Begin Again (17 page)

“Yeah, that's what I think, too. About that, you're helping me paint, right?”

The doorbell rang and she stood up. “Saved by the bell.”

Ryan laughed. “Of course I will help you paint.”

She took the pizza box from the teenaged boy and gave him a large tip. Her stomach growled at the aroma of globby cheese and pepperoni. “Look, I made dinner.” She held up the box as she walked past Ryan.

“Aww, you shouldn't have.” He followed her into the kitchen.

They stood at the island eating the pizza from the box. It was the best meal she'd ever eaten.

• • •

Maisie woke up to the sound of running water. Last night had been great, and she would love nothing more to hop in the shower with Ryan, but she couldn't. So far, both times they'd made love, she'd managed to keep his eyes and hands off her belly. How long could she keep this up before he found out? She sat up in bed and looked around the room, remembering where she was. Her home. And all the work that came with owning it.

Ryan walked out of the bathroom dressed, but his hair was wet. “Good morning.”

She smiled. “Morning.”

“Sorry if I woke you, but I need to get to work.”

“Oh, yeah, I forgot you had to work.” She paused and pulled the cover up to her neck. “I took today off.”

He walked over to her and kissed her. She loved the way his lips locked perfectly with her own.

She wished he could climb back into bed with her and hold her all morning. “You want to come over after work?”

He smiled. “Sure. Just let me stop by and feed Rex, then I'll grab us some dinner and be over.”

“I'm going shopping, so maybe we'll actually have someplace to sit besides folding chairs and the floor.”

“That's good to hear. See you tonight.” He gave her one more quick kiss before he left the room.

She got out of bed and padded around her house barefoot. She couldn't believe the huge place was hers. For two years all she wanted was to be left alone and now that she was, she wanted someone here with her.

• • •

“How about this one?” Cady asked her, sitting on a tweed sofa with rolled arms.

Maisie sat down next to her and leaned back. “It's comfortable.” She closed her eyes and imagined her and Ryan snuggled up on it watching a movie with a baby in her arms. Whoa! Where did that come from? She stood up. “I'm not sure I'm ready for this sofa.”

Cady laughed. “What does that mean?”

Maisie blushed.

Cady gave her a curious look. “What?”

“Nothing.” She ran her fingers over the soft fabric. “Okay, I'll get it. I'll get the whole set.”

Cady slapped her hands together and squealed with delight. “Yay! This is so much fun.”

She looked around for the saleslady that had hovered over them earlier. “Hopefully they have it in stock and can deliver today.”

Maisie stood at the cash register and wrote the check while she tried to ignore the image that had popped into her mind moments ago. Maybe it was because of seeing him with Jay. Maybe because they'd gotten closer, and she realized she wanted to have a family with him someday. More than anything.

“Where to next?” Cady asked as they walked out the door.

Maisie recalled the dreadful walls. Who would paint their entire house bright
peach
, anyway? “Paint store?”

Cady smiled. “You got it.”

Maisie got into her sister's black BMW and buckled her seat belt.

“So everything going good with Ryan?”

“Yes. I'm thinking about telling him I love him tonight.”

Cady looked over at her and beamed. “That's amazing.”

Maisie sighed. “Yeah.”

“What's wrong?”

“I haven't exactly told him the details about what happened when I lost Luke and the baby. Or showed him my scars.”

Cady's forehead wrinkled. “But I thought you two … ”

Maisie bit her lip and turned her head. “We did.”

Her sister raised an eyebrow. “Then … how?”

Maisie shrugged. “It was dark and — ”

Cady held up her hand to stop her. “Never mind, I don't want to know. Mais, you have to show him. He has a right to know exactly what you've been through.”

“I know. I want to. It's just … I'm afraid he'll be turned off by it.”

Cady shook her head. “Oh, Mais, you mean your scars? They're not that bad.”

Maisie felt her bottom lip tremble.

Cady reached over and put her free hand on hers. “That didn't come out right. I'm not dismissing how you feel about the constant reminder of your loss. It's just that they don't take away your beauty, they only add to it. You are a survivor.”

Maisie wiped her eyes and smiled. “Thanks.”

Cady pulled up to the paint store. “Now let's pick out something fabulous for your walls.”

• • •

The day went by extra fast because Harper had overbooked him due to a couple of emergencies. Ryan had once told him not to turn away any animal in need of urgent care. After stopping by the diner and feeding Rex, he was finally on his way to Maisie's place. He was exhausted but not too tired to be excited about seeing her. Something was bothering him, though. He had a feeling Maisie was either overly shy or ashamed of her body for some reason. She had made sure he hadn't see her naked or touched her too much during their lovemaking. He loved her and wanted her to be completely comfortable with him, wearing clothes or not. Maybe it was time to tell her how he felt.

He pulled into her driveway next to her car. All the lights were on inside the house, though she must have hung curtains. His stomach growled as he got out of the SUV and grabbed the bag of food. He was about to ring the doorbell when Maisie opened the door wide.

“Surprise!” She held out her arms wide and looked around the room.

The walls had been painted a grayish-sage color, and new living room furniture sat in the middle of the room. It didn't look like the same house. The warmer color gave it a cozy, lived-in feel. A tweed sofa and matching loveseat were arranged in an L-shape, and a leather ottoman was square in between them.

“Wow. This looks great!” He walked around the room, taking it all in. “How did you get all this done?”

She stuck her hand in the bag he was holding and grabbed a fry. “I had help. My parents, a couple of their friends, and Cady and Sam.”

He looked closer at the wall. “Is it still wet?”

She shoved another fry in her mouth. “Just the far wall. Don't touch it.” With a smile she, motioned him back to the kitchen. “Look, I even got two stools so we could sit at the island and eat.”

Ryan pulled out a bronze stool with leather seat. “I'm impressed.”

Maisie put their cheeseburgers and fries on plates and poured them some soda. “How was your day?”

He finished chewing the enormous bite he'd just taken from his cheeseburger. “Well, I thought I'd done a lot until you showed me all this.”

She set down her glass. “It was a busy day. I'm super tired though.”

“Me, too.” He wanted to tell her he loved her, but he wanted it to be special, not when they were both beat.

Maisie looked in the bag. “No pie? Or did you eat it on the way here?”

Ryan laughed. “No, I didn't get any.”

She felt his forehead with mock concern. “Feeling okay?”

He smiled. “I feel fine.” He looked into her eyes. “How do you feel?”

She kissed his neck. “I feel good.”

“You know what sounds great?” He lifted her onto his lap. “A hot shower.”

Her tone changed in an instant. She went rigid in his arms. “Let's just skip the shower and go to bed.”

Yep, something was off. He needed to get to the bottom of it now. He didn't know what else to say except the truth. “Maisie, I love you.”

Her mouth fell open into a wide smile and she hugged him. “I love you, too.”

She loved him. Thank God! He pressed his lips to hers and held them there, savoring the taste of her. “That's not the way I wanted to tell you, in your kitchen over cheeseburgers.”

She laughed. “Then why did you?”

“Because you needed to know before I ask you something.”

Her face grew serious. “What?”

He took her hands and rubbed his thumbs over them. “Am I imagining it or are you hiding something from me?”

She swallowed, and her eyes misted. “Maybe.”

His thumbs continued to stroke her soft hands. “You know you can tell me anything. I've told you everything about me.”

She shook her head. “I'm afraid.”

“Don't be.”

“It happened over two years ago.” She looked down at the tile floor and bit the inside of her cheek. “I … I can't.”

“We love each other. I'd like to marry you, if you'll have me, but first you need to tell me what happened so you can let the past go. Maybe it's time to begin your life again.”

She wiped the tears from her eyes and studied his face. “Did you just ask me to marry you?”

He smiled. “Kind of. I don't have a ring. Damn, I'm really messing this up.”

Maisie let go of his hands and pulled her shirt over her head. She stood there in a pink bra with a frown on her beautiful face.

Ryan looked at the deep scars across her stomach. He reached over and ran his fingers over the jagged marks. “You're beautiful inside and out. I wouldn't change a thing about you, including these.”

• • •

Ryan really was the perfect man. Maisie opened her mouth to speak but couldn't find the words. She closed her eyes and recited what she saw. “It was dusk. The wind was picking up. Luke liked storms, so he'd watch 'em from the porch like a reality TV show. I wasn't as enthusiastic, so I was inside when I heard the first eerie sound of the sirens. I called for Luke to come inside, but he didn't. So I rushed to the door just as a gust of wind slammed the storm door's glass right into my belly. Luke was holding onto the doorjamb, and he told me to run to the bathtub. So I ran. I got into the tub and hid my head with blood pooling underneath my body. Everything was being demolished around me. I couldn't bear to hear the howling and crushing sounds, so I started singing as loud as I could to try and drown it out.” Maisie opened her eyes. “That was the last thing I remember. I woke up in the hospital where my sister told me Luke and our baby hadn't made it. I went into shock and then depression.

“At Luke's funeral, I had so many antidepressants in me that the doctor had prescribed, I was numb.” She wiped the tears streaming down her face. “My sister told me God was recruiting angels that night, but all I could think was, ‘Why mine?'”

Ryan dried his own tears. “How far along were you?”

“I was in my second trimester. We had only been married two years before I found out I was pregnant.” Her throat burned with raw emotion. An unspoken realization came to her. “I've carried around not only survivor's guilt but guilt that I couldn't protect the baby that was growing inside me.”

“You must let go of that guilt. It will eat you alive. Nothing was your fault.”

She looked down at the floor. She knew he was right.

They both sat in silence for a couple of minutes. Ryan spoke up first, “Some things we can't control, but some we can. You can choose to live your life thinking about what you've lost or create a new life with me.” He reached out his hand. “Take my hand. Give me your present and your future.”

Maisie took his hand and squeezed it. “I want nothing more. I'm yours, Ryan Tucker, now and forever.”

He picked her up and carried her to the bathroom. “You're everything I've ever wanted and more. Don't ever think you're not good enough or be ashamed. If anything, I'm not good enough for you.”

“Yes you are. You're perfect.”

“I'm not, and it worries me that you think I am.”

She smiled. “Okay, well, maybe not perfect. You did forget dessert. And a ring.”

Ryan laughed. “How about dessert now and a ring tomorrow?”

She nodded and turned on the water. A huge weight had been lifted from her. She'd held in those words for so long. Ryan knew everything now and still loved her. And he still thought she was beautiful. She knew he wasn't just saying it, because his desire for her never left his eyes.

Maisie couldn't wait to tell Lola that Ryan had sort of asked her to marry him and she'd sort of said yes. Thing was, she was starting to think she'd imagined the whole thing. She picked up the tip her last customer had left for her and shoved it in her apron.

Lola peeked her head out of the back, “Maisie, you have a phone call.”

She raised an eyebrow. “I do?”

“Yep. I think it's Ryan.”

Maisie practically ran back to the phone while she ignored the glances Ginger and Lola exchanged.

“Hello?”

“Can you take a lunch?” Ryan's voice was like music to her ears.

“Um.” She bit her lip and twirled the phone cord. The diner was one of the few places that still owned a wall phone. “I never usually take an actual lunch. I'll have to ask.”

Ryan laughed. “Then when do you eat?”

“I just nibble at work between customers, then I eat when I get home.”

“I'm sure your boss wouldn't mind you leaving for an hour. She seems like a sweet lady.”

Maisie snorted. Ginger was a lot of things but sweet had never crossed her mind. Understanding and spirited, yes. But sweet? “Okay.”

“Good, I'll pick you up in thirty minutes.”

She hung up the phone, wondering where he was taking her. Ginger walked over to her and gave her the spill-it eye.

“Can I take an hour lunch in thirty minutes?”

Ginger smirked. “You are entitled to an hour lunch.”