Anywhere But Here (12 page)

“The way she looks at me with all that hate, I’ll consider myself lucky if I can just get her to stop wanting me to drop dead. Don’t count on anything else. Nothing’s ever the same twice. You can’t get back what you had.”

“No, but I think when she looks at you, she still sees the boy that you were. So show her the man that you are now. Then, maybe, you two can find something better, or at the very least, friendship after all you’ve been through.”

“Friendship,” I chuckled almost to myself. I’d never been friends with Shaeleigh Bradford a day in my life. Before I knew her, I despised everything she represented. The first time I actually spoke to her, I wanted to fuck her. Once I saw inside her, I was a goner. Just friendship wasn’t ever an option.

Shae

April 30

Present . . .

“What are you still doing here?” I turned to find that the voice belonged to Bartender Luke.

“Just waiting for my ride.” The app said Tim would be out front in his blue Prius in four minutes.

“You got time for one more drink before you go?” At my hesitation, he pushed a little harder. “Come on, it’s the least I can do.”

“I was under the impression you thought what I did tonight was pretty stupid.”

“It was, but still took a lot of guts to walk into that alley when you heard someone in trouble.”

“Any decent human being would have helped.”

“Yeah, but you’d be surprised how few of those come ‘round here. So what’s it going to be? Have a drink with me.” He flashed a dimpled grin, and without giving it too much thought, I cancelled Tim in the Prius and followed Luke deeper inside to the bar.

“So, you a local around here?” he struck up a casual conversation while he poured our drinks.

“Not for a long time. Just back visiting.” I left it at that.

“Where’d you get away to?”

“New York City,” I answered.

He looked up from pouring the rum in whatever fruity ass drink he thought would impress me. “New York, eh? Living the big city life.”

“Something like that.” He slid my drink in front of me and I lifted it to my mouth for a sip. It tasted like pineapple and fruit punch. Too sweet, not enough rum, but it would do. I set the glass down and then plucked the cherry from the top and popped it in my mouth. Luke’s dark brown eyes were on my lips, nothing like Kellen’s stormy blue ones that had raged at me only moments ago. Nothing about Luke was anything like Kellen. He was light with his warm eyes and fair hair, and just enough playful in his smile that I knew he could take my mind off all things Kellen Nash if I let him. And I wanted to let him. I was so tired of having Kellen on the brain.

“So, how long until your ride gets here?”

“I cancelled it. I’m not quite ready to go home yet.” I didn’t actually know what I was ready for, but from the look on Luke’s face, we were both about to find out. I took another long drink of liquid courage and then set my glass back down on the bar with a little too much force. Luke grinned and I think he was biting back a chuckle.

He opened his mouth to say something, but one of the cocktail waitresses pulled him away with a drink order. His eyes flicked back to me every few seconds, and I met his gaze over the rim of my near empty glass. A warm rush was spreading through me. Maybe the drink wasn’t as light on the rum as I thought, and then Luke was standing in front of me again, leaning over the bar.

“If you’re not ready to go home, does that mean I could talk you into another drink? In private.”

“Maybe,” I answered coyly, shocking even myself. I wasn’t naïve enough to think he was really talking about just a drink. Nope, and I’d just agreed to whatever he was really offering.

“That’s good.” He pushed off the bar and then signaled one of the other guys keeping an eye on the room. After a few hushed words, he took Luke’s place behind the bar and Luke grabbed a bottle, a couple of shot glasses and then beckoned me to follow him.

I drained the last few drops from my glass and slid off the stool, trying not to over think, or think at all. That was the point of this. No more thinking.

He led me to a series of doors in the back, pushing open one to reveal a dark room. With the flick of a switch, the room was illuminated with a soft, glow. It was small with a single black, leather settee and an end table. I could only guess the room’s purpose, and for a second I hesitated in the doorway, but then stepped inside, allowing him to shut us in and flip the lock. The only other thing in the room was a small, touch screen jukebox mounted on the wall. Luke fiddled with it and then Nine Inch Nails was piped into the room through speakers along the ceiling. He set the volume low and then took a seat on the leather cushions, while I stood back and asked myself if I was really doing this. I’d thought the alcohol would make me less nervous and take care of all those pesky inhibitions that usually kept me from doing stuff like this, but my heart was beating out of control.

Luke poured two shots and set the bottle aside. He held one of the shots out to me.

Yup, I was doing this. I stepped forward to take the shot, but he drew it back, forcing me to come closer. He did this until I was standing between his legs. I took the shot, holding his gaze as we both lifted them to our mouths at the same time, and he set his free hand on my hip. We tossed them back and then he took both our glasses and set them with the bottle. He grabbed my hips with both hands and pulled me in tighter.

“You’re the sexiest thing that’s walked into my bar in a long time,” his rough voice was a near growl.

“This is your place?” I don’t know why I was surprised to find that he was more than just a bartender.

“Yeah, it’s mine.”

I rested my hands on his shoulders and let out a quiet chuckle. “I find it hard to believe when you’re surrounded by beautiful women taking their clothes off all night, every night, that I’d be anything all that special to look at.”

His fingers dug into my hips. “Well believe it. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a reason I still work the bar almost every night. I appreciate the view, but the same thing every night gets old, especially when every other man in here has seen it and had his hands all over it. There’s something so much hotter about a beautiful woman who doesn’t put it all on display.” He ran his hands up my sides. “Getting to unravel her for yourself and find out what’s underneath.”

I snaked my hands up, tugging his ponytail free, and wove my fingers in his hair. His arms went around me, pulling me closer so that our bodies were flush. I lifted my legs over his lap and set my knees on either side of his hips, the change in position hiking my dress. I leaned in close, whispering my lips along his jaw to his ear. “I’m waiting for you to start unraveling.”

His chest heaved with a deep breath and his hands slid their way down my back to splay over my ass, the same time he turned his head to take my lips. His tongue thrust in my mouth and his hands dug into my soft flesh. I felt the bulge beneath his zipper grow harder against the thin, lace barrier of my underwear. I tugged at his hair and stroked my tongue over his, swallowing his deep groan. He dragged my hips down as he ground his upward in a move that sent a spike of pleasure through my core.

Yes.

This is what I wanted to lose myself in.

Meaningless pleasure.

He gave and I took, and then I gave in return. His hands roamed my body, caressing, grabbing, squeezing, driving me wild. I bit his lip. He pinched my nipple. I gasped. He chuckled. I tore my lips from his, letting my head fall back as he licked and sucked and nipped at my neck. He dragged the sleeve of my dress farther off my shoulder, pulling it down to expose one of my breasts. He sucked it into his mouth and I squeezed my eyes shut. The other sleeve was pulled down next. My fingers gripped his hard biceps and I rocked my hips against his.

My head was a haze of lust and alcohol, but I needed more. It wasn’t enough.

I rocked my hips again, sucking in a needy breath as he let out a desperate groan. His lips trailed back up to my mouth and his hands drifted south to my thighs. Calloused fingers slid up my bare skin. My dress was already over my hips. The roughness of his hands felt so much like another pair of hands and a shudder rocked through me.

Blue-grey eyes appeared behind my closed lids and I had to force them open.

No. He wasn’t allowed here.

He didn’t get to intrude on this moment and take it from me.

My pleasure wasn’t his anymore. Hadn’t been for a long time, and yet this wasn’t the first time over the last seven years that I’d thought of him when I shouldn’t.

But not tonight.

I attacked Luke’s mouth as his fingers slipped inside the edge of my panties and found my center. My heart drummed out of control inside my chest and my breaths were coming in fast and shallow as he stroked me. He pressed kisses down my jaw and throat to the crook of my neck. Just as he thrust one finger inside me, he bit down, forcing another harsh gasp from my lips.

My body was weak and it was all I could do to hold onto him. His free hand snaked up the back of my dress and raked down my spine. Tingles rippled through my body as he continued to bring me pleasure with his fingers. No other man since Kellen had been able to play my body like this, so skillfully. He’d been barely more than a boy then. The things he could probably do to me now.

Damn it.

Forget about Kellen Nash and enjoy the gorgeous, sexy man in front of you.

My anger at Kellen’s unwelcome intrusion in my thoughts only stoked the fires inside me and spurred me to reach between us for the waistband on Luke’s jeans. I popped the button and he shifted as his fingers drove inside of me.

Our mouths clashed as I slipped my hand inside, beneath the band of his boxer briefs and wrapped my fingers around him. Every touch and kiss was frenzied as I stroked and he thrust until we couldn’t take anymore. We were both so close. He pulled his hand away and before I could protest, he flipped me on my back and covered my body with his.

He laid kisses across my throat and clavicle, grinding his hips between mine. I tipped my head back and closed my eyes until I felt him sit up. Hungry eyes were devouring every inch of me.

“Fuck, I want to see you so bad.” His words were heavy with desire, but it was another voice I heard in my head
.
One almost hoarse with the same desire, but so much more. And it was him I was picturing. The way he used to look at me with so much more. I squeezed my eyes tighter to banish the images and memories of the past while Luke dragged my dress up higher, pulling it over my head and tossing it to the floor, leaving me bare beneath him, except for the tiny scrap of underwear.

“You’re so fucking hot,” he growled as he dropped kisses over my breasts, and that other voice intruded in my mind again, murmuring so sweetly, over and over how beautiful I was. Not how hot I was. It shouldn’t have mattered. This wasn’t supposed to be like then, but I couldn’t stop the comparison.

I heard the slide of denim and then the familiar crinkle of a foil packet. I dared a peek and watched as Luke slid the condom on. Then his fingers hooked in my panties and started dragging them down. “I hope you’re ready babe, I’m going to fuck you hard and make you come harder.”

I love you, baby. I’m going to take care of you. I promise I’ll make it good for you.

God, why couldn’t I make that voice shut up!

I don’t know where they came from, but tears managed to slip from my eyes, despite how hard I was squeezing them shut, trying to block everything out.

“Stop,” I croaked, barely above a whisper, right as he was about to enter me, but he heard me and he did stop. Everything stilled as I chanced opening my eyes. I saw concern in his.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m so sorry, but I can’t do this. I thought I could, but this isn’t me.” More tears fell and he sat back as I tried to push up and cover myself.

“Woah, woah. It’s okay,” he said gently, and even though he wasn’t getting angry as I reached for my dress and underwear, I could hear the confusion in his voice. “If I did something wrong, I’m going to need you to tell me, because I’m missing whatever happened to cause you to stop having a good time.”

I hurriedly re-dressed. “You didn’t do anything. I’m just a mess. I was having a bad night and thought I could make it all go away by coming in here with you, but I just can’t do this.” I couldn’t be with him when I was thinking of someone else. I felt sick and disgusted with myself, and angry. Angry for coming back here, and angry that I couldn’t go through with it.

Luke stood and took care of himself, pulling up and zipping his jeans. “Hey, it’s okay.” He cupped my chin and leaned in to kiss the corner of my mouth. “I can’t say that I didn’t want things to keep going, but you don’t have to feel bad for stopping it.”

I nodded, grateful that he was being so understanding when most guys would have started throwing out words like “tease” and “slut” by now.

“I need a minute to cool off before I go back out there, but you can go wait at the bar until your ride gets here. Just don’t wait outside by yourself.”

I leaned up on my toes and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you for not being an asshole about this, and I am sorry.”

I had my hand on the doorknob when he stopped me. “Hey,” I turned to look over my shoulder. “Whoever he is that’s the cause of those tears, whatever he did, I know he’s sorry.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because any guy who got a taste of that sweetness would be sorry as hell to lose it. He probably doesn’t deserve you, but I can guarantee he’s sorry.”

I slipped from the room, letting the door fall closed behind me as I brushed away the last of the wetness from my cheeks. I wasted no time in requesting another car right there in the hall. Then I tried to pull myself together before Luke came out and found me still standing there.

It was only once the driver pulled up to Didi’s house and I looked up from the text I was trying to send Lizzie and spotted the silver car in the drive, that I wished I’d stuck around the club a little longer. I knew better than to hope it was Trinity waiting for me.