An Unyielding Desire (After The End Book 2) (25 page)

The other part of her urged her to ignore the truth, to snuggle closer and lose herself in the oblivion of Coop’s arms, even for a little while. She already knew she could have sex with him. They had done it before, when she had needed a way to escape having Shane’s baby. It could be mindless sensation. She didn’t have to think too deeply about anything. What guy would say no to a fuck? Even when he learned what he would have to know eventually, surely he wouldn’t be upset to have gotten some ass?

Mina grimaced, knowing her attempts to distance herself by using crude language and regarding it all as purely physical wouldn’t work. They hadn’t worked with Shane, a man she had never chosen to be with, so they sure wouldn’t work with Coop. He was the man she would have chosen, if circumstances had allowed that.

As though Coop had sensed her internal struggle—or more likely, he’d realized there was always something to be done on the farm, and the day was ticking away—he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead and scooted back a bit, so he could get out of the bed without crushing her or trapping her beneath him.

Mina made herself get out of bed, having to fight the overwhelming urge to just climb back in, pull the covers over her head, and ignore the world for another day. She couldn’t allow herself the luxury, knowing she had already taken the first step toward recovering from the recent traumas. Considering how pathetic she was, it amazed her that she found the energy to move, both physically and emotionally.

Coop had slipped out before her so she could
dress, and Mina loitered over the task, hoping to avoid the main breakfast crowd. Despite her slow washing, and even slower dithering over what to wear, she eventually had to leave her room. Her feet seemed to weigh a ton each as she trudged down the stairs and to the kitchen. Entering the room, she was relieved to see only Yu and Owen still at the table. It was double relief to see Yu, which boded well for the rest of the group having chosen to mind their business instead of interfere. Unless they had done something horrible, like banish Hector and force her to stay behind?

Before she could ascertain the outcome of the previous night’s argument, Owen had shoved in his last bite of oatmeal and was walking past her to put his bowl in the tub of water in the sink. She looked up when he paused beside her, looking uncomfortable. Mina braced herself, though she didn’t think she had anything to fear from the quiet man.

He shifted his bowl to one hand, running an awkward hand through his short blond hair with the other. “Listen, what Tony said…it’s bullshit.”

She gave him a small smile, her pulse settling slightly. “Thanks.”

He nodded, not speaking again as he dealt with his dishes and left the kitchen. After serving herself some of the congealing oatmeal, she sat beside Yu, who was nearly finished. “What happened?”

“They voted to let us stay.”
Yu shrugged as though the outcome hadn’t mattered, but there was a trace of relief in her eyes. “It’s safer here, but I won’t put up with interference between us.”

Mina nodded. “I don’t think most of them understand how an experience like yours…ours…changes you. I’m glad you were able to find someone to make you happy. I envy that ability.”

Yu’s smile made her look younger than she probably would have liked. “It was easy. Hector is nothing like those rapists. It wasn’t difficult to separate what had happened from what he does. There is no comparison.” She patted her hand. “Once you realize Coop will never hurt you the way Shane did, you will be able to move on too. It’s not like breaking up with a boyfriend and having to deal with lingering emotions. Hatred is much clearer.”

Mina nodded, discovering her meager appetite had deserted her with
Yu’s reminder that she should feel nothing for Shane beyond hate. Hate was easy. She had that in spades after he had killed her mother. Unfortunately, there was more underneath besides hatred. She would never identify it as love, but she couldn’t pretend that she had never felt anything for the man who had used her body for so many months. When he had become tender, and when he had focused on the task of seducing her into accepting him, she had been too weak to remain immune.

No one else could understand that. How could they? She didn’t understand it herself. It made no sense to have conflicting feelings for Shane, especially after the way he had hurt her and killed her mother the last day he was on the farm. That didn’t make it any easier to sort out her feelings, and she longed to go back to pretending she had none. Giving up the good to avoid the bad had been a small price to pay, and she bitterly regretted her decision to return to the land of the fully functioning, even if it had been for
Yu.

She supposed slipping back to that state was unjustifiable, even to her weak self. Forward was the only way to go, but she wished it would be easy and straight, instead of winding and full of confusion.

“What happens now with you and Hector?” she managed to ask after swallowing a sodden ball of oatmeal that had lodged in her throat.

Yu
shrugged. “I don’t know, except he’s moving into the basement with me.”

Mina blinked. “Won’t that be awkward with Valeria?”

“Especially since she tried to shoot him?” Yu nodded, with the smallest trace of a smile on her lips. “It wouldn’t be good for Hector or Val, so she’s moving out.”

“To the bunkhouse?” Mina couldn’t hide her doubts. Valeria wasn’t likely to do well surrounded by so many men, even though they were all trustworthy.

“Nah, Kelly offered up her trundle bed.”

“Oh, that was surprisingly generous of her,” said Mina with a tiny grin. “I hope Valeria can stand being her roommate. She can be a bit irritating.”

“So can Val.” Yu sighed. “I love her like a sister, and I’m grateful for the ways she protected me when she could, but she is so bossy and controlling. She refuses to see me as more than a little girl, and she still views Hector as a predator. I hope she can rein in the need to ‘protect’ me, before it becomes an issue between us.”

“Give her some time.” Mina set down the spoon, giving up on eating. “It’s a big adjustment for her.” At
Yu’s nod of agreement, she folded her hands on her lap and waited for her friend to finish eating, while trying to prepare herself for going outside. All the pep talks in the world couldn’t convince her that she wanted to face everyone, and only a need to prove she wasn’t quite as feeble as she knew she was made her stand up and follow the other girl from the kitchen a bit later.

The sun was bright, reflecting off the snow on the ground. It was cold, and she was glad for the warm coat she had
nabbed on her way outside. Realizing it was the same one Shane brought her in the stables months ago made her grimace. Would she ever be able to move past all that and not think about him, or what he’d done, practically every minute of the day? She knew her own advice to Yu applied to her as well. Giving it time was logical, but she didn’t know if it would ever work. Was there enough time in the world to recover from Shane?

Yu
moved off toward the barn with a wave, probably assigned to laundry duty, and Mina wandered a bit, feeling out of place and unsure what to do with herself. Someone had obviously taken over egg duty while she’d been incapacitated, but should she revert to the task now? It was too late in the morning today, she imagined, but maybe she should try tomorrow. Coop would know who had been performing the task, so she decided to find him. He might have some idea of how she could make herself useful in the meantime.

Her face heated with a blush as her mind put a sexual twist on that thought. Images of her and Coop entangled on her bed, making love, left her flushed and overheated. She leaned against the corner of the house to take a deep breath, trying to collect herself. Before she started moving again, two voices had her freezing in place.

“You can threaten me all you want, Tidwell, but I stand by what I said.” Tony practically growled the words.

“I’m just telling you not to say that crap around her again. If you want to interpret that as a threat…”

Mina shook her head, hating what Coop was doing, that he felt the need to do it. Tony was his friend, but he was risking his friendship to defend her. Would it do any good for her to step out now and ask him not to? Or would it make things more awkward if he knew she had overheard his attempts to protect her?

“I’m not going to tiptoe around the truth. There is a lot more to it than she’s told us, and you know it. He loved her, and we think she loved him too
, at least as much as someone like her can.”

“She didn’t love that sadistic bastard, Decker. He hurt her and manipulated her.”

Tony issued a scoffing sound that made Mina close her eyes. “It seems to us that she manipulated everything.”

“Us?” asked Coop in a quiet tone laced with ice.

“Lia and me. Probably others too, if they were brave enough to speak up.”

“You’re out of your mind. He killed her mother.”

“Janie was Lia’s mother too. She lost her mother because of whatever slutty games your girlfriend played with Shane.”

Mina flinched at the accusation, and a pang in her chest made her gasp. Lia, knowing the truth, was supporting Tony’s conclusions. She was throwing Mina in front of the bus to protect herself. Did she really believe what her husband suggested, that Mina had been in a consensual relationship with Shane, and she had gotten off on playing games with his heart? Did Lia know she had actually cared for Shane
in some capacity?

“Do you really want to discuss slutty games?” demanded Coop. “You’re looking in the wrong direction.”

Mina trembled at the note of warning in his voice. She shook her head, denying he was about to tell Tony the truth. She could be around the corner in a second, stopping him, but she hesitated. Blind anger at Lia filled her, and she didn’t move.

“What’re you talking about?”

“Your wife, and her slutty games, are what put everything in motion.”

Hearing it verbalized snapped Mina from her paralysis, and she rushed forward, hand held aloft. “Coop, don’t.”

He looked at her, his mouth tightening as he returned his gaze to Tony. “He should know.”

She shook her head. “It will just make things worse.”

Tony sneered. “Whatever lie she told you, man, she doesn’t want you to repeat it. It’ll be all too easy to disprove.”

Rage swept through her again. “I didn’t lie to him
.” She dropped her head, anger dissipating as quickly as it had come. She just hadn’t told him the full truth and wasn’t sure she ever could.

Coop shook his head, looking disgusted. “You must be a master of denial, Decker. Have you
ever looked at your son? I mean really looked at him? I spent a few minutes with him this morning at breakfast, and it was so obvious, in light of what Mina had told me.”

Tony scowled. “I don’t know what you’re implying, but you stay away from my family.”

“Your family?” Coop shook his head, but trailed off when he met Mina’s gaze. Apparently, he finally realized she didn’t want him to reveal Ty’s parentage. His shoulder slumped with defeat. “Yeah, okay. You leave Mina alone, and I’ll stay out of your family.”

He took a step towar
d her, and she went to meet him, accepting the arm he put around her waist and leaning against him. It felt natural, and they started to walk away. She hoped Tony would keep his mouth shut and let them go, before things got really ugly. While she saw no benefit for her sweet nephew if Tony found out the truth, she also wasn’t going to put up with his continued accusations of her having lied about Shane and ruining his life.

They were almost away when the other man insisted on adding, “You can’t expect us all to accept a liar in our midst.”

“Then get out,” snapped Mina, without turning. “Leave the farm, go find Shane, and have a happy bromance.” Lowering her voice, she added, “Or threesome.”

“I’m not leaving. My wife has as much right to be here as you do. Even more, since she didn’t get your mother killed.”

Mina spun on her foot, disengaging from Coop so quickly that her head reeled. “You’re right. It’s my fault she’s dead.” She heard the gasps of those nearby, the ones pretending not to be listening while soaking up every word.

Tony looked more
taken aback than satisfied. “Uh…I’m surprised you’re admitting it.”

“I couldn’t love him the way he wanted. I didn’t give him everything he demanded, and he killed my mother in retaliation.” She stared at him steadily. “If I had given him every bit of me, she would still be here. I’ll have to live with that guilt.”

“You have nothing to feel guilty for,” said Coop.

Tony rolled his eyes. “She just admitted to you that she fucked up everything, and you’re still defending her?”

“Why are you so eager to accuse her? Are you afraid you might have to face the truth otherwise?”

“There is no other truth. Mina is a lying, cheating
slut.”

“Tony.” Lia shouted his name as she came running toward them. “Stop, please.” She was breathless as she reached them, taking a second to
inhale deeply.

“She has to pay for what she did.” Tony jabbed his finger in Mina’s direction. “She destroyed two lives, and we’re all just supposed to pretend like she was the victim? I’m not doing that.”