Awaken (The Awaken Series Book 1) (15 page)

“A zombie apocalypse movie,” he said, the corners of his mouth tipping upwards.

I rolled my eyes, already quite familiar with Jasper’s obsession with zombie movies. They were my least favorite of his illegal stash, but if they made him happy, then I was all in. He’d just better believe we were watching one of Lilly’s vampire movies next.

A hand moved in front of my face. I was lying on my back, my body motionless but my eyes wide open. I heard Jasper’s voice like it was at the other end of some tunnel.

“Luna? What the hell is going on?”
 

I sat up. “Alex is a mess,” I mumbled, seeing Jasper flinch like before at the mention of Alex. I moved to a sitting position.

“You were freaking me out! It was like you were somewhere else…. Well, I guess you were.” He exhaled slowly. “What did you remember?” he asked with caution.

“Getting in trouble for the fight with Kevin, me having some kind of epiphany about the meaning of life,” I said.
 

Jasper smirked.
 

“And Alex with some random drunk girl,” I finished.
 

Jasper nodded, seeming to recall those events himself.

“Kevin. I remember that asshole,” he muttered.

“And now, so do I.”
 

Jasper smiled. “You know, I kind of wish I could relive these memories through your eyes. It has always been so infuriating for me to try and figure out what is going on in that head of yours.”

“Um, I don’t even know what is going on in this head of mine. I thought I had everything figured out until I started getting these memories back. Now I’m realizing how screwed up everything is—apparently for a second time.”

“Are all of the epiphanies wearing you out?” Jasper laughed.
 

They definitely weren’t making my brain any less confused.
 

“I’m sorry,” Jasper said suddenly.

“Why are you sorry?”

“You were right that day we spoke outside of the middle school.”
 

I furrowed my brows trying to remember what I was right about.
 

“I was playing the victim when I shouldn’t have been. I can’t imagine what it would be like to go through what you have.”

“That was before I knew about the letter you thought I wrote. You had a right to be angry, and it made perfect sense why you were so hurt. It has been killing me to think that you went that many months thinking I’d written something so heartless.”
 

Jasper was staring at my open window, and I desperately wanted to know what he was thinking about. “Well, in your defense, the letter didn’t sound anything like you. I guess I’d gone so long thinking that you were too good to be true, that when you said all of those things about coming to your senses, it was what I’d been anticipating the whole time.”
 

That wasn’t at all what I’d expected. “You have got to be joking,” I scoffed.
 

Jasper narrowed his eyes, and I could sense his frustration at my reaction.
 

“I thought you knew me better than that.” I still had the remainder of the school year’s worth of memories before the major fallout went down, which meant we would have been close for more than seven months. Yet he relied on his own insecurities instead of everything he had ever learned about me from our time together.
 

“I thought I did, Luna! I wanted to fight for you, or at least hear you say those things to me in person, but every time I called or knocked on your door your parents said you didn’t want to speak to me. I even came to some of your speeches railing against your rebellious phase and how you were recovering from it. I guess you were just too convincing.”
 

I couldn’t speak. I had no idea that Jasper had put himself through all of that for me.
 

“I didn’t know what went wrong—or what I did wrong—for you to completely change overnight. You wanted nothing to do with me, and you were suddenly the ghost of the girl I used to love.”
 

I winced, his words sending all kinds of pain through my system.
 

“I’d been keeping my distance all summer, and then one day I decided to talk to you in the parking lot after your Oportet Day speech, and you looked straight through me. I could
feel
that you had forgotten me.”

“Jasper.” I turned to look at him, willing him to meet my eyes. When he finally did, I had to hold myself together with whatever I had left. His eyes shined like glass—and never in my life could I handle seeing Jasper cry because of the pain I had caused him. “I am so sorry. I don’t remember everything, but I’m beginning to, and I can honestly swear to you that I would never choose to forget you.
Never
.”

“I know,” he whispered.
 

I lost all of my thoughts as he leaned closer to me, and everything I was going to say disappeared with them.

He tucked my hair behind my ears, making me feel vulnerable without the long dark strands to hide my face.

“When do your parents get back from the conference?” Jasper asked. Megan was staying at her best friend Stacy’s house for the weekend. Stacy was an only child so her parents were more than happy to help. My parents wanted me to stay with Jenna, forcing me to have a very awkward conversation about how Jenna and I were no longer friends. I tried to stay vague, dodging all of Mother’s prying questions.

“Sunday night.” It was Friday, and they had left a few hours ago. My parents had been extremely secretive about the whole thing, so I knew something big was going down within the government. “Do you want something to eat? Or drink?” I asked, feeling rude considering we could go anywhere in the empty house.

“Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever been anywhere except your room,” Jasper said.

He had been in my room before? I blushed, fearing what my mind hid from me.

“I could give you a tour, if you want,” I offered, thankful we had moved on from talking about things that made us cry.
 

“No, um, I should go,” Jasper said.
 

I nodded, trying not to look as disappointed as I felt. “Okay.” I watched as he made it to the window, and then hesitated.

“I forgot something,” he said finally. He turned and came back to me, placing his hands on either side of my face and pulling me in for a kiss.

It was over too quickly, and after giving me a sad smile, he climbed out the window.

“You know you can just go out the front door, right?”

“Yeah, but it makes me look cooler this way. More badass.”
 

I laughed, but I knew that the sound was only heard by me. Jasper was gone.

~~~~~

Mother called to check in on me, rambling on about how proud of me she was for changing my ways, no doubt in response to whatever Tomlinson had told them about Jasper approaching me. Everyone was trying hard to keep Jasper and me apart, and no one seemed to suspect anything suspicious from my end… yet. This secret had an expiration date though; I could feel it. I also had a feeling that date would coincide with the conclusion of Jasper’s trial. There was no way I was just going to sit around and wait for them to throw him back to the Outside.

“So have you decided?” Mother asked, not even attempting to tone down the expectancy in her voice.

“Yes.” I took a breath. “I want to be a teacher. An English teacher.” I heard silence on the other line, and I could feel the irrational guilt for disappointing her. I knew it was my choice—my life—but I hated letting my parents down. They had dreamed of me working in the government since before conception. As long as I lived in Oportet, I was doing what I wanted. I was already being restricted enough.

“That’s wonderful, sweetie,” she said softly. “I’m very proud of you for getting this far in life.”

“Thanks. Me too.”

“Don’t forget to call the Occupational Placement Office to let them know of your decision. You could come to work with me one day and tell them in person.” The last sentence sounded more like a question, and I couldn’t help but wince at the hopefulness in her voice. Taking a tour of the Council’s evil lair sounded far from appealing, and it definitely wouldn’t change my mind.

“Oh, no thank you. I need to call them soon anyway. I was planning on taking care of it tomorrow, before you got back. I wouldn’t want to inconvenience anyone.”

“I’m sure they could wait just one more day, Luna. Don’t be silly.”
 

I sighed in defeat. Fine. “Okay. I guess I could do that.”

“Great!” she squealed.

I couldn’t remember the last time my mother sounded that excited. I imagined she was already working on an elaborate scheme as we spoke to ensure I chose her dream job instead of mine.
 

Suddenly Mother started speaking very quickly. “Oh, and I don’t think I would be able to take you in until
next
Monday. Sorry sweetie, the Council has just enacted something huge, so I’ll be swamped this week. I have to go, bye!”
 

I caught myself smiling at Mother’s sly maneuver.
 

Nothing was going to get in the way of her dream of becoming the most powerful family in Oportet. Nothing except me—I had been tearing that dream at the seams since the day I got in that school fight. I couldn’t stop now.

“See you Sunday,” I murmured as the phone beeped, signaling she had hung up.

I hadn’t heard from Jasper since last night, and I was beginning to doubt myself. I thought I had read the situation correctly—that Jasper was finally coming around to trusting me again, especially now that he knew I never broke up with him or hurt him in that letter—but there was also the possibility that our relationship was broken beyond repair. It had been months since the accident, which meant his cynical view of me wouldn’t be easy to shake off. He had lived through months of thinking I didn’t love him, and if he had believed the fake letter as much as he had appeared to earlier that week, he would have gone months thinking I never loved him at all.

I could not imagine what that must have felt like, and I hadn’t yet remembered our entire past. Would I really trade places with Jasper if I could? I was sure that Jasper would have given anything to forget me during the last few months, while I lost him against my will. As I was remembering everything we had been through together, Jasper had been trying his hardest to forget.

If things could ever return to how they were, it would take time. Patience was already one of my weakest qualities, but the thought of having to wait for Jasper, of all things, made me want to bang my head against the wall. We were both digging up old feelings, but the crucial difference was that it had been exciting for me, and painful for Jasper.
 

A whole day had passed since I had last seen him, and the amount of days I would be able to see him might be heartbreakingly limited.
 

I sipped my peach tea, staring out of the kitchen window. The clouds were dark and heavy, indicating the impending storm. I felt like there were many storms approaching, and they were far worse than the lightning and thunder forming within those clouds.

My vision blurred, as if I was crying. I turned my head in the direction of movement in my peripheral. Suddenly my parents were standing next to me, their mouths moving furiously with the absence of sound. I dropped my cup of tea, barely sensing the hot water burn me through my clothes.
 

I grabbed a handful of napkins from behind me on the table, dabbing myself and trying to ignore my parents. They weren’t really there—at least not in the present. My parents were standing next to me, chastising me as I stared out the window
last year
.

Giving up on cleaning my mess, I sat back in the chair and squeezed my eyes tightly. My mind was having a spaz attack as it tried to decipher what was happening in the present versus what was happening in the memory.

I took relaxing breaths, finally tuning in to the words coming from my parents’ mouths.

“What the hell happened to you, Luna?” I’d heard Father curse before, but only in extreme situations. He’d never cursed at me, and I was surprised how it resembled a punch to the stomach. “After all the trouble you caused yesterday, you really had the nerve to push it further? And don’t you dare think for a minute that we don’t know where you went.”

“I just went for a walk,” I lied. I still hated lying to my parents, but I was scared of what might happen to Jasper if they knew the whole truth—that I would never stop seeing him, even if it meant sneaking out. It was no secret that my parents could get rid of an Outsider if they really wanted to, and it would be even easier now that Jasper was on probation.

“You will be attending every one of your sessions with the school counselor, and if you don’t snap out of this ridiculous phase after that, then we will have to seek additional guidance from the Council. I’ve known kids who have really benefited from the Council’s help. Remember Don Hensley?”

 
I sucked in a breath, remembering our neighbor’s oldest son, Don, who my parents referred to as a troublemaker throughout his teenage years. He had to go through a form of rehabilitation to get him “back on track.” I remembered my parents congratulating the family at a dinner party—Don’s parents wearing triumphant smiles as if Don had recovered from a chronic disease—but the most haunting thing I remembered was the look in Don’s eyes. They were two voids—empty of passion, wonder, love, and life. He was hollow. I barely recognized the former outgoing and sociable boy who had lived next door since before I was born. That version of Don was gone.

“I will go to every session,” I promised. I would not end up like Don Hensley. I would not let the council destroy me like they did him.

~~~~~

School was ten times worse without Jasper. I kept catching myself glancing at his empty chair during math, as if he would materialize out of thin air.