Always Remember (4 page)

“I...I need to talk to you, Dad.”

Something in her voice demanded his full attention, the slightest hint of uncertainty, the worry that edged her words. Parental instincts he’d honed over the years came to full alert. “What’s wrong, Sara?”

“I...I...is Hale around?”

Hale? Nate frowned. Since he’d hired the kid nearly six months ago, Sara had barely spoken to the boy. What did she want with him now? “I don’t know. He’s usually in town in the evening. Do you want me to give him a message?”

“I...nothing. Dad, I just want to come home.”

He couldn’t allow that. Whatever was bothering her had to wait. “You know what, Sara? If you so much as think about setting foot in this house before the end of the next two weeks, you can kiss your summer plans goodbye.”

Nate managed to set the receiver down without slamming it into the cradle. A moment later, the phone rang again. Ignoring it, he wandered through the house and clicked off the lights, pausing once in front of the bay window.

A lone figure sat on the front porch of the house across the yard. It took every bit of his willpower to turn his back on the sorrowful image and climb the stairs to bed.

CHAPTER FIVE

Sara, sweetie.

Jessie punched the pillow, rolled on to her back, and stared at the moon-dappled ceiling. The memory of Nate’s voice, and the intonation of his greeting, had kept her tossing and turning for the better part of the night. Once, he’d used that same tone with her, a blend of anger and frustration — and love.

She kicked at the tangle of blankets, rolled onto her stomach, and buried her head beneath the feather-soft pillow. This was senseless. If she didn’t focus on something besides Nate and whoever-she-was-Sara, she’d never get to sleep.

One hundred sheep, ninety-nine sheep, ninety-eight, ninety-seven...

Sara, sweetie.

Why couldn’t she get those two silly words out of her head?

Because she’d wanted it to be her name on his lips.

Jessie glanced at the glowing green hands of the clock. Two a.m. With a groan, she shoved the blankets aside and climbed out of bed.

The open window on the far side of the room beckoned. Outside, the light of the moon made the snow capped mountaintops glow in the darkness, while the crickets in the creek sang a symphony of mating songs.

A lover left behind. A child never seen. A lifetime of regrets, of never knowing what became of the baby she would have loved...did love.

Loneliness enveloped her, as profound and deep as her memories of the past. She speared her fingers into her hair, massaging her scalp in an attempt to ease her troubled thoughts.

For a time, life in the city had solved her problems. Always occupied with her career. Never permitting others to get too close. She simply hadn’t allowed herself the time to stop, to remember what might have been — what should have been.

But here, things were so different, quiet and unhurried. She’d be a nutcase if all she did was sit by her mother’s side with nothing to do but remember the dreams that had been crushed with the single stroke of a pen.

Images danced through her mind. Memories of Nate on the porch swing beside her, holding her in his arms, kissing her till the sun came up or till her father chased him home.

She’d been running half her life, trying to escape the truth, all so he wouldn’t grow to hate her. What a laugh.

The bag she’d tossed on the dresser caught her attention and drew her forward. Hands trembling, she slid open the zipper, pulled the single white sheet of paper out of the envelope, and unfolded it. She didn’t need to turn on the light to read the words.

Dear Ms. Adams, your birth daughter has been in touch with us and wishes to meet with you...

Weeks ago, she’d penned her answer and she’d been waiting for a reply ever since. Nothing. Not an I’ve-changed-my-mind or a let’s-meet-for-coffee. Waiting was killing her. But once she met her daughter — touched her, held her in her arms — the worry and sorrow that had been her constant companion would disappear.

In the moonlit darkness, she tucked away the letter, then dragged on her blue jeans and stuffed her T-shirt into the waistband of the jeans. As she crept out of the bedroom and down the staircase, the floorboards creaked beneath her weight.

On the main floor, she stopped in the entryway of the room where her mother lay still and silent. Only the rise and fall of her chest indicated she was still of this earth.

Her mother looked pale, as white as the pillowcase beneath her head, so different from the woman Jessie remembered. Back then, Maude Adams had been strong and forceful, determined to see her only child reach for the stars and capture a fistful.

She’d achieved her mother’s goal, but in the process, she’d given up so much.
They’d
given up so much.

A tap on the shoulder made Jessie jump. With a squeak, she spun around and came face to face with Harley Jane Davis, her best friend since kindergarten. “Oh my God, you’re still here.”

Harley grabbed her by the arm, tugged her into the living room, and a welcoming smile spread across her pixie-like features. When she stopped, she threw herself at Jessie with all the enthusiasm of a long lost sister. “You’re home. I’m so glad you finally came home.”

Jessie returned Harley’s hug. “Me, too.” Surprised by the fact that she actually meant it, she kept her focus on the shorter woman. “What are you still doing here? Are you and Nate—?” She held up one hand and entwined her index and third fingers.

“Eeeww, he’s like my brother.” Harley wrinkled her nose in distaste and raised one brow. “Besides, he’s yours.”

A nervous laugh escaped her. “Not anymore. Not for a long time.”

The other woman leaned forward and pinned Jessie with an intense look. “So where did you go? Why didn’t you call me? Why didn’t you call
anybody
?”

Jessie glanced back toward her mother. For now, it was their secret to bear. She shrugged and turned back to her friend, her voice a soft whisper so as not to carry and wake the rest of the household. “I was busy.”

Harley eyed her and Jessie tried to look innocent. With a snort, the smaller woman relaxed. “Fine, keep your secrets. But if you ever need someone to talk to—”

“I will.” Silence drifted between them, until Jessie broke it with a laugh. “So, Harley the Menace. Are the boys still refusing to play with you?”

“I was only eleven.” Laughter burst from Harley. She clapped one hand over her mouth to stifle the outburst. Over her shoulder, she glanced at her patient. Maude slept on. “I’m sure they’d still rather gag and bag me. Heck. I don’t know what all the fuss was about.”

Crossing her arms over her chest, Jessie leaned against the wall and barely managed to contain a smile. “I believe it had to do with testosterone and hormones and male pride.”

Harley’s dark chocolate eyes danced with delight. She’d always been up to some prank, always into trouble, always making trouble. Maude had once said the poor motherless girl had the devil in her. The woman hadn’t known the half of it. She hadn’t known what any of them were up to.

Until it was too late.

“The four of them were full of it, weren’t they? Nate and George, Mike and Gage.”

“And you, my friend, were just dying to get their attention.” Jessie glanced down at the other woman’s left hand and noticed the lack of a ring. “So, whatever happened to Mike Toryn? Last I recall, you were going to marry him and have a dozen kids.”

A wry grin curved Harley’s mouth. “He married Hannah instead. Didn’t you hear?”

“Your sister? But I thought—”

Harley shrugged. “So did I. It was a few years back and I’m over it.”

 
“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. They have the sweetest twin girls and I get to be their favorite aunt.”

“That’s nice.” An awkward silence fell between them. With her toe, Jessie nudged a speck of lint on the carpet. “What about Gage Toryn? Whatever happened to him?”

“He graduated with the rest of us, then disappeared. I heard he joined the city police department. I guess everyone eventually grows up.” Harley leaned forward and grabbed her hand. “My heart breaks. I wish it didn’t have to be like this.”

Memories rushed in, of her mother tucking her into bed, of her dad giving her one last peck on the cheek before he turned off the light. Jessie swallowed back the thickness in her throat, willed herself not to cry. “This must be so hard on Dad. He worshipped the ground she walked on.”

Harley gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. “Don’t worry. I’ve been taking care of them like they’re my own parents, just like you asked.”

“They
are
your parents. Remember? I gave them to you the summer we turned eight...”

“...when I lost my own,” Harley finished. “God, I missed you. I used to pray that they’d adopt me so I could be your sister.”

“We were sisters.” Jessie touched her hand to her breast. “In here, where it counted the most.”

She’d discarded so many good memories in an attempt to forget the bad ones. Why had she stayed away for so long? She could’ve faced Nate years ago, confessed her mistake, then been free to return to visit with family and friends. She cleared her throat, blinked back the moisture in her eyes, and gave a self-conscious laugh. “So, what have you been up to? I see you’re a nurse.”

“I went to the university and got my degree. When your mom needed me, I took a leave of absence so I could stay with her. She was so kind to George and Hannah and me. This was my chance to repay her.”

At the mention of Harley’s brother, Jessie felt her back stiffen. She forced a smile. “So how’s big brother George? Where’s he now?”

“He did his residency at the Foothills Hospital. You heard he graduated, didn’t you?” Harley paused, cocked her head to the side. “He set up his practice in Cochrane. You’ll probably get to see him in the morning. He comes by every day to check on your mom.”

Not if she could help it. The last time she’d seen him, he’d given her the news that had irrevocably changed her life. Now, she didn’t relish the idea of looking into his eyes and bearing the guilt of his censure.

“Would you like to come sit with your mom? It’s very peaceful at this time of night.”

Jessie’s attention shifted to the bed, to the still presence of her mother. It hurt just to look at her. There were so many painful memories. She took a step toward the front door, unable to escape because of Harley’s firm hold.

“Later, okay? She’s sleeping now and I wouldn’t want to disturb her.” She pulled her fingers free, grabbed an old flannel jacket from the front closet and yanked open the door. “By the way, remember Brenda Mann?”

“You mean Brenda Brain?”

“Heavens, you’re as bad as Nate.”

“Do you blame me? The girl was a genius. She was also the most gorgeous girl in school. So what about her?”

“She was on the flight into Calgary. Would you like to come visit her with me? She has the sweetest baby.”

“Who’d she marry?”

Shrugging, Jessie pulled open the screen door and slipped outside. “Didn’t ask. She’s recently divorced and plans to stay with her parents until she decides what she’s going to do. I thought she might need some moral support while she’s adjusting to small town life again.”

“Sure, I’d like that.” Harley pressed her pert nose against the screen, her gaze suddenly somber. “What about you? How long are you planning on sticking around?”

Jessie grinned. “Have I overstayed my welcome already?”

Harley shot a glance toward the main house and lowered her voice. “It took Nate a long time to accept that you were never coming home. I don’t want to see him hurt when you leave again.”

“Don’t worry. I intend to stay as far away from him as possible.” She stared past the mesh, momentarily wishing she could tell Harley everything, but knowing full well that the moment she did, Nate would find out the truth. Harley never could keep a secret. “I’m going for a walk. Will I see you later?”

“I have a house in town, but these days, I don’t go too far from your mom.”

With a single wave over her shoulder, Jessie cleared the steps and escaped.

Harley.

Once, they’d been inseparable, the best of friends.

Another relationship ruined because Jessie had taken the easy way out.

CHAPTER SIX

Jessie hurried across the yard, shivering as the chill of the evening air penetrated the jacket. Inside the stable, overhead lights illuminated the stalls. Jessie wandered the length of the aisle, admiring the horses. None appeared finer than the white stallion in the end stall.

His coat was shiny, the lines of his sleek body well muscled. He paced back and forth, restless and agitated in the small space. When he neighed and thumped his head against the wooden gate as though attempting to break free, Jessie took a quick step back. “Whoa there, big boy.”

There was a wildness about him that held Jessie spellbound. He reminded her of Nate in his youth — wild and arrogant and beautiful. At one time or another, every girl in the school had vied for Nate Coltrane’s attention.

And then he’d noticed her, all grown up, already in love with him.

She’d been such a fool. If she’d listened to her heart instead of her mother, she’d have had everything she ever wanted.

The steady rhythm of metal shoes against the wooden floor ceased and she turned her attention to the stallion. His ears were spiked, every muscle in his body straining to remain still. Jessie tilted her head, listening. From the back of the stable, she heard the soft whinny of another horse and the gentle timbre of a man’s voice. Had Nate come to check on one of the mares?

She ought to leave before he saw her. Get out while the going was good. But curiosity drew her onward, deep into the interior of the stable, toward the foaling stall at the end of the aisle.

In the shadows near the gate, she hesitated, certain she’d not made a sound besides the whisper of the hay beneath her feet. But inside the birthing stall, the mare lying on the straw covered floor stiffened, her ears perked as she took note of the intruder. Crouched down beside her, Nate squinted into the semi-darkness of the aisle.