ALWAYS FAITHFUL (17 page)

N
ic arrived at Claire’s house, but she wasn’t prepared for what she had to do. In the last couple of days they had become closer, spending lunchtime together, taking Grace on long walks, talking about what Claire would do after the funeral, and when she cleared quarters. Claire actually didn’t reveal a lot when it came to her future. She just wasn’t sure what she was going to do once everything was finally settled.

Nic knew she was falling in love with Claire. Her body told her as much when she was around her. She struggled not to pull Claire to her every time they were together. She indulged her body’s need by caressing Claire’s hand when she held it or savoring a stolen kiss when Jordan wasn’t looking. Nic made it a point to be on her best behavior around Claire’s best friend.

Since their encounter on the back road, Nic had decided that she would court Claire. When she told Claire about her intentions Claire only laughed, and told Nic she hadn’t waited this long to be with a woman only to be “respectable”. After Nic’s declaration, Claire went out of her way to tease Nic. Claire would rub herself against Nic when they lay intertwined on the couch, or she made a point to stare at Nic seductively, her gaze lingering on Nic’s lips, as she licked her own. Claire smiled as she watched Nic squirm in torment.

Nic knew Claire was having a lot of fun at her expense but she didn’t mind as long as Claire knew that two could play that game. Nic didn’t want to think about what Claire’s vagueness about leaving would mean to their relationship, but now it had come full circle and she had to think about it. Nic knocked softly on the front door and stepped down off the stoop as she had done so many times in the recent past. She stood there and thought about the journey she was about to take and she choked up a bit. No, now was not the time to get emotional. She needed to be strong and ready for what lay ahead.

The door swung open and Jordan looked down at Nic. She had never seen Nic in her Khaki dress uniform and looked puzzled for a moment.

“Nic!” she said as she cocked her head as if trying to figure out who the person standing in front of her was. “I’m sorry. I’ve never seen you in uniform before and you look so formal. Please come in.” Jordan closed the door behind her and yelled at Claire, letting her know that Nic was there.

“Jordan, would you mind if Claire and I had a moment alone? I am afraid I have something to tell her and I would like to do it private. I hope you’ll understand,” Nic said, knowing that Claire would tell Jordan after she left, but she didn’t want an audience for the tough moment that lay ahead. Jordan walked down the hall passing Claire and whispering something to her. Claire looked absolutely amazing in her tight jeans and T-shirt and Nic could hardly keep her head where it needed to be. And it wasn’t between Claire’s legs, Nic reminded herself.

“Nic, don’t you look handsome,” Claire said as she walked towards Nic. Nic was ramrod straight. Her uniform with its knife creases cut an impressive figure. She wore it with pride and it showed all the way down to the shiny brass insignia and the chest full of colorful ribbons she wore. She was the model of Marine Corps valor and Claire felt her body clench at the sight. She had never seen Nic looking so official in all of her times with Nic and she liked the look. She admonished herself for thinking of ways to see it on her floor instead of on Nic’s sexy body. Claire reached up to kiss Nic, but the Major turned her head. Claire was startled by Nic’s reaction, and pulled back before the kiss would have landed on Nic’s cheek.

“Nic, what’s wrong?” Instantly scared, Claire sat down on the couch as Nic removed her hat and was tucking it into her belt as she sat down next to Claire. Sitting there Nic couldn’t help but feel like her world was just about to come crashing down on her. Nic had finally found someone she wanted to spend serious time getting to know and now it was almost over. Her nerves were raw, her guts clenched, and Nic felt herself breaking into a cold sweat. She would rather be back in Iraq than right here, right now. Nic had a duty, and she knew this day would come.

“Claire,” Nic said as she took Claire’s hands into her own. “They have found Mike, and—”

“Oh God, Nic, don’t tell me something else has happened to him, please.” Claire slumped against Nic and buried her face into Nic’s chest.

Nic felt her chest tighten at the contact, but she continued. She wasn’t sure how long she would be able to keep herself from crying, but she had to talk to Claire to tell her how she felt before all hell broke loose and they didn’t have time to talk.

“No, I volunteered to bring Mike home. Claire, I need to talk to you before I leave. Once I get back things will be different for us, you know that don’t you?” Nic asked seriously.

“Wait, why do you have to go bring Mike back, won’t the Marine Corps provide an escort for him?” Claire was surprised by Nic’s offer to escort Mike, surprised that she would do something so selfless. And yet maybe she really wasn’t surprised. Claire knew she was the one being selfish. She wanted to spend more time getting to know Nic and this wouldn’t help the process. She had been thinking of Nic non-stop.

When she wasn’t feeling guilty for thinking of Nic and not Mike, she was wishing she had more time with her. Claire tried to invent ways of seeing Nic that didn’t look obvious. She had talked to Jordan repeatedly about the guilt she was feeling and all Jordan did was remind her that she and Mike had a marriage of convenience and nothing more.

“Claire, I feel like I owe this to Mike. He was a good officer and a good friend and now I think I am falling in love with his wife.” Nic’s eyes started to tear as she felt Claire pull her close.

“Claire, please…I just need to do this. I mean—”

“Shh, Nic, I know. I don’t know what to say. I love your sense of honor and duty. No one expects you to do this. Not me, and certainly not Mike.”

“Claire, we need to talk before I leave. I know when I get back things will be crazy and we won’t have any time to talk about things. I need to tell—”

Nic felt her lips covered by Claire’s fingers as Claire silenced her plea.

“Nic, I don’t want you to say something that you might regret later.”

Frustrated, Nic blurted out, “Claire didn’t you hear what I said? I said I am falling in love with you.”

Pulling back, Nic looked into Claire’s eyes and wasn’t sure what she was seeing. Had she been the only one that was feeling this way? Didn’t Claire feel it, too, or was she just a brief diversion back into the gay lifestyle for Claire?

Claire’s eyes were wide and her hand was pressed to her mouth. She stared at Nic silently.

Steeling herself against the rejection, Nic adjusted her uniform. “Perhaps you’re right. It
has
been a stressful time for both of us. I’m sorry, Claire. I need to go. I leave for Dover in half an hour and I need to make sure the arrangements are ready for my arrival.”

Turning, she looked at Claire one more time, knowing that it might be the last time she and Claire were alone together.

“Please kiss Grace goodbye for me and I’ll let you know when Mike is back.”

Without missing a beat, Nic hit the door at almost a full run. She didn’t want Claire to see her lose what little control she still had, her eyes betraying her feelings for Claire.

As Nic closed the door she heard Claire whisper, “Nic, please, wait. I—”

N
ic sat in the noisy Marine transport plane, feeling the vibrations from the engines reverberate through her body as it came to a stop on the tarmac. Nic had been briefed about what was expected of her when she landed- how to transport Mike’s body, what to do with his effects. They also covered how to handle any issues that might arise from the transportation of the flag draped casket. She had never done this before. It was usually an enlisted member that accompanied a service member’s body home, even an officer’s. Nic gathered her overnight bag and her briefcase with the documents authorizing her to accept Mike’s body on behalf of the Marine Corps and Mike’s family.

Nic got off the transport and heard her name called. “Major Caldwell?”

Turning, she saw a young sergeant approach her and snap to a salute. “Major Caldwell.”

Saluting back, she looked the young sergeant up and down noticing that either she was getting older or the Marines were promoting grade-schoolers to sergeant. “Sergeant Kelly, is it?”

“Yes ma’am. I am here to take you to briefing and the release. You’re here to pick up Capt. Monroe, is that correct?”

“Yes, Sergeant. Lead the way.” Dipping her head in a direction that lead away from the still thrumming engines of the transport, she allowed the sergeant to take her overnight bag and escort her to the waiting standard issue military sedan.

“We rarely have an officer escort a body. Was he someone special, Major?”

Nic looked briefly at the young man and then squinted against the sun. Nic slid her sunglasses on. “He was to his family, Sergeant.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Nic watched as they off-loaded a flag-draped casket from a transport. Looking inside the transport as they passed, she saw several more caskets inside the underbelly of the airplane. This was the part she never saw when her crew was sent home, the pomp and circumstance afforded everyone who died in combat. She watched as the uniformed personnel walked in synchronized step carrying the flag draped coffin to the waiting hearse. She bit her lip and she felt tears start to cloud her vision and a sniffle escaped her.

“Sad, isn’t it.”

“Excuse me.” Wiping her eyes she continued to watch as white-gloved hands passed the casket into the hearse. A salute was rendered, the doors closed, and another hearse took up position to accept another fallen service member. These were the images that the president didn’t want the world to see. Each flag draped casket represented a family that had made the ultimate sacrifice for their country. Each casket held a dream that would never be realized, a son or daughter that would never see a parent again, and a life that would never reach its full potential.

The conversation between Nic and Sergeant Kelly was casual and informative as he briefed Nic on what to expect. She had learned that the day Mike came in, they had one of their busiest days, making it tough to get to all the service members in a timely fashion. Losing Mike had put him at the top of the priority list and for that she was grateful.

Nic was escorted into a room and asked to wait as Sergeant Kelly alerted staff of her arrival. While Nic waited, she thought about her last conversation with Claire and how it had gone so wrong. Was Claire right? Was Nic just caught up in the stress of the moment? No. She was falling in love with Claire and she thought that maybe, just maybe, Claire was feeling the same way, too.

“Major Caldwell, good afternoon. I’m Major Latner.” A short man in BDU’s extended his hand.

“Major Latner.”

“I have Capt. Monroe’s personal belongings here. Shall we go over them and inventory them?” he asked, motioning Nic to sit down. Major Latner spread the contents of the envelope on the table.

Looking at what was spread before her, she realized she was seeing the only things Mike probably had on him when he died. Nic felt as if she was invading Mike’s privacy as she looked at the wallet, dog tags, a box with a Purple Heart, a box with an Air Medal, a crucifix, and an envelope with a red stain smeared across it. Reaching for the envelope, she hesitated as her fingers brushed the stain. It appeared to be blood.

“The envelope contains a letter addressed to a Grace and a Claire. We figured it was to his wife and someone else. We don’t usually read them when we find them. We just have to make sure it isn’t an important DOD document. Then we put it back. There are also a couple of pictures in it, too.”

“It’s his daughter and wife,” Nic whispered as she touched the envelope again.

“Excuse me?”

“Grace, Grace is Mike’s daughter and Claire is his wife.” Nic could feel the tears fall as she realized that Mike would never see his little girl again. She thought about her own crew as she caressed the envelope and tucked it inside her jacket. Had their families received similar items from their loved ones? Had someone handed them a packet of belongings like they were delivering the mail?

“Oh. Well, he wrote them letters. Major, you can put that back in here if you like.”

“No, if you don’t mind I would like to personally deliver this,” she said, patting her chest where the letter lay protected. “I know his wife and daughter and I would like to make sure someone who cares delivers it. We can put everything else in there though.” Nic handed Major Latner the rest of Mike’s personal things and watched as he closed the envelope.

“Here is a flag for the casket. Now, if you will sign for everything, I will take you to Capt. Monroe and we can load him up for transport.”

Nic was taken to a row of caskets and watched as they verified the tag on the casket with the label on the packet. They scanned both labels and then handed her the packet.

“Major Latner? Could you please open the casket?”

“Major Caldwell you can’t be serious. I don’t recommend that you or his family view Capt. Monroe’s remains. He took a lot of damage and he shouldn’t have an open casket funeral.”

“Sir, I need to make sure that this is Capt. Monroe. Trust me, I don’t want to do it but I think, considering the circumstances, we need to make sure it is Capt. Monroe.”

“Major…”

“Please, Major Latner. I want to be able to tell his family that it is him.”

“If you feel you must.”

Motioning to an enlisted man, Major Latner unscrewed the lid of the casket and lifted it enough so Nic could look inside. Inside was Mike’s body, his face bruised with a long stitched wound across it. He wore the dress blue uniform jacket of a Marine Corps officer, a chest full of medals, his purple heart and a bronze star the latest additions to his awards, and his blue slacks finishing off his appearance. Nic nodded to the enlisted man and watched as they ratcheted down the casket lid for the final time.

“We clean them up, get a uniform custom made, and then add all of his ribbons and medals. Added, of course, are his Purple Heart and Air Medal. You’ll notice that we also provide one of each for his family. Well, Major, if you’re satisfied we will load him for transport.”

Nodding, Nic set her briefcase and overnight bag down as she watched the Major call over six Marines to carry Mike to the waiting SUV. With military precision and bearing, each Marine addressed the casket and upon command reached down slowly and lifted Mike’s casket chest high. Nic could feel her throat tighten as she snapped to attention and slowly raised her right hand in salute as they loaded Mike into the SUV. Eyes forward, she watched as each member of the detail passed the casket forward and into the vehicle. Slowly, she lowered her salute as the doors to the SUV closed and the detail was dismissed. She grabbed her and Mike’s belongings, thanked Major Latner and made her way to the waiting vehicle.

On her way to the airport, she thought about whether she should tell Claire she had requested to see, Mike’s body. She had wanted to make sure that it was him. She didn’t want Claire to have to endure any more problems just in case the military made another mistake and had given her someone else’s body by accident. She was glad she had checked, and that she could tell Claire with no doubt it was him.

When they reached the smaller transport plane that would take them almost all the way to San Diego, Nic watched as the same process started all over again as they took the casket and loaded it onto the plane. Once inside, Nic stowed her belongings under the webbing under her seat and took the flag out of its protective case. Laying the flag on the casket, she began to unfurl it. Placing the stars at the head and over Mike’s left shoulder. She opened the flag to its full width and length and then began the process of draping the casket.

“Ma’am, would you like me to do that for you?” asked a private who was moving towards her.

“No Private, thank you. I think I can manage,” Nic said as she folded one corner down and over and secured it in place. Standing, Nic snapped to attention and saluted the flag draped casket. She watched out of the corner of her eye as several other service members snapped to attention and saluted. Lowering her salute, she noticed the other service members still at attention.

“At ease.” Nic gave the other service members a small smile. “Thank you.”

Each one nodded and went back to their duties as Nic sat down and tried to get comfortable in the web seating.

“Major, you can sit in the cabin. We have seating up there,” said a young service member.

“Thank you, but here is fine,” Nic said as she looked at Mike’s casket. “I’ll be fine.”

Nic wasn’t sure if the crew understood or not, but she didn’t want to leave Mike’s body. She had said she would escort it and that was exactly what she would do. Taking her service cap off, a member of the crew brought a blanket out to Nic and told her that it would get pretty cold when they got to altitude.

Nick reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out the envelope she had tucked inside for safe keeping. Looking at the blood smear across it, she wondered if Mike had suffered. What were his last thoughts? Were they of Grace and Claire or were they on survival? Flipping the envelope over three pictures slid out, one of Grace, one of Mike and Grace and one of Mike and a guy Nic didn’t recognize. Nic picked up the two pictures of Grace and smiled as she looked at a happy little girl and a happy dad with his daughter. Nic smiled as she placed the two pictures back in the envelope. Then she gave the last one a hard look. Mike and the guy were in civilian clothes and were in a “buddy pose”, the kind that guys goofing around took when they had too much to drink. Something struck Nic as odd as she continued to look at the photo of the two men. Was he a fellow officer or perhaps a contract civilian that worked over in Iraq?

Nic studied the picture wondering why Mike had put this one with his pictures of Grace. Something didn’t seem right, but Mike was gone and no one could answer that question except the guy in the picture. Nic slid the picture into her outer jacket pocket and the envelope with the letter and pictures of Grace into her inside pocket for safe keeping. Nic wondered why Mike didn’t have any pictures of Claire in his personal possessions. Even if he were just “keeping up appearances”, he should have had at least one picture of his wife.

Looking at the casket she thought about Mike and the life he was able to enjoy before he died. Mike had everything she wanted in life, a military career, a beautiful wife and daughter, and he was on the fast track to promotion with his two tours in Iraq. What had she spent the last ten years of her life for? She couldn’t marry, she would never have what Mike had, and she almost gave her life for what? “Don’t ask, don’t tell” really meant don’t be happy, don’t be who you really are. She was here and Mike was lying in a casket and come to find out he was gay, too.

Nic wanted what Mike had, and to get it she had to make a choice. She sighed as she thought of Claire, absently stroking the letter through her jacket pocket. Nic hadn’t planned on falling in love with Claire. She had just been asked to help out a friend’s family, but it had happened. As long as Nic was a Marine, she couldn’t offer Claire anything. Heck, she couldn’t offer herself a shot at happiness for that matter. They had talked about the future but in vague terms, neither wanting to ask the real question—what if? Nic knew Claire would never ask her to get out for her sake. Claire was selfless when it came to someone else’s happiness. No, Claire wasn’t that type of person, which is why Nic had fallen in love with her. Now Nic just needed to find out if Claire loved her. If she did, Nic had to get out of the military, plain and simple.