Atonement (15 page)

“Reese, I have no doubt John loves you, crazily so. But, he went too far. I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I fell into the trap of helping him. I didn’t realize through all of his texts, he would orchestrate something like this. Oh God…I think back to all of our conversations last summer, when he was ‘checking up on you’. He asked all about Tate, and somehow we got on Tate’s ex-girlfriend Lauren. Shit Reese, he must have had her investigated. He said he had all sorts of people to do that when he learned about Carter and his family last year. I bet he thought he struck gold when he found out Lauren’s dad was a part-owner of two professional baseball teams.” Elle was crying now. “I’m so sorry Reese. I didn’t mean to be the reason he turned to Lauren for help.”

I reached over and hugged Elle. “I swear I don’t blame you…I need you right now. I know you were trying to help, although I am tired of people running my life for me. No more conversations with anyone about me, without telling me first…promise me!” Elle shook her head.

“I promise Reese, I never will do that again.” Then she turned to me, “you have to go to Tate. You have to hear his whole side of the story Reese. John is so absorbed with you being his future, he let your heart break in two in order to get you there. That can’t be right. And, I hate to say it, he allowed Tate’s heart to break too…over and over. I know Tate loves baseball, but I really think he loves you more.” Then she turned to Chloe and Maura. “What do y’all think she should do?”

Maura spoke first, “I agree with Elle, Reese. I think John has worked ridiculously hard to make sure you broke up with
Tate and turned to him. I’m scared to think about how all of the coincidences that have occurred weren’t really that, they were planned out strategically. That, for one, scares me for what John is capable of doing to attain you. The sad part is I do think he loves you…so much it has blinded him from knowing the difference between right and wrong.”

That made a lot of sense. I couldn’t shake the feelings and love I had developed for my caring and gorgeous beach god. But I also couldn’t shake knowing that he watched me hurt over and over, even if he was there to pick up the pieces.

“Reese,” Chloe finally chimed in. “Frankly I’m torn for you. I would normally be the first one to want to gouge John’s eyes out for orchestrating this chaos, but it’s hard to look past the fact that he loves you to the ends of the earth. I’m not saying it’s right…the damn boy has problems. But I would give anything to have someone, especially someone like John, care about me like that. I say you have a real dilemma on your hands. It will all boil down to which man you truly love the most. You have to decide. Of course, take in to consideration all the wrong that has been done, but there are some things that can be cancelled out with love. That goes for Tate and John.” Then she hugged me, and staring in to my eyes I could see her pain. She had never really been loved, especially not like this.

Chloe quickly got up and walked to the bathroom. “Oh shit…I’ll be back. I’ve got an eyelash in my eye.” I looked from Elle to Maura and they stuck their bottom lip out sporting a sad expression. They knew Chloe was feeling sorry for herself. I guess she had good reason to. Two seconds later she popped her head back out the door. “But, if you really want my opinion, I say you need to step back and take a breath from both
guys. First though, give John a piece of your mind. Make him stew over his mistakes.”

Chloe was right. I needed time. I would go see Tate today, and really be there for him. Then I would have to see John and let him have it. I would take a break, however long I could, and be single for a while. I knew that meant more time for Tate to ultimately turn to Lauren for good, but my heart says after all of his actions toward her today, he doesn’t want her. I just had to hope that he wouldn’t turn to her out of convenience.

“That means I will need my friends more than ever…I haven’t done the ‘single’ thing in a long time.” I said to each one of them still sniffing and wiping my tears.

“Oh don’t you worry, we’ve got that covered.” Elle said looking at both of her partners in crime. I
was
worried what that would mean, but I knew it was a necessary part of my healing…again.

r. Kline drove me to the hospital. I was reluctant to still be using John’s car service, but I did need a ride. I stopped by the nursing station to check on Tate’s dad. I didn’t want any terrible surprises once I found him. Luckily, there was no change…at least that was better news than it could have been. When I turned around, I saw Tate’s mom coming towards me. She must have finally made it here to California from NC. “Reese, I’m so glad you came,” she said as she hugged me. “Tate will be relieved to see you…I’m sorry for all that has happened between you two. He loves you so much Reese. I hope there’s a way you two can work it out.” I looked down at the floor, tears threatening to spring to my eyes. After a brief pause to regain my composure, I stepped closer to her.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Justice, that you’re having to go through this. I hear there’s no change today?”

“We’ll make it Reese. And George is strong. He’s in such good shape, but he’d let his cholesterol get out of hand. His dad died at an early age from a heart attack. We have to get him over this hurdle, and then we’ll make sure he stays on top of things. Medicine is much better, more advanced now to prevent this.” She sounded so confident. “We just thank God
for the warning, and pray that it’s not the last chance to fix it. By the way honey, George requested to see you if you’re up to it.” She said with a little wink. She is a beautiful lady. Tate had always had her charm and mannerism, and his dad’s rugged good looks.

“Are you sure? I get the impression he isn’t my biggest fan.” I said rather timidly.

“Reese honey, where in the world did you get that idea? He loves you and your family.” Evidently she didn’t know the lengths his dad had gone for Tate to be advancing in baseball.

“I guess I’m mistaken. Of course I’ll go in and visit with him.” I was suddenly nervous to see him though.

“Wonderful,” she said. “And Reese, I have to think there’s an even greater reason all of this happened while both you and Tate were here in California together. I mean what are the chances? God has a plan you know.” I had been wondering the coincidence in all of this myself. That reminded me how John being in Gaslamp near La Jolla the same time as all of us was no coincidence either. Only his wasn’t a divine intervention, it was by pure manipulation on John’s part.

I followed her into his hospital room. He was awake, and his eyes brightened when he noticed me. “I’ll give you two a few minutes,” she said and backed out of the room.

“Reese. You look beautiful. Thank you for coming.” I was a little shocked. I would think he wouldn’t want me here. But maybe that comment was coming next. I braced myself. “Please come and sit by me. I want to talk with you.” I slowly walked closer to him and sat in the chair by his bed. His voice was weak and hoarse.

He still looked very sick. “I know what has happened with you and Tate, and I’m sorry for your grief.” He looked down to his hands that were limply lying in his lap. “I realize I’m partly to blame for that, and I’m sorry, so, so sorry.” I started to speak, but he interrupted. “Please let me finish. I need to say this to you. After my heart attack, I was instantly made aware of how fragile life is, and how unexpectedly things can happen and changes can come. I now have a new perspective on relationships and…love. I want Tate to have his greatest desires, and that is not pleasing me, or becoming professional in baseball Reese, it’s you. He loves you and wants nothing more than sharing his life with you. I encouraged his secretive pursuit of being in the pros. I thought you would be a distraction. I also knew that dating Lauren would give him an extra leg up. I was wrong to lead him in that direction. It was nothing personal against you. I have always thought you are a lovely young woman and a great influence on my son. I didn’t realize what I was doing to you, or to Tate, and I am sorry. I won’t be able to tell you enough. Would you please consider forgiving me? I would understand if you didn’t Reese. I was horribly selfish.

I had tears in my eyes. It took me a few moments to swallow the lump in my throat. “I believe you Mr. Justice. It takes a big man to admit when he is wrong. I’m sorry it took a heart attack to put life into perspective for you, but I know sometimes those things have to happen before we are truly happy in life. I’m glad you’re looking better. And…” I had to pause again to be able to speak through my emotions. “I do forgive you. I’m not sure what will happen between Tate and me, but I’m glad to know either way I have your blessing. Thank you.”

I was about to leave and start looking for Tate when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Turning around, I met the weak, red, and sincere eyes of Tate. I hadn’t even heard the door open.

“Reese…you came back,” he spoke sadly.

“Tate, we need to talk…is now a good time? I was just having a great conversation with your dad.” Tate raised his eyebrows and nodded his head. I backed out of his dad’s room and gave a smile and a wave. Tate gently pulled me in the direction of a small and empty waiting room.

“I’m sorry you’re so tired and worn down Tate. I know this is taking a toll on you.” I was gazing into his eyes. They looked flat and listless. He looked defeated.

“Reese, you have no idea. I just want to crawl in a hole somewhere and never come out.” Then he stared right at me, but his eyes didn’t spark at all. “I’ve lost you Reese. Forever, I’ve lost you.” Then he looked down at my ring finger and lifting it to his face he closed his eyes. “I didn’t realize you loved John more than me. I knew there was a part of you that had feelings for him, and I have tried hard to overlook those since last summer. I figured I should be happy to have most of you. For me that was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. But, this…this is final isn’t it? I…I need you to help me accept it Reese. I need to hear you say you love him enough to spend your entire future with him.” A tear had slipped out of his lifeless eyes.

I was crying too now. Tate was broken. In the long run, no one was to blame for doing this but me. I hadn’t trusted him. I hadn’t believed in him. He had done all he knew to do to make me feel secure, but I turned away from him.

“Tate, why did you really keep everything from me since before Christmas about Lauren?” I wasn’t sure this is where I wanted to start, but I had to start somewhere.

He looked confused, and swallowed hard. “I didn’t intend to Reese, but my dad and her dad had set it all up without me knowing it. Once I realized what was happening, I had already agreed to pursue the Pros, even though I wasn’t sure that’s what I wanted to do so soon. It was all too fast. I was even more shocked when I realized Lauren was behind it, but by then it was too late. My dad was so excited. I just vowed to never let it get out of hand. I didn’t want you to be insecure…and I didn’t want to jeopardize what we had in any way. It was wrong Reese. I should have shared every second with you…I wish I could do it all over again.”

“Did you, did you sleep with her Tate?” I had to know. I knew when John and Lauren were talking he was actually upset with her for not doing it yet.

He was silent for a moment then his eyes locked on mine revealing his honesty. “No Reese. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. But, it wasn’t for her lack of trying. I know you don’t want to hear that, but she did. The details are ridiculous. She tried some crazy tactics, but I never caved. I had lost you, and I didn’t want to lose my chance at professional baseball, so I tried at least to keep cordial with her. Reese, I’m sorry. I understand why you lost faith in me. And, I’m mostly sorry for how I hurt you. Seeing you in pain was more miserable than feeling my own. So, I want you happy. Above all, that’s the most important thing. I realize now,” he looked at my ring again. “For you that must mean you need to be with John.” His tears started again.
“He can give you so much more than I can.” A sob escaped him. It almost threw me over the edge. “This is me letting you go Reese. I can’t stand the thought of you not happy.”

Oh God, this was hard! I couldn’t take it anymore. My beautiful Tate had been crushed and he was withdrawing. He looked like half of himself. I threw my arms around his neck, taking him off guard. “Tate, no…please don’t give up on us. I…I have some things to tell you. I can’t stand to see you like this…you’ve given up on everything. I want you to be the vibrant Tate you were, the one that took life by the horns and excelled at everything.” I was squeezing him so tight. He pushed me back looking frantically all over my face.