Awaken (The Awaken Series Book 1) (11 page)

“I won’t.” I watched as she strutted out of the classroom, whispering something to Cassie James like a pissed-off ten year-old. Cassie cast a glance in my direction, and then turned back to Jenna.

Jenna had been acting distant ever since I swore her to secrecy about hanging out with Jasper, but this was a low blow. We had both despised Cassie James since the day freshman year when she told everyone I threw myself at boys for attention. She caught her boyfriend coming on to me and assumed it was a mutual attraction. It wasn’t.
 

Jasper was waiting for me when I came out of the classroom, but I wasn’t really in the mood to talk. His smile faded as he scanned my face.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked.

I hated myself for letting my eyes tear up, as they did whenever I was extremely angry.
 

Jasper wiped away the single tear that escaped with his thumb, looking at me with worry etched in his eyes. “Your eyes get bluer when you cry. They look really bright.”
 

I smiled weakly. I took deep breaths, needing to get air into my lungs in order to calm myself down.

“Luna, talk to me. What’s going on?”

I explained the situation the best I could, knowing that most of it would be over his head considering he didn’t speak teenage-girl.

“That’s really petty,” Jasper said when I was done.

“I know. I just don’t understand why she’s acting like this.” We stepped inside the science classroom, taking our seats that were across from each other at the lab table.

“You’re changing, and that’s scaring her.” The rest of the class was shuffling to their seats as we spoke. I was glad that Jenna had English this block.

“I don’t feel like I’m changing; I feel like I’m becoming more myself.”
 

Mrs. Lawrence made her way to the front of the classroom, surprisingly quick with a bulging stomach that looked like it would break her back if it grew any more. I was half-expecting her to go into labor in the middle of class. I had heard that today was the last day she would be teaching as she prepared for the arrival of her twins.

“Do you want to take a detour on the way home?” Jasper whispered after Mrs. Lawrence turned her back to draw a diagram on the whiteboard.

“Sounds good to me,” I whispered back. I could faintly hear Jasper humming something, using his pencil as a drumstick on his notebook.

It was causing me physical pain to hold my laughter back, and it was getting harder and harder to suppress my amusement as I watched Jasper switch to jamming on an invisible guitar. I looked around to see if anyone else was seeing the show, but we were in the back of the classroom so I had the performance all to myself.

“You are such a freak,” I whispered with a smile. He ignored me, taking the nonexistent instrument and slamming it on the table for his finale.

Jasper looked up at me and grinned. I shook my head at him.

“Just admit it. You think me and my air guitar are hot.”
 

I narrowed my eyes. “I will admit no such thing.”

The rest of class was incredibly dull as we worked in our textbooks in silence. It was too quiet for us to even whisper. I was tapping my foot absentmindedly as I watched the clock count down the seconds. The bell rang, signaling the end of the school day.

“Well, that was excruciating,” Jasper said as we packed up our things. We handed our work to Mrs. Lawrence on our way out, rushing out one of the school’s side doors before the parking lot was flooded with moving cars.

Both the high school and the middle school were in close proximity to my neighborhood, so it wasn’t a long walk home at the end of the day. Oportet was beautiful today, the brightly pigmented leaves just starting to break free from the trees. Autumn was the rest of my family’s favorite season. I was the only one who preferred winter.

 
Jasper respected my wish to leave my parents in the dark about our friendship, or relationship, or whatever it was. I knew that they would throw a tantrum, or worse, forbid me from seeing him. They would watch my every move, which would prove to be detrimental to the times I snuck out to meet him at our spot in the forest under the guise that I was going for a walk or to the library.

We walked in a comfortable silence, admiring the changing autumn scenery. My life was starting to feel like a dream—more fantasy than reality. If someone had told me a few months ago that I would be falling for someone like Jasper Williams, deliberately breaking rules, sneaking behind my parents’ backs, and saying out loud what I had been suppressing my entire life, I probably would have dropped dead from a heart attack.

“I’m ready for summer,” Jasper announced as we entered our secret space.

I raised a brow. “We haven’t even been on fall break yet. How could you be thinking about summer?”

“Haven’t you noticed?” Jasper faced me, his head cocked to the side, an amused smile growing on his lips.

“Noticed what?”
 

He strode over to the swings, tipping two over to let the debris and fallen leaves spill off. “Time is moving a lot quicker than it used to, Luna.”
 

I sat down next to Jasper, twisting my swing so that I faced him.
 

“I think that it should be addressed as a global issue—just below climate change.”
 

I smirked. “You are the most…interesting person I know.” I lowered my voice to a mock whisper. “Interesting is code for crazy by the way.”

“So far today I have been called crazy and a freak. Feel free to add to the list.”
 

I laughed at Jasper’s hurt expression, quickly replaced with an indignant grin.
 

“And just so you know, you suck at insults.”

“Maybe that’s because I wasn’t really trying to insult you. Maybe I like that you’re a crazy freak.” As soon as the sentence was out I felt heat flood my cheeks. Did I really just say that?

“Luna Beckham, are you flirting with me?” Jasper teased. I hoped that my face wasn’t as red as it felt. I had never been as good at flirting as Jenna.
 

I immediately shut out the thoughts of who I thought was my best friend. If she wanted to act so immature and ignorant, then she’d better do it far from me.

I opened my mouth to give Jasper a clever retort, but I stopped when I saw his expression. The air was heavy, the intensity high enough to feel. Surges of energy swirled around us.

Jasper was leaning in, my mind debating whether to run or to meet him halfway. I wasn’t sure if I would ever be able to breathe again, or if my heartbeat would ever regulate itself.

It was too late to run as Jasper finally kissed me. My eyes widened, not sure how to react to his lips on mine. It was sweet and gentle, and not at all what I expected. I shut my eyes and gave into my instincts.
 

The awkwardness dissipated as we found the perfect ways our lips could meld. I had never thought you could feel two polar opposites at the same time, but vulnerability and safety coursed through me as we connected. I felt a piece of myself break free, transferring to Jasper. I knew I was giving him the power to rip that piece apart—into a million different particles—leaving it so destroyed that I would be missing that part of me for the rest of my life. I no longer had complete control of my heart.
 

But I trusted him. I had to trust him. He wasn’t like anyone I’d ever met. He was breathtakingly honest and raw, unapologetically opinionated but respectful, and he liked me for me. The whole me, not just the obedient me, the me who let everyone but herself rule her life. He saw me for what I was, not for who I pretended to be.

Jasper was the first to pull apart, and much needed air filled my lungs. He searched my eyes, and I shook my head at him.

“What is it?” Jasper asked. Panic flashed in his eyes, and he slowly lowered the hands that had been cradling the sides of my face.

I smiled. “Took you long enough.”

~~~~~

I did not want to go home, so I went somewhere I hadn’t gone in years—Aunt May’s house. My parents convinced us that Aunt May was a bad influence around the time I began middle school. It was unclear why they had decided to draw a line between us and Aunt May, but I couldn’t help but wonder if it had something to do with the rule she broke for me—the rule against storytelling.

I took my parents words against my loving aunt to heart, and tried my best to clear my feelings of unease. I figured that it was better for me to stay protected from my aunt’s wrong ways than to question my parents’ judgment.

But I was questioning everything now.

I slowly raised my hand to the doorbell, took a deep breath, and pressed it. I tapped my fingers against my thigh, catching myself humming one of Jasper’s favorite songs.

I was on the verge of concluding that the house was empty when I heard footsteps on the other side of the door. May swung the door open, a look of surprise forming when she saw me.

May was much younger than Mother, with curly blonde hair and beautiful features. When I was young, I dreamed of being the flower girl at her wedding, but the years went by and Aunt May miraculously remained single.
 

“Luna?” Aunt May stared at me skeptically, cocking her head to the side. After a few long seconds she shook her head and put on a smile. “Come in, dear.”

I entered her quaint home, noticing the changes that had taken place since my last visit. Everything was so clean and orderly, perfect for having company over, but I couldn’t imagine Aunt May having many friends in Oportet.

“How are you?” she asked, leading me into the kitchen.
 

“I’m...” I was a lot of things at that moment. “Changing,” I blurted.
 

May pursed her lips, gesturing for me to take a seat in one of the barstools as she put a pot of water on the stove.

“Peach tea?” She offered, as if I hadn’t said a word.
 

I was flooded with memories at the sound of my favorite childhood beverage. Flashes of a younger me running around my beautiful aunt’s home. And memories of my fingers curled around a warm mug of tea, talking for hours with my favorite (and only) aunt.
 

I was built for colder weather, the heat of summer keeping me hidden indoors. At the end of a day with my aunt, I’d collapsed on the couch. I’d listened to her intricate stories as she made them up on the spot, my eyes fluttering as I’d tried to stay awake to hear the endings.

Thick socks kept my feet warm on a cold winter day, my eager eyes would take in May’s lovely curls, bouncing as we danced, the smell of hot chocolate and pine trees in the air. Aunt May would read from a forbidden storybook about a mysterious day called Christmas. I’d listened with excitement and wonder as she described a magical man who flew around the earth, giving presents to every child as they slept.

“Why doesn’t Santa visit Oportet?” I always asked, feeling disappointment and dread envelop my innocent heart.

Aunt May then explained that Santa Claus had retired; his late night travels were too dangerous for him in his old age.
 

I learned the truth when I was older. Christmas was strictly forbidden from Oportet. In a moment of childlike disobedience, I had decided to go against Aunt May’s warning for me to keep her stories between the two of us. Before I could even finish my retelling of “The Night Before Christmas,” I was torn away from my classmates and given a severe paddling. I lied and told my teacher that I had overheard older kids in my neighborhoods telling the story. My teacher figured they were disobedient teenagers from the Outside.
 

Now at my aunt’s house for the first time in way too long, I realized that I had been staring off into space. I had so many memories with my aunt, yet I hadn’t spoken to her in years.
 

May raised an eyebrow.

“Sorry, um, tea sounds good,” I mumbled.

“So…changing,” May murmured, reminding me what I had said when I entered.

“Why did you break rules with me?” I asked.
 

May dropped the teakettle, and it clanked loudly as it slammed down on the countertop. Her eyes widened as she fumbled for the teapot and placed it on the burner.

“I didn’t think they were right. You were just a child….” She looked away. The marble counter was suddenly more interesting than looking directly at me.

“How did you even get that stuff from the Outside?” At this, her head snapped up, finally meeting my eyes. I remembered a hidden stash in her pantry where she kept a collection of storybooks, novels, and music. I never told anyone, even when I learned how wrong she was for having the forbidden media.
 

“Why did you come here, Luna?” She asked, avoiding my question. Her tone was soft, curious even, like she was urging me to tell her everything.

I took in a breath. “I have questions…about Oportet. And I needed to talk to someone. Someone who understands.”

May pressed her lips together in a thin line. She fidgeted with her hands as the kettle began to wail. She poured our tea in silence, leaving me doubting my judgment. May was younger when she was breaking rules for me…what if she had changed? What if she was going to get me in trouble with my parents, or worse, the Council?
 

“You haven’t spoken to your parents about this, have you?” She tapped her fingers on the counter as she waited for my answer.

“No.” How could I? They would freak out, maybe even force me to meet with some kind of counselor for troubled teens. Questioning the mechanics of Oportet was never taken lightly.