Again and Again (12 page)

15

Cortland

I was numb.

Monnique was with someone else now. She was fucking someone else every night. She moved on and she was happy. They went out to dinner together on the weekends. He complimented her appearance and made her feel beautiful. He walked her home after their dates. He may even love her…

Did she love him? What was he like? What did he look like? How old was he? If he was a doctor, he must be older than her. Was she happy?

After everyone left my apartment, I sat on my couch. The TV was off and all I could hear was the sound of my own breathing. All the lights were off because I wanted to hide from the world. I just couldn’t believe she was seeing someone…

I hadn’t even thought about being with someone new. The idea was too hard to even contemplate. Hazel was a beautiful girl with an awesome personality. She offered to have sex with me, no strings attached. But I couldn’t do it. I loved Monnique too much to be with someone else.

How could she move on? Should I be angry? I did reject her repeatedly. I did say we were over forever. What else would she have done? Mourned me forever, carrying a vigil of me in her heart until the end of time? No.
Of course, not.

When I imagined a fictitious man kissing her, it made me sick to my stomach. I didn’t
want anyone to touch her but me. What if she married this guy? What if she wore a beautiful white dress and married him in a chapel. She moved on and had kids with him? She wouldn’t be mine. She would belong to someone else. I would have no claim on her.

The knowledge almost made me break down. It was worse than when she left me. The finality dawned on me. We were really over. Forever.

But I didn’t want to be.

I grabbed my keys and left the apartment.

When I stopped at her door, I took a deep breath. What the fuck was I doing? What was I going to say? I didn’t even know why I was here. How long had she been dating this guy?
For a month? That was a long time to spend with a single person. When I imagined her legs wrapped around some guy’s waist, it made me nauseated. She moaned and dug her nails into his back.

God, it hurt.

My hand automatically tapped on the door, out of my control. The sound reverberated in the hallway.  It pounded in my ears. I was suddenly aware of my beating hard. It thudded in my chest like it would give out at any moment. My palms started to sweat.

Monnique opened the door, her face passive. She wore yoga pants and a baggy sweater. Her hair was pulled back and her skin was free of makeup, but she still looked drop-dead gorgeous. I wondered if she was alone in the apartment.

I didn’t say anything. Now that I was here, I felt stupid.

She stared at me, waiting for me to say something.

We were both at a stalemate, neither one of us willing to take the first step.

“Hi,” I finally said.

“Hi.” Her voice was quiet.

When I looked at her, I felt all the pain convulse in my heart. I imagined someone else’s lips on her throat. My throat. I imagined her quiet sighs when he pleased her. The sounds she used to make for me. She wasn’t mine anymore. “I don’t want you to be with anyone else but me.” The words flew out of my mouth. I had no control over them. It just happened.

Monnique didn’t react. She stared at me, still on her side of the door.

I wasn’t backing down this time. I should have taken her back when I had the chance. I made a mistake. Now I realized what I lost. She said she was sorry, and I
was willing to work on the relationship with her. It was better than her ending up with someone else. I couldn’t let that happen. I stepped inside then hooked my arms around her waist. I kissed her like I never had before. My hand cupped her face and my lips said what I should have been saying all along. That I loved her. She kissed me back, her breathing filling my lungs.

I gave into my passion and longing and kissed her like I wanted to for the past four months. Every night I dreamt of this kiss. Every day, I fantasized about it at work. I wanted her in my arms and I wanted her to stay there. Only I would be between her legs. She belonged to me.

She kissed me with equal desire. Her lips massaged mine, and she sucked my bottom lip. She was such an exceptional kisser. The chemistry between us was volatile and explosive. We combusted over and over.

I kicked the door shut then guided her to the nearest bed. I couldn’t wait a second longer. I needed to be with her, to show her I wanted her for the rest of my life.

We thudded against the wall on our trip. I grabbed her sweater and pulled it off so quickly I almost ripped it. My lips sought her neck as I grabbed her bottoms and pulled them off. She stood in her underwear and bra, looking perfect and heavenly.

We migrated toward the bedroom, stumbling as we moved. She grasped my shirt and pulled it over my head. Her hands automatically touched my chest, feeling my racing heartbeat underneath the skin.

I finally reached her bedroom then held her in the center of the room, my hand unclasping her bra. When it was loose, I pulled it off her shoulders. I pressed my head to hers and stared at her perfect body. The skin was flawless and warm. I kissed her shoulder then grabbed the fabric of her black thong. “You’re beautiful.” I pulled it off then pulled her to my chest. Her thin legs were so long, sculpted and toned. My hand graced her thigh and her stomach, feeling her softness.

She unbuttoned my jeans then pulled them down, along with the briefs. I pressed my naked body against hers, feeling united with her. In the darkness of her bedroom, I could barely see anything. I guided her to the bed then moved on top of her.

She automatically wrapped her legs around my waist and gripped my shoulders while she kissed me. We fell into the usual pattern we did when we made love. She breathed in my mouth then squeezed her thighs, telling me she was impatient to feel me inside her.

I didn’t even consider wearing a condom with her. She was mine. I separated her legs and moved inside her. She
was wet and smooth. I slid to the back then gasped. I hadn’t feel this good in so long. It felt right with her, it always had. She moaned loudly, biting her lip.

“Cortland…”

I put my weight on my arms then rocked into her, feeling myself pull in and out. She gasped and moaned quietly, clearly enjoying it. But there was no way she was enjoying it as much as I was.

I moved my hand to her lower back then raised her off the bed. I pulled her onto my dick while I thrust in
to her, making the ride smooth and gently. Her knees were near her ribs because she was so flexible. She gave me plenty of room to move as far inside her as I could.

Her hands gripped my forearms as she moaned loudly. “Hmm…”

I loved her sex noises. They told me exactly what she liked and didn’t like. And I knew she loved this. Her nails dug into my skin and she suddenly became tight around me. I knew she was coming. I moved into her harder and faster, giving her all the pleasure I hadn’t for the past four months.

“Cortland…
” Her head rolled back while she rode her high. “Oh…”

I could
n’t last any longer. I pressed my face to hers then released myself inside her. “Baby…I love you.”

“I love you too.”

My body was covered in sweat and so was hers. But I liked seeing the moisture on her breasts. I kissed her skin and sucked her nipples. I didn’t want to pull out but I finally did.

I lay beside her and pulled her into my arms. I never wanted to let her go. I didn’t care about why we broke up. I just wanted to have her in my life again. She clung to me like she never intended to let go. Her face was pressed in the crook of my
neck, her hair sprawled across my chest. I listened to her light breathing, nothing the happy sighs she made. Her hand lay on my chest so I grabbed it with mine and interlaced our fingers. This was where I belonged and the woman I belonged with.

16

Cortland

When I woke up the next morning, Monnique wasn’t there.

I panicked and searched for her. She wasn’t in the bathroom or the laundry room. When I went into the kitchen, I found a note on the table.

Went to work 5am. Didn’t want to wake you up.

Monnique

I was devastated she wasn’t there. I missed her. And we needed to talk. Last night was a dream. For the first time in months, I was actually happy. I loved having her in my arms. She never should have left.

“You slept together?” Scarlet asked.

Ryan was speechless. “How the hell did that happen?”

We were getting pizza at the Shake Shack. It was a small hole-in-the-wall place we found near the office. It was tiny, but had awesome food. It wasn’t MegaShake but it was the closest thing we could find.

“Honestly, I don’t know…” I finished my pizza then wiped my fingers with a napkin.

“How do you not know?” Ryan asked incredulously.

“After I found out she was seeing someone, I just wound up at her door. I walked in, kissed her
, and then we headed to the bedroom.”

“So you didn’t talk?” Scarlet asked.

“No, not really.”

“Was this just a booty call then?” Ryan asked.

“No. We’re back together,” I said.

Scarlet didn’t seem convinced. “Monnique has a boyfriend…”

“I know.” I felt guilty for sleeping with someone’s girl, but she was my girl to begin with. “But she’ll break up with him.”

“She said that?” Ryan asked.

“Well, no…”

Scarlet gave me a serious look. “Cortland, you need to tal
k to her. Don’t assume anything. For all you know, she may just given into the desire because she missed you. That may not mean she wants to get back together. She might love this new guy.”

“Fuck.” I covered my face. “I hope I’m not too late.”

Scarlet gave me a sad look. “I’m sorry. You have to be ready for the possibility.”

“I’ll talk to her after work,” I said. “I just hope I don’t get jumped by her new boyfriend.”

“Sean, Mike, and I got your back, man.”

“Why?” Scarlet said. “Cortland did sleep with her.”

“Thanks,” I said sarcastically.

“I’m sorry,” Scarlet said. “But Monnique cheated. That’s what happened. And cheating is disgusting and wrong. You guy
s have a complicated path ahead of you. And if this guy is in love with her, you think he’s just going to bow out and let her go? Would you?

“No…”

“I just want you to be prepared, Cortland…”

I took a breath. “I know.”

“I’ll still help you beat the shit out of him,” Ryan said.

“Or we could avoid the violence altogether,” Scarlet said firmly.

“I’m ready to shed blood if I have to,” I said.

Ryan eyed me. “Seriously, what’s changed between you? You’re acting just like her. As soon as she thought you were with someone, she came running back.”

“I guess I’d rather work it out with her than let her end up with someone else. That’s not a route I’m willing to take.”

Ryan sighed. “If you’re sure.”

“I am,” I said firmly.

I went back to her apartment at six because I was impatient to see her. I knocked on the door and waited for her to answer it.

When she did, she was wearing a towel. It was wrapped around her body. Her hair
and were makeup was done. “Hi.”

I eyed her body and instantly got a boner. “Hey.”

She grabbed the back of my neck and gave me a scorching kiss. I melted into a puddle at her feet. “I’ll be right back.” She walked across the room and headed to the hallway. I watched her ass until she was gone. She came back ten minutes later, dressed in shorts and a tank top. I liked seeing her skin.

Her arms hooked around my neck and she kissed me again. I felt the burn of my lips when we touched. They were charred from the heat. My hands moved under her shirt and felt her lower back. Other than her gorgeous ass, it was my favorite feature. “I thought about you all day,” she said into my mouth.

I wondered if she worked with her boyfriend. Was that awkward? I was jealous with just the idea of her seeing him. I broke our kiss and looked at her. “I thought about you too.”

She grabbed my hand and led me toward the bedroom. “Let me show you what I was thinking about specifically.”

That was tempting… But I stopped and pulled her back to me. “I think we should talk first.”

“Okay,” she said with a sigh. She dropped her hands to her sides and didn’t touch me.

“When are you going to break up with him?”

“Who?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Victor. Am I going to have to threaten him to back off?”

She stared at me with new eyes. “Cortland…there is no one named Victor.”

Huh? “Sorry?”

“I made him up. I’m not seeing anyone.”

“What?” Now I was more confused. “Why would you lie?”

“It was my last resort,” she said. “When I thought you moved on with someone else,
I pulled my head out of my ass and got here as quick as I could. And you did the same thing…”

She played me. I wanted to be mad but I couldn’t. “You never slept with anyone?”

“No. You really think I could move on that quickly after I told you how much I loved you? I just told Ryan that because I knew he would tell you. He’s so predictable.”

“So, there’s no one else but me?”

“Of course not.” Her eyes softened.

I smiled. “Well, I’m annoyed you tricked me, but that pales in comparison to how happy I am.”

She cupped my face and kissed me. “You don’t have to fight anyone to keep me, except my stuffed animals.”

“I’ll put them in their place,” I said with a laugh.

“So manly,” she teased.

I looked into her face
, overjoyed we were back together. But there was something I needed to say. “Monnique, I want to be with you forever. But I…we’ll need to take this slow. We’ll get there eventually, but for now, I think we should take this relationship day by day.”

“Babe, I’ve never had a problem with that. As long as we’re together, I don’t care. I’ll work my ass off to make up for what I did to you.”

“Then, we don’t have problem.”

She dragged me to her bedroom. “Now let me do nasty stuff to you.”