Afraid to Fly (Fearless #2) (35 page)

“Don’t worry. No one else knows,” Blaine said.

“Thank you.”

I looked down at my watch to find that I had to get back to work, shaken or not. I was just about to bid him goodbye when Dom began to stir in the bed next to Kami.

“Talk to him. If he finds out from someone else and is humiliated again, we’ll lose him for good.” Then Blaine stepped around me and went into the room. I watched him wait patiently as Dom gently untangled himself from Kami’s hold. He stood up and the two men exchanged a few hushed words before bro-hugging.

I had wanted to see him for days. I needed him to know how I felt about him—how I didn’t believe what Amanda had said. But now that
my
secret was out, I wasn’t so sure.

When he stepped into the hall, momentary surprise touched his sleepy eyes. But just as fast as I saw it, it was gone. He was cold . . . detached. It was like he was looking right through me, not seeing me at all.

“I called you.” My voice was barely a whisper.

“I know.”

“I need to talk to you.”

“Now’s not a good time, Raven . . .”

“Please.” I took a step forward, aching to touch him, but I refrained. I was afraid of him. Not because I thought he would hurt me, but because I knew I had given him the power to.

“Look, you don’t want to talk to me. You’ve already heard everything. What more needs to be said?”

“The truth.” I took another step, close enough to breathe him in. “My truth.”

He looked away and scrubbed a hand over his face before taking a deep breath. “Fine. Just come over after work.”

“I work at the club tonight.”

He shrugged. “I’ll be up.”

The rest of the day crawled along, as anxiety built. I was going to tell Dom the truth about me—about us. I was going to reveal how I had hated him for years, and how I blamed him for all the bad shit in Toby’s life and mine. I was going to reveal how I had once dreamed of hurting him, yet had fallen in love with him instead. He had to know that he wasn’t alone in his pain. I shared it with him.

I got to his apartment around 2 am, nervous that I’d wake him and Angel. But when I buzzed their place, he let me through immediately without saying a word. That was okay. I just needed him to listen. Listen and understand.

The apartment was dark when he opened the door, but I was glad for it. My neck felt flushed, and my palms were sweaty. As calm and cool as I tried to act, I couldn’t shake the nervousness, but it was too late to turn back now. He expected an explanation, and I would give him one.

Dom led me back to his room and shut the door. I heard music coming from Angel’s room, which didn’t surprise me. She was probably just getting in too. Wednesdays were Open Mic Nights at Dive and AngelDust played for the contestants. The thing that did surprise me, was that she wasn’t alone in the room. There was another female voice, and it didn’t sound like they were playing Yahtzee.

“So . . . talk,” he said, flopping down on his bed. He seemed so angry . . . so hateful. I didn’t understand what I had done to him. Hell, maybe he already knew.

“Are you upset with me?”

“No. I’m not.” He ran a hand through his tousled locks. He wasn’t as groomed as he usually was, and a good amount of stubble was on his jaw. Still, he was gorgeous. He’d always be gorgeous to me.

I took a deep breath, and closed my eyes for a beat. Here it was . . . this was the pivotal moment I’d waited for. The moment I’d expose him for what he was. I just never expected to be dreading it. Honestly, I would have taken this secret to my grave if Blaine hadn’t called me out.

“Dom . . . I went to Pine High.”

He frowned. “Okay. When were you going to tell me we went to the same school? Are you trying to say we may have known each other?”

I shook my head. “We did know each other. At least I thought we did.”

He huffed out an irritated breath. “I never knew anyone named Raven at Pine. What are you talking about?”

I had to push myself to keep going. I had to do it now or I’d lose my nerve. “That’s because my first name is Melanie. And up until a few weeks ago, I was convinced that you ruined my life.”

“What? Wait . . . what are you saying?”

I wrapped my arms around myself defensively, preparing for the assault. Once he knew about me . . . once he knew the truth, he’d hate me. He’d hate me like I had hated him. He’d be repulsed by me, just like my mother had been. Just like everyone had been.

“I saw you every day. You were a junior at the time. You had U.S. History down the 9
th
grade hallway, right next to my locker. One day you said hi to me and smiled. I thought it was love at first sight.” I chuckled nervously at my pathetic, childish notion. “I was a mess. Jacked up haircut. Braces. No one smiled at me. But you did.”

Disbelief was etched on his face. “Raven—Melanie . . . I don’t get it. Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

I held up a hand. “Because that’s not all of it. Soon the smiles turned into winks. Then you introduced yourself. I already knew your name though—everyone did. I heard what the girls said about you. Some were heartbroken. Some were in love. Some said you were the best sex they’d ever had. I didn’t care. I just knew that I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I lived every day to see you in the hallway. It was all I looked forward to.”

Dom scrubbed a hand over his face and shook his head. “Look, I was seriously fucked up then, okay? You can’t believe I knew that I was leading you on by being nice. I was nice to everyone.”

“No. You did lead me on. You led me on, and I let you.” I looked down at the knot of my fingers in front of my lap and tried to steel my resolve. I had to tell him. I had to tell him what he’d done so we could fix this. “You invited me to a party at Lookout Point. It was the end of the school year, and everyone would be there. You said I had pretty eyes, and that I better save you a dance. It was the best day of my life. I thought you liked me. At least that’s how you made me feel.

“I showed up wearing my favorite skirt. When I spotted you in the crowd, you were surrounded by people. They clung to your every word. The girls all looked at you like you were a god. You had been drinking—everyone had—but that only made you more charismatic. It was like you were the sun, and we were all planets, rotating around your every move. Desperately hoping to be in your light.

“You saw me and came right over. You hugged me tight to your body, told me I looked beautiful. And I believed you.”

Dom squirmed uncomfortably like he knew what came next. He had no idea. No clue of the damage his actions had caused. “Raven, I’m sorry. I was an asshole then. You have to forgive me.”

I nodded. “Oh, I do. For that, and for what happened after. You took me to a vacant car. I think it was Angel’s, because I remember the smell of new leather. Even if it was a beat up Pinto, I was glad to follow you anywhere. I knew what you were about. You weren’t taking advantage of me, Dom. I wanted you. I knew what I was doing.”

His shoulders seemed to sag with relief, but I knew it was premature. In a few minutes, he’d be repulsed, and I’d lose him.

“You were my first kiss, but I wanted you to be more than that. I wanted you to be my first everything. You laid me down in the back seat and kissed me so gently . . . touched me like I was made of glass. I felt so lucky to be there with you. You made me feel so . . . loved.

“When you put it in, it was like you didn’t know. You didn’t understand why I had screamed. And I didn’t expect it to hurt so bad. You looked down where we were connected and . . . you covered your mouth and jumped out of me like I was on fire. You barely made it outside the door to puke, grabbed your shit and ran. You just left me and didn’t come back.”

He climbed to his feet, fresh tears shining in horrified eyes. “Oh my God, Raven. Oh my God . . . I’m so sorry. Please believe me, it wasn’t you. I swear, it wasn’t you.”

I held up a hand, prompting him not to say any more. “That wasn’t the best part. You left the car door open, and these guys . . . they saw me. They came in and whipped out their phones and . . . and . . .” The knot inside my throat cracked in half and fat, salty tears rained onto my cheeks. “I was the talk of the town. Don’t you remember?
Nasty chick fucks on her period. Bloody Bitch. Slut forgets her tampon. Backseat Blood Bath. Threesome with Aunt Flo. Code Red. Bloody Melanie.
They said that I was so disgusting, some poor guy had puked right on me. My mom and stepdad saw them. Gene lost his job, because his boss felt it could be harmful for the company’s image. They fought all the time about money, until Gene ended up leaving us. My mother hated me after that. She said if I weren’t such a nasty slut, Gene would have stayed. And Toby would have his father.

“After that, I went to live with my grandparents in Virginia. I had to. I couldn’t show my face in public again. I started using my middle name . . . tried to change my appearance. I thought I had left it all behind, but what I really left behind was Toby. If it weren’t for those pictures . . . if you hadn’t left me there, none of that would have ever happened. Was I so disgusting then? Were you that repulsed by my body?”

“No!” he shouted, grasping my shoulders. “No, never! I swear, Raven . . . I didn’t know. I didn’t know it was you.”

“Then what was it? Why did you leave me?” I was shouting too. Screaming and crying and blubbering like a fool. “What did I do to make you physically sick? What happened? Tell me! Help me understand!”

He let go of my shoulders and dropped onto the bed, his hands covering his face. He was shaking, but so was I. I fell to my knees in front of him and grasped his wrists. I needed answers. I would never find peace if I didn’t know why.

“Please, Dom,” I whispered. “What did I do?”

“Nothing,” he croaked. “I . . . I see blood . . . there. I can’t . . . hurt someone . . . there. It takes me back. Takes me back to when I was bleeding and crying and hurting like that. It makes me feel like a monster. Like him. I get sick. I always got sick when he did it. I would vomit and be left to lay in my own blood and bile. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

I was wrong. All these years, I hated him for intentionally hurting me, and he hadn’t. He was still hurting himself.

I couldn’t help myself. I wrapped my arms around his trembling frame and held on tight. I couldn’t lose him now. He had seen my crazy, and I had seen his. There was no reason to pretend anymore.

“I love you, Dom. I love you and I’m sorry.”

“No,” he whispered.

I lifted my head from his knee. “Huh?”

“No,” he repeated, louder this time. He moved out of my grasp and scrambled to his feet. “No, Raven. You can’t love me. Look at the pain I’ve caused. Look what my . . .
affliction
. . . has done to you. To Toby. You don’t need me in your lives. You need someone safe and honorable. Someone normal.”

I was on my feet too, angrily dashing away tears. “What are you doing? I told you I love you, and you tell me
I can’t?
Screw you! I don’t care about your past, Dom. We all have skeletons. And here I am, saying that I’m cool with yours. Shit, I’ll bring mine—they’ll hang out. I don’t want someone normal. I want
you.”

He shook his head and looked away. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry? For what?”

“I’m sorry . . . but I don’t want you. Not anymore. I regret hurting you, and it pains me to have to do this, but I have to end this now.” When he turned to look at me, his bloodshot eyes were empty and cold, exactly how I felt at that moment. “I don’t do relationships, Raven. I thought you understood that. They call me Dirty for a reason. Just ask your friends at the club.”

I sucked my teeth, my nostrils flaring with anger. “I know what you’re doing, Dom. I won’t let you do this. You’re not going to push me away with that Dirty Dom bullshit. So fuck your reasons. I won’t let you do this.”

“Do what? I fuck whoever I want, whenever I want, Raven. That’s who I am. What . . . did you think you were special? You were a challenge, I’ll give you that, but now that I’ve had it, I have no purpose for you anymore.”

“Shut up! I won’t let you say these things . . . these lies! You’re not like that, Dom! Stop pretending!”

“Pretending? Sweetheart, I’ve been pretending my whole life. Haven’t you heard? Didn’t Amanda make that abundantly clear? But I’m not pretending about this. Raven, you’re cute. But cute isn’t enough. We had fun, I’ll admit, but I’ve moved on. So should you.”

“Moved on?” Here came the fucking tears again.

“What? You thought I was alone those two days when I wasn’t answering your calls. I was busy, Raven. Busy with someone else. Sorry.”

I covered my mouth with trembling fingers, feeling like I would hurl at any moment. This wasn’t supposed to happen. How could I be so stupid? How could I think for one minute that he could love me back? When he was incapable of even loving himself?

He wasn’t like he was in high school. He was worse. He
knew
what he was doing now, and he didn’t give a fuck.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, Angel and her friend are expecting me. You should go. Unless you want to join, of course.”

I forced myself not to break apart in front of him. I wouldn’t let him see that he’d hurt me again. Not anymore. It would probably get him off. That was what sick son of a bitches like him reveled in—destroying others.

I went over to where I had dropped my purse and picked it up off the ground. Then without a word, I reached inside and pulled out the peace offering I had brought for him, setting it on his dresser. I should have thrown it at him or shattered it in a million pieces, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. And I didn’t want to keep it. I didn’t want any trace of him in my life.

Dominic Trevino had done it again. He had ripped me apart without an ounce of remorse. And this time I had let him.