ALWAYS FAITHFUL (13 page)

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Claire was sitting on the bar stool trying to fend off the latest advances from a soft butch who thought Claire was absolutely adorable, or so she told Claire. Claire couldn’t remember the last time a woman had hit on her and she wasn’t as uncomfortable with the process as she thought she would be, but right now she was in a different place. She looked around hoping to see Jordan somewhere, anywhere, but she didn’t and she was losing patience quickly.

“Look, I appreciate the compliment but I’m here with someone and if you’re still here when she gets back she might be pissed,” Claire said, hoping that the baby dyke would take the not too subtle hint.

“Well all I have to say is she’s an idiot to leave someone so beautiful here all by herself. Why don’t I just sit here and keep you company until she gets back. It’ll give us time to get to know each other better.”

Claire had had it. She stood, ran a hand through her hair and shrugged. “Thanks, but I’ll just go and see what is keeping her. Please don’t bother getting up. I think I can find my way to the bathroom all by myself. Besides, I think that cute little blonde over there was checking you out,” she said, pointing in the direction of an unknowing blonde across the room. The dyke turned to look and Claire made a beeline for the other dance room and the bathrooms located there. She turned the corner and spotted Jordan talking to a woman whose back was to Claire.

“I knew it,” Claire whispered, as she made her way closer to the couple.

Claire could see Jordan laughing at something the taller woman whispered in Jordan’s ear. She also noticed the way Jordan was running her hand up and down the arm of the unsuspecting woman. Claire had seen Jordan at work before and this poor woman didn’t stand a chance with her friend. Once Jordan made physical contact with her prey, it was over. It was the one sure sign Claire knew that Jordan was in kill mode. Claire was done with the bar scene tonight and she was leaving with or without Jordan.

Claire was going in to extract her friend and she would just have to apologize later for the tactic. She wanted to leave this meat market and she knew Jordan wouldn’t take no for an answer. Claire walked up to Jordan and stepped between the two women with her back to the stranger.

“Look, honey,” Claire said as she ran her hands up Jordan’s arms, “we need to get home. If we spend any more time here you won’t want to get busy later.” Leaving all of the innuendo hanging in her voice, Claire used her body language to try and convince the stranger behind her that she was in fact Jordan’s girlfriend.

“Claire,” both Nic and Jordan said in unison, one out of surprise, and the other out of anger.

Claire stood transfixed looking at Jordan, hoping against hope that the voice behind her was not who she thought it was.

“I’m sorry. Do you know Claire?” Jordan asked the woman she had been flirting with for the last ten minutes.

Claire turned and looked up into the face she hoped was only a dream but what she saw pulled her back into reality.

“Nic.”

“You two know each other?” Jordan asked as she looked at both women who were now visibly shaken. “Wait, wait. Let me get this straight. This is
the
Nic Caldwell,
the
Major Nic Caldwell?” Jordan said, waiting for an answer from either of the two blushing women.

“Jordan, we need to go, NOW.” Claire turned and walked towards the front door of the bar.

“Well, nice to meet you, Nic. I have heard so much about you. Sorry we didn’t get a chance to become better acquainted, but somehow, I think we might in the near future,” Jordan said as she backed away from a confused Nic.

Panting, Claire keyed the lock and practically started the car before she closed the door. Jordan had to move quickly or she was going to be left behind.

“Hey, slow down and let me get in, Claire.”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck. Why did I let you talk me into going with you tonight, shit,” Claire said as she rested her head on the steering wheel at a stoplight.

“How could I be so fucking stupid? Oh God.” Claire was in full panic mode and she started to shake as she rolled the window down to let cold air into the car. She could feel her heart pounding so loud it reverberated in her ears, and pulsed in her eyes. She was outed and not by her own doing.

“Oh God, what am I going to do now? Shit, shit, shit.”

Jordan reached over and grabbed Claire’s hands hoping to still them and her head.

“Look, I am sure Nic isn’t exactly going to be blabbing about seeing you at a lesbian bar. She would be outing herself, too. Remember? Don’t ask, don’t tell. At least we know that she’s a lesbian for sure now,” Jordan said with a grin. Claire wasn’t amused and she glared at Jordan, angry at her best friend for making her go to the bar tonight.

W
hat the hell just happened?
thought Nic as she slid back into the booth. One minute she was thinking about breakfast plans with a beautiful woman, the next she was watching Claire Monroe call the same woman ‘Honey’ and promising something about an intimate night later. Claire and honey together? Shit, what the hell was going on and why was Claire in a gay bar with this woman? Nic felt like she had just walked into the middle of a movie with no idea what the plot was. She was in a state of shock as she played the last five minutes over and over in her head. Had Claire really just called the cute woman ‘Honey’? Nic didn’t know whether she wanted to puke or jump for joy at seeing Claire at the lesbian bar.

Nic made her way out of the club, waving assent at a couple that indicated their interest in the booth. She needed air. What she really wanted were some answers but that wasn’t going to happen right now, not in the condition she was in. Shock wouldn’t even begin to describe her feelings. No, it was more akin to betrayal. Here she was wishing the woman she had been thinking about for the past week and a half was gay and now not only was she gay but she was already with someone.
Christ could this get any worse?

She wrestled her keys from her pants pocket, practically ripping her jeans before getting them free and getting the car door open. Sitting in her Jeep, she stared out the window, seeing Claire’s face when she had turned around. The shocked look on Claire’s face when she realized who was standing behind her. Nic realized the implications of what Claire had seen and the realization hit her like a punch to the stomach.

“Shit, I was just caught in a gay bar. Great. What else can happen?” Nic asked herself as she buried her face in her hands. She sat there for a moment trying to figure out what she should do next. Go to her commander and resign her commission? No, there was no way Claire would out her like that. Would she? Nic remembered the kiss the two of them had shared at Claire’s house. What if Claire thought she had taken advantage of her? Would she take it to Nic’s commander? But the kiss was instigated by Claire, not Nic. It wouldn’t matter. Nic was an officer and she knew better. Nic needed answers from Claire before she did anything and she wanted them now.

Nic slammed the car in reverse and made her way to the highway. Thinking about everything that happened made Nic wonder who she was madder at, Claire or herself? She replayed the night in her head. She was sure Jordan had outed Claire in their conversation. Hadn’t Jordan said that she was there with her friend who was going through some major stuff? Hadn’t she said that Claire hadn’t been around family, and then Jordan made the quotation marks when she said family, in a long time? Nic had more questions as she thought about the night’s events, and she knew the only place to get those answers would be from Claire.

###

“Claire, pull over and let me drive.”

Focusing on the road now was the least of Claire’s worries. How could she not have noticed that it was Nic standing in front of Jordan? Claire let the car glide to a stop on the nearly deserted road. Turning to Jordan she tried to make sense of what had just happened, searching her friend’s eyes for answers.

“What am I going to do, Jor? I can’t believe that I just outed myself to Nic Caldwell. What is she going to think?” Claire scrubbed her face with her hands as she sat waiting for some wisdom from her friend.

“Look Claire, I know things seem bleak right now, but honestly, is this the worst thing that could happen? Think about it. Didn’t you call me this week and tell me that you kissed her and that you thought you might have feelings for her?” Claire knew Jordan was trying to sound rational, but right now, she wasn’t sure that was what she wanted to hear.

“Look, you and I both know that your marriage to Mike was like two kids who were playing house. It was great on the outside but inside, it wasn’t real. You both never intended for it to last forever and unfortunately, it ended earlier than you anticipated. So now you get to move on to the next phase of your life.” Jordan said, “Besides, look at the bright side. At least you know Ms. Gorgeous is gay. Right?”

Claire looked at the darkened road wishing she could change the events of the night. She felt as dark as the road ahead and knew that on some level Jordan was right. But Claire always worried about appearances-family appearances, military appearances and wifely appearances. She was an officer’s wife, and she had learned early on that image was everything in the military, that it could make or break a spouse’s career. But then again, Claire wouldn’t have to worry about appearances for much longer now that Mike was gone. Turning, Claire could see that Jordan had that mischievous look on her face again.

Claire knew she was going to have a “come to Jesus” moment about being gay one day, she just didn’t think it would be this soon and in this way. There was a lot to what Jordan was saying and she knew her friend was right. She had put her life on hold for over three years now, and the fact that she was in a position to be who she was scared her more than just a little.

T
he warm day was sunny and inviting as Claire looked out the sliding glass door to the backyard. She sipped her coffee and stared out at nothing, thinking about the night before. How could she have been so stupid as to let Jordan talk her into going to a gay bar? Of all the stupid, idiotic things. Claire rested her head against the glass, feeling its cool slick imprint on her forehead and then it suddenly hit her.

“Nic is gay,” Claire whispered. She became slightly giddy at the realization. “Nic is gay. Holy shit, Nic is gay!”

Claire stood back from the glass and focused on the beautiful day outside her window, not quite as scared as she had been last night. So her gaydar wasn’t broken. She had suspected that something was different about Nic, but could never quite put her finger on it. Now she knew, Nic played for her team. Well, her old team. Claire hadn’t been a team player for a very long time and now she was coming to the realization that she had a choice to make. She could continue with the charade of being a heterosexual or be who she really was, a lesbian with a beautiful daughter and a future full of possibilities.

Everything was happening very fast and Claire needed time to think. She needed to be by herself. She walked into the kitchen, poured another cup of coffee, and made her way to the guest bedroom. Peeking inside she could see Jordan spread across the queen-size bed.

“Jordan.” Claire gently sat on the edge of the bed and set the coffees on the nightstand. “Jordie, sweetie, wake up.”

“No.”

“Aw come on, you can’t be sleeping off a hang-over cause you barely drank anything, remember?”

“I’m dreaming of a tall, sexy, green eyed woman who should be laying here naked next to me. But thanks to you, she’ll never be mine,” Jordan huffed as she pulled the covers over her head. “Now leave me alone you little home wrecker.”

Claire started to giggle as she crawled under the covers with her friend. “Aw, come on Jor. You have me.”

“It’s not the same. I buy you dinner and you never put out, but Major Gorgeous, on the other hand, I bet she puts out. I can just imagine what she can put out,” Jordan said as she peeked at Claire under the covers. “Besides, did you see her ass in those jeans? God, that woman should be shot for wearing her pants so tight with no underwear.”

“Jordan, how do you know she wasn’t wearing any underwear?” Claire wished she had paid closer attention to Nic, especially considering she occupied a lot of her thoughts lately. Claire vaguely remembered what Nic was wearing, and wasn’t surprised in the least that Jordan had noticed the little detail of Nic’s commando style. Jordan could undress a woman in less than two minutes, even if she was covered from head to toe in a ski-outfit. Claire had seen her do it to a cute little ski bunny when they were at a resort during college.

“God, I can’t even imagine what would have happened if I hadn’t come along,” Claire said as she rested her head on Jordan’s shoulder.

“Well, let’s just say that you are occupying her place right now, sister. So maybe you can think of a way to make it up to me since I was in score mode before you rudely interrupted me.” Turning towards Claire, Jordan slid her hand up and down her back and looked at her seductively.

“Whoa, there, cowgirl.” Claire put her hands on Jordan’s chest, forcing her back as Claire started to sit up. “Look, Romeo, you and I both know that there was no way you could have brought her back here. I live on base. Remember? If she got caught with a woman here she could lose her job.”

“Hey, she’s a big girl. She would have figured it out,” Jordan said as she arched an eyebrow, “She does have a car with a backseat, right?”

“Jordan.”

“I’m just kidding.”

“I need some time to myself to think things through. I feel like I have too many balls in the air and if I’m not careful I’m going to drop them all. I just can’t seem to focus on anything and I need to get out of here for a while. Do you mind watching Grace while I take the bike out?”

Claire knew she had to come to terms with her guilt over Mike’s death, her sudden foray into lesbianism again, and her growing feelings for Nic. If she didn’t, she would just turn and run and she didn’t run away from things, she confronted them on her terms. She needed time to decide what to do next.

“Look, Jordan, if I don’t do this I might have a meltdown. I don’t want to make decisions about my life when I can’t focus on anything longer than a few minutes. I’ll be back before dinnertime. And I’ll have my cell phone if you need anything. Please?”

“Hasn’t it been a while since your rode your bike? I mean, are you sure it’s all right to ride in the state you’re in?” Jordan asked gently.

“I’ll be fine. I just need some space right now, okay?” Claire said as she got off the bed and went to her room to change.

“Of course, honey. I’ll watch Grace. Just be careful.”