All of me (14 page)

‘Oh no, I cannot eat at the moment.’ I warn
him as bile fills my throat.

‘I thought sickness was only at the
beginning?’ he queries.

‘Me too!  It seems to have re-appeared at
the precise moment you did.’ I murmur, as I make my way into the bathroom.

‘Still your charming self, I see,’ I hear
him mumble, but detect a note of amusement in his voice.

********

Marie Ritchie is such an enchanting lady
and I comprehend immediately Matt’s happy childhood.  She appears to be a
positive person, despite having cancer, although first seeing her with a scarf
wrapped around her head provides me with a rare flashback of my mum, which
unsettles me slightly.

‘Lovely to meet you Emily, thank you for
taking the time to visit,’ she kisses my cheek and I allow her to hug me.

‘No problem, how are you feeling?’ I ask
kindly.

‘Good days and bad days,’ she mumbles and I
nod, ‘Matthew informs me you lost your mother through this awful disease?’ her
brown eyes regard me gently, Matt obviously inherited his eyes from his dad, I
nod not wishing to go into any great detail. ‘I am sorry to hear that’

I regard Matt’s interaction with his mum,
he obviously adores her by the way he fusses around her and it gives me hope
that my son and I will have such a relationship. 

‘How are you feeling?’ she enquires.

‘I am fine, tired and a bit nauseas here
and there, but otherwise healthy.’

‘Matthew informs me that you have been
facing this alone Emily, why is that?’ my eyebrows lift to the ceiling, before
I smile.

‘What?’ Matt questions and I regard him and
his mum.

‘I now comprehend why my lack of filter
didn’t faze you Matt,’ and his lips twitch towards his mum.

‘Sorry Emily, I speak as I see,’ Marie
shrugs.

‘Don’t ever be sorry for that,’ I smile
mildly her way, ‘just the way I like it,’ Matt has his mum’s coloring apart
from the eyes, her full lips and dark hair.  She is a lot younger than I
thought, despite the illness, I would guess at around fifty.

‘Yes, I only told people the last couple of
days, it is complicated.’ I relay.

‘Wow, how did you keep your bump under
wraps that long?’ her eyes move to my middle area.

‘I didn’t find out myself until I was three
months and it has only been the last month that he has popped out,’ I rub my
bump.

She nods, ‘didn’t you miss periods then?’ I
love this woman’s candor.

‘No, apparently it happens,’ and she nods.

‘But it is Matthews?’ she presses.

‘Mum! I have no doubts the baby is mine.’
Matt’s voice was stern.

‘It’s ok,’ I mumble flushing, ‘yes, the
baby is Matt’s. I haven’t slept with another man before or since,’ I assure
her, if she wants speak as you find I will.

She nods assessing me before divulging, ‘so
you didn’t think to inform Matthew?’

‘No,’ I murmur, ‘as I say it is complicated,’
my chin lifts in defiance.

She regards me for a moment, ‘I kept Matthew’s
arrival secret, for four months.’

‘Did you, why?’ I ask.

‘I was only nineteen and his father was a
deadbeat,’ she explains.

‘Thanks mum,’ Matt throws in and I smile.

‘Best thing that ever happened to me,’ she
winks at her son, ‘he is my world, don’t hurt him Emily!’

‘Behave mum, we don’t want to frighten her
off.’ Matt mutters mildly, picking up his tea cup.

We stay for an hour not to tire Marie.

‘So I hope to see you again Emily,’ Marie
hugs me briefly.

‘It was lovely to meet you Marie, and I
wish you a speedy recovery.’ I genuinely like her.

I am seated in the Porsche driving back to
the city, ‘thank you Emily, it means a lot to me that you met my mum.’

‘She obviously means the world to you,’ I
reply, ‘I like her.’

‘Yes, I knew you would, some common ground.
So, you only found out about the pregnancy yourself a couple of months ago?’

‘Yes’

‘Quite a shock, I imagine,’ his face is
serious.

‘Yes, the doctor ran a routine blood test,
as I was unwell.’

He whistles, ‘so…’ he glances over to me a
small smile against his lips, ‘you haven’t practiced with anyone else then?’

I throw him an irritated glance,
‘seriously, is that all you are concerned about.’

‘Well no, he grins, ‘but good to know.’

I cannot contain the smile from pulling at
my lips, ‘you are such a child.’

‘Do you want lunch or anything, we still
need to talk about what happens next?’ he recovers his seriousness.

‘What do you mean Matt?  Nothing happens
next, we just wait for our son to be born to work out visitation.’ I shrug.

‘No,’ he growls, ‘we don’t! I want to be
involved, I expressed that to you, I have missed out on enough!’

‘Matt, he isn’t here yet how an earth can
you be involved now?’ I dampen down the frustration that surfaces.

‘I think you should move into my house with
me,’ he announces and my mouth drops open.

‘Are you for real? No! We aren’t even
together.’ I laugh.

‘You need looking after, and I am going to
do it.’ His voice is stern.

‘No! I have a home, and a full time job
within walking distance, I don’t know whether you have noticed Matt but I am a
big girl now and quite capable of looking after myself.  I haven’t done badly
so far.’

‘No Emily, you are the one person you are
not capable of looking after, you have no regard for your own health.  Have you
eaten today?’ he questions.

‘You know I haven’t as I have acid at the
moment, but I eat!’ I defend.

‘You are moving in with me,’ he acts like
his word is final.

‘No, I am not! Drop me home, Matt.’ I
demand, glaring out of the window.

After a few minutes he insists, ‘and I
think you should give up work and rest up.’

‘What the fuck Matt, stop trying to control
my life please.  I need to work to earn money to provide for me and my baby.’ I
fume.

‘See that’s exactly what you think,
your
baby
, well it isn’t just your baby Emily, I did have something to do with
it, as I recall.  I will of course be supporting you and our son, did you doubt
that for a minute?’

‘I am not interested in your money,’ I seethe.

‘Well, that is tough because it is
happening Emily, you can keep your head in the sand but the fact remains that
this is
our child
and having grown up with the absence of a father
myself, that will never happen to my son!’

‘Well it didn’t do me any harm,’ I mutter childishly.

‘If you think that you aren’t as
intelligent as I first thought Emily,’ he rants, pulling into the car park
below my flat.

I open the door to climb out of the low
slung vehicle attempting to storm off, but it takes me too long and Matt is
there helping me up.

‘Goodbye Matt,’ I call, as I push through
the intercom door, but he is hot on my heels and is extremely angry.

‘Why do you always have to battle
everything, why can you not just accept what is happening and make for an
easier life?’  He follows me up the stairs, ‘oh and how are you going to
continue to climb these stairs with a pram and baby? You just don’t think
things through Emily, you act first think later well you aren’t doing that with
my son!’

‘Oh he is your son now! Less than twenty four
fucking hours and you are dad of the year!’ I roar opening the door to my flat
and storming through.  He grasps my arm and swings me to face him, his face is
thunderous. I pant up to him, my face flushed with anger the air around us
crackling with tension. 

His hazel eyes are sparkling with rage as
he grabs my chin and brings his lips to mine, the impact is explosive as he
thrusts his tongue against mine.  My insides reawaken my nipples strain against
my bra as I groan pulling him into me, his hands move from my hips up to my
breasts as he strokes my nipples sending delicious shoots of pleasure to my
sex.  I cannot breathe with the intensity of the sensations running through my
body, is this the pregnancy sex that I have been reading about? 

I claw at his t-shirt eager to have his
skin against mine, he moves his mouth from mine pulling it over his head as I
lean in and lick around his nipple biting gently as he gasps.  I move down his
body releasing his belt and jeans grasping his solid shaft.  I groan as I lick
around the top sucking it into my mouth.

‘Oh god,’ he groans as I bring his length
into my throat sucking and licking.  His hands find my hair and release it from
its hair tie, running through the lengths.

‘Fuck my mouth,’ I demand, as I drop my
hands. He loves this, and for some unknown reason despite the fact I am extremely
pissed off with him, I have a desperate need to please him.  He groans as he
slowly pumps in and out my mouth as I suck him in, ‘oh yes,’ he pants as he
thrusts inside me over and over.  He stops and I glance up, ‘stand up,’ he
demands and I do running my hands over his chest, he grasps my hair and moves
it to the side as he bites my neck.

‘Matt,’ I breathe, my insides clenching
with a need, ‘I need you inside me,’ I pant, as I feel my body warm all over,
‘right now,’ I groan.  He takes my hand moving us into the bedroom.  Standing
in front of me, he lifts my top off revealing my huge breasts.  He releases them
from the confines of my bra.

‘Wow,’ he strokes my nipples which are
aching for attention, he pushes down my leggings and pants leaving me naked.  I
feel self-conscious, my hands moving in front of me and glance up at him. ‘Matt,’
I warn, and he hushes me stroking his hand over my protruding bump.  ‘You are
beautiful,’ he murmurs kneeling down placing kisses all over me, ‘who would
have known how sexy this is,’ he mumbles, unaware of my uncomfortable state.

‘Matt!’ I croak, becoming emotional at his
wonder of my pregnant body, ‘can we do the appreciation thing later.’  He
glances up his eyes sparkling with emotion before his hand moves up my leg, ‘lay
back,’ he demands as he bites up the inside of my thigh sending me into a world
of sensation only.  The only thoughts going through my mind are those of how he
makes me feel. I am breathing heavily as he parts my legs and blows on my sex,
‘oh god Matt,’ I grumble, as I feel my insides building, he licks the length of
my sex and I am squirming beneath him.  He thrusts two fingers inside me and I
explode immediately, groaning as he continues to thrust in and out until the
contractions end.

‘That was the longest orgasm ever,’ he
murmurs, ‘pregnancy definitely agrees with you,’ he mutters as he moves up my
body bringing his erection to my entrance.  I am panting my face flushed as I
bring my legs up around him encouraging him inside, his lips find mine gently
as he sucks and licks giving me the sweetest kiss, which sends my body back
into hungry mode. Without detaching his lips, he enters me gently and I throw
my head back absorbing the pleasure.  ‘Hmmm, more,’ I instruct and he nibbles
that place in my neck that sends me crazy, he circles me gently and I groan,
‘Matt, you won’t hurt the baby, I need more.’

‘Ssshhh,’ he places a gentle bite on my
collar bone and continues his slow pace, I am frustrated and attempt to quicken
the pace, but he has more strength besides I have a small football preventing
me from pushing him up.

‘Feel it,’ he murmurs, ‘relax,’ and kisses
me sweetly once again sending tingles all around me. I am lost in his kiss as
he continues to slowly probe my aching spot.  I feel my body once again
building towards a release as he sucks in my groan and I come around him
intensely clenching him into me, he thrusts once more before he empties himself
refusing to break the kiss. My hands are in his short hair sucking and licking,
as my body tingles with the aftermath of our activity.  He lifts up and gazes
down at me, ‘that was something else,’ he whispers dropping a kiss down briefly,
‘you ok?’

‘Fine.’ I murmur, but my insides are
fluttering. I frown before pushing him off, ‘I need the bathroom,’ he allows me
to go, observing me as I trot to the back of the door and put my robe on.

‘Don’t put that on, I want to see you,’ he
calls.  I move to the bathroom wrapped in my robe.

I go about my business before washing my
hands and stare at my reflection.  I sigh at the mirror what is happening to
me?  That felt like making love, not sex, I only want sex!  I don’t want things
to get complicated here, he is the father to my child nothing else, we were
only ever about sex.  The minute he walked into Tom and Lucy’s yesterday I knew
this was a bad idea, I run my hands through my hair as Matt walks in.

‘What are you doing, scaring yourself?’ he
wraps his arms around me from behind, his eyes finding mine in the mirror.

‘No.’ I frown back.

‘I can hear the brain whirring from here!’
he opens my robe and strokes my bump, ‘this is amazing,’ he wonders, ‘and these,’
he cups my heavy breasts, ‘wow!’