Beautiful Burn (18 page)

“
No.”
I lunged to stop her. Mel pushed it to the floor and a few pieces
splintered.

“
Fuck!”
I roared and tore my hands through my hair, pulling to feel the pain
to distract from the anger.

“
Wait
a minute.” Mel’s eyes cut to me. “Is that for her? Did you
build her a fucking book case?!” I didn’t answer her as I stood
the shelf up and examined the few broken pieces of pine.

“
Oh
my God. You built a fucking bookshelf for her?!” She turned and
launched herself at me, palms out, shoving me into the wall. I
collided with an oof and with eyes shut I sucked in deep, calming
breaths.

“
We
both need to cool down. You'll be hearing from my lawyer.” I grit
as I opened the door for her.

Her breathing
shallow and quick, she narrowed her eyes before a slow, manipulative
smile lifted her cheeks. “Not if you know what's good for you, I
won't. Don't forget who's on the school board.” She breezed past me
and was gone, leaving utter destruction in her wake.

The
weeks following the confrontation that would eventually be the
beginning of the end went by slowly. Mel and I didn’t talk. The
cold war had officially begun but still the thought of divorce
twisted my insides. I had thought I'd found the right person with
Mel, but now I knew I'd forced her into that role. Looking back,
she'd always been selfish. I couldn’t count the number of times
she'd pulled me out of bed sick or weak, to attend a town function or
party. Mel had always been all about appearances, it'd just taken me
leaving to recognize that.

As
time passed things had become more strained between Auburn and I,
too. I wanted to talk to her every single day about the fucked up
things running through my head, but I didn’t. I was conscious of
keeping it as it had been, the last thing I wanted was her caught up
in my bullshit anymore than she already was. But still, not being
together took it's toll.

We
texted and emailed a few times a week. My contract had finally
expired with my cell carrier so I took myself off of Mel's account
and insisted she put all the bills in her name. It was time. They
were little steps, but they were steps all the same. Mel's parents
had been feeding her money for years, paying for Christmas getaways
in Breckinridge and summers on sandy beaches in Fiji. Mel had lived a
blessed life, with parents that caved to her every whim, I should
have known I could never maintain the lifestyle she required. I'd
just been foolish enough to think love was enough.

Auburn
and I stayed up late on the phone one night a few weeks after she'd
been gone talking about her classes, what we were reading and
writing–she was still zip-lipped about her story–and when we
could meet. I was terrified to leave the area. Mel was a live wire,
and I knew people were talking around town. I could feel it in my
bones, that sideways glance you get when ordering coffee. The way the
teachers hush up in the break room when you walk in. I’d taken to
spending breaks in my classroom, thinking of Auburn.

Us.

Drive-ins and
books and lighthouses and cherry trees. I couldn't keep the memories
at bay. When it was just me, I thought of her.

September
passed and the warm temperatures dipped, turning emerald leaves
shades of rust and crimson. October came with a blast of freezing
cold, accelerating the death of the vibrant blooms in our small
corner of Michigan. Mel eventually started talking to me again, not
just seething or screaming or spitting. We didn’t talk about
anything serious, far from it, but when something came up, we were
cordial. Emotions were still raw, I recognized that. She hated me. I
saw that in her eyes too, but I also saw something else, I began to
see acceptance. Maybe this was the moment I'd been waiting for; I
needed Mel to get to a place of acceptance, a place where we could be
amicable, before I filed for divorce.

The chime on my
phone beeped on October nineteenth, a Friday. I didn’t remember
ever setting an alarm. Maybe I had an appointment I’d scheduled
out? I pulled the new iPhone from my pocket and found an alert I
hadn't expected.

Auburn’s
22
^nd
Birthday!!! :-*

The
night we’d sat on the beach and exchanged birth dates came back to
me. I’d forgotten all about it. And now it was here and I didn’t
have anything for her and nothing special planned. I could have given
her the bookcase, but it wasn't ready after Mel had pushed it in her
rage.

I walked the few
blocks to school from my apartment and a plan quickly formulated. I
sent her a text.

Meet me at the
water. Tonight. 7.

I skipped another
stone and watched the ripples fan out in a crest. I was back where
we’d been months ago, my parent’s cherry orchard, down by the
water and waiting for my favorite girl. I checked my watch again. I’d
been waiting thirty-five minutes. I knew in my gut she wasn’t
coming. My heart fell. My chest hurt and my eyes burned from the
sun-streaked sky reflecting off the water. I skipped one more stone
with too much strength born from frustration and watched it sink on
the second skip. I shoved my hands in my pockets and turned to leave,
when a flash of dark hair and a soft smile met me.

“
Hi,”
I uttered, relief loosening all the muscles I hadn't known where
strung so tight.

“
Hi.”Auburn
moved closer with tentative steps. My heart swelled as she advanced,
love radiating from her eyes. It'd felt like a fucking eternity
without her. Like the longest seven weeks of my life. I'd moved into
auto-pilot, going through the motions of work, dinner, sleep, repeat
all for the sake of buying time.

“
Happy
Birthday,” I breathed when she finally reached me. “I missed
you.”

“
I
missed you too,” her voice cracked when she uttered the words.

“
Jesus.
I missed you so fucking much.” I wrapped her in my arms and held
her tightly. My fucking life preserver. I didn’t care if we didn’t
utter another word, just standing here with her like this, I was
happy. It was all I needed to feel whole again. Like a real person,
and not a robot.

We
stayed on the shore with a blanket and a bottle of wine until one am.
She told me about her fumbling English professor that wore vests
with a spectacle attached and ran through biographies of Fitzgerald
and Hemingway with an excitement most often seen on children's faces
Christmas morning.

“
Another
crush?” I bumped shoulders with her as we lay side by side, hands
locked, talking under the October sky.

“
Right.
My sixty year old prof who looks like Dr. Evil.” She huffed, and
then broke into a chuckle.

“
I
missed that laugh.” I tucked my nose into her hair and sucked in a
deep breath of her soft scent.

“
I
missed everything about this,” she murmured, a sad tone now
replacing that giggle I loved.

“
Don’t
do that. Don’t be sad. I promise, this isn’t the end. This is a
tough time, but I’m not going back to her. I promise you I’m
not.” I itched to tell her more, but I couldn’t, not yet. “Do
you believe me?”

She sniffed
softly, eyes glistening in the silver light of the moon, before she
nodded. I swiped at a tear with the pad of my thumb and licked it off
my finger. “I’m not letting you go for that long again.” I held
her to me, a sense of peace resonating through my soul at being with
her. I breathed deeply, the sense finally settling that everything
would be okay. Everything would finally be okay.

“
Promise?”
Her fingertips clutched at my sides as tears dampened the fabric of
my woven shirt. I felt the pain running through her blood and
connecting our hearts.

“
Always.”
I said resolutely. And I meant it. I meant it with every cell in my
body.

I thought about
that night before I fell asleep for the next week. I called her every
day, no more impersonal emails or texts. I was hers. I wanted her to
know it. I still had so much to work through, and Auburn was being
more patient than I could ever hope to expect from anyone, but that
night had given me renewed hope.

Mel
had planted the seed in my mind that Auburn could be seeing other
people, could be doing anything, and I worked it over obsessively,
looking for signs when she didn't answer her phone or text back
immediately. I nearly drove myself up the wall, why would she stay? I
was an almost-thirty-something high school teacher about to go
through a nasty divorce. I couldn’t see her like I wanted, couldn't
even be open about our relationship, she had every right to get on
with her life. But somewhere I knew deep down in the roots of my soul
that she was mine and I was hers, and we would get to that place
where we could be happy. We had to.

Two weeks passed
with agonizing slowness and I was desperate to see her. It was Friday
night and I’d been planning this overnight with her all week. I'd
booked the hotel for just one night, because she had a mid-term to
study for the rest of the weekend, but it would be better than
nothing at all. Auburn and I rode high on the adrenaline until we
could be in each other’s arms again. I’d made reservations at a
quiet restaurant near campus and then planned to spend the whole
night with her in my arms.

I checked an alert
on my phone after class on Friday. Expecting Auburn, I was about to
tell her I just needed to head home and grab my bag and then I was
headed out, when Mel’s picture flashed on my screen. I winced.

I need your
help. Can you stop by?

“
Fuck,”
I lifted my head to see if anyone had heard me.

Why?
I replied.

Just for a
quick minute. I promise.

I
knew if I refused she would throw another fit, and I didn't want to
rock the boat, not before I had time to sign the papers, anyway.

Sure.
I typed and hit
send, grinding my teeth in frustration. I changed my clothes and
tossed my overnight bag in the car before heading out of town and
towards my old house.

I put the Blazer
in park ten minutes later and ambled up the steps to the front door.
I knocked once before finding it unlocked. “Mel?” I called as I
took in the pristine living room we once shared.

“
Back
here!” Mel's voice echoed down the hallway. “This better be
quick,” I murmured under my breath, anxious to get on the road and
to Auburn. I turned the corner and stepped into the master bedroom to
find Mel bent over the bed, ass in the air, wearing a school girl
uniform.

“
What
the fuck, Mel?”

“
Come
fuck me.” She purred over her shoulder, wiggling her ass in the
too-short skirt.

“
You've
got to be kidding me.” I ran a hand through my hair.

“
I
can satisfy your school girl fantasy.” She arched her back more
with a smile.

“
Get
dressed.” I tossed a throw blanket over her and walked out the
door.

“
Seriously,
Reed?” She scurried after me, throw wrapped around her body as she
followed me into the kitchen.

“
You're
better than this.” My hand twisted the door knob just as she
reached me.

“
Reed,
don't leave. Please, I'm so fucked up over this. Daddy told me you
met with a lawyer last week. Don't leave me, baby, I can be better.
I've been doing a lot of thinking, maybe this summer you just had a
tough time, I can forgive. We can go back to how we were.” She
smoothed a hand down my chest, her eyes pleading.

“
Mel.”
I groaned.

“
Please?”
She murmured.

This soft side was
something I'd never seen out of her before. She wasn't fooling me.
“No.” I shook my head and twisted the knob again.

“
If
you leave I'll kill myself,” she said in a hurry as she pulled a
knife from the block and held it to her wrist. I watched the sharp
blade pressing against her skin, the pinpoint of creamy flesh turning
white with the pressure.