Awaken (The Awaken Series Book 1) (7 page)

“You’re right; I’m crazy.” That was a step in the right direction. “How about we change the number of times we’ve hung out outside of school? I could show you all of the terribly wrong things we brought from the evil Outside, if you wanted.” Now we were back to being insane. “Oh, and if we are pinning the tail on the crazy here, let us not forget a certain someone screaming all kinds of terrible things about her self-proclaimed Utopia.”
 

That was true, but the sting still made me want to hit him through the phone. I felt my cheeks growing hot as I thought about my embarrassing outburst.

“Please promise to forget about that. That’s not how I really feel…” I was struggling to find the right explanation for my behavior. Maybe it was how I really felt, but I hated myself for the confession. Who knew how Jasper would hold it over my head?

“The truth doesn’t change just because you want it to. Stop beating yourself up for admitting that you can see through the cracks in this flawed system.”
 

I was both irritated by and in awe of his words. How did someone so young learn how to speak like that? Or have the confidence to speak like that?
 

“By the way…you never answered me. Do you want to hang out sometime?”

“I was hoping you were just joking about that,” I said, laughing nervously. I didn’t think I could handle confronting Jasper face-to-face after this—after I had just bashed what I had stood for my entire life.

Instead of being offended, Jasper remained his usual amused self. “I was actually expecting a much worse response than that. What do I have to do to get you to meet me at my house tomorrow?” What? His house? “Some consider me quite charming. I’ve never had to work this hard before.”
 

I snickered. “Oh I’m sure.”
 

There was a knock on my door, making my heart skip several beats. What if someone heard Jasper and me talking? What if they heard what I said about Oportet?

“Hold on a second, Jasper,” I said in almost a whisper. I set the phone down on my desk in a hurry.

“Luna?” Mother said as she pushed open the door. “It’s getting late, I think you should get to bed soon.” I nodded. Things had been awkward between us since she struck me last week for cursing. “Your father told me that your science partner called earlier…what was his name, again?”

I thought quickly. Father must have asked for a name when Jasper called, and Jasper must have been smart enough to give just a first name. My parents would have recognized his last name in a heartbeat. They were very involved in Oportet’s government, and new Outsiders were a very big deal to the Council. The Council held new residents in the same shroud of suspicion as residents showing rebellious tendencies, which were considered strictly detrimental to our society’s well being.
 

Hopefully they hadn’t already singled out Jasper.

“Oh, that was Jasper. He had a question about the project we did Saturday.” I tried to sound disinterested.

“You never told us that your project at the museum was a partnered project.”
 

I put on my best look of innocence.

“I’m sorry—I didn’t think it mattered. I’ll be sure to let you know in the future.”
 

Mother pursed her lips. She hesitated a moment, tapping her fingers on my desk. “Your Father and I need to know who you are with at all times, is that understood?” I nodded once more. “Goodnight, Luna.”
 

“Goodnight.” When she left, I grabbed the phone off my desk and flipped off the light switch. My room instantly became pitch black, and I struggled for a moment to find my way to the bed.

“Are you still there?”

“Yep.”

“I think your insanity has officially rubbed off on me.”

“Why is that?”

“Because I’m going to come over tomorrow. And you can show me all of your music and books—and whatever else you brought from Portland.”

“I knew my charm would eventually win you over. It always does.”
 

I smiled into the darkness. I was thinking strange and exciting new thoughts—thoughts that I had never allowed myself to dwell on before.

“We can’t tell anyone about this. My parents would rip out my lungs if they found out I was sneaking off to your house.”
 

Jasper laughed at my choice of fate. “Feuding families and sneaking around—classic Romeo and Juliet scenario.”

“Who are Romeo and Juliet?” I assumed he was referring to something forbidden from Oportet.

“Wow. You kids really are deprived of great literature. It’s considered a classic back in the real world. My grandma had me read it a few years ago. She started ranting about how my mom wasn’t giving me a proper education, and that her English professors made her read all kinds of boring shit to make her more intelligent.

“She was the one who got me into reading. It was better than sitting around waiting for the next big catastrophe to happen. People on the Outside may be free, but your parents aren’t lying when they say it’s dangerous out there.” Jasper was very quiet on the other line, and I could sense something very troubling in his voice.

“Dangerous?” I thought this whole time Jasper had been hinting that the Outside was better than Oportet. “I want you to tell me all about it…when we’re sneaking around and such.” I was grinning, expecting Jasper to laugh. He didn’t.

“I’d rather not.”
 

Suddenly everything was serious, and I had an indescribable feeling of unease in my stomach. It felt like I had somehow dug up something Jasper needed to keep buried.

“What’s your address?” I asked, quickly changing the subject. I used the small lamp on my bedside table for light as I dug around in my backpack for a pen and paper.

“Do you have something to write it on?” Jasper sounded distant.

I grabbed my calculus notebook and pencil after flipping my lamp back on. “Yeah. I’m ready.”

I woke up in a deep depression. I didn’t want to eat, I didn’t want to move, I didn’t want to communicate with anyone, and I didn’t want to continue living my life like everything was okay. Nothing was normal anymore. I just wanted to
remember
.
 

I spent five days trying to access more of my memories. I felt like screaming and crying like I did as a child when I didn’t get my way. I spent my time going through the motions, attending whatever event the Council invited me to, and giving more testimonies, speeches and interviews.
 

Eventually I decided that forcing the memories to surface wasn’t going to work. I just had to be patient and let them come on their own, but patience wasn’t exactly a trait I had been blessed with. It was going to take a lot of work.

~~~~~

“Luna, we’re worried about you,” said a faraway voice. “After you hurt your head, and after all of those counseling sessions—you were happy. You were back to normal: motivated and ambitious. We’ve noticed you seeming… off, lately. It’s concerning.”

Father cleared his throat. “Yes, your mother is right. This was how it started last time. You were fine one minute, then the next you completely ignored everything you had ever been taught. You had no interest in all of the things you used to adore.”
 

I fought the urge to glare at my clueless parents. They had no idea what it was like to feel completely in the dark. It was one thing to know that everyone was hiding something from me, but I couldn’t even remember my own past. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about. I’ve been involved in all of the things you and the Council recommended, and I have been preparing for my OGS for a while now.” I kept my voice calm and steady as I watched my parents exchange unconvinced looks.

“Are you sure that nothing is on your mind? Anything you need to talk to us about?” Father asked, searching my eyes for evidence that I was hiding something.

“No, really, everything is fine. I’ve just been caught up in my work. Choosing the right job is stressful.” The three of us were sitting at the kitchen table. Megan was at a friend’s house for the night. I had barely touched my soup, and figured that I should probably start gulping it down if I wanted to do a better job at seeming normal.

“And how is that going? Have you narrowed down your choices?”
 

I had faked a list of occupations that I knew would please them. Planning my future seemed pointless without my past. It was becoming an unhealthy obsession.

“Yes. I want to either hold a position within the government, or become some sort of teacher or school counselor.” My parents seemed satisfied with my answer—much more so than when I blurted out my love for writing. That was a lost cause.

“Those sound like respectable jobs, and I could see you excelling at any one of them. I am excited to see what Councilman Tomlinson has to say when he advises you tomorrow,” Father said.
 

I almost choked on the soup in my mouth. “How do you know that he’s the one who will be meeting with me?” The head councilman rarely used his time to host an OGS. It was usually one of the newer councilmen, or even an adviser like Father.

My parents must have misread my surprise, because they smiled at each other and then at me like it was the best day of our lives.

“He called us personally. He said that he couldn’t wait to help you advance on your career path. He has some high expectations of you. I hope you can live up to them.” Mother’s grin grew wider. I tried to smile back, but I feared it looked more like a grimace.

“That’s a lot of pressure,” I muttered.
 

Father was quick to give me a pat on the back. “You can do it, sweetie. You’ve been preparing for this your whole life. It’s time to finally become an adult.”
 

I didn’t think I could handle being an adult if it meant I had to bow down to a man who forced my family to lie to me.

~~~~~

I thought about the anonymous note I’d received earlier in the week:
don’t trust anyone
. I wondered if Jasper had sent it. Thinking about him made my stomach feel all kinds of crazy. Well, thinking about the past version of Jasper did. I wasn’t sure the current Jasper would be too enthusiastic about helping me. But who else would have sent the note?

I paced back and forth in my room, dreading the Occupational Guidance Session. One-on-one interviews and meetings with adults were always the bane of my existence. Such interactions made me so anxious that my entire body shook. My voice faltered, and I often forgot most of what I’d planned to say.

I sat down on the carpeted floor of my bedroom and tried to calm myself down. I started to act instinctively, like when I somehow knew the way to the abandoned playground in the middle of the forest.

I sat with my legs crossed and took deep breaths. I visualized each of my worries being sorted out into categories in my mind, and then sectioned them into padlocked crates.
 

I kept taking long and soothing breaths as I cleared my mind. I acknowledged any thought that presented itself—careful not to
consciously
create any thoughts—then let it pass on its own. Jasper popped into my head on more than one occasion.

A burst of noise jerked me from my relaxing trance.

 
“Luna? Are you ready to go?”
 

 
“Yes,” I said, a bit irritated. I was much calmer after employing whatever technique I’d just pulled out of my mind. I hoped it was something else that would reveal itself in my awakened memories.

When I snuck a glance at my clock, I saw that twenty minutes had passed. I shook my head in disbelief. That didn’t seem possible.

The meeting was being held in one of the middle school’s conference rooms, so I could easily walk there from my house. I endured all of my family’s fussing and advice giving before I headed out, my relaxed state quickly dissipating.

I smoothed down my elegant black dress and ran a hand through my freshly curled hair. I looked pretty today, maybe even beautiful.
 

Mother had made sure I looked my best for this meeting. I felt odd walking on the side of the road in a formal dress, heels, and my dark red lipstick.
 

When I crossed the busy road that separated rows of houses from the school building, I noticed a familiar car in the parking lot. There was a woman in the passenger seat staring at me, prompting me to look down as I passed her.

I heard the slamming of a car door behind me. “Luna?” A feminine voice asked cautiously.

I turned around and assessed the woman, trying my best to associate her with any names or events. It was to no avail.

“I’m sorry, do I know you?”
 

She looked at me like I had just asked her to undress. “Look, I know that things ended badly between you two, although he avoids the subject whenever possible, but I don’t understand why you are acting so childish about it,” she chastised. “I thought you were better than that. I
know
you are better than that.” She just shook her head at me like a mother who had just caught her child in the act of committing a misdemeanor.
 

Could she be Jasper’s mother? Was Jasper the person things had ended badly with?

The woman had long dark hair that she had pulled back with a flowery headband, and kind green eyes. She looked like the kind of person who you could share anything with, the kind of person who would comfort you when you hit rock bottom. Maybe that was who she had been to me, but there was no way for me to know that without any recollection of it.

“I honestly don’t remember you, I apologize. Last spring I—”
 

“You’d better go.” The woman was looking over my shoulder anxiously. I turned around to take in the trouble approaching.
Jasper
.