Beautiful Burn (16 page)

“
We’re…ya
know.” I plucked at a frayed string on the comforter tossed
haphazardly around us.

“
Is
that all?” She smiled, but her tone radiated sadness.

I
couldn’t help the ironic quirk of my lips. I loved it when she made
light of heavy situations, eased the tension. She had a gift. She was
a gift. “It's the same as ever. She's mad. Kind of ragey whenever I
try to talk to her.” I rubbed at the knot of tension forming in my
neck. This summer had taken it's toll. I paused as I worked over what
my life would look when Mel and I divorced. “Going through a
divorce in this town where people gossip for a hobby sounds like
another side of Hell. And I know Mel won't make it easy, she'll fan
the flames if given the chance. I just keep waiting for her to calm
down so we can have a conversation, but she's still pissed. I don't
know why, it's not like she didn't see this coming, we were in
therapy for over a year.” Relief flooded my muscles when I opened
up to her. Auburn was my safe place, my comfort zone. Mel and I had
had such a contentious relationship the last few years I'd grown
accustomed to holding everything in without even realizing it.

“
I’m
sorry.” She soothed me with fingertips tracing lines up and down my
forearm. “I don't think there's ever a right time for divorce. My
parent's broke up when I was two, I don't even remember a time when
they were together, but honestly, they're two different people. I
think now, looking back on it, they made the right decision. It was
the tough one, but it was the right one. You just have to do what's
right for you.” Auburn's soft voice hung in the air around us. The
size of her heart left me breathless. The scope of her empathy left
me stunned. The depth of my love left me terrified.

I
woke Friday morning to the smell of fresh coffee. I floated my way
down the hall in search of my favorite mug when I saw her placing a
stack of pancakes on the table. “Morning.” An easy smile came to
my face. I kissed her soft lips and was headed for the coffee pot
when Auburn stopped and redirected me to sit at the table.

“
I’ll
get it.” Her warm palms trailed across my shoulder blades and
soothed the early morning aches. A minute later she sat across from
me, two coffee mugs in hand, passing me my favorite one, the CMU cup
that I’d had since I was a freshman in college.

“
Oh,
forgot something!” She jumped out of her seat and sped to the
fridge. She was back a second later.

“
Peanut
Butter?” A quizzical expression was I'm sure more than evident on
my face.

“
You
should try it.” She slapped long swipes of peanut butter on the two
pancakes on her plate.

“
So…do
you do syrup then too?” I passed her the bottle.

“
Yup.”
She took it from me and drizzled a healthy amount across her peanut
butter pancakes.

“
That
looks disgusting.”

“
Don’t
knock it 'til you try it,” she said right before popping a forkful
in her mouth.

“
That’s
a straight up kids meal.”

“
Don’t
shame me!” She laughed before taking another bite. I dug into my
own syrup-soaked breakfast and we ate happily for a while.

“
Have
you ever been to Walloon Lake?” I asked in between bites, referring
to the small town north of us.

“
No.”
She shook her head. “That’s where Hemingway spent his summers,
right?”

“
Yeah.
I’ve been there a few times but last summer I kayaked it. It was
cool to see it from another perspective. To see the places he walked,
where he fished and camped, it's awe-inspiring. I actually contacted
the owner a few years back for a tour, it's still in Hemingway's
family.”

“
You
actually had a personal tour of Hemingway's boyhood home?” She'd
set her fork down and now watched me. I loved that I could share
these things with her. Mel had never bothered to hide her disinterest
when I geeked out over books and writing.

“
Mhmm.”
I nodded. “His nephew owns it, and weirdly enough, you can kind of
see the resemblance. Anyway, it's been in the family since the
Hemingway's first bought it in the eighteen nineties. They've done
some updates, but they've tried to keep it as close to the original
as possible. Wood paneling and floors, and a massive fireplace in the
main room.”

“
Wait,
you know his nephew?” Auburn’s eyes widened to a size that
rivaled the pancakes on her plate.

“
It’s
a long story but yeah, I’ve become friendly with him. He and his
wife are both incredibly kind and even shared a few family stories
about visiting him in Cuba and everything. It was an incredible
experience. We should go sometime. I can’t believe I didn’t think
about it before when it’s practically in our backyard.”

“
I
would love that.” She beamed, and the best part, I believed her.

“
So,
w
hy
the treat?” I finished my last bite and leaned back in my chair,
anxious to settle into my first cup of coffee.

“
I
wanted to make you breakfast before I left. I’ll miss you...miss
being in the same town as you. I know we didn’t see each other that
much, but I wanted to do one last thing…” She paused as the
ramifications of her leaving vibrated through the apartment kitchen.

“
About
that…” I paused as my mind bounced back and forth with the
ramifications of what I was about to say.

“
I'd
like to try to continue as we’ve been. Seeing each other when we
can, I know it will be less with classes, but we can try.”

Her
big almond eyes held mine for long moments as she digested my words.
A slow nod finally broke the stillness. “I would love that too,”
she whispered, eyes holding my own.

“
When
I'm with you. I’m me. You’re the only person I can really be me
with. I know it’s selfish, but I’m not ready to let go of us
yet.” I leaned across the small table as I finished.

“
I’m
not ready to let go either.” Her eyes shimmered with emotion as
they held mine. I nodded, settling into the comfort of knowing this
wouldn't be goodbye, not yet. “I’ve got to get to Gram’s
house.” She stood and cleared our plates from the table.

I
set my cup down and stood behind her at the kitchen counter as she
gazed out the window overlooking downtown. “How is she?” I placed
heavy palms on her shoulders and kneaded.

“
She's
in good spirits, I think it helps that I hang out with her all the
time. I try to keep things lighthearted and funny, and remind her
that a little limp when she walks makes her bad ass.” She laughed
until tears flooded her eyes and she broke down.

“
I'm
sorry, all of this has been so hard on you and I was so wrapped up in
my own shit I forgot to ask how you were doing.” I pulled her into
a tight embrace and held her while she sobbed into my shirt. We stood
for minutes in the silence as I rubbed her back and let her cry.

“
I'm
going to miss you so much,” she croaked.

“
I'm
going to do everything I can to make this work.” I cradled her face
in my palms, forcing her to meet my eyes. “I promise.”

She sniffed again.
“I should go.” She swiped at the drying tears clinging to her
eyelashes.

“
Ok.”
I stroked her angled cheekbones with the pads of my thumbs, searching
her face for some sense of reassurance that I could let her walk out
that door and she would be okay. I wanted nothing more to hold her in
my arms the entire day, but I knew she wouldn't leave her grandma
alone.

“
Thanks
for letting me stay.” She rinsed out her coffee cup and placed it
in the sink.

“
I
love having you with me.” I wrapped her in another embrace in the
doorway. She smiled, a little somberly, and then tossed her purse
over her shoulder. “What day do you leave for school?”

“
Tuesday.”
She fiddled with her keys.

“
I
want to see you before you leave but I'll be out of town this
weekend.” I frowned, cursing the prior commitment that kept me from
her.

“
It's
okay, I'm sure we can work something out.” A hopeful smile lifted
her cheeks.

“
Okay.
I'll text you.” I held her gaze as my thumb trailed along the curve
of her bottom lip.

“
Sounds
good.” She murmured.

“
Okay,”
I breathed, eyes locked, before I had to touch her. Feel her. Remind
her. I kissed her long and slow, hands in her hair, lips tasting her
skin with gusto. I missed her already.

“
Bye,
Reed.” Her stunning face lit up in that most disarming way I still
wasn't used to.

“
Bye,
Auburn.” I placed one last kiss on her lips before opening the door
and watching her step out. My heart constricted inextricably.

There
was some piece of me that felt like we were trying to hold onto a
live wire ready to lash out and bite, but I couldn’t convince
myself into avoiding it. I didn't want to.

My phone chimed in
my pocket indicating a new email just as I left the hardware store
Monday morning.

Meet me for
coffee tonight. 7 at Stella's.

I’d
planned on seeing Auburn tonight, but I hadn’t planned on going out
with her. My mind instantly jumped to the possibility of being seen,
but Traverse was a town of more than ten thousand people and still
flooded with summer tourists, we'd melt into the crowds.

I
hit reply and typed out a quick message. Before I hit send I noticed
the 'from' line in my address bar was my work address. My fists
instantly twitched. Shit. My work email.

I quickly opened
my personal email, irritated by the simple mistake.

You
emailed my work email. That can’t happen ever. They monitor
everything. Yes, to coffee.
My
reply was short and abrupt, those tiny slip-ups could cost us
everything. My future,
our
future, was all riding on how I handled this. Her reply was quick.

I’m
sorry. I was wide awake at three am when I sent it. Please don't
punish me, Mr. West ;)
I
shook my head at her reply, a lovesick grin on my face.

I
plan on it. See you tonight.
I
hit send before putting my truck into gear and heading for home to
settle in with a handful of twenty-thousand-word fictional memoirs.

***

By
six fifteen I was out the door. The end of August traffic would be a
bitch, and I didn’t want to be late for the start of my last night
with Auburn for who knew how long. Thirty-five minutes later I was
weaving my way through tourists to get to the tiny coffee shop tucked
away on Front street, in the heart of bustling downtown. My eyes
scanned the packed space before they landed on her, in a dimmed
corner table towards the back. As I weaved my way between the tables
to get to her I was conscious the entire way of being recognized. I
suddenly felt like I couldn’t go anywhere with Auburn, not even a
forty-minute safety zone was enough.

“
I
ordered for you.” She pushed the cardboard cup to me.

“
Shot
in the dark?”

“
Yes,
sir.” Her eyes glistened with merriment. “I'm really sorry about
the work email thing. I promise, it won’t happen again.” She
peered back at me with genuine remorse.

“
I
know. I'm sorry I flipped, but if this gets found out before I can do
some damage control,” I paused and ran a hand through my hair, “it
could be bad, Auburn. A disaster. My job is in jeopardy if we get
found out too soon. I’m not technically your teacher anymore, but
the legality of it is in this weird grey area, and the stigma in that
town would be unbearable. They would find a way to get me out.”
Fuck, the more I was talking, the more stressed I was making myself.
I wanted to be all-in with Auburn, but it would require dismantling
my life one brick at a time and putting it on display for our entire
small town to see.