Alluring Turmoil (6 page)

Four hours and much pampering later, we’re ready and just waiting for Jude to pick us up. With Erik’s help, I’ve settled on a pair of short cut-offs, a cropped red tank top with a bit of lace at the top, and blue and red flip flops. My wavy auburn hair has been tamed and is falling in soft, touchable waves all the way down my back with the sides swept up with red clips. I have on just a slight amount of gold eye shadow to make my eyes pop, and cherry lip gloss. I really don’t need much else since I’ve been blessed with great skin.

I have to admit, I look pretty good. I can’t wait for Jude to see me. He’s always commenting on my hair, so I’ve made sure that it looks amazing tonight.

My parents have gone out for the night, so it’s just Erik and me. We turn on the radio while we wait for Jude to get there and dance around to the music.

Finally we see headlights pull into the drive. I wipe my sweaty palms against my shorts, check my face and hair in the mirror, then take Erik’s hand and walk outside with a huge smile on my face.

I see Jude watching us walk to the car and he opens the door and leans on the hood, looking me up and down slowly. He swallows. “Damn, Lex. You look great. You have a hot date tonight or something? Am I going to have to beat someone up for getting too friendly with you on your birthday?”

I smile even brighter, giggle, and call back, “Something like that, Jude. But don’t worry; you won’t be beating anyone up.” He raises his eyebrows and gets back in the car right when we get to the door. Erik opens the door and tells me to take the front and my face falls.

Right there, sitting in
my
seat with her red nails scraping on Jude’s thigh, is Michelle. And she’s smirking at me.

The look I send Jude must convey my surprise, because he shrugs and lifts the corner of his mouth as if to say he doesn’t know, and then shuts the door.

I get into the back with Erik and instantly feel as if I’m going to burst into tears. He takes my hand and starts rubbing soothing circles on the back of it, while he hugs me tightly to his side. He whispers in my ear, “I don’t know what she’s doing here. I talked to him before I went to your house and he never mentioned she was coming. I’m sorry, love.”

As we head to the levee, the car is silent except for Michelle’s incessant chattering about who cares what. She doesn’t seem to notice anything is off and proceeds to ignore Erik and me, as usual, which is perfectly fine by me.

Once we get to the levee, we head up to the spot where we are meeting the crew from school. A few people wish me happy birthday and more than one brow is raised in surprise at Jude and Michelle, but no one says anything.

Erik and I take our seats on the blanket we’ve taken out of Jude’s car. We look around and nod at a few people. Typical teenage things are going on. Arguing, some making out, and a few kids are sneaking sips from beer cans and wine coolers.

Erik wraps his arm around my shoulder and we lay back and look at the sky. We can see the Mississippi River Bridge from where we are just under it and something is kind of magical about it.

A bit later, someone sits on the blanket with us and they clear their throat.

It’s Hunter. He’s a senior, like Erik and Jude, and plays football with Erik. He’s had a crush on me for awhile, but he’s never asked me out.

Hunter is cute in an all American kind of way. He has brown hair, green eyes, and a nice smile with twin dimples. I even like him. He’s sweet, good looking, and a really nice guy.

He looks at Erik, as though asking his approval, and Erik gives a nod of his head. Then he asks me if I’d like to take a stroll along the Riverwalk with him.

I look to Erik. He tells me to go ahead, he’s fine on the blanket, and to have some fun.

Hunter helps me up, and shyly takes my hand as we walk away from the crowd. As we’re leaving, I glance over my shoulder and see Jude watching us, his arm around a clingy Michelle, with a strange look on his face.

I did get kissed that night. A pretty great kiss, but not the one my heart was set on.

Hunter and I dated all through that year of school before he left for UCLA. Neither of us was interested in the “long distance relationship” thing, and we decided to stay friends.

Lexi

Present day

M
y bathwater has grown cold as my memories of the first time Jude Delecroix broke my heart run through my head.

I get up, dry off, put on my favorite snuggly jammies, and pad out into the hallway to check on Erik. He’s on the couch texting with a big smile on his face, so I’m guessing I really didn’t ruin his night.

I walk back into my bathroom and brush my teeth before crawling into bed. It’s been a long, exhausting day and I know things are not going to get any easier as long as Jude is in town. I stare at the ceiling and try to figure out a plan for dealing with things in my head.

Before I get too comfortable, I find myself slithering out of bed and onto my floor. I move things around under my bed, until I find what I’m looking for.

I pull out the dusty box and brush off the top. Then I simply look at it for awhile. Eventually, I just decide to open it. The box is filled with notes, old journals, ticket stubs, and photos. So many photos. I slowly start to pull things out.

As I look through the photos, I can’t help but smile. There are so many, and in most of them, it’s three smiling faces: Erik, Jude, and me. It’s almost as if they are a series of screenshots from the movie of our lives. They start out with us as kids, some in diapers, and we’re always together. I can clearly see when Erik started to fill out and when I went from awkward, gangly teen to young woman. What I’ve never noticed before though is how you can plainly see when my feelings for Jude started to change. In the photos around the time I’m thirteen, I’m no longer looking at the camera and smiling. I’m looking at
Jude
and smiling while he and Erik are looking at whoever has the camera. When I’m sixteen, the longing on my face is so obvious. I’m kind of embarrassed.

But then, around the time I’m seventeen, the photos change again. It’s no longer the three of us all smiling together, or me staring dreamily at Jude. In these photos, Jude and I are looking at
each other
with our arms wrapped around one another, smiling while Erik looks on. His happiness at our being together is evident, or he’s smiling at the camerawhile Jude and I are engrossed in each other. In most of the photos of Jude and me alone, Erik is the one taking the photo.

The last picture, the photo at the very bottom of the box, the one that is wrinkled and worn from handling it so much, is just of the two of us. Our arms are wrapped around each other. His guitar is lying on the ground at our feet and he’s holding the band’s recording contract in his hand. He’s smiling his trademark smile at the camera and you can see the joy on his face. He’s holding me so tightly there’s not a centimeter of space between our bodies. And on my face, on my face is a smile, but also in my eyes, there’s a hint of fear.

Before I know it, the tears are once again rolling down my face, and my heart is hurting for all that I’ve lost. Hurting for the happy kids in those photos. Hurting because for all I’ve said and for as many years as have passed, I’m still the same girl I was in those photos. The same girl who was hopelessly in love with a boy. The same girl whose heart has always and will always belong to Jude Delecroix.

With that realization, I lay on the floor, holding the photo; the photo that was the beginning of the end, and cry myself to sleep.

Jude

I’m not sure what time it is. It has to be late. Or early, depending on how you view it.

I’ve been under
our
tree for hours just staring at the stars and listening to the barges pass along the river. I’ve never been that guy who talks about his feelings. I sing about my feelings. It’s my passion, my escape. And people listen. People can
relate
to my music. With everything flowing through my head right now, I’m wishing I had my guitar and a notebook. I think I could write another hit album.

I’ve written so many songs about her, about Lexi. But I doubt she knows. People assume they know, but they don’t. Everyone thinks they know me, but the truth is no one really knows me. No one outside of the band. Not anymore. They think the guy on TV and in the magazines is who I am, but it’s not me. Not the real me, that I’ve kept hidden for years. No one knows the me that I am when I’m complete. Eight years of meaningless sex with so many girls… I can’t even remember half of their faces. Hell, half of them I never even knew their names.

Right now, I can understand the revulsion on Lexi’s face. I’m repulsed by myself.

I’ve even had a couple of relationships, but nothing lasting. Not anything where anyone could break through the wall protecting what’s left of my heart. There was the supermodel I dated for about six months who finally realized I wasn’t joking when I said I didn’t love her and would never love her. There was the actress I dated for over a year, but neither of us wanted anything other than the hot sex and the press our being together gave us, so it ended. And then, last year there was the singer for the opening band on our tour. We hooked up the entire time we were on the road and had a lot of fun, but again neither of us was really interested or open to anything more. The tour ended, and we went our separate ways. Sure, we still hook up when we’re in the same place at the same time, but that only happens around award season.

In my life, in twenty-seven years, there’s been only one woman I’ve opened my heart to. One woman who has owned me, owned my heart, and once she broke it, there wasn’t even a fragment big enough to accommodate anyone else.

I thought my heart was dead. I thought I was empty… but after tonight, after seeing her again, it’s beating. Painfully so, but at least it’s beating again. It’s telling me that no matter what, it still wants what it’s always wanted. It wants what completes it, the reason it beats… it wants Lexi. I want Lexi.

I’m Jude Delecroix, dammit, and I am going to do whatever it takes to figure this out! Because now that I’m being honest with myself again, now that I feel alive again, instead of just existing, I’m a man on a mission. And my mission is to get Alexia Sloane to fall in love with me again… only this time… this time she’s not walking away. She’s mine. She’s always been mine, and this time, dammit this time, I’m fucking keeping her!

With that mantra flying through my veins, I start my bike back up and head back towards town, back towards the woman who will once again be in my life.

As I turn onto the River Road… I notice the sign.

Time to play hardball.

Lexi

I
awaken to bright light and somehow I’m back in my bed with my sheets spread over me. I sigh, Erik.

I feel something in my hand and look to see what it is. The photo of Jude and me. I never let it go last night… not even in my sleep. I look at it, smile slightly, and sit up with new determination.

I’m twenty-six years old. I’m a successful business owner and a responsible, mature adult. Things will be normal with Jude and me. He’s in town again. He was a very important part of my life for a very long time. Avoiding him is impossible in a town this size, so starting today, I’m going to be the mature, responsible adult everyone knows. I’m going to talk to Jude. Things may be awkward, but we have to find a way to be friends again. It’s time to forgive the past and move on. I
need
to move on.