realize that you and he should simply be friends. But today, based on what I saw in his eyes, I've realized that might not ever happen.”

“Why not?” She was thoroughly confused now.

Melissa shifted again, this time perching on the edge of the couch. “Because I think he's falling in love with you, or is well on his way.”

Love? “Are you sure?”

Biting her lip, Melissa nodded. “It was pretty apparent this morning. It made me realize that he's probably been attempting to hide his interest from both York and me as well as you.”

Hannah knew she was blushing from her head to her toes.

“This morning, when we were all looking at your arm, his expression was unguarded,” Melissa continued. “Every time you weren't looking his way, he was staring at you with such concern and tenderness . . . Well, it sure looked like love to me.”

As those words rang in her ears, Hannah gulped.

“That's the other reason why I came back early today. I wanted you to be aware of his feelings.”

“Danke.”
She felt shy and awkward. How was she supposed to respond to her boss about her neighbor's interest in her?

If Melissa was put off by her lack of response, she didn't show it. Instead, she said, “I wanted to talk to you about Rob's feelings, but even more than that, I wanted to see if you would like me to do anything about it.”

What could Melissa do? This was between her and Rob and maybe her parents. Wasn't it? “I'm afraid I don't understand.”

“I or York could speak to him,” Melissa said quietly, resolve thick in her voice. “We could tell him that there's no way you would ever return his feelings. I could tell him that he's making you uncomfortable and that he needs to keep his distance from you.”

Hannah felt as if all the air had just left her body. “Please—”

Melissa's expression was intense, giving Hannah a peek of what she must look like in her meetings at the bank. “I don't want to interfere in your life, but I would feel terrible if he was bothering you and you had no one to help you. Like I said, you're part of our family now. York and I want you happy when you come here, not worried about some neighbor of ours bothering you.”

“Please don't tell Rob anything. He's not bothering me.”

Melissa's eyes widened. “Hannah, are you sure?” she asked. “I feel like I should remind you that Rob is not a naïve young man. He's pretty worldly. I'm sure he's had several serious relationships before. He might expect you to be as experienced as he is. All I would do is remind him that you're a nice Amish girl. I won't embarrass you.”

Though she had no doubt that Rob had many more experi
ences with the opposite sex than she did, Hannah also was positive that he didn't expect her to be like him. Besides, she'd had Paul. “I've been in a serious relationship before. I was almost engaged once, Melissa.”