Awaken (The Awaken Series Book 1) (6 page)

The person tentatively knocked on my door before walking in. I wished that it would be anyone but Mother. My hope collapsed as I took in the worried face framed by locks of bright red hair.

“Are you okay, sweetie? We’re very worried about you.”
 

I set my bowl on my desk and sat with her on my bed. I took a deep breath, feeling prepared after I had run through each and every scenario earlier that day. The concerned-mother-who-refuses-to-acknowledge-my-peculiar-behavior scenario was what I was hoping for. Mother had a fear of confrontation when dealing with something she found uncomfortable.

“Yes, I feel much better actually. I’m really sorry about breaking the plate and then running off like that. It was unacceptable. I just felt terrible this morning and wasn’t thinking straight. When you reached for me, I was startled and my weak muscles just lost the grip. I was… embarrassed, so I panicked and ran.” I took a breath. “I apologize for my behavior.” I pushed my guilt-reflex aside as I managed to pull off my very convincing speech to Mother—who would have believed just about anything at that point if it meant we could forget that the incident ever happened.
 

“You’re sure it wasn’t anything else?”
 

I managed to keep my expression unchanged. Mother studied my face.

“What else could it have been?” I asked, lacing confusion through my voice.

“I don’t know. I was just making sure you weren’t hiding anything important from me. I appreciate the apology,” she added, awkwardly patting me on the back. I forced a smile and yawn, trying to convey my exhaustion and desire for solitude.

Mother took the hint and left me to rest. I crawled under the covers, desperately wanting to disappear into the soft warmth and comfort of my bed. As I was drifting off, I heard yet another knock on the door.

I groaned. “Come in.” My door was slowly and cautiously pushed open, as if I was a bomb and any sudden movements would cause an explosion.

“Luna?” Megan looked utterly frightened. That made me wonder what tactics were used by Tomlinson to instill such fear into my innocent little sister.

“Yes?” I tried to sound pleasant, but I really just wanted everyone to leave me alone and let me sleep. I was desperate for another memory.

“Father said to give this to you.” She handed me a cream colored envelope with my name written in elegant letters. “Its probably just more fan mail.”
 

“Right,” I said, lacking the energy to carry on a conversation. I set the envelope on my desk and pulled the covers back over me.

When Megan disappeared out of my door, I grabbed the mail and tore into it. Inside was a small, square slip of paper with the same elegant handwriting. There were just three simple words written in bold, black ink.

Don’t trust anyone.

I could not stop thinking about Jasper. His face, his smile, his voice…and most of all, I couldn’t stop thinking about his bold way of voicing his opinions. How was it that he refused to fear his forbidden thoughts?
 

As children in Oportet, we were constantly warned of questioning the rules, the Council, or the ways of our society. What was there to question? The founders of our society were the only intelligent and rational individuals left after the fall of the American government, and when they established the rules, it was for a purpose. The core tenet of Oportet was that our lives matter. That was the whole and unadulterated truth. One of my childhood teachers expressed to the class: “The lives beyond our gates are nothing more than a waste of space. They are mindless zombies without a purpose, and without the truth that Oportet has discovered and given to its people.”

I knew that Jasper must have been taught extensively about these views before his family was integrated into Oportet; this was a standard procedure for any incoming Outsiders. Once someone made the decision to become a citizen, they had to meet formally with a member of the Council. That councilman then referred the individual to a system of classes and workshops to instill in them each belief and value of our society. Why would you refuse to accept what the greatest intellectuals of Oportet had to say? There was no reason for anyone to lie in Oportet.

Yet, someone who heard all of our teachings—the teachings that made both logical and ethical sense—refused to accept them. I knew that I should stay away from this maddening and defiant boy, that I should have strong feelings of distrust or even hatred for him, but I could not will myself to feel anything more than exhilaration. I knew it was wrong, but I wanted to talk with Jasper about his views. I wanted to discuss all of the thoughts and questions I had suppressed for years. Scariest of all, I wanted to know him.

We managed to finish our project all in one day. I wished that we hadn’t, so that I would have an excuse to see him again. A part of me also longed to see Alex again—partly because of Jasper’s strange warning against it. It was interesting to be around someone who radiated rebellion and confidence so strongly. It was everything I was supposed to loathe.

I had never experienced the feeling of being drawn to the wrong people, the people who were destined to cause all kinds of trouble. I’d been cautioned about rebels by countless authority figures, yet it was somehow easy to dismiss their warnings once I was actually feeling this pull. I felt drawn to Jasper in an unexplainable way—a way that demanded to be acted upon.

I was trying my best to concentrate on my math homework, but I was distracted by everything. I groaned and laid my head down on my notebook, unable to continue.

I heard the faint ringing of the phone from the other side of the house, and I willed it to be Jenna, calling to rescue me from my hellish calculus worksheet.

When I heard footsteps getting closer to my room, my mood instantly lifted.

Father pushed open my door, holding the phone with a peculiar expression on his face. I smiled and reached for it, my excitement causing Father to look at me rather suspiciously. Was he wondering about the status of my homework? He obviously wasn’t too worried if he was giving me the phone; Jenna and I were known for our marathon phone conversations.

I held the phone to my ear and waited for Father to go. He looked reluctant to leave. I lay back on my bed and held the phone to my ear.

“Hello?” I expected to hear the usual loudness of Jenna’s many siblings in the background, but the other line was eerily silent.

“Hey Luna.” I shot up into a sitting position. My heart sped up to a frightening pace, and I had the honest fear that it was going to explode in my chest.

“Jasper,” I breathed. I was at a loss for words. Calling me was at the bottom of my list of things I expected from him. We had finished our project, so why had he called?

I heard him chuckle to himself on the other end. “You seem surprised. You don’t have a line of suitors keeping you up at night with their constant phone calls?” Since he couldn’t see my eyes roll through the phone, I tried my best to send it telepathically. Who used the word suitors anymore?

“Sorry. They usually call in the afternoon.”
 

“Oh really?” Jasper asked, clearly amused. A long moment of silence followed. “What are you doing right now?”
 

I laughed. I was unaccustomed to talking with anyone other than Jenna on the phone.

“Procrastinating, as usual.”

“What class?” Jasper seemed at ease, like calling someone he barely knew was completely normal for him.

“Calculus.” Then, to my astonishment, Jasper began to hum. I strained to hear the quiet but distinct melody. It was beautiful, soft and sweet.

Jasper suddenly became quiet. “Oh, sorry. I forgot that music was a touchy subject for, um, the people here.” Music, like any other potential form of spontaneity, was only permitted through appointed musicians whose work had to be approved by the Council. “Doesn’t it bother you that you aren’t allowed to be creative?” Jasper asked like questioning the foundation of my values was the same as asking about my favorite color.

I opened my mouth to say something like: “No, creativity leads to rebellion, and rebellion will leave you no better than those from the Outside. If everyone were allowed to be creative through writing, music, film and art, then chaos would ensue. Oportet would fall just like the government of our past nation,” Instead, I just shook my head. Those words were not mine. They were etched into my brain in a way I had never given much thought to. It was a page in a textbook. It was the voice of my teachers and parents.

“Yes. I hate it.” I blurted the words before I could stop myself. They became an engorged river whose dam had just collapsed. I could not control them as they rushed out, a frightening jumble of thoughts that had always been suppressed. “I hate that I can’t write stories that aren’t true, or write about how I really feel. And I don’t just hate that I can’t write how I feel, I hate how I can’t even say or think how I feel!
 

“I hate that I am told to believe that our founders were somehow the most intelligent people ever to have lived—that somehow they were able to receive the truth of how we should live our lives, and then offer no explanation to how they could possibly know that what they say is the actual truth.” I paused to take a breath, too caught up in my ranting to realize the magnitude of what I was saying to this near-stranger.

The words I had just uttered slammed me hard in the chest. That was not how I was supposed to think. That was not how I was supposed to act.

“Wow,” was all Jasper said. “That was unexpected.”

“I’m so sorry. That was uncalled for…I can’t believe I just said any of that. Please don’t tell anyone.” My body was shaking. I had never expressed anything of that nature to anyone—not even Jenna. I just felt like I could with him.

“It’s fine, seriously. Of course I won’t tell anyone…besides, who would I tell? It’s not like the kind people of Oportet are jumping to be friends with the new kid from the Outside.”
 

I let out a breath of relief as he rushed to reassure me. “Thanks,” I said softly, feeling vulnerable and embarrassed for my outburst. I didn’t even know if I meant any of that.

“I actually like you a lot more now.”
 

I bit my lip, ashamed of everything I had just said despite Jasper’s compliment.
 

“I have no idea why I called you. Sometimes I just do things without really knowing why. I’ve learned that generally, I have good instincts.”
 

“And what are your instincts telling you now?” I held my breath waiting for him to reply.

“I’m going to wait and see if they’re correct before I tell you.”
 

There was that infuriating humor I had come to know. “What was that song you were humming earlier?” I could barely remember what it sounded like, I just knew that is was the most delicate and lovely song I had ever heard.

“Oh, um, I think it was Clair De Lune by Debussy. My mom loves classical music, we were playing it earlier…”
 

I couldn’t believe he had just admitted to me that he snuck illegal materials into Oportet. How could someone trust so blindly? The whole conversation we were having seemed surreal.
 

“Yeah, let’s keep that a secret too, okay?” Jasper laughed, like he had just admitted to eating the last piece of cake.

“Sure.” I was beginning to feel a strange sort of happy, like I was free to say anything I wanted, without any guilt or repercussions. I felt strangely comfortable.

“Clair De Lune is French for moonlight. You know what Luna means, right?” Jasper asked.

I thought back to any conversations with my parents about my unusual name. Then I remembered Aunt May telling me that she had chosen the name, but she had never specified why, or what Luna meant.

“No.”

“Huh,” Jasper said. “Well, Luna means moon. In ancient Rome, it was the name given to the Goddess personifying the moon. I can’t believe your parents—from what I’ve heard, they’re quite extreme—would allow that kind of name to be given to their child. It’s very different. I’ve found that people don’t like different around here.”
 

That was startlingly accurate, especially the part about my parents.

“How did you know what my name meant without even looking it up? Do you just store random, irrelevant facts in your head?”

 
Jasper laughed. His laugh was the kind of laugh that was contagious; you just couldn’t help but feel happy, too.

“Don’t worry, my knowledge doesn’t extend to practical affairs, so I wouldn’t be able to help you with that calculus homework. I just read a lot of books.”
 

I wondered if he had a stash of illegal books in addition to the music.
 

“Well, I used to read anyway. The books here are way too boring for me.”

I let my curiosity get the best of me. “Do you have books from the Outside?”

Jasper paused, speaking slowly when he decided to trust me with more information. “Yeah, we do. We just brought the necessities.” He laughed quietly to himself, like I’d missed out on a private joke.

“Why are you telling me this?”
 

He was silent for a moment, like he was wondering the same thing. “I trust you.”
 

I didn’t know how to respond to that. The entire phone conversation seemed like an odd dream. “So let me get this straight. You decided to call this girl on a whim who you had only spent time with once for a school project, and then spill your family’s secrets, even though it could land your entire family back behind Oportet’s walls.” It defied logic. “I don’t understand.”

 
Not to mention, Jasper had already admitted to knowing my family’s conservative Oportet values. He must have also heard about how much my family hated Outsiders…